Invitation Etiquette for a Pay per Person Birthday Party

I would think the name on the invitation would presume who would get theirs paid for by you. If others think you should pay for someone uninvited shame on them.

Just a thought along with the invited to the child, could you get some brightly colored wristbands that you can put on the invited guest? That way if others show up uninvited you will know who has to pay. It's a shame that you can't just have the one child now days without dragging the whole brood.

The other S.

Personally at 6 if you are choosing a venue that is pay per person I think you should pay for the kid and the parent. I can understand not wanting to shell out the cash, but maybe you should pick somewhere that is free. $13 per person for ice cream? Pretty sure you'd save a bundle just buying the ice cream and going to a park or something. As far as dropping kids off at your house, if they are 5 or 6 they should still be in boosters so would you be providing safe transportation to and from the venue? I wouldn't feel comfortable dropping my kid off at the house of a friend and trusting that parent to get them around town, especially if it was just a friend from school. Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear, but I think it's tacky to invite people to a pay per person place and then expect them to pay especially this young! If they were older than maybe, but most 5 and 6 years olds are probably going to have a parent stay with them for the party. Happy birthday to your little guy!

Staple a note to the invite (that way it can't get separated or lost and people can't be cute about not having been forewarned). The note should read something like "little Johnny is invited as our guest to celebrate DS's 6th birthday at the ice cream parlor. Parents, siblings, other friends, the mailman, your next door neighbor, or your third cousin twice removed are more than welcome to come too and participate in the merriment. Please RSVP with a headcount of the total expected number in your party, and kindly enclose a payment of $13 per person for attendees other than little Johnny. Terribly sorry, we can't accommodate last minute add ons, nor can we offer a refund for cancellations - the parlor's policy, not ours."

I think this states it plainly, and gets you out of your fix. If people want to get indignant, that is their choice.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I can't believe parents and siblings would even stay unless they were specifically invited. Talk about rude! Is that what happens now?!

Only the child's name on the invitation gets paid for. I would never assume that I would be included (even if I was staying with the child) at a pay-per-person type of party, and I would be happy to stay and pay for myself.

You could word it some how that " ____ is invited to ____ party" if a parent would like to stay it is $13 per person to join the festivities. Good luck.

In my opinion..... I invite = I pay. That is I pay for the person invited.

I would word such invitation very specifically..... ______ is invited to join ___ for a birthday celebration at ____ during ___-___ times.

ANY person reading an invitation specifically inviting 1 person knows that is the only person invited.

However, you usually end up with some greedy monsters who try to join in on your dime.

Just last month we sponsored a prom dinner at the country club where we belong and it was clear that everyone paid their own pre chosen meal, dessert, etc. However, when we got to the event to make sure all was well, there were several parents there as well which is fine. BUT.... they were ordering cocktails all the while knowing it was on my tab. I politely told the waitstaff that I was not responsible for uninvited guests and they stopped serving any cocktails, we got the parents outside for pictures and they left as the students were going to dinner. I found out later that I was hit for an extra $300 on my bill. It is ok, I will pay it but some people just don't have class and they will use you by playing dumb.

You have to be clear. At some parties around here... there is a checklist for the party host to check off the name of the invitee.. If parents proceed to come in and bring other children, they are ushered to the cashier line to pay their way. This option keeps you from looking like the bad guy because the staff is only keeping up with the list of attendees who RSVP'd.

Just know that for 6 year olds you might not have many that will just drop their kids off. I know I would not do it when my kids were 6 unless I knew the parent really well and then sometimes I still would not.

Child invited is the only one you pay for. I do not see a need to tell parents
if they stay, they pay. I would hope that they would automatically assume
you were not paying for every warm body there. Give the waiter the heads
up, that you are paying for the children only (give him the number of kids).
Then tell him if anyone orders anything, just present them with a bill. Do not
add it to yours.

I was just at a situation like this. The kids are paid for, but the parents have to pay for anything and everything they ate or did. The tricky part was the kids were at an age where the parents HAD to be present. I think in that case, if you have to have a parent chaperon. I would say: "One Parent, One Child only please", or you're going foot the bill for all. In this day and age it gets too pricey. In my case, it was not made clear what was provided or not. So thinking that it was a family affair, I brought my 2 other kids and husband along. We were handed a bill. I didnt make a fuss or anything, but its kinda like "OH ok" had I known we were going to pay for it all, I would have left the other 2 kids and husband at home. To keep myself from looking like the moocher, the invite said ALL were welcome. I am not adverse to paying for things, but if its not clear there could be a lot of ruffled feathers that didn't have to happen.
If it were me, I like it specific.
Like, so and so is invited, all others are welcome, but have to have a separate tab. It gets so tricky at these get together's.

Yes just like Melissa said - the person's name on the invitation is the one that is really being invited and paid for. I wouldn't word anything else on there, that would be awkward. If they want to know, they will ask, or be prepared to pay when they get there. And you never know, parents may just want to show up and buy ice cream on their own, and not be a part of the party.

I think Emmy C is on the right track. I whole hardly disagree with the previous responses. Make it clear so no one assumes its a payed for event. Paying for the invited child is generous enough. And making sure no one is surprised by the bill is the polite thing to do.

I would put something on there about 'please RSVP. I need an exact head count of kids for pricing'. That way its implied that it is a pay per person event.

I was in the reverse situation for my sons birthday last year. We had gotten a headcount for all attendees and made the reservations, paid for the food, tokens, etc... and we only had 3 children show up out of 11 that were suppose to show. And mind you 2 of the 3 were invited by another guest and along with the children came 2 additional adults. We had so many tokens for the games and enough pizza, cake, and ice cream to feed everyone, adults too. After that I decided, never again. So this year we spent the same amount of money and took him to Disneyland! His birthday was last month and he hasn't stopped talking about Disneyland since we got home. He is even planning next years birthday for Disneyland. Oh, and I did hear from most of the families that were suppose to attend and they said they couldn't make it due to family things. Of course each one had a little different reason. Legitimate reasons or not, I felt it was rude. Some of the reasons they had they knew about at least the night before and I never got a courtesy call. I could have changed reservations. The place we went to determined your rate by number of kids and over a certain amount you have to get a different package, which means more money. And mind you, everyone we invited has been a close friend of ours for some time now.
Back to your dilemma though...I think have you have gotten some good advice, as to verbage, from many of the readers on here. I just shared this story so that you may consider the fact that everyone may not show up, so if there is an extra head here or there, it may not be much of an issue. It would still be rude though. I sure hope what happened for my sons birthday does not happen to you and your family.
Best of luck to you!

I think you will find it trickier to pay for your adult family and friends, but not the families of your child's school friends if you are mixing those groups into one party. If it is a party only for children, it would be easier for your guests to expect that parents should pay their own way, and also for siblings who just happen to come along to the ice cream place. You can be assured this will happen if your party venue is open to the public. Can you tell your 6 year old to invite 2-4 best school buddies, and then be OK with treating anyone who came along? I'd rather have a smaller party and pay for everyone than mention who is and who isn't going to be paid for by me.

Just add on the invite "Additional guests $13/each" or something like that.

Aren't most places like that? If I get an invite for one of my daughters to some sort of venue like chuck-e-cheese, I understand that she's the only one being paid for. Doesn't everyone?

Given the age of the children (6) I think it is a reasonable expectation that one parent would want to stay with their child. I understand that this venue is specifically pay-per-person, but a lot of places these days are pay-per-child and then you just offer up some additional food for the parents who have stayed. So, I do think you are stuck providing for ONE parental chaperone for each invited child at this age group. HOWEVER, I do find it galling that there seems to be a trend of parents who will get an invite for one school-age child and think it is acceptable to bring all of their kids and expect them to be included/paid for. That is rude and unacceptable. When I did my daughter's birthday at a pizza buffet place, the packages for adults were slightly cheaper because they figured the adults would not be playing the games and stuff, but they would still be eating, and I did pay for all of the parents who stayed with their children.

This is the way my friends do it:

1) ON the invitation, they state- "Johnny and 1 parent, is invited to Tommy's Birthday. Due to budget, lunch for your invited child will be provided. The parent is welcomed to order or pay for their meal for themselves if they wish."

But typically, an "adult" meal is larger or more, than children portioning. Thus it may cost more.

By stating on the invitation that "Johnny and 1 parent is invited...." you therefore are specifying, that no others are invited and certainly not their entire brood of kids nor other relatives. Because yes, many people rudely, bring their entire brood, to a birthday party... and then expect, fringe benefits.

2) At that age, parties are either drop-off or the parents can stay. But mostly, at that age, a parent wants to stay at the party, with their child.
So, you need to specify that on the invitation. ie: "This is a drop-off party. But 1 parent is welcome to stay.." and you need to specify what I mentioned in #1, above.

I think that you should expect to pay for ONE parent since it's entirely possible that most would not be comfortable just dropping off their 5 or 6 year old (not to mention the issue of safe transportation of multiple kids from your house to the event location). I would word the invite to say "Child X and a parent are invited to "Joey's" 6th birthday party at "XYZ Ice Cream Parlor."

Another thought...if the parent can attend and not pay if they don't partake in the ice cream, you could say "Child X" is invited to a birthday party at "XYZ." If parents or siblings would like to partake in the ice cream activity (or whatever), there will be an additional charge of $13 per person.

Yikes, that's tricky. Personally, this is why I prefer to do the party at my house. I'm not good at saying no to people, especially when it comes to celebration. Also, most of my girls' classmates parties have been 'families are welcome' type parties. So, I would hate to say no. One of my daughter's classmate had a party at 'color me mine' recently. She also allowed my 5 year old to join.
Our school has had cold stone come to the school with an ice cream cart, ice cream with all the trimmings. They just drop it off ($20.00) and you can return it or have them pick it up. You can ask your ice cream place if they do this.

i agree with all the other moms who said to spell out on the invitation who will be paid for (invited child + 1 parent).
"Ice cream is a perfect treat
For a birthday boy who is oh so sweet~
Please join us to celebrate
XX's 6th birthday"
- ice cream and treats for the invited child and 1 parent will be included.

i like the suggestion of wrist bands for included participants (or how about a fun pin or bracelet so wait staff can recognize them) and letting the wait staff know to have separate checks for all others. If any parents ask you directly if their other kids will be included (even though the invitation clearly states that they will not), you will need to stick to your guns and let them know that yes, if additional people come come, the parents will need to pay for them. No need to be embarrassed on uncomfortable! Times are tough and if people are thinking they'll get a free ride, that's very low class and tacky.