Indecision About Having Another Child

Can you afford to raise another one? Will you be able to meet the basic needs of another child? Is adoption an option? There are thousands of children that would love to have a family to grow up in. I was never able to have children so my daughter is adopted and it has been wonderful. She has known since she could talk. I look at all the homeless people because they can't find jobs. And with most any more, both spouses need to work to raise even one child. I am thankful that I wasn't able to have children but was able to raise a child that had to be given up (mainly for financial reasons). Just my opinion.
L.

I think that you probably need to look at financial issues also. Can you afford another child, formula, diapers, etc. Plus do you have a vehicle large enough to transport all of the children to where you need to go? I think that things happen for a reason and that if you should have another child then everthing will come together and you will know.

There are a lot of reasons for having more children and above all, I think you should consider why it is you want to have more. YOu already know how much work one more can be. Sometimes, people feel pressured by family or friends. Your kids are at good ages and you want to be able to enjoy every step of that with them. Mine are now 17 and 12 and I'm really enjoying not having diapers, etc. to worry about. We get to do more "grown up" things together.

It sounds like you are pretty excited about the prospects of another little one. As long as the two of you are in agreement, then that's probably the most important. Do remember that when you get older, you won't have as much energy as you do now...so it's going to be nice to not have babies forever.

Good luck on your decison!!

Pray about it! Let God into the decision. My prayer is: if we are meant to have another child, please put the desire into both of our hearts. Family size should include prayer, and a "never say never" attitude, that allows God to be a part of the decision. God Bless, M. (41 yo mom to 7, 5, 3, and 7month old).

I'm kinda in the same boat. Although, my husband and I only have one child and I want another, but he's leaning more towards no more. He worries about paying for college even though we both have good jobs, only debt is our house and one car and we're on goal to retire at 55. To be honest I think our girl cramps his style a bit. Don't get me wrong...he's an AWESOME father and he loves her, but he thought we would still be able to go on vacations whenever the mood strikes leaving the kid/kids with family. I don't have a problem doing this once in awhile, but not every time. Also, he has fertility issues and I wonder if in the back of his mind he's worried if we won't be able to get pregnant again. It took us three years the first time. My issue is I'll be 37 in a week...my clock is ticking so there isn't much time to debate the issue. Plus, I don't want to talk him into it and then, God forbid, we have a special needs child that he might resent. At this point all I know is I'm driving myself crazy thinking about it!! Now after my rambling I realize I haven't helped you at all...sorry!! I guess we just need to see what God has planned for us!

I know this will sound hard and crass but I would consider the following:
Do I have quardians set up to take on the responsiblity for the two I all ready have in the event something happens to us?
Are they able and willing to take on the care of a third child should I have one? You don't want to split the children up should something happen making you incapable of caring for them if it can be avoided. They will need each other very much.
Is there enough insurance available to provide for one of us, child care etc. to care for the two I currently have should something happen to one of us? This is important to keep the family together, provide assistance with household chores, etc., and child care. Look at the cost of raising two until they are through college and the expense of three.
As for the rest it is a decision of the heart and the mind.
You can handle most things if the creator believes you can.
P. R

It took us 3 years to decide if we wanted another one. I did, and my husband didn't. It took a couple of years to get pregnant, and now we have an 8 yr old and a 1 1/2 yr old. I wouldn't have it any other way. I believe if it is meant to be, it will happen. Even though my hubby was not wanting another one, he loves his little girl very much! The decision is truly between you and your husband and you should not let anyone sway you.

Good luck with your decision making. Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. It may take a while to figure out what you guys truly want.

J., I dont really have any advice for you but I feel that if you guys can find room in your hearts and wallets for another child go for it. My husband and I are having the problem. Children are our legacy. Good luck. .

J. W.

SAHM 8,4 and almost 2 year old.

if you can afford it go for it! But if it is too much do not. Your heart will tell you what to do.

we consider everything and pray about it. we listen to our hearts and try to figure out what God wants for our family. when/if the time is right for another baby, you'll know. just go with your gut feeling.

Hi J.,

We knew we wanted to after our first and didn't use protection after she was born, so they are 11 months appart. We also were older - 30's and had infertility issues so if we could have a second, we wanted it.

Well, they were so close together and so much work that we decided to use an IUD and in th eback of my mind and my husband's we simply couldn't make up our minds for a third, were a little afraid bc I had really bad post partum episodes and the 3rd had to come soon since we were already in our 30's.

Well, the decision was made FOR us ;)
We are 15 weeks pregnant and an IUD in place for 4 months.

It was removed, pregnancy in uterus and no complications after removing the IUD, I heard the heartbeat at 12 weeks and was in LOVE ;) even though I was petrified of a newborn, a 16 month old and a 2yr 3month old, 3 under 3 ;)

Moms here have been so encouraging, my family has too....

My sister had asked me to look for "signs" since she's Catholic and well, there's my sign, we're pregnant! lol

J. ,
If you and your husband can afford to raise another child by all means be fruitful and multiply. Childeren are OUR future.Blessing to you and your family.
Debbie

I think this is a decision only you and your husband can make. I've never heard of anyone regretting having another child, but I've heard many people regretting NOT having another. You can always list MANY practical reasons for not having another, mostly financial and splitting time, but I think it comes down to what's in your heart. Just the fact that you're considering having another, I think you will probably come to the conclusion that it is right for your family. I think we usually know when we're done. I have five children, and I feel complete. I still get little baby urges, but nothing like after #4 turned one year old. I'm ready to move on to the next phase in our life. If you can reasonably afford another one, I say go for it. I don't think children need tons of fashionable clothes, or all the latest gadgets, but you need to be able to afford some clothes, food, and shelter. I think the love from a big family far outweighs the material things. My oldest daughter (9) says sometimes that she wishes she was an only child when she's angry, but overall I think everyone loves having a bigger family. Good luck with your decision!

I was reading the posts and it really hit home for me. I currently have a 3yr old, and 1 yr old and just miscarried #3 last weekend. We didn't know we were expecting and ironically have been going back and forth on whether to have another. Once I found out that we were in the middle of losing a baby it clarified how much I want another one. There is a place in my heart for more kids. My husband wasn't sure he wanted any more but after losing one, he has decided he does. Looks like more babies in my future! I hope that you are able to figure out your path in life with your family! Good Luck!

Hi, J. I am too a sahm and I have three kids! I wouldn't change it for the world. My husband and I were in the same boat! I told him the only way I would have a third is if both kids were in school all day! christian will be 8 in june and ava will be 6 in July amd baby Lucy will be 1 in june! she is a angel! we are done though! I'm not going to lie to you it is hard! My other two are in alot of sports and after school we run around alot! plus, my husband travels alot and I really don't have any help but, this summer I am having one of our friends daughter work for me this summer and she is going to be working from 10-4 Mon.- thurs. I am going to have her watch and play with christian and ava at the pool, while I try to watch lucy! Oh, at the time my husband was in the air about having a third but, when he turned 40 he said, he wanted to before he gets to old. I am 34. The only reason we are done is I gained 60lbs from the baby and broke my foot from the weight gain. I have 15 more pounds to go! Ya! but, I would do it! It was the best thing we have every done! Good luck! H. H.

That's a tough decision to make indeed! My husband and his first wife had five daughters but none of them were planned but a surprise rather! A house full to say the least and they struggled always with the expense of having five kids and the Mother refusing to contribute to anything, I mean she did nothing at all! She would never work nor take care of the girls. I don't mean to scare you at all! I see that you and your husband are strong together and that's great! I have two children myself, my oldest (daughter) is about to graduate June 1st and my youngest (son) is going to be a sophmore. I wished so many times that I hadn't had a tubal after my son was born but it was my decision only and the whole time I was pregnant with him I was thinking of having the surgery. I loved being pregnant and still, to this day I miss it and wish I could have one more with my husband I have today but sadly that will never happen. I'm ok with it and I feel the decision I made back in '93 was a great one for me. If you and yours are financially stable enough for a fourth than go for it! Whenever we become financially stable, if that ever happens, we would love to adopt an older child or two. I know my ramblings may be a bit weird but only you and yours know for sure if this is what you guys really want! My reasoning for my tubal was that my marriage to my children's Father was very rough and I knew it was going to be over soon. We divorced when our son was a year old and our daughter was 3 1/2 yrs old. He was very abusive to me and becoming pregnant with our son was not planned. My then husband abused me and then raped me so that's how our son came about. I knew that in a matter of time I would be a single Mother of two. I stayed single from '94 all the way to 2001 when I met my current husband. I love hearing other Mother's who have a house full of kiddos and want more so do whatever you and your hubby wish! When I was a little girl I wanted four like my Grandma....never happened but today I have two beautful kids and five amazing stepdaughters who I wish could see I'm not an evil Stepmom. I'm sorry if what I wrote here doesn't help. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts! Blessed be!

I agree with Kathy, I have 3 DH has one and for awhile we were raising his daughters half brother(his ex's son) so we had 5 in the house and they are between 5 and almost 9 now, lol so it was like having two sets of multiples and a singleton for about two years. Nothing made me happier than to get to be MOM, it's still that way, and i've found myself doing things i never dreamt of, next year we start homeschooling, lol. so i've given up everything i thought was important before i had kids and wouldn't change it for the world, but that is where the choice really lies. In your heart are you done? if i had managed to keep mine from growing up i might be, but i want a few more, DH says one so we might have to compromise at 2, lol, but this is what i was put on earth to do, i am MOM, all the money or free time in the world couldn't make me as happy as sitting here with my kids watching cartoons or reading a book or playing a game. And sure we run all over the world right now with baseball and basketball camp and cub scouts and girl scouts and ballet and gymnastics, but luckily there to we have help, they have other parents so one of us is ALWAYS there and they know, there is more than enough love to go around and they understand the way things are, and I know for like my oldest who is an only child at his father's he misses his siblings terribly when he isn't here, even though it means he gets to do more, and gets more "stuff" at barely 9 he still understnds that all the stuff in the world doens't make up for how much fun he has with his brother and sister's. good luck.

I don't want to sound grime or insincere, but if you are even considering another - go for it! We almost lost one of our sons at age 12 and it sure really put a whole new perspective to life and its fragilities. Not that having another child could ever replcae a lost child, but somehow the more the merrier I quess. Face it you will never have enough money to have another one, nor did you probably have enough for the first, but if everyone used that philosophy no one would have any- right? After our third I decided to have a tubal and still today go back and forth about that decision. At least do not take any permenent measures until you are certain - which I'm not sure many moms really are ever completly certain about that very decsion.
Best wishes

I don't think there is ever the "right time" to add to the family. There is NEVER enough money time etc... With that in mind I think you need to really follow what's in your heart. I thought we were "done" after our 4th baby and in July we are expecting our 5th. I love having a full house, being a mom and can't imagine not having all my kids. I can assure you that if all these pregnancies were planned we would've stopped at 2. It's just what matters most to you. We would've been better off financially had we stopped, but something would've been missing. My heart would still be aching for the babies that I knew I was supposed to have.
Good luck with your decision!

J.....My personal opinion is that if we all waited until we had enough money, a new car, a bigger home and so on and so forth that none us would ever have kids. My husband and I recently made the decision to add to our family, and I have no regrets. If this is something that you are contemplating then obviously you do want another child. Do it now before it's too late and you regret it when your older. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Several things: Finances...what is your capability to financially handle anther child WITHOUT adding stress to your budget?

Personal goals....what personal goals do you each have? Would the addition effect those goals...positively or negatively? Would it delay those goals? Are you willing to do that?

Impact on the rest of the family members........will this take away from your relationships and time w/ older siblings that still need lots of your attention. Are you willing to sacrifice your time w/ them or possibly wait until they are older and more independent...or even decide to adopt a few years down the road.

Lastly, pray about it. Weigh out these ?s, add it to your prayer list and I GUARANTEE you'll get a solid answer! It will become clear one way or another.

I think that Kathy put it so well. Its never a good time. I have three (ages 6, 4, and 21 months) and am due in Oct with number 4. I struggled with having another one or not. My husband was finished, but I still felt like there was one more baby that needed to be added to the family. It was really hard for a while. Things are crazy, hectic and sometimes just out of control! But at the end of the day, when they are all in bed I thank God that I have them and could not imagine my life without them. I will tell you too, that we found out during this pregnancy that I was pregnant with twins and at 12 weeks I lost one. I was so scared that I would lose the other one, that I knew at that point we had made the right decisions. I was so attached already to thought of having 4, that I would have been devistated if I had lost both babies and would have for sure tried again.
Just go with your gut! Good Luck

if you like the craziness, go for it - at least your middle child won't be the middle child anymore.

We didn't have a choice... it was God's plan to add to our "already done" family of 4. We have an 18 year old, a 14 1/2 year old and a 5 1/2 year old :) He is such a blessing - most unexpected children are great blessings... maybe you shouldn't plan it... let God decide

Have a great day,
R.

I think taking a look at your finances is important, especially with rising gas prices and the unpredictability of the future. If you think you can afford it and you don't feel your family is complete - then go for it!

Thanks for posting this question. I have 2 boys (3 1/2 and 11 months) and have struggling with the same question... one more?? I had complications during the recovery period with both my c-sections... just bad luck... and the doctor says there is no reason why we can't have a third, and all along the way I kept saying, "If I say I want another, remind me of this!" and here I am... really wanting another one!! Thanks for sharing your dilemma and to all the other moms responses... it helped me too!!