In Laws/sis-bro in Laws

You tried. It failed. Avoid them. Let him visit with and talk to his family and don't give him a hard time about it. After all, they ARE his family. Handle yourself with dignity and grace. He will see eventually that they are not correct with you. It's not a battle of you vs. him. or him vs. his family. That's a lose-lose attitude. You tried to make him choose between you & his nieces on FB and that's not right. Someone has to be mature. Might as well be you. Is it fun? No. Is it best for harmony? Yes.

I'm sorry you re going through this,. It sounds like you are burning your bridges. You deleted your husband from your own facebook because he wouldn't delete his nieces? Who cares they blocked you, teens are wishy washy and impressionable and one day will see the truth, but by deleting them and your husband, then it makes you look like the weird, maladjusted one. Seriously, it makes no sense why you would delete your husband, he has every right to remain in contact with his family. You can still maintain your privacy and be his friend too. If you had not deleted your neices, then perhaps you could have salvaged a relationship with them and they could have seen you had good character. There really shouldn't be any reason you feel the need to block them if you aren't posting things you would be embarrassed about getting back to the family.

Honestly, it doesn't sound all that bad, every family has different dynamics... every family has problems and a few weird and difficult people. Annoying, rude, sure... but when they invited you to the tea and then the one sil called to talk and apologize and your brushed them both off because it didn't happen within your own time frame. Honestly, they planned a tea and invited you, be grateful they did that, I don't always include people in the planning when I do things.

With the inappropriate touching with the little boy, yes, you are absolutely right, don't let your daughter around the kid unsupervised. But seriously, let everything else go and get on with your life.

Remaining bitter and upset over things that are big... only makes you become even more bitter and upset over things that are little. Maybe you need to brush this chip off your shoulder and try and start over. Not trying to be their best friend or anything, but stop all of this anger and upset, let it go and you will be happier for it.

Sounds like there are a lot of issues, including in your marriage. I understand why you don't want to go but given your nephew's inappropriate behavior, I wouldn't let your daughter go without you. You can't forbid your husband from interacting with his family (although I understand why you want to). Seek counseling.

Mel, I understand this because I'm an only child with only my mom as my immediate family. So I understand your "need" to have a big family and everyone be happy. But that isn't reality. I think its ok that you limit your time with them. You don't need to go to parties, but if you do, just go for a short time and leave. Don't feel like you have to hang out with them for 8 hours. And don't fight with Paul because he's still in touch with them. They are HIS family after all. He can have them on FB and be in touch. You just need to limit YOUR communication and time with them. And don't put your kids in the middle either. Those are their relatives and have a right to be in touch with them and see them also. EXCEPT for the boy cousin who is touching your daughter. If no one else is going to take it seriously, YOU need to. Which means if your daughter is going to a party that that cousin will be at, then YOU must attend. Just make it a short visit. I hope this helps. I have had to limit my time with some family members and it's really made a difference for the better. Life is too short to live it unhappy. Good luck to you!

family can really suck at times. Most issues boil down to who's being more hard-headed, hard-hearted, & unkind........than the other.

Picking & choosing, drawing lines, placing barriers, & asking loved ones to chose sides.......means that everyone involved loses. I seriously recommend family counseling at this point....if you want to save your marriage.

my other halfs family is similar to yours. I will not go to a family function at all. if he chooses to go he can take the kid depending on the situation. I will not go to his family functions and I will not keep him from his family. even though right now he is choosing to stay away. we fight more over his family than sex, money and kids combined. I have all of his family blocked off of my facebook. you can block facebook where all they can see is you r name and profile pic and nothing more. go in and block them.

I think he doesnt like the way his family is treating me or him so he is in no contact wtih them other than 2 of them have him on a freinds list on facebook. no one has his number or address. because of family friction. this was his choice not mine I suggested he at least give one of them a phone number and he said no.so I stay out of it it is between him and his sisters. they have to deal with the bed that they made. If i was you I would feel sorry for him for being caught in the middle. I know my sils are treating him wrong so that is the reason I refuse contact with them. look at it like this he is caught in the middle and no matter which way you go he loses.either the love of his sisters or you. when mine started acting like they didn't love him he chose me. I realize they arent going to love him no matter what he does. he may someday tell them if my wife dont go I dont go and she wont go till you treat her right. maybe they will wake up but dont get your hopes up

This sounds sooooooooooo familiar! You are not alone. Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree with his family & you move on, like you have. You can't blame him for still wanting to have a relationship (even if it's a screwed up one) with his sisters & mom but you certainly don't have to participate. Karma has a way of biting these kinds of people in the behind. It's always proven that to me. Don't be a rumor spreader, gossiper, drama queen or anything else that will give them ammo & you're good. It sounds like your a good person that genuinley cares.... I know it's hard not to take it to heart. Especially if you feel like you did nothing wrong. Since you've made the decision (currently) to move past them & their childish games, write them a letter. Each one. You don't have to mail it or anything but it will at least get all the hurts out. Good luck. This too shall pass.

your inlaws sound a lot like mine, only we are far enopugh away that I only have to deal with them once or twice a year! Nicholis CoutureI have no advice because I still get soooo mad, even from across the country!! I have blocked my FIL and BIL's from my facebook because they would cyber stalk me and complain to my husband if I made a comment they didn't like, even to people they didn't know!!! I was sooooo mad!!!! then my husband has the nerve to say something to me. IO told him if his family didn't like what i had to say to one of MY friends, they didn't have to be my friend. I only have them as a courtesy so they can see pics pf the kids and keep up with what is going on! I always wanted to marry into a big family b/c i thought it would be sooo much fun! Now I thank God for the 4 people in our little side of family that are virtually drama free! Good luck, and try not to let them get to you.

Purely on the niece issue... MOST teens start deleting as many family members as they can get away with off of their FB accounts. What was fun as preteens becomes either "uncool" or they want prying adult eyes out so they can goof with their friends/ try out inappropriate things and not get reprimanded for it.

A lot of what you are describing is just "family politics".

It's natural for sibs to talk / do a lot of planning / randomly get together / hash out their lives & or history... which creates 2 things:

1) Apparent "get togethers" that are just spur of the moment things / unplanned that others don't get invited to. One doesn't typically have to "work" with sibs ... the house is trashed, fine. There's no food in the fridge, no problem. The kids are climbing the walls, whatever. The moment friends and or inlaws get involved... the house needs to be cleaned (at least a little, while more often than not sibs will often cheerfully just step over piles of laundry and shift the newspapers to the floor), there need to be snacks in the fridge for other cousins, kids need to be in a decent behavioral place, etc. (My sis has come over with my son in a screaming temper tantrum and in his room... I would NEVER invite my SIL over when my son is having a meltdown, and if she just dropped by, I'd feel awkward.)

2) Premade plans that they invite others along on. I've called my brother up to ask about x... and 20 minutes later we have full on plans for y... completely unrelated to x (x being something like: What are you getting mom for xmas, or did you SEE the score???, or hey I have to take my car in for breaks where did you say you go for pads?)... and end up with camping plans in 2 weeks. At which point we start inviting others along on. AFTER we call our mum (my job to do that). Not for permission... but because she's the human date book in our family, and it's both expected and required.

Another aspect of "family politics" is the "Who goes first?". In most families there are the planners, the bringers, the talkers, the late ones, the idea people, the anal, the last to know, the first to remember, the reminder of others, the "don't EVER tell dad, until mom already knows" rule *everyone* knows, the tell AJ it starts 30 minutes before it does, or she'll be 45 minutes late instead of 15 minutes rule, the _______, the _______. Roles and rules, roles and rules, which are particular to each individual family. Over years and decades people fall into patterns that are almost IMPOSSIBLE to break. For example: Everyone calls my mum. She's the center part of the web for family plans. All invitations, ideas, etc get bounced off of her first... and then shoot out... web like to everyone else, regardless of who is actually planning the get together. In my husband's family, that role is held by my SIL. My SILs BILs who have married in, very quickly learn that any "all of us" thing goes through my mum... or it's not "real" to anyone. Just like I learned really quickly it's my SIL on my husband's side.

Family politics just get complicated. And when one marries into a family (in my experience) they do NOT change. My family has all their roles and rules and my husband and those who have married into my family only alter the body count. In my husband's family, I follow all of THEIR roles and rules, I haven't changed them a molecule. Talking with my sibs and their spouses, it's pretty universally true. Also, that anyone disparaging or trying to *alter* those roles and rules gets stonewalled. Not maliciously (at least not in my family), but "blank stare" like. Like someone is trying to walk around outside butt naked, and wants you to join them. Wha??? But, that's just not the way it works!!

I'm not saying your inlaws aren't awful people. I've completely cut myself off from some of my inlaws on my husband's side because I am NOT going to be a part of x, y, z. Period. Not okay. Not doing it. Which is my choice. But it's also done without animus. They're happy. I just never would be, living that way. So I don't. Except for large family gatherings that I can avoid them by being with others.

busy now i will write a longer response tomorrow.