Hello all :)
I have a tough one. I have 2 step Sons, we usually do a big birthday party every other year (big meaning having Chucky Cheese, Great Jump, or Skating arena host) and on the off year we do pizza, or something small where we just go somewhere. We switch things up with the birthdays because my older step son Nate, and my baby son Ryan have birthday's 11 days apart, and my younger step son Anthony is 9 days from Christmas :) They also get birthday parties every year with their Moms.
Last year was Anthony's small birthday party year. He wanted to go to the skating arena with a few of his guy pals and have a all boy sleep over since he was 7 and its all about boys. He is a bit embarrassed of my inlaws and his "aunts" (who range from 25, 18, and 10 years old). They are loud, and pushy. He isn't very close to them, they always try to do a "double birthday party" with Anthony since his youngest Aunts birthday is 5 days later. We never do joined birthadys we always celebrate seperate! We didn't invite my in laws last year, no one was invited except my ss's friends. Not my parents or my husbands Dad, this caused a BIG deal with my inlaws. They wanted to know why? why didn't we invite the little Aunt (my SS and his AUnt don't get along all they do is fight and to be honest she is a brat!)
Anyway, this year is a big birthday year. He is going to a jumpy place and having a big sleep over at a local hotel (that has a in door pool, and most kids in our area like to do this) His older brother did this a few years before and we made him wait till he was 8 to do this. I'm all for it! not having to clean and leaving the mess there :)
So since the last birthday party we had in August it was my Sons 1st bday a few weeks after his party my sister in law and i got into it. My MIL and i are just finally on speaking terms. Long story short we all don't get along. I am very close to my younger step Sons Mom we are really good friends now :) however she gets along with my SIL and MIL even less then i do. She is coming to his birthday party this year as are my parents that do NOT get along with my SIL. SO here is my dilema... I know i have to invite my in laws because they are my step sons family. my husband isn't close with them. How do i tell all parties the others will be there. My parents probably wont go if my in laws are there, and my ss's Mom will feel uncomfortable, what do i do? My husband gets all red and doesn't know what to say when i ask what are we going to do! he doesnt know either. If we invite then everyone else probably wont show up (and we'd rather have them there!) and if we dont invite they will get offended. ugh!! help ??!
My Step Sons Mom is hosting her own party in Jan for my ss, so this is our party. SS's Mom is a guest of ours she wont have anything to do with the planning or guest list. She lives an hr away and will come down for this party she doesnt drive so if something goes wrong at the party she would be stuck there!
I do agree its all about my Step Son and his happy day. i just know he does pick up on vibes and he isn't dumb so if people are uncomfortable he will be aware of it. I dont want his birthday to be ruined. Thank you for your answers <3
send out your invites, just politely let them know that EVERYONE is invited, and they need to keep their piece or stay away, and anyone disrupting the party will be asked to leave and not return that night. i've had to say that a few times. you're simply saying, i'm not chosing between you guys, this is for the KID not your ego issues so leave the ego home or don't come
I agree with Somer G. Tell everyone, in no uncertain terms, to suck it up and be grown-ups or don't come to the party. Period!! This is a celebration for your son, not an opportunity for everyone to express how much they dislike one another. I hope it all works out and your son gets the special party he deserves!!
I would invite the family (you can't pick you family but you do have to deal with them...unfortunately!). All the adults are definately old enough to understand that grandparents and parents will most likely be attending a child's party....you don't have to announce who you have invited.
Could you have a seperate small dinner get together with the inlaws and not invite them to the pool party?
Why not have your stepson's mom 'host' the party from all invite points of view, and then you pay or help pay for it. Then the inlaws won't be mad at you for not inviting them and they won't be mad at her since she isn't family anymore anyway.
Here you go. The fact that some people don't get along with others is THEIR problem, not yours. Invite all of the family and don't worry about telling everyone who else is invited. They will probably assume that everyone is invited since this is the 'big" birthday year, but whatever they assume or don't assume is again THEIR problem. don't get involved in the drama - give the party and treat all your guests like invited guests no matter how the rest feel. They will survive
I like Somer's answer for this year. It doesn't seem like a good idea to change your guest list and eliminate any family at this late date. You mention the sleepover at a hotel. I trust you aren't planning to pay for those accomodations for all the in-laws, and other adult family members. Letting them all know that they are expected to pay for their own accomodations at the hotel might eliminate some of them from coming. It could also open another 'can of worms' with them, but I would simply say "this is what our son wants to do and we can afford the rooms for him and his friends. We simply cannot afford to pay for accomodations for everyone else and still do the other things for him, so if you plan to spend the night, you'll need to take care of that part yourself."
However, my suggestion for the future is to simply forget about the big party as far as family goes. Let your son choose the place, activities and the friends he wants to invite. Let the family know that this is his day and he gets to choose, but that you will welcome each of them to make arrangements to come by separately in the week or two surrounding his birthday, and you'll have either a meal together with them, or perhaps just dessert and coffee, while they get a chance to wish your son a happy birthday. Several different visits with each group individually seems like a much less stressful situation for all concerned, than getting all of them together when they can't get along.
