Inappropriate Comment About BF from Handy Man

I think the guy just got uncomfortable and responded accordingly.. when you said LATCH.. it probably gave him a visual.... not everyone is comfortable with knowing the specifics... That isn't to say that his comment was appropriate, but just as you felt uncomfortable, he probably did as well and is now probably thinking to himself.. wow, did I screw up a job for myself..

So we have a bunch of women blaming Jane for using a particular word to describe BFing. So she asked for him to make that inappropriate sexual comment by saying "latch on"? Please, enough with excusing his sexist, gross comment.

You did nothing wrong, can't believe some of these answers! You HIRED him, he works for you. If it was me he wouldn't be coming back!

I would find someone else. That comment would have caused him to lose his job instantly if he were at my house!!! Very disrespectful and unprofessional!!!

I wouldn't want him working on my house. Those kind of comments do not earn an entry into my driveway, or past my doorway.
With that said, it's ridiculous to talk about getting your baby to latch on in front of strange men. Chill with that. Excuse yourself, if you need to.

ETA: You are seriously misunderstanding. No one is criticizing you for feeding your kid, or breastfreeding on demand. Why on earth would you say, " just give me a minute so I can get the baby to latch." That's something I wouldn't even say if I were talking to a best friend, because it's ridiculous. Sure, you are capable of saying..."excuse me, my baby is hungry. Could you give me a few minutes, I'll be right back." You are trying to turn this into being against you feeding your child. It's not. You were uncouth, PERIOD.

I am more than willing to bet the house you are the first woman, not related, that has ever nursed in front of him. You made it awkward, you had no choice since the baby was hungry, but still not something he normally deal with. That was the first thing he thought to break the ice.

From a business standpoint, most people do not invite them off a parking lot to come home and give an estimate and oh by the way I am going to nurse in front of you.

My husband would have said I will come back at a better time and left because clearly if you have to nurse in front of someone it wasn't a good time to have someone over.

At least he tried to roll with it.

Don't have your husband talk to him and make it even more awkward. You were the one who lacked social graces. You don't invite someone over for a business meeting when you have to feed a child. It would be just as awkward for the guy if you had said oh hold on, I have to make dinner. Granted his comment then wouldn't be about nursing but it would still be awkward.

Per your what happened, you could have let the poor guy leave like he wanted to and called back for the details. You had no right to trap him, make him uncomfortable, just because he needs to work and make money.

After reading your very long what happened, you probably should look up the definition of sexual harassment because you are the one guilty of it. What you were doing was akin to an interview, you were negotiating an employer employee relationship. Do you really think it is appropriate to nurse during an interview? Your home was his potential place of employment and *you* crossed a line, you sexually harassed him.

After reading this, I hope he sues you, he has every right to.

Ditto Gracie - you were the one who was inappropriate. And you actually believed every word this STRANGER told you. You say "I KNOW his wild wife left him to raise their son by himself..." You KNOW nothing of the kind. What you KNOW is that he told you that....Period.

Seems to me you are the one who created this awkward situation. I would not be comfortable at a business meeting if the other person were to say "Hey,. hold on, I've got to get the baby latched on." Not something I need to know; not something I want to know; not something I want to watch. You gave this poor man no choice but to watch a woman he doesn't even know breatfeed. You have the freedom to do it whenever and wherever you want, but you need to consider the rights and feelings of others. You could have and should have scheduled that meeting for a time in between feedings.

Your hubby should "deal" with you, not him

I don't think it was nursing, so much as you saying "I'm going to go get the baby to latch". You could have just excused yourself, latched the baby and returned while nursing to continue the conversation without offering any other information. I think it's unfair to assume that the women here still think women need to hide away in rest rooms to nurse when they were just advising you on how to avoid such awkward, inappropriate comments from people who aren't used to being in such close proximity to someone who is nursing. The comment was HIS fault, not yours, but it's always a good idea to know what will protect you from such an exchange in the future.

You clearly want him to do the work, so I don't really know what to say. I, personally, wouldn't have him back. His comment, coupled with him oversharing about his wild ex-wife and life situation after meeting you in a parking lot, makes me worry that he has boundary issues. He should have been professional from the point that you inquired about his handyman business.

I hope that all works out for the best!

What response did you expect? Could you have waited a few extra minutes before explaining that you have to "latch" the baby in front of someone you just met.

Yes he comes off creepy but that is how some men are. You obviously feel comfortable enough to BF while doing business so he felt ok to make his catty remark. Not cool. At the same time, I'm willing to bet he felt pretty awkward with that scenario.

Should your hubby confront him... GEEZ no. Would I hire him for the job... NO.

Let it go and find someone who is reputable, not someone who has a great story that makes you feel good and who you meet at a home improvement store..

It sends RED flags and chills down my spine to think you would allow a stranger into your house (hubby or no hubby there). You have no idea who this person is, what type of work he really does, what his real intentions are, and if he has some sort of record of misbehavior somewhere.

BF or not BF'ing, I do not converse with strangers in parking lots, home improvement stores and the like and then allow some stranger into my home. You don't know who that person is.

Network with others in your community, check out Angie's List, and BBB to get references for a reputable handyman.

You put him in an awkward situation. I am all pro breast feeding, whenever and where ever. However, I understand that not all people feel the way I do. I don't think he meant it as sexual. He sounded like - "instant milk - cool!". Was he immature? Yes. I just think he blurted out what he said because he felt uncomfortable. I am sure he questioned himself, and felt like an idiot afterwards. You gave a man a visual of whipping out your boob. Like an idiot he blurted out what he was thinking. I laughed when I read it. I wouldn't think it was a big deal and would move on from it. Women usually have pretty good intuition. Your first thought was that he is a good person. We all make mistakes.

C'mon Jane, we all KNOW you wanna do the nasty with the handyman!

;)

Sorry - you put the guy in an awkward position. I would have NEVER said - "I need to go get the baby to latch." I would have said - give me a minute to tend to my baby. HUGE difference.

Yes, his comment was totally stupid. I would guess that's he's slapped his head or kicked himself in the butt over it 50 times since he left your house.

What would I do from this point forward? I would go with my gut. And be aware of **MY** words to other people.

Your husband needs to chill. Yes, he's being protective. I get it. But really? YOU aren't upset with the handyman - you and your husband are upset with his comment. You can tell him you didn't appreciate it and move on or you can just move forward and not have other people uncomfortable.And YES...I am A TOTAL SUPPORTER of breast feeding. I just don't put people in the situation where they feel embarrassed about it - ERGO on with baby in it or not.

Good grief. He made a stupid comment to cover his unease. While I understand feeding a hungry baby, (yes, I nursed my kids as well) he was interviewing for a job and during this interview, you started nursing your child. Really, I would cut the poor guy some slack.

Next time, schedule the appointments after your child has been fed. If your husband isn't comfortable with this gentleman, fine but I don't think you and your husband are being completely fair to this guy.

I nursed three babies for well over a year each, and had no problem nursing, discreetly, in public. But I can't imagine doing what you did. I would have wrapped it up, and if there was more to discuss I would have gotten his number and called him later.
What a weird, awkward moment for all of you. And I would've found his comment gross. Sorry, maybe he just blurted it out without thinking, but still. I can't imagine my husband saying "got one of those for me" to a woman feeding her baby. Very unprofessional, tacky, and just plain...eewww :-(

In defense of this poor guy, who talks about latching when meeting a new handyman? You may be super comfortable with your body and the wonders of breastfeeding, but this guy just met you. Poor judgement on your part and his.

Just start over with a new guy and feed the baby before he comes over.

Jane, I am a general contractor, and if an employee of mine made a comment like that to a customer, I would be upset and would want to know what in the world he was thinking. Your baby was hungry and you had to feed him, I get that, but on the flip side, most construction guys would be fairly flipped out about being anywhere near a nursing woman they had just met. I'd be willing to bet that he isn't often around a nursing mom, and so he probably felt very awkward. That being said, his comment was still inappropriate.

I'd just move on from this and find another contractor. I see a lot of people here recommending Angie's List, and I'll just put it out there that Angie's List has approached us in the past, and we have chosen not to put our business name on there. As a business owner, you can pay more to have poor reviews challenged/suppressed, and if you refuse the higher level of membership, suddenly you start to get negative reviews from people who have never even called your business. I have spoken with several contractors who have had that happen, and have then had to pay the extra to get those bad reviews off. I don't want to call it a scam outright, but you'll probably have better luck asking friends and neighbors who they've used.

You wrote he said it awkwardly rather than leewdly. So if that's the case, I'd let it go. He was trying to be funny, probably kicked himself after etc. If there's anything else at all weird, then I'd fire him but otherwise I'd tell your husband he seems harmless and it was just stupid and awkward. Have you gotten any references at all though? If not, you should take that step even if this hadn't happened. So maybe a compromise would be to get some references from the female of the household and if all was good, then try to convince your husband to let this go.

I honestly think he was just uncomfortable and caught off guard. I am sure he more then likely regretted the comment as soon as it came out of his mouth. Not everyone has spent a lot of time around breast feeding babies and he may have just felt awkward about it. There, of course, is nothing wrong with breast feeding, even openly and uncovered in public (I know you said you covered, just making a point) but there will be some people that will feel uncomfortable about it. While he normally probably would have simply avoided looking and moved along, since you had business to finish that was not an option. I would still hire him and just pretend the comment never happened, but if he says anything else that crosses a line make sure to call him out on it right away.

His comment was a sexual innuendo/come-on. For that, I'd fire him immediately. If he was just surprised, he'd say, "oh, ummm, sorry" and avert his eyes. Or, "Uh, wow. So, show me the room you want measured?"

1. Honor your husband, regardless your feelings about the matter.

2. The guy is entirely too familiar with you. Chitchat in the store about his relationship history, making it clear he's single, and then a sexual innuendo? NO.

Find someone on Angieslist with excellent professional reviews in his field. Don't hire someone because they're nice at the store or have a riveting story.

ETA: I don't think it's ridiculous to let your husband confront him. Our husbands want to feel like our protectors and rescuers. It validates their masculinity and bolsters their self esteems. Let him "rescue" you. He doesn't think you're weak....he loves you and knows your strength.

ETA2: Dang, I wish I could have scheduled when my child would be hungry like all the talented moms here. I mean, I had a general idea, but for the most part, it wasn't exact with my boys. Lucky ladies, all of you who knew exactly when to schedule appointments around your kids' needs. :-\

Oh dear. Well I am sort of in the same camp as you. I think he felt awkward and he said something stupid. He's probably kicking himself about it. If you feel comfortable with him, there was no other weird things, then I'd still use him.

I would talk with your husband again and, as someone else suggested, suggest that he lets you handle it. The truth is that you are the one that will be home and working with this person on a daily basis and I feel that you need to chose that person that you are comfortable with. Of course your husband feels upset, I mean you were home alone meeting with a male contractor and then he said something weird...but he wasn't there, he didn't hear it, and I feel this is your call.

I think of myself as fairly conservative. I always use a cover when nursing in public, for instance. But I cannot understand why so many of you are chastising Jane for using the term "latch." It's technical, maybe, but not awkward or inappropriate or intimate, or whatever people think makes it the wrong thing to say. Do people take issue with it because it involves nipples? Geez.

ETA after the finish of your several SWH's:

I'm very glad that you really started thinking this through, Jane. Even if you misunderstand the part about him being sexually interested, (I wasn't there, so I don't know what he looked like during and after the remark), it is good that you are starting to see that no matter WHAT you are doing with your baby, he has no right to turn it into a sex thing for HIM. No right at all. It bothers me too that some of the women on this thread put the blame on you for this. It's one of those things that it's one thing to put one's own two cents in the pot when it happens to someone else. It's an entire OTHER thing when it happens to you!

Perhaps something like what you went through won't happen to your detractors, but if it DOES, I hope they remember their misguided answers to you.

Original:

Jane, you did nothing wrong. What you said was in NO way an invitation for this man to make such a dumb, suggestive comment.

I agree with your husband not to hire him. He will get other work, and you will find someone who is good at this job to do the work. Your husband should call and inform him that he is passing on this man working on your home because of his comment. It will teach him a lesson.

I would not feel comfortable with that comment. But then again, if I were the handyman and I knew my client whipped a boob out to feed her kid, I'd feel pretty awkward, too. That's not to say you did anything wrong - I exclusively breastfed and when I had to whip it out at the mall, I did discretely, just as you did. But doing it in front of a workman in a one on one situation is a little tougher. It puts him in a difficult position. Most professionals avoid being put in situations where they could be accused of sexual harassment later. It was a really stupid comment on his part, but I have to imagine he was a bit flustered by you. I don't think it would make me not hire him. I might have a girlfriend come and hang out with me on the day he works, just to make me feel comfortable.

ETA: based on your SWH. I'm always curious why people bother to ask for opinions and then get mad when they hear ones that differ from their own. A lot of us (myself included) tried to give you objective perspectives, meaning seeing the situation from both sides. We weren't there - we simply base it on what you write. Now we're getting criticized for placing the blame on you? And our own opinions are being criticized because they run counter to your final decision? And you only thank those who came out on your side in the end? I'm sorry, but that's very shallow of you. You weren't being blamed - we were telling you our perspective of what we think might have prompted this otherwise competent man to make such an inappropriate comment. I was a breastfeeder for almost four years - it can make people act funny, whether it's your right to do so or not.

Since you have all the answers, maybe you shouldn't waste our time asking for opinions. That was a good 10 minutes of my time I won't get back again. You're welcome for the help, even if you didn't agree and lacked the good manners to thank others...

" My feelings are that if my husband talks to him about it, I don't really want to deal with the awkward moment I have to see him after that."

Hmm, from the handyman's point of view, the awkward moment has already happened, and he'll have to make the best of it when he talks to you. Breast-feeding is just rare enough in this society, and women's breasts are ambiguously enough both for feeding babies and for sexual pleasure, that I'm guessing the poor guy was simply non-plussed and said the first thing that crossed his mind. I've done that "unplanned blurt," and my husband does it with some frequency, so I'm unfortunately all too familiar with the phenomenon.

If the situation were approximately reversed, consider how uncomfortable you'd be if he excused himself, turned away, and took a pee behind a bush while still talking to you. Of course you wouldn't even hire him in that instance (even though peeing is just as elemental as breast-feeding), but you put him in a similarly awkward place, and I'm guessing he's kicking himself for the inappropriateness of his blurt.

I'd let both of you off the hook and hire someone else if this is just too uncomfortable for you or your husband. Whether you hire this guy or not, please be sure to get some recommendations from his previous jobs.

As long as he wasn't creepy I probably would have just laughed and forgot it. I probably would not have mentioned the stupid comment to my husband if I wanted him to do the work. I do however think it was completely unprofessional to make that comment.

I think it is ridiculous however for your husband to confront him. You are not a damsel in distress that needs rescuing.

Find some one else.

Edit - Fortunately my husband has a high self esteem already. He doesn't need to rescue me to prove anything or to bolster his own self worth. We both already know the real man he is. 😉

I think I would pass on the handyman. I'm with your husband on this. I don't think you should nurse in the bathroom, but I don't think you should have nursed your baby in front of someone you just met either. You said the best thing you could have, at the time. But I'd bet if your handyman felt comfortable saying to you what he did, imagine what he will say to you when he gets to know you better. And your husband will likely be at work, and unable to stick up for you or protect you if you need it. I would not put myself in a position like that.

Well, if your husband's not comfortable with him there, there's your answer. Kind of seems strange that he's talking to you about his ex wife and how she's the crazy one and so on. There are two sides to every story and you only have his version. Too many red flags. I would find another handyman.

Well, you could have whipped out the other one and sprayed him in the eye... that might have shut him up.

I think he was being a creep. You told him what you were doing so he had a moment to compose himself if he felt uncomfortable with breast feeding. Some people are, and they get all weird about it when they are caught off guard. But in this case I agree with your husband and it would cost the guy the work you were going to have him do. He doesn't sound very polite to me...I'd find someone else.

Not all of us have hours and hours of sensitivity and sexual harassment training, certainly not the handyman. Yes, it was not a great reaction from the guy. He wanted to give you privacy and you wanted to keep living your normal life. He should have been let go to finish the quote later.

"Latch" is just too technical for him and TMI, just say you need to feed the baby. I never would have offered specific information to an employee/employer on what I needed to do in the ladies room. I would never truthfully say that I needed to change my tampon. Truthful, yet TMI.

The guy is probably mortified now and would probably decline the work if an offer was made, I think we just need to know our audience to make interactions more comfortable.

you have every right to feed your baby whenever and wherever that baby is hungry. i'm so sick of people trying to relegate nursing mothers to back rooms.
the fault here is with the handyman. completely inappropriate and unacceptable. i'd be right there with your husband. IF he can have the conversation without being macho and aggressive and IF the handyman is genuinely contrite, the best outcome would be for your husband to have a calm but serious conversation with the guy about what exactly he's allowed to discuss with you.
if your husband is a hothead and you fear it will get out of hand OR the handyman doesn't understand how wrong this is, walk away and never use this guy again. however good he is at his job, he should not be at your house when your husband is not there.
this is NOT your fault.
khairete
S.

It sounds like your handyman was feeling uncomfortable and was trying to make a joke. If it were me I would just laugh it off and my hubby (who is also protective) would do the same. I don't know maybe its just me that notices that men (of all ages) just get stupid around boobs.

I would just politely ask him to not make comments like that again since it was inappropriate and let it go. Humans are not perfect and making a stupid comments doesn't make him a rapist or predator.

It's hard to tell.
On one hand there might be a good reason for him being divorced.
On the other hand, breast feeding startles some people.
Your husband should let it go unless the guy makes anymore inappropriate comments.
Just make sure you treat the worker guy politely but professionally distant in a business like manner.

In all the years of feeding my kids, never using a bottle once, I have never fed in front of a handyman. Of course you can't schedule appointments perfectly, but if I knew I had a window of time for them to get there, I always made sure to feed before that window. Sometimes that's hard to do, but somehow I never found myself needing to feed while they were there, and I've hired a lot of handymen. It's absolutely true that it's your home and it's your right to do anything you want. But a stranger in your home is still a stranger in your home and a guest is still a guest and anything you do that invites untoward attention or makes someone feel uncomfortable is still on you. As the homeowner, you have the right, but that doesn't make it the right thing to do. Yes, he made a stupid irresponsible comment, and I probably wouldn't hire him either, but I feel bad for the guy he was put in that situation. And by the way, it's tacky only to acknowledge the people who agreed with you and berate those who offered a different opinion. I've read the responses and I didn't see anyone attacking you.

I wouldn't hire him for the job. As a potential employee of yours that comment was blatant sexual harassment. And unfortunately by reacting the way you did (just kind of blowing it off, which I probably would have done in the same situation) has left the door wide open for him to make similar comments. I don't think your husband should confront him, just don't hire him.

I agree with the other women on here who feel that you lacked social grace in this situation.

I also think that you should do whatever your husband is comfortable with, out of respect for him.

If your husband were interviewing a female for a position at his work place, and she made an off-hand comment during the interview about wanting his body parts, would you feel comfortable with him hiring her and working alone with her when you're not there? Probably not.

It probably wasn't the most appropriate thing for him to say, but might have been an awkward attempt at being non-nonchalant about the whole thing.

I'd have handled it just the way you did. No reason to turn it into a big deal. Now if that continues I would tell him that he is crossing a line, and rethink the hiring, but for now I don't see why this has to be a huge thing.

Meh. If you want him to do the work, then just let it slide. The whole exchange sounded awkward all around. Let your husband take your lead (if he's willing to do that) in this instance. Good handymen are hard to find ;-) It's not like he's remodeling your kitchen. I'm sure it's just a few odd jobs around the house, right?

Maybe invite one of your friends over for coffee or a play date while the handyman is working. That should put your husband at ease and allow for someone else to step in if you need to breastfeed. Good luck!

P.S.: Have you looked up this guy on Angie's List, the Better Business Bureau or (god forbid) the sex offender registry?

I would guess the handyman is relieved that you don't want his services anymore. He was uncomfortable and tried to make a joke - didn't you ever say something stupid and wish you could take it back? So, it ends well, he most likely didn't want to do the work anyway after all this had occurred. He's embarrassed too. At this point, he's probably only hoping you don't ruin his good name around town by telling people he's some kind of weird pervert. I hope you don't too.

I can understand your husband wanting to "defend your honor" and protect his home. The guy was out of line, and my facial expression and tone would have told him so. A very deliberate "Um, NO" with no smile.

I would likely ask my husband to let me handle it, but I would respect his right to pee on his territory and make his presence known to this guy, if he wanted to add his two cents. If there were some woman who stepped out of line with my husband and I wanted to show myself (even with no words), that's my right. Sometimes it takes a straight look from the partner to get whatever message across.

Maybe next time your husband can be home, and you can make a point of leaving the room (not with an announcement or other alert) and leaving your husband with him.

I would not hire him after that comment.

I think you caught him off guard, and he tried to make "light" of an visual way of telling him what you were doing. You could've chose better words for a stranger, but that doesn't make it right that he said what he did. I think you both were in the wrong here with what you said. Given that, I personally would be too uncomfortable around him to hire him as it would creep me out thinking that's how he thinks.

To be fair he probualy did not know how to respond to you breast feeding your child infront of him though you where covered. Not everyone in our soceity is comfortable with breast feeding. Does not give him the right to say what he said.

Maybe he didn't even know what it means - "to latch"... not all man do... I don't think he would know what it is and made a joke like that unless he was the biggest creep ever. However, I am sure that after this situation you will know what to tell people when you need to breastfeed :-)