Inappropriate Behaviour?

That definitely is NOT ok. True, nothing may be going on, but why would she act like this? Have you confronted her? Kim said it- as horrible as it is, there is either something going on, or he is letting her do this for no reason. Either way, it is not ok!! He either needs to stand firm and tell her to stop everything she is doing, or they are having some sort of relationship. You need to find out which it is, and soon.

He should unfriend her on facebook and really needs to be more firm with her. It sounds like you don't think he has been firm enough...

My husband also works in law enforcement. I understand where you are comming from. You say she has been doing this for a year, so heres 2 options. You hubby either hasnt been firm enough with her and he needs to, or there is something going on between them.

If I were you next time you see her post something, send her a messaage back yourself and tell her that you dont agree with her acting this way towards a married man and that you are asking her to stop. Depending on her reaction and what she says, might let you into the actual situation a little more.

Also, if given a chance, have your hubby tell her to stop in front of you. Have him point out to her that he is married and that it is inapropriate what shes doing. Also, have him tell her if she doesnt stop that he will go above her head.

Id also ask him to unfriend her on FB. This will solve alot of the issue.

This really sucks, but I'm not sure how long you have been married to a PO, but its a whole different world. I grew up a cops child, I worked in the sherriffs office as a civilian for 5 yrs. My hubby was not PO when we married, he did this after. Many of my friends keep asking him to set them up and his reply is, Cops are pigs, I will not set anyone up with another.

This women has no scrupples and since your hubby cant seem to put a stop to it, you need to. DO not go to her boss yourself, this can cause problems for your hubby.

Good luck, and from one cop wife to another, if you ever need to talk, please message me, ill give you my email or phone #.

Men can file sexual harresment suits too. Next time she post his picture and something suggestive on fb add a comment. Say something like Hey, thanks for making it so easy to get evidence for a sexual harresment suit, printing now. !!

No, I don't think you are over- reacting. Her behavior is extremely inappropriate. Ask your DH how he would feel if you were working with a man that paid that kind of attention to you. He needs to tell her to knock it off or he will report her to whoever is higher up.

Blessings...

I'd encourage him to talk to his boss or HR too. That chick sounds crazy. Like future stalker or making up stories about your husband to get him in trouble if he threatens her beforehand. If it were me, I would've gone up to her at the softball game and say 'I'm sorry chick he's taken so knock it off'. I can't stand homewreckers. Maybe he should ask for a different shift. This isn't going to go away by the sound of her actions. I think it'll probably get worse... stalker status!

Just don't be blind or anything. Cheaters don't usually just tell you, most of the time they don't want to get caught. (just sayin :) )

LMAO reverendruby, that is an Awesome idea. I would totally do it! It definitely sounds like her facebook is evidence of harassment.

I agree with Kim to be careful about signs of cheating. Cops and military seem to be more promiscuous so to speak... like Kim's husband wouldn't set girls up with cops, my best friend says he would never set a girl up with a Marine lol

I think she has some issues personally, your husband says he has addressed the matter with her, I would quietly monitor it and if it gets to that point encourage your husband to call HR.

I'd be SERIOUSLY wondering if nothing is truly what is happening... many younger men have a thing for older women. He's allowing her (and himself) to disrespect you in front of all your family and friends that he has on his page... if he doesn't delete them, be adamant for her to stop posting them and telling her she cannot take his picture and post them on HER FB... then not only is he disrespecting you but also may be doing something with this women in 'plain sight'.

Studies show that people that complain to HR about sexual harassment are almost always fired, so don't tell him to file a complaint. I suggest that every time you are going to something company related you dress to the nines and be attentive. Also if have your husband talk to her but only talk about how wonderful YOU are. How sexy you are, how he can't wait to surprise you for your birthday/anniversary, and how much he loves you, are all great. He can say the same things on facebook too. He can also just laugh it off, like they know it is a joke when she says things like that to him. Like, "Stop joking around, it isn't funny..." ,"Come on, isn't this joke going too far?" and the like.

What she is doing is sexual harassment and/or stalking. If this situation were reversed, (a man doing this to a woman coworker), there would be legal actions taken and everyone would be up in arms about it.

You should urge your DH to take this seriously and go to HR. Have him save the texts & FB messages and show them to HR (and keep a printed copy for his own records). Ask him if this were happening to you, or his daughter, what would his reaction be. Ask him to think about this from his law enforcement background, and how he would assess a scenario like this.

This woman sounds like she has the mentality of a high schooler... "If I can just get his wife to make a fuss, she'll look bad and he'll choose me." Or some other strange, distorted sort of thinking.

What an idiot.

Clearly, there's nothing else your husband can do other than talking to HR or the employer, and then generally steering as clear of her as possible at work. Or, if that doesn't work and he's feeling harrassed or her behavior becomes extreme, then he should consult a lawyer. Most women would have gotten a clue at this point. By staying mute toward her, your husband may be trying to cover his butt from a woman he knows is *nuts*. I think there is value in talking with HR first, and asking them what/if he should do anything at all. She may be the kind of person to decide to lie about his in the face of any perceived rejection.

It also sounds like someone with such poor judgment, as she has shown, shouldn't be working in law enforcement either. She needs serious counseling. Sorry. I'd be bothered, too, because it does sound like she's goading you. Just ignore her the best you can, as much as possible.

For your husband to not do anything about this is inappropriate. Your husband and she are "really good friends," huh? Does your husband agree? Well, then it is time to end the friendship, IMHO.

How old is your husband? I am assuming around your age, so that probably means that he is looking at this like this woman is a sex-crazed cougar who is using him as a fantasy, and so is harmless. However, these are unwanted advances. Doesn't this fall under sexual harrassment?

While your husband knows that he is NOT interested in her (I am assuming this), he needs to realize that it is still a violation of your union as a married couple to NOT say anything at all.

I would tell your husband, "You need to talk to this woman and inform her that she is not to contact you via facebook, nor is she to post pictures up on her page since you are not consenting to this. If she does not stop her behavior, you are to contact facebook and inform the staff that messages are being sent to you and pictures posted without your consent." I believe that you can block people from contacting you on facebook, and you can contact facebook to shut down a page if someone is posting photos of you without your knowledge or consent.

Also, I would tell your husband, "if you do not do this, then I will talk to this woman myself regarding this." I hope that this will scare him into action.

Again, I am making a big assumption that your presumably young husband is not at all interested in this woman. I would clarify this with him by directly asking the question, "Are you interested in her? Did you respond to her messages in any way? Are you having an affair with her?"

Yes, it is inappropriate for her to do this and not stop is she has een asked to stop.

That said, why are you on his FB? That sends a red flag to me that there is something more going on in YOUR relationship with him as in insecurity, etc.

Communication is key in relationships and "snooping" is not communication... it is going behind the back of someone you supposedly love and trust.

He comes home to YOU every night. Make him anxious to get home to his sweetie by not confronting him and arguing when he gets home... appreciate him.

Next time you see you, confidently smile and be glad you have the good man!!

she sounds like she doesn't have the mental capacity to understand her behavior is wrong.

If your husband is not responding - then trust in him...but what I don't get is how you would KNOW if she's posting his pictures on FB.....

Keep in mind - with discrimination laws - if HE so much as responds in kind to her - he could lose his job if she filed a complaint...for sexual harassment.....or if he complains to anyone about it - it could be construed as sexual harassment...sucks...but if she's deranged (sounds like she is - I think of the Michael Douglas movie with the rabbit and I'm not saying your husband slept with her!! but HER behavior) that she might get vengeful and hurt your family....

Just take it as a compliment that other women find your husband attractive...I know I would!! :)

Let me get this straight...this woman has been sending private inappropriate sexual messages to your husband for over a year and he hasn't blocked or better yet "de-friended" her from his facebook??? Why, that's what I would want to know. Why just let it continue? Since he works in the sheriff department, I'm sure they can advise him on what to do...the police deal with face book harassment issues and she could be fired.

He works in a professional setting, her posting on his and her wall does not look good for him...he needs to get it straightened out. You are not overreacting, she sounds like trash.

Honestly, as a guy, I have to say that once a man tells a woman he doesn't want her, she hears him, loud and clear, unless... he has already slept with her, or she's crazy. God help you if its both. If he has slept with her, the only reason he has not cut it off completely is because she might be threatening him that she'll try to ruin his marriage. So now he's stuck because he probably wants to keep his family but has no power over her because he is the one with the most to lose. He can't file harassment charges if they messed around consensualy because she'd be required to give details of the affair to HR, then everyone would know what happened.

He needs to fess up, go to marriage counselling and read a book called the gift of fear. It is written for women on how to deal with crazy stalker men, but the techniques on how to speak to a nut so that they get the message to leave you alone actually sinks in. If he wants to stay married to you he needs to fix this the right way. Good luck.

Keith.

She sounds nuts but what is he to do? Work place BS is tricky to deal with.

Liars and cheaters NEVER fess up until the truth is too obvious to deny. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck. Sorry to be so blunt, but I heard that story personally to my face. We're just good friends and we're joking. Till she came up pregnant...

Do you trust your husband? If the answer is yes, then thats that. If the answer is No.... then there is a WHOLE lot of things that need you guys need to get out on the table!

Unreal. This is difficult because they work together. He should be able to make his profile private so she can't find it. You should be able to block her phone number through your cell phone service so he can't receive her calls or place calls to her. She sounds like a real piece of work. Perhaps your husband needs to look into changing the city in which he works. Clearly if he told her to leave him alone and she's not listening she has issues. I think he should take it up with HR and/or the police department.

Oh how I loved the way I looked when I was 25; however, the older you/we get, the more confident we become.....and that by far is much sexier than any age! So, don't discount her on age alone!

This is an issue with your husband, not the lady. You need to resolve this with him. The other lady is just having fun or not. It's your husband that needs to state his boundaries....and I'm sure she would comply. I could bet on it that he hasn't said no.

S.

S.

She should not be acting like that and if your hubby has asked her to stop then she really should not be acting like that.

Unfourtantly some human beings make attachments out of nothing. I can be that way think there is something there (good friendship) but I make up half of it in my mind. I work really hard to not let my mind make up things so I do not live in a delusional make believe world (my mind is very creative which helps in the art & theatre world but not always the best in the real life world).

Trust your husband, but do let him know that you trust him but that it does make you uneasy (he in return should want to do whatever to protect you and love you). Is there a possiblitiy of bring things to the attention of the dpearmtnets HR? This seems like something that needs to be brought to their attenttion since it has already done some damage with her & friend sleeping with someone in that department.

Personally I would not confront or talk/text/whatever with this women, that may only egg her on more thinking she has upset the marriage and might have more of a chance with your hubby.

I hate women like that... You have every right to be upset and it's good you and your husband can talk about it. Trust in your husband, it sounds like he's a very faithful husband and wouldn't cheat on you. And I think it's alright to keep telling him how you don't care for this woman.