In Home Daycare - Springfield,IL

He wants you to open a home daycare so he can quit his job and do what? Does he realize that a home daycare does not generate the kind of income it takes to raise a family? It is a great way for a stay at home mom to supplement the family income, but it can not be the sole family income! He wants to be a stay at home dad while you are running a child care? I don't think too many parents would care for having unemployed dad hanging around all day while you are watching their kids.

Really, it doesn't sound to me as though you are lazy. Maybe disorganized or unscheduled is a better term. Perhaps in the immediate future you could try keeping somewhat of a tighter schedule at home, establishing a lunchtime, setting aside a distinct time for getting the dishes washed (in the mornings by 10, say, if there are dishes from last night's supper). Running a daycare involves adhering to schedules (bottles for babies, nap times, meal and snack times) and it doesn't sound like you're naturally the type of person who fares well on a schedule. However, that doesn't mean you can't improve in that area.

Your strengths seem to be in the creativity areas: gardening, preserving food, sewing. Can you turn any of those into a profitable business? You say you'd make a living sewing and crocheting if you could. Can you? My SIL is a very talented seamstress and loves making curtains and draperies. She has made some high-end window treatments for friends who have large, expensive homes, and they in turn refer her to their friends. She simply works from her home and is in demand. There might be a market for personal alterations, sewing repairs, custom made baby blankets, repairs of vintage fabrics, personally tailored wedding attire...I don't know what kind of sewing you do but can you turn your skill into a home business?

Think of it carefully: does your dh really want you to be a daycare provider, or does he deep down want you to be a bit more organized and perhaps bring in a little money to help with the budget, or does HE want to be a stay-at-home dad so much that he is somehow mixing that up with the idea of bringing kids into the house in order to have a kid-friendly, organized home?

I'd go with your strengths, run a tighter ship during the daytime, and not take on a job that is not just what someone else thinks you can or should be.

Oh my gosh. PLEASE don't listen to your husband, Tadpole. For heavens sake, he's looking for you to solve all his fantasies about not working. He won't take that plumbing license somewhere else. He'll take an extended vacation.

It's nice that you have the childhood education degree - it gives you a lot of understanding of your own kids. But you KNOW that you aren't cut out for the work in a corporate setting, and your own home isn't cut out for other parents to bring their children to it for you to watch them.

You don't need the stress of having to clean house while you're watching other's kids. It's not the way your brain works. There are other people who can do it because they are natural neat-niks and very organized. Their brains work that way.

You do NOT need to be the daycare provider your husband wants you to be. You need to figure out what it is YOU want and what you can succeed at.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to run a daycare but maybe your husband just wants to feel like you're doing more and contributing. I know a lot of men who get annoyed if they're working and their wife is home with the kids who aren't infants and toddlers and they come home to a messy house and dishes piling up. So I don't think you're being selfish for not being a daycare provider but I can see your husband getting annoyed and you're not setting a great example for your kids. If you make a plan to do something to contribute financially, your husband might stop bugging you about daycare.

If you are doing daycare right, it takes over your house. I think your husband has an unrealistic idea of what goes into running a (never-too-profitable) childcare business. You have to be highly organized, insured, licensed and have hours which work for your families. Which means long days; even when the kids go home, you have to clean, there's reimbursement (from USDA for foods) forms to fill out if you go that route, planning of the future activities....

My guess is that if you don't want to deal with the parents, it's going to make for an unpleasant job and environment. I don't think your husband realizes what it's like to have kids at the house that don't leave all day.

That said, if your kids are old enough, consider getting a part time job. I did childcare for a number of years and am not interested in returning to it, but I would like doing something different, like working at the grocery store nearby. Something which doesn't require prior schooling and would be interesting to me. I'm homeschooling our son right now, so that's not in the immediate future, but I keep that in the back of my mind as a good option.

You don't say why your husband wants to quit a job after only 3 months. Is he brand new to plumbing? We just had 2 plumbers here for a straight 8 hours (no lunch break!) doing work. It is hard labor and takes a strong person (physically and mentally) to handle it.

If your husband wants to stay in plumbing and you don't need a second income, my suggestion is that you focus on changing yourself so that you're not 'lazy' as you put it. Make your home and it's members your priority. Treat it like a career.

Handle as much as you can so that when your husband comes home, there isn't a bunch of mess or nonsense waiting for him. This isn't sexist, btw. I suggested the same thing to a man at home after a long-term layoff. His wife was in an exhausting career and they were bickering all the time. Once he started putting care into their home, she was able to relax and they could spend time with each other instead of playing catch up on chores and such . If you make homelife a pleasant refuge from work and he will probably stop hounding you to do childcare.

PS. Nursing jobs have stress, drama, and poor hours, especially for newbies. You have to be driven and highly organized to be a good nurse. The best nurses have a calling, not just a job.

You're being honest about your limits. Not everyone is cut out to care for several children and all of their needs all day long. You know this is not the right fit for you, and it wouldn't be fair to the other families or their children. There is a rightful expectation that parents have about the kind of care and attention their children will receive when in day-care, whether it's a home day care or a larger business. You are being honest that you are not up to giving that level of care.

Don't enroll in any kind of school, much less nursing school, until you are more certain of what you want to do. It would be an incredible waste of time and money to get a degree in a field that is not a good fit for you. Do some research into various fields including the cost-benefit ratio of getting the degree; find out what various professions actually do on a day to day basis; talk to people you know in those professions. You may be able to get some help at one of the local universities in finding out what area of study/profession is best for you. There are lots of resources for returning (adult) students.

As for your husband? Why does he want to quit his job after just three months with this company? If he's been the primary breadwinner for your family, why does he think it's okay just to quit with no other plan in place? If he's working toward becoming an independent licensed plumber, why would he quit?

You both need to sit down and talk about what your long-term financial goals are for your family and how you can get there. Don't put this off. Talk reasonably with each other about the realistic and practical things you can work toward, together, to meet the needs of your family.

My previous reply wasn't conveyed correctly, so I apologize for that.

Are you selfish? No. But if you'll forget lunch for your own child, you may forget important things too concerning other people's children. That would be a little nerve-racking imo.

Laziness is our enemy because it brings about procrastination. Procrastination stagnates our growth. We see it everyday in different forms. So, this issue isn't really about your bf or what he wants but it's all about you and what you want. It's also about the example you'll set for your 6yr old. If you have interest in a job or a career, simply start with what you have interest in. Start with your talents and gifts. Dealing with children isn't easy. That takes a lot of patience, a love for children generally speaking and organization to say the least. Dedicate time to who you are, who you want to be, what you want in life and tapping into those things that make you happy or bring you joy and build upon that. You can even go to www.16personalities.com to help you see strengths in yourself that you may not be aware of presently.

Tell him that your home would not pass the licensing inspection and that you wouldn't be able to be certified.

If that doesn't work then let him read this. IF he makes it all the way to the end then perhaps you can go to work and he can stay home and run a child care center.

You have to have baby beds for infants, cots for toddlers up through preschool age kids, you have to have a required amount of toys per each child, a required amount of space per child, outdoor play areas that have both open and shaded space, outdoor equipment, and more.

Books, toys, trucks, under age 3 toys plus infant toys and toddler toys. Bedding, food, extra utilities, wear and tear on your household property. You have to purchase toys and books and beds and car seats and supplies for each child you are licensed for.

You have to do any repairs on your home, no loose boards on the deck, no clutter or dangerous areas on your property, no water on the property like a pool or anything, no pets that aren't fully up to date on shots and stuff with no record of biting or being aggressive, then you have to still go through the licensing inspection where they go over your home with a fine tooth comb looking for any reason to deny it.

Extra car seats and extra insurance on your vehicles. What if there was an emergency and you had to go to the ER? You'd have to take the kids so even if you don't drive with them in the vehicle you still have to have those things on hand.

Plus you'd have to buy liability insurance on your home and property. You'd want to get personal liability to cover someone suing you for a bruise their kid got from falling down.

Does he have ANY idea how much this will cost in the beginning? Before you can even go get a license? Then you will have parents that won't pay, if you get a contract with the state to accept families that get child care assistance those parents might not have enough money to pay their part, checks will bounce then you'll have to pay to take them to court for bogus checks.

If he wants to quit work then he better get out there and find another job.

In Oklahoma the most kids one can watch in their home with a license is 4, and your own kids count. If you take a baby or toddler, which brings in the most per day then you're still only going to make $30 per day with that child. Maybe a little more but I don't know what the prices are like in your area. That's not enough to pay any bills for a man who just doesn't want to work.

Let's say you don't have any kids at home and you and your husband pass the rigorous licensing background checks. You get licensed for 4 infant or older kids. So you could have an infant, a toddler, a preschool age child, and even a school age child or any combination up to 4 kids. If you don't take infant, depending on your state regulations that might mean you could take 6 kids age 12 months or older. That would be even less money since toddlers and older kids don't pay as much as an infant.

You could make....let's just make up amounts and see where it goes.

Infant $30 per day.
Toddler $22 per day.
Preschool 3 year old $18 per day, let's say you have 2 of them. So $36 per day.

$30+$22+$36=$88.

Not bad BUT then you have to buy their food. Pay extra bills because you're going to use extra water, extra heat or AC because they have to have their area at certain temps. They can't be cold and they can't be hot. You have to cook meals that have 1/3 of their daily food requirement in them. Your menus have to be approved by your licensing worker. If they come to your door for a surprise inspection and you aren't serving exactly what's on your menu for that meal and that time of day they can close you down and fine you. So you have to have milk, veggies, fruits, meats, and wrap it all up in a cute little bow.

Let's say you spend $30 per day on food. That's $58 left to you. You have a credit card bill for all the stuff you had to buy to pass licensing that's $100 per month. Your utility bills went up by 1/3, the extra insurance payments each month are $100....does he even begin to understand?

You won't make enough money starting out to even make $20 per week. Your credit card payments alone for the supplies and food will be enormous. Once those things are paid off then you will have that money extra for your salary.

Child care is not a profitable business if you do it right. You can make a little money at home but it's not anything like what he's making as a plumber's apprentice.

He sounds incredibly lazy. Someone in that family needs a job and to get up and see what their family needs. You'd rather sit and crochet that go to work so it's all on him. Not to be mean but if you got a job, even a part time job, wouldn't your family be better off?

Perhaps you could go to work in the school system as a teacher's aid?

I think it's good you're being honest.

That being said, every where I've ever worked has had some drama. Nursing can have it too. So I think you need to be realistic about that also.

If you were drawn to childcare because you love working with kids, it's a shame not to continue with it or to let others' drama get in the way of something you enjoy.

My suggestion would be to try another setting - not at home, but interview places that are hiring - see if they would be a good fit for you. Good management and leadership will nip that kind of thing (drama) in the bud.

ETA: read your SWH. Not sure if you're still interested in working with kids but what about at the library or at the school? You could volunteer at first if you need a good reference and then see if it's a good fit? You wouldn't really have to deal directly with parents (or if you did it would be in a different capacity) and might work better for you. Just a thought.

I think you recognize that you need a structured job in a place of employment, not your own home. You tried one career (early childhood) and you don't like it. You learned it's not for you. So don't do it because someone else thinks it will make his life better! Your husband doesn't understand what goes into raising the kids you have, so he thinks it's a piece of cake to add in a bunch of other children (not realizing what's needed for licensing, liability coverage, parent communications, agreements and vacation/sick policies, immunizations checks, insurance....) You recognize that you need to be in a job that has a start/end time, and regular expectations, and a regular paycheck.

Your husband is unrealistic about what it takes to be self-employed. He thinks the money rolls in and he can schedule things when he gets around to it, and otherwise hang out and be with the kids. He failed before because he is not self-motivated or not organized or not good at marketing...and he wants to do it again? Even more reason why you need a superb well-paying job with benefits and security. Canning vegetables is a nice thing to do but it doesn't pay the mortgage or the utilities, and I think you know it. You want him to make a salary so you can be a homemaker, but he hates the office where he works and wants to be home with you. That is SO not going to work for you both. If it were my husband, I'd have him take a week off and manage kids, garden, meals and cleaning to see how good he is. If he loves it and is efficient, then he can be home and you can get an office or corporate job. If he hates it and fails miserably, then he shouldn't quit his plumbing job.

I really think you both could benefit from some life coaching to help you prioritize. You could benefit from some job skills testing to see what aptitudes you have, or a course at one of the vocational schools or adult ed programs. Your state employment office may have a wide range of assessment or training programs - call and find out what's offered.

I'm confused. Your husband wants to quit his job so he can be home with kids and wants you to run an in home daycare and he'll what- help with daycare??? He'll be home, so...

I have done in home daycare since my daughter was 10 months old. Over the past 16 yrs I have realized that without the daycare I would be the laziest mom in the world. The daycare made me keep a schedule, work on educational type stuff with my kids, and be a better parent. So, for ME, it worked out for the better and improved my parenting. But not everyone can do the job, and not every household can set it up. Why doesn't HE start a daycare if he likes the idea so much?
As far as earning enough money, it has made me about $55K the last few years, most of it tax free due to the nice tax rules for us, but it also is noisy, takes up a lot of the house, is long hours and my husband about dies if he is home when the daycare noise is going on.

Just say to Hubby "No, that's not going to happen".