T.S.
Hi J.,
Let me start by saying, I'm super jealous! I love the Bay Area (grew up there and lots of friends are back working in SF) and would LOVE to move back.
San Francisco doesn't really have "suburbs" the way you think of in other parts of the country. There are smaller towns and cities near "The City" but you have to go pretty far out to actually hit a suburb. If you want to stay within 45 minutes of downtown you're not going to be able to go that far out.
Houses in the Bay Area are EXPENSIVE. Most people rent. Depending on how high a cost of living you can stand... Marin County (the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge) is really nice and has good public schools... it's also EXPENSIVE. South of The City "The Peninsula" is nice, but again, it's expensive. Palo Alto (Where Stanford is) has nice public schools and cute neighborhoods, but again, its expensive. Across the Bay Bridge "The East Bay" actually has some suburbs once you get past Berkeley, Oakland, Alameda etc. but by then you're pretty far from SF and your public transportation gets a little trickier.
I'd recommended calling a reputable Realestate agency in San Francisco and tell them what you are looking for (price point, size, neighborhood characteristics etc.) and see what they say.
As for traffic: Commuting by car isn't the best option most of the time. Between the bridge tolls, and parking costs it's usually smarter (and sometimes faster) to do some combination of ferry, BART or bus so the traffic actually becomes a non-issue.
Hope this helps.
T.