In Laws Favor SIL & BIL over Me & My Husband

It probably won't change, my mother is 82 and in her eyes, my sister and her husband can do no wrong. I can actually make the same suggestions to my mother regarding her health and appts. etc., she will say no, I don't want to do that....My sister can make the suggestion and boom it's done.

I know my mom loves me but my sister and her husband are very well off...I'm not poverty stricken, but in my mother's eyes,the more you have the better you are. She was raised in the depression and that's just the way it is.

Thanksgiving for me was very disappointing, so much so, I have informed the "family" that I'm taking a break and opting out of the usual "Christmas Eve" festivities. I also told them that they need to have a little more faith in me...I'm not holding any pity parties for myself and do not want to be the object of pity or judgement from my family.

Best Wishes....Blessings......

Learn to emotionally distance yourself from them. They won't change.

All I can say is let it go. You will not change them, for your own peace, let it go. The problem with fixating on it all the time is your kids will pick up on it. It is bad enough that they are second class citizens to their grandparents but your feelings will just make their hurt greater.

My ex and my kids have always been the red headed step children of the family. 18 years!! I can tell you it is so much better to just let it go.

Have you or your husband CALMLY asked them point blank why they always criticize you and not your ILs? I would ask but be prepared that they will deny it and probably not change. Still, asking might at least make them think about their actions!

Sounds like on the on hand you feel good riddance on th3 other hand aomething in you longs for them to love and cherish you and treat you right. Any insight into why you are being given the short end of the stick? While you work out your strategy try to be the bigger person and polite and cordial always.

Good luck to you and yours
F. B.

They won't change.
Debating with them about it, won't change them.
They are this way.
You can opt to just tell them off.
Then that way you get it off your chest and you stand up for yourself.
But, it won't fix things.

They are toxic.

You can still have a family... without their bad behavior and toxicity.
And teach your children, that even family and adults, can behave badly and wrongly and unfairly.

Your In-Laws are discriminatory for whatever reason.
And their actions and attitudes reflect their mentality.
And they 'compare' you and your BIL and SIL.
Really awful.

Have your own life, with you and your husband and children.
If you let them, affect you... you will never have your own life, as you want it.

The thing is, if you keep interacting with them and letting them affect you... they will make you, mentally ill... because of all the emotional torment they do to you and your Husband AND child.

YOU decide... if you will let them.... continue to berate you and treat you like a doormat. Or not.
Live your own lives.

They will NOT change and do not expect them to.
Because, this is a losing battle.

You need to know that you are OK and that you can do things without the ILS. You have your husband to back you up and that should be enough. Your uncle is a doctor for children and has great knowledge let that be enough.

To get into a competition that is oneside you can't win.

Customs in India are different than in the US and that people there do talk about each other daily for something to do. Don't get caught up in it anymore. Don't look for praise that you will never get. Stand your ground and be an American in India.

Life is not fair and you have to live by your own rules and not everyone else's. Life is also too short to sweat the small stuff.

If you really need that much family seek local people to become family that are not toxic.

Good luck to you.

The other S.

PS You can't get blood out of a rock.

Don't expect any changes. Things will remain that way no matter what you do. Just mind your own business, and enjoy your life with your baby and husband. Don't get emotional over them. It seems your sister-in-law likes the attention. Doesn't make space for others to enjoy the friendship with each other. Oh well, let it be...

Why is your child living with your uncle and not you? I wonder if that is an issue they have as well.

Get your son and immediate family back together, stay out of the he said she said gossip and live your lives without worrying about everyone's opinions. If you are providing your child with the est love and care he needs and doing what you can to have a safe, healthy and loving home, then their criticisms shouldn't matter.

Hi, N.:
First of all, are you a citizen of the USA?
Second of all, you need to learn to focus on yourself
and your husband and children.

Thirdly, you need to learn to set boundaries on your extended family
as well as your husband.

Fourthly, find a support group for Co-Dependents Anonymous in your local area.

Good luck.
D.