In Need of Sleep

My daughter is 4.5. We did the same thing, she still does that now, and now I have a newborn. Good luck, I am going thru that also.

Since most of his waking issues seem to be from being thirsty (or actually from being in the habit of waking), have you tried keeping a sippy cup or bottle of water near his bed and/or yours? My oldest son loved nursing all night long, so when I weaned him at 12 mos., I started putting two sippy cups of water in his crib with him - he'd drink almost all of them and wake up drenched in pee, but, hey, at least he stayed in his own bed, right? LOL

Usually, like an adult, waking in the middle of the night is a bad habit. It may require some sleep training, but I'm so against the CIO method, I hate to think of your little one crying b/c he just wants mama time, ya know? Personally, I'd just let him in bed with me so I could enjoy the snuggle. These days won't last forever - before you know it, he'll be moving out & headed for college :(

Hugs! I have 4 kids and work full time, so I know how important good sleep is! Though many people don't realize it...very few people actually "sleep through the night." Its just that we eventually learn techniques to get back to sleep with the least disruption, so some people remember waking up more or less than others.

And unfortunately, as a parent...waking up at night doesn't really end. Last night my 7 year old daughter appeared next to my bed with a bloody nose. A few days ago we were rejoicing because our 3 year old woke us up at 2 a.m. because he needed to go to the bathroom (this was a good thing--he often just wets the bed at night). Another night someone might have a nightmare...once they get older I will be waiting up for them to get home from dates, and then after that I'll be having hot flashes...anyway...

When I first met my husband I thought it was odd that he kept a water bottle next to his bed. But he explained that he often woke up at night thirsty, so having water there allowed him to get the best rest.

So a few years later when kids came along, it was not a big leap for us to leave a sippy cup with water next to their bed at night. I would encourage you to do this--if your son likes the water to be cold, half fill it with ice so that it slowly melts over night. Until he stops coming into your bed, you may want to consider having one near your bed as well, however eventually you might want to "bite the bullet" yourself, and keep redirecting your son back to the water next to his own bed.

I cuddled/gentled all of my kids to sleep in some manner when they were babies/toddlers (and they all sleep fine now--youngest is 3), so I'm definitely not opposed to you doing that. However, I would STRONGLY encourage you to be putting him to sleep in his own bed. If he has milk or juice you should be brushing his teeth following that. Then I'd encourage you to read a short book or two in his bed, sing a song, say prayers...make a routine of it. Then cuddle--until he falls asleep if you wish. If he falls asleep in his own bed, he will be less disoriented when he wakes up in that bed later on.

Once you've got him used to falling asleep in his own bed, I'd encourage you to slowly cut back on how long you are cuddling with him. Tell him what you are going to do--don't try and sneak out on him. Express confidence in his ability, and assure him (without sounding anxious) "I will be in the livingroom or in my bedroom." DON'T tack on "if you need me"--just state where you will be. You might start with 20 minutes of cuddle time, and cut it back one minute each night. You may need to enlist your husband to help you with timing in case you accidentally fall asleep (before your little one no doubt!), because you certainly don't want an alarm going off and waking your son up when "time is up!"

On the coming into bed with you thing...if that doesn't disappear on its own after moving to doing the bedtime routine in your son's bed, you may want to set up an incentive system to encourage him to stay in his own bed. We needed to do that with one of our kids, though she was over 3 years old, so I'm not sure how it will work with your son--developmental issues & all. Anyway, what we did was buy a toy that she wanted, and hung it on the wall next to a calendar in her room. It was essential to actually have the toy--we tried once telling her "at the end you can go to the store and pick a toy" and that did not work--too abstract. Anyway, pick a number of nights that your son must stay in bed to earn the toy. We picked 10 days in a row. Each morning our daughter stayed in her own bed we made a big fuss about it, talking up her skill and how fun the toy was. If she didn't stay in her bed we did not berate her or shame her in any way. It just was what it was--low key.

Good luck!

P.S. Allison mentioned a child safe lock...I have to admit that with one of our kids, we turned the door knob around so that we could lock it from the outside--which has the same effect as putting the "child safe cover" on the inside knob. We had the same concerns as Allison--safety, especially getting out at night, or trying to find him in a fire. Our son was not strongly bothered by this--he had his brother in the room with him. If he found the door locked, he just went back to bed--but if the door was unlocked he would get up and roam around. These days we just lock the door immediatelly after putting him down to bed if he is riled up, and then we make sure to unlock it as we go to bed at night so that he can get out to use the potty. But most nights we don't need to lock the door at all...I'm considering turning the knob back around.

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This may sound really aweful but we had the same problem when my son was about the same age and we had to put a child safe door knob cover on the INSIDE of his room so that he could not get out but we could get in. This didn't last for a long time, just a couple of weeks and he began just staying in his room on his own. The reason that we had to do it this way was that he would get out of his room in the middle of the night and roam our house. We found him several times asleep in front of the back door. We were so afraid that he would get out onto the streets in the middle of the night! I was also afraid that he would get hurt. I was concerned for fire safety, so that is why we chose the safety lock from the inside, not the outside.

I agree with Tara S. Sleep is necessary to keep us ALL healthy. Sleep strengthens our immune systems. The small amount of crying that a child does in the night doesn't make THAT much of a difference in attachment! Also having a child in your bed doesn't exactly promote "couple" time either which is vitally important to the development of a happy family.

Hi M., you poor thing! I know how hard it is to have a son who has sleep issues. I did buy that book and used the techniques and it does work. The first night we had twenty times when Dylan got out of bed, the second night it was two, and the third night it was zero. It takes patience and consistancy, but it does work. The book reasons that children need sleep and that although you might feel like your heart is breaking, you are doing your child a great service in the long run. Dylan is now six and although he comes up with ingenious ideas to get out of having to go to bed, he is a very good sleeper! Good luck! (By the way, my second son has always been a great sleeper, every child is different, thank goodness!)

M.,
Do you follow the same routine every night?? The best thing I can think of is consistency with bed time and his nightly routine. I also have a two year old son....when we wind down for the night he takes his bath, and then we read in his room and in his bed. We gate his door at night so that he is unable to leave his room and enter our room. I have had problems where he wakes in the middle of the night and I have to put him back down but I always go in his room. My first suggestion would be to cuddle with him in his bed instead of the couch. Doing that lets him know it is bed time and that his sleeping should be done in his bed. Good luck!!

Hi there M.!

I am a 28 year old working mom. My son just turned 30 months and he didn't start sleeping through the night until 23 months.

2 things really worked for me. The first may not be applicable to you. My son always has a runny nose or cough/trouble breathing. I finally got him into a good asthma/allergy specialist at CHOP and that helped alot.

Second... I had to correct a bad habit..... No drinks in the middle of the night! yes, i did it too. My baby was thirsty, what could I do? :) I started on a Friday night so that naps would be possible through the weekend, and my little guy is so stubborn, I knew it wasn't going to go down without a fight! I started with only water if he was thirsty to try to break the "feeding" habit. Then after a few nights, I would just tell him it was night night time and offer to lay down with him in his room until he fell asleep. It took a couple weeks, but we have been sleeping through the night for 6 months now.

Good luck, I know how hard it is being a working mom.

My son is also 2 and for the most part sleeps in his own - but he also likes to drink during the night - so we keep a sippy cup of water in his bed. So he will wake up and get a drink and go back to sleep without waking us up. You might want to try putting the cup in his bed and if he wakes go into his room instead of bringing him into yours. It will be hard at first, but that way he will get used to falling back to sleep in his own bed.

Good luck!
J.

Mine both take sippies with water to bed. My daughter started when she was probably close to a year and then my son picked up on the habit too. It won't do any harm and I like to have water in the night too. I thought it might make nighttime potty training a challenge, but it hasn't been a problem. We offer milk as the last thing before we go upstairs for bed. Milk just isn't allowed upstairs and once we go up, we aren't allowed down until the sun wakes up. Mine like to make sure they have fresh water and fill up their cups each night.

Hi, That is the book that describes the Cry it out method...Not for me but just to let you know.

We did something similar with our son, but had to break the routine as he didn't want to go back to sleep alone either. I still give him his milk on the couch & we read books, but he has to stay on my lap & then when he gets fussy or wants to get off my lap he goes up to bed. He is almost 1 1/2 and we started this at 9 - 10 months. It was difficult at first as he didn't like falling asleep alone - but I don't put him down until I know he is tired. At first, I stayed in the room and sat on the floor (where he could see me but not touch me) and I wind up music for him. He loves music. He also loves "Mr. Bear" and Mr. Bear lives in the crib, so he can't have Mr. Bear unless he is in the crib. That helps too. Maybe one of these things will help you too. It only took about a week to catch on for us. Good luck!

Hi M. ,

I have gone through a similar situation with my daughter. We stopped giving her anything to drink after she wasin bed, If she was thirsty she could only have water. we do not give her juice past 6 pm which is 3 hours before bedtime. even though we only buy juicy juice there is still sugar in it. Also milk can be another factor becuase it does have sugar in it. According to what the ped . told us that low fat milk actually has more sugar in it then 2 % . Just wanted to give you a heads up on that one.When she would wake up in the middle of the night we would just ut her back in her bed and eventually she learned. Same when she would crawl into our bed .

Good luck, L.

I would stop giving him milk or juice before bed. That might be why he is waking up at night thirsty. I think juice doesn't " quinch" his thirst. Try giving him just water before bed. My 3 yr old has a certain sippy cup that we fill with cold water every night before she goes to bed. She either puts it in her bed or on the floor. This way if she wakes up at night thirsty she as a drink right there and doesn't have to wake me up to get one. If you decide to try this I would involve him in the process. Have him pick out a certain sippy cup just for water and nothing else. Getting him involved in the change might help the transition. About the not go back to bed and sleeping in yours I am not sure how to help on that sorry, I wish I could. Hope my advice helps you out with half the problem.

My daughter is almost two and she has been horrible about her sleep too. She is a very light sleeper and used to get up many times during the night. There is no way in the world I could agree to my daughter crying for hours and it seemed that that was the only way we could break her habit according to everyone we spoke to. Instead throughout the night she kept asking for milk and I kept giving her milk, that too in a bottle and so I remained constantly exhausted. Then I saw a pattern that during weekends when she was home she slept through the night more, not always but mostly. Weekdays i.e. day care days never.So I thought may be she is not thirsty but hungry and I started giving her some snack like cheerios right before bedtime and it has been roughly 10 days and she hasn't gotten up except once. So thought of sharing this with you but yeah, other than that her schedule and routines are very well set and well followed everyday.

M.