In Dire Need of Advice for My 20 Month Old, Please Help!!!!

Please do not let the daycare make you worry; my daughter is 18 months almost 19 and she is very smart but she's not talking she says a few things but not many. Children learn at their own pace. She was a very quick walker and she picks up stuff so fast she'll talk when she's ready and so will he.

Every child has it's own developement speed. Some walk at 9 months , others don't until well over a year. My daughter started walking at 1 yr. I would asume the same goes for speach but I agree with you and think he should at least be tried in with the toddlers for a time to see how he does after he reaches a full 2 yrs old. My youngest grandchild that I live close to is 7 so I don't remember how old they were when speach was more advanced. I would say that at 2 simple sentences are not yet proficient. I wouldn't worry until he is 3. Actually, you mention he is only 19 months. Not even 2 yet. Wait until he is a full 2 yr old, then ask day care to put him in with the toddlers and see how he does.

If the dr says he is fine, then in my opinion it's the daycare since you said that they still have him in the infants class.
I would find another daycare that is will place him in the right class.
Good Luck,
K. J

It sounds to me like your son is fine, my daughter wasn't talking at 20 months and she is fine now (3 1/2). Florida has a free screening program called FLorida Diagnostic Learning and Resources System (FDLRS - sounds like Fiddlers). Anyway, they take kids from birth to 5. They screen everything (vision, hearing, motor, speech, language, cognitive, behavior, medical). I've never been, but I've heard good things. I'm taking my daughter later this month because I think she has sensory issues. They have a flyer at their site that tells you the screening days and locations. http://fdlrs.mysdhc.org/ On the right side, click the link for "Developmental Screenings". It will download a pdf file with all of the dates and locations.

It sounds to me like you need to find a new daycare! Some kids don't talk until after they turn two and he may just start talking in sentences one day. If the doctor says he is fine, then don't worry. My son was spoiled too because he was very sick as an infant, but he is a well-adjusted five year old now. Don't worry!!! A doctor has much more experience than a day care worker when it comes to physical milestones.

Not to sound redundant, but I think you need a new preschool. And maybe let your friends know about that school so they may choose to stay away too. If a toddler cannot whine without being judged then the teacher has no clue. ALL toddlers whine and the ones who don't have VERY lucky parents!!! Don't lose any sleep over this one. Do what you feel is best for your child.

Hi there! My thoughts are this...if your Dr. says your son is ok- then I wouldn't worry about what the day care is saying. All kids develop at different speeds and your boy will start talking when he's ready. I have twin 5 month old boys and as alike as twins are- they still develop at different rates. One of my boys coo's all day long and is very active and observant...the other one enjoys just laying there watching his brother. I was concerned at first, thinking that one was "behind schedule" but my Dr. told me the same thing I'm telling you- "all babies are different". He'll catch up in no time! Of course- I'm not a Dr...this is just my opinion. And don't be afraid to talk "baby talk"...I've actually read that babies respond better to it. It sounds like you're doing everything you should be doing (reading etc). Keep it up!

I have 3 little boys and a 4th on the way and my advice to you is relax! All kids are different, they talk at different times, they do different things, they all behave differently just like adults:) If your doctor says he is fine then he is, unless you don't trust your doctor. I know I trust mine over a worker at a daycare who has what type of degree??? Treat him like a 1 1/2 year old and let him discover who he is as you guide him along. I know it is difficult to miscarry, I have experienced it as well, but instead of dwelling on those rejoice in the two beautiful lives you are shaping and getting to watch grow now and know that for whatever reason the miscarriages just weren't meant to be, it wasn't anything that you could have controlled. So enjoy those cutie pies, have fun, watch them discover new things and grow into beautiful children and relax, you only get one go round at it! Good luck!

Your son sounds on target to me. First of all he is only 20 mths old. My son is 28mths old and he says words and very small sentences. The school he goes to told me that he doesn't communicate as much with them, but that he will repeat what they say to him. However once they found out that he talks and talks at home (sometimes I can't get him to stop) they figured he talks where he is most comfortable. I am sure your son will develop communication skills just fine. Every child is different and also the fact that boys genetically develop slower than girls do in that area as well. I even read once that girls even move their lips in the womb! Females are born talkers. Don't worry about it. If you are communicating with him consistently, then you are on the right track.

Hi Chinetta,

I am glad that you were finally blessed with your 2 angels...Before his/her 2nd birthday, a toddler should be able to say about 50 words, not just understand them. Now, all children develop differently and therefore it's not always good to compare them. I have 2 daughters. My eldest spoke over 200 words when she turned 2...spoke in short phrases as a matter of fact...and then I have my 2nd daughter. She did speak the 50 "expected" words but she was nowhere as verbal as her older sister. I compared them and compared them and worried. Things did not get better even when she turned 3. Compared to her friends, she was soooo far behind!
My best friend told me that I spoiled her more than I spoiled my eldest. I also didn't like her preschool (it was a montessori school and being with students ranging from 3 to kindergarten), she was the baby and I believe she was also treated like a baby...The expectations for her were lower if even existent. Taking on my friend's advice and switching schools proved to be just what the doctor ordered. My youngest daughter never ceases to talk (be careful what you wish for...LOL) and she has almost caught up to her best friends (who are all 3 to 6 months older than she is).

In general, daycare teachers, because they interact with so many kids of the same age, can easily compare kids and see "potential problems" unlike parents who have less experience with children and are more likely to be bias and think that their kid is "gifted". There is an agency, FDLRS (I believe they are in every county) can provide him with a free speech assessment to ease your mind. Here is a link to find the FDLRS in your area.

http://www.paec.org/fdlrsweb/managers.pdf

PS- kids don't break eventhough they look fragile. Dicipline him now rather than later otherwise you might regret it. Most parents believe that they are doing a fine job(we are blinded by love), however, if everybody else is telling you that he needs some help in that department, don't take it personally and see which areas you want to target. One area at a time. Do it before he turns 2. I read this book, Dicipline with Love and Logic...Pretty good book.

Good luck with your little ones!

I'm A mother of 4, my oldest is 19. When he was 20 months he didn't say anything. He is now at Florida State on a full academic scholarship! I believe children learn at different levels. Although I do home child care and I agree he should be in a toddler class. I watch a 4, 2, and 1 year old and encourage the older to teach the younger. Also liitle kids tend to try to imitate older kids. I would insist that he is moved or find a new daycare. Don't blame yourself but try to make him do things for himself . You sound like a great caring mother he will be great. Good luck Jodi

He should be in a toddler class by now. After 12 months they usually put the 1-2 year olds together. Anyway, our second son was slow to talk, I was worried as well. My Dr. sent me to have my son evaluated through a progrom through Hillsborough County. We met at a library and they tested him in various ways. They said he was just a late talker but clearly understood everything. Ask your pediatrician about the program. It was free to have him evaluated. If they did find an issue they then set you up with the proper therapist etc. Unfortunately I can't remember the name of the program, first steps or next steps or something like that, but your pediatrician should know. Good luck I'm sure everything is fine. Usually once they turn two it's like a switch goes on and they don't stop talking after that.

I'm so sorry you had to endure so many miscarriages. I only went through one and it broke my heart. I have so much respect for you that you persevered.

I heard it's very typical for boys to talk later than girls. I have a 27 month old little girl (2nd born) and when she was still NOT using many words by her 2nd birthday I was very concerned. My doctor kept reassuring me that not all children use a ton of words by 17 or 18 months (like my first born daughter). He said I should be more concerned after her 2nd birthday if I didn't see an improvement. Sure enough soon after her 2nd birthday in January the words started coming. It was like she found her tongue, especially since March. It's getting better every week.

There is an almost 3 yr old boy in my daughter's daycare class that I would say is pretty close to his mommy and is less verbal than the younger girls in the room. It's hard on the daycare worker but she is also understanding that every child develops differently. He cannot move into the older room until he is potty trained.

All in all (IMHO), your son is acting totally normal for a 19 month old little boy! You're doing a great job and perhaps a new preschool would be best, but I'm sure you will follow your heart either way.

Hello,
My son is 22 months old and doesn't talk fluently either. He, like your son, will say words here and there but does not say full sentences. He does understand everything I say and will nod if I ask him if he wants something. He says no, but won't say yes. He knows a lot of words, but will say the wrong first letter...like Cruck is truck, etc. My son attends a home daycare 2 days a week where he is around 3 or 4 other kids that are varying in age from 15 months to 6 yrs old. I think that really helps because I agree with you that being around older children (or children the same age that talk a little more) has a definate positive influence on them. I started seeing a difference when I limited TV as well. I thought I wasn't doing much harm because he would just watch Noggin type shows that I thought were educational. My son would just zone out when they were on, though. Now when I am at home with him, the TV stays off until around 5pm. I had to do in vitro to have my miracle baby so I can understand what you mean about being overly protective, worried, and spoiling:). So many people will tell you how he needs to be developing, but I firmly believe that Mama knows best! A friend of mine has a son that is going to be 2 on April 14th that already knows his ABC's! I let that get to me too, at first, but not every child is the same and I have heard that boys develop and talk later than girls. Not sure if any of this helps, but it sounds like you and your son are doing just great!

Chinetta,

My only advice is to trust YOUR instincts. If YOU feel that Jayden is not developing normally then I would seek the advice of another Doctor. LOTS of kids do talk at that age, but LOTS of kids dont! Einstien didnt speak until he was almost 7! If YOU think that you would like your child in another class then I would seek another school. Montessori is great if you can find one that takes children his age. Bottom line is - you are his mother and you seem like you have great instincts. Trust them and let that be your guide. I know you feel so lucky to have your children, but they too sound lucky to have such a caring Mom. Good luck.

I'm sure your son is fine. Kids develop at different ages...they are all different. Unlike Melissa P, my kids did the exact opposite. My daughter (my first) was talking in complete sentences by 18 months old and has always been really advanced for her age. My 2nd and now my 3rd, talked later because they had a big sister that felt the need to talk FOR them rather than let them talk for themselves. Also, some kids just find other ways to express themselves and you know the saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Kids don't see the need in talking if they've come up with other ways to get their points across.

my younger cousin was well over 3 before he actually started talking in sentences. turns out the little piece of skin that sticks out a little under your tongue was just a little too tight. he couldn't form the words properly because his tongue didn't move as well as everyone elses. plus, my mom babysat him and there weren't any other children around him. if his doctor hasn't found anything that would be causing speech delays (either physical or developmental) don't worry. just get him around more kids and that should be fine. my cousin is now 18 years old, graduating from high school this year, and is a little shy but once he starts talking...good god it's hard to shut him up...

You have been blessed with such a wonderful family! As a mother, it is our right to make sure our children have their needs met. Good for you for speaking up! I hope this daycare was at least tactful with what they said. Language development happens at different times for different children. Bilingual children tend to take longer to speak and other factors can be involved. Children need to be among their peers. Your son is a toddler and will develop happier, stronger and understand his place better when around other children his age. His whining is developmental, too. If he were 6 yrs. old and whining, I would worry. But take into consideration that perhaps the infant program is boring for him or upsetting without the right interaction with friends. He might be whiny or unwilling to talk beacuase of that! My good friends son was 2 1/2 and did not say a word!! It's ok. As long as your doctor says he is on the right track, relax and find other people who can care for your child the way you would at home if you could. This situation is not fair for anyone involved at this point.
Also, be tactful as you wish to have been treated. Some teachers latch out on the child when having problems with their parents.....they put them behind.
Good luck and I think you really know deep inside what to do. Don't be afraid and care and love your child to the fullest, but also feel free to be stern when necessary, especially since he understands you now.
There are other ways, programs that can help language development. If you need assistance, let me know.

You know your son better than anyone else. If you and his pediatrician both feel his development is on target then who cares what the daycare has to say. All children develop and reach milestones at different times. They are not all cookie cutter, KWIM? You're doing a great job!

Chinetta......
First I want to say congrats on your two precious bundles of joy, I am sure it was a hard road getting there for you! I wanted to say that my son is now 2 1/2 he started talking right around your son's age.. .I have met lots and lots of babies boys and girls (they say boys are a little slower then girls) who didn't say their first words till they were 2 or older.... My children ( I have 4) my daughter is 4 she was saying complete sentences by your sons age could carry on a complete conversation without missing a beat but my son is just getting there.. I had a nephew who never said his first words till after he was 2... I guess what I am getting at is they are all different they will progress on their own, sounds like you are doing everything, reading, not talking like a baby, these are all things that I did, one thing I do is make sure they say please if they want something I don't care what it is or I will make them say it very nicely with all their words, "mommy can I please have a cup of milk" everytime I handed them something (before they could speak) I would always say "Please Mommy" and then "Thank you" so they new thats what they had to say each and everytime they wanted/needed something, gets them in the habit of using their words and not whining etc. Just know you are the mom, what you feel in your heart is probbly the best... Everyone does things different if the daycare wants to focus so much on him talking maybe you should find a new daycare that will focus on teaching!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope that helps, Best of luck
C.

Hi,
Two thoughts:
1. Maybe it is the daycare. What kind of credentials do the teachers have? Get them to be specific about what they think needs to be done differently and why.
2. Trust your gut.

T. F.
A little about me:
I am the mom of a soon to be 5 year old boy; married for almost 11 years to a wonderful guy

What does your peditrican say? I don't know where you live but my son needed speech therapy. I went through the Early Steps program. It is through the goverment It is free regardless of income. First they did a hearing test and past. But qualifiled to have a therapist come to the house and help him with his speech. I hope this helps. Boys also tend to talk later.
N.

C. it sounds to me as if the daycare is being a little to hard on your son. My son is 22 months and is not talking so called words yet. I was concerned also and I spoke with the doctor about it at one of his checkups. They have a "chart" that they go by and will ask you how many words he is saying. Since my son was two months premature we decided together that speech therapy would be a good idea just to give him a little intervention. My son's speech therapist said that he is her youngest child she see and he "talks" better then some of her older ones. That being said, I think alot of times people including ourselves judge our kids by looking at other kids. Every child is different. I have been freaking out about my middle son who is considered HF Autistic/Aspergers and wondering why he is so different and the other day I was on Mama Source and I saw maybe 10 peope respond to another mom's concerns about her talkative son and the fact that they have an aspergers son also. Amazing isn't it. We are not alone:):):) Your son is younger then mine and I don't think there is anything to worry about. Actually both of them are talking and if we listen and watach them more carefully we can understand them. They are trying their little hearts out and pushing them I don't feel helps. I to read to my son everyday and sometimes he picks up a book and "reads" it himself and I just listen and laugh and smile. He is Talking! If you are still concerned however and would like the name and the number to the therapist my son sees or want me to ask her any direct questions I would be more then happy to. She will be coming to my house tommorrow morning so let me know. Good Luck and Don't worry. A.

Hi. I am a mom of two girls, almost 4 and 6. My eldest daughter didn't talk barely at all until she was well over two. The doctors thought she would need speech therapy but I thought I should just watch her for a little. She is my first and, like you, I spoke to her like a grown up and spent a lot of time with her. She was just more on the "shy" side. Well, now, she talks constantly and is advanced for her age.

My other daughter spoke in complete sentences at age 20 months. BUT...she had an older sister who talked to her all the time plus me and my husband. Maybe some of those kids who are talking more have older siblings. I believe that if the doctor thinks he is doing fine, that he is fine. Every kid is different. Your daughter will probably talk sooner just b/c of the birth order.

Now...speaking of your daycare...it doesn't seem like they are giving you any support. They should not be judging where your son should be on the learning curve, in my opinion. I am a nurse and I know that every kid and family is different. If you choose to spoil him, then do it. They are not raising him, you are, so keep up the good work. I wonder if you should bring this up with the schools director and see if you can get him into the older class. That way, he will be with new teachers and have a fresh start. Good luck and let me know how you are doing.

C., stop listening to other people. they work at a daycare and while they may have some child development training, they are not experts. they are working from that limited knowledge and what they see around them to predict what your child "should be doing". you know, from your extensive training in Psychology,that children do not all develop "according to schedule" (Piaget, Erickson, Vygotsky, et al).

if your child's doctor is not concerned about his speech, stop worrying and relax. some children talk later than others.

as a clinical therapist, you know how to use the DSM-IV-TR. look up developmental delays, speech problems, and the Axis I disorders. do they sound like your child? if not, stop worrying.

tell the daycare - very nicely - that you appreciate their concern for your son's development and that you have consulted with his doctor regarding their concersn. advise them that the doctor says he is fine. let them know that if they find anything new to tell you about, you are very interested, but to stop with the broken record about his delayed speech.

now about the behavior thing: if your child is obeying you, there is no need to be "tougher" or "firmer". you are the child's mom and you, of all people, would be among the first to know if there were a behavioral problem. not all children have to be spoken to "firmly". if i raise my voice to my daughter, i can make her cry. i speak very softly and gently to her to correct her - and she is 15. she has been this way her entire life.

stop listening to the "experts" at the daycare and listen to the experts - vygotsky, erickson, piaget et al., your child's doctor, and yourself.

Hi C.,

I am a loving mother of 4. I lost 3 babies at various stages of pregnancy before I was blessed with our first daughter. I understand everything you stated in your request.

I have a Masters Degree in Human Development and Family Life. My instinct and education tell me that you should immediately find a new Daycare that will work with you by putting your child in the appropriate age group and understand that some children do not talk a lot. I know of children who talked only when they felt a need and did not become more vocal until they had something important to say. If your son is understanding you, following directions, and interacts with other children his age without problems cropping up. He is fine. He may just be absorbing a tremendous vocabulary from listening to everyone else. When he wants to make his opinions heard, I bet he will be able to express them with more advanced vocabulary than others of his age.

My biggest concern is how the Daycare employees seem to be punishing your son by holding him back in the infant class. He is not being given the "optimal learning experience" that he should be getting from the daycare.

Look for a program which puts your son's needs ahead of their own unprofessional opinions. Both your son and you will be very happy. I wouldn't worry about his communication skills expecially if your doctor is not having any concerns.

And one more thing, you have not spoiled your chiidren. You have only been a very loving and protective mother. Spoiling a child means that you give your child everything before they even ask for it and do everything for them. To me, you sound like you allow your children to grow and learn for themselves, that you are teaching them responsibilities appropriate for the ages, but are only lavishing them with love.

Believe me, I have done the exact same thing with all four of my children - they are not spoiled but they are also not perfect. I try to allow them to continue to develop at their own pace and provide them with opportunities to feel confident in their progress.

Keep up the great work and find somewhere else to provide a better learning atmosphere for your son. You will be very glad that you did.

Karen

Chinetta, you are a clinician. I would trust your judgement before a daycares. He is your son and you know him best. Language is different for all kids; boys take longer. As long as he has between 20-30 words he is fine. Sentences don't come until later. He should definetly be with kids his own age, I would insist upon it. My baby boy is 22 months and he talks, but half of it I can't understand and the rest is repetitive. Such as he is constantly asking about the same people "gamma, dada, uncle walt, nana, nanny".
Additionally, it takes a parent to raise a child not a community. I know our nation's thoughts reverse that; people think they know best for your child. You are responsible for the type of person he becomes, therefor I feel that you should continue to love and discipline him as you see fit. Don't worry about him being soft; I often think people are to hard on kids. That said, kids like structure. Saying no does not equate to being mean. Children need structure, the thrive with it. I have seen too many teens whose parents were afraid to upset them as children (afraid to hurt their feelings). These kids have issues. The ones who had firm boundaries, loving parents, and open communication with their parents were in great condition.
You might think about leaving a nanny camera at the day care to see what is really going on.
Best wishes

Hello Chinetta,

I would definitely say it's the daycare! I wouldn't let them tell you something different from what your pediatrician tells you. They are not doctors, while they may be around a multitude of children everyday, they can't be the one's to say if someone is slower than everyone else, all children develop different. I think it would be a little wierd if every child did everything at the same time, it would be like we gave birth to robots, not children who have their own minds. I don't know what age they are supposed to be in the toddler class at, I never put mine in daycare, too expensive, but I'm sure he's considered a toddler once he starts walking, so for them to keep him in the infant class is rediculous, you have every right to be concerned, and I would say if your son is atleast speaking a little, and responsive and receptive to what your saying to him that he is doing just fine. When my oldest was that age he was just starting to talk, he wasn't like conversing with Albert Einstein, he's 20 months, he's just learning, my 3 year old daughter doesn't talk near as much as some other 3 year olds, but you can tell she's not slow in any way, they all do things at different times, but when the daycare is putting your son with infants, and not children his own age they are hindering his ability to learn and socialize. About the whining, my oldest almost never whined, he was like giving birth to an angel, my middle child on the other hand, that's all he does, my youngest, and only daughter, she throws temper tantrums, the daycare should know that each child is different, I don't down my son at all for whining, I just try to teach him to communicate in other ways, some kids whine, some kids throw tantrums, as a daycare they should be working with the children and teaching them how to communicate, or atleast that's how I feel they should do. If it were me I would definitely start looking for a better daycare, and I would definitely tell that one how I feel, also, you could call your pediatrician with any concerns you may have about his progress, they would be more than happy to talk with you about it, and I'm sure they would probably tell you the same that I have. I hope that this helps, I'm not a doctor or psychologist, (though I was going to school up north for psychology, loved it!!!) but I have three kids and know that you are truly the one who knows how they are doing intellectually, you can't let people who have no medical background tell you things of this nature, nor do they have the right to hold him back from children his own age. You take care, and good luck, let us know how it goes.

Candi :o)

I think you know what the problem is..your daycare!so if your looking for validation ...u got it!i believe you know that theres nothing wrong with your son and also you know that your daycare is ignorant ..not you!first of all , your child is only 19 mos.,he shouldn't be talking excessively..(i have lots of experience..i have 4)a few words is fine(more than fine)!i cant believe they said the things they did to you..the arrogance of their approach is ridiculous!they obviously don't understand childhood development and you should take your son out! God bless and good luck!

Chinetta,

That is not unusual at all. Listen to the medical professionals. My daughter didn't start saying anything before 2 and my sister's son didn't speak until about 3 years old and he is doing fine (now in kindergarten). I hear the anxiety in your words. I can't imagine having 3 miscarriages. I don't know your faith Chinetta but if you believe in God, He says to let him worry for you. Be anxious over nothing because He is in charge. In other words, your worrying, will not change the outcome. You have been blessed with 2 children. Enjoy them.

I like you have two miracle babies!!!! My oldest (now 4) was a QUICK talker!!! He was holding conversations at age 2; however, he didn't walk till he was 17 months old and I was very concerned, but he did walk!

My youngest is 27 months and while he is talking now, there is still a lot that most people don't understand. I, like you, have been very concerned. But I have one thing you probably don't have - a speach therapist in the family. My Step Mother has been a speach therapist for over 40 years and assures me that my son is on the right path. The biggest thing to look for is communication - your son is communicating with you. It may be with only a few words but he is communicating. My Step mother says that it is easy to fix how they talk (the pronunciation) rather than no speach at all. I would not be concerned yet as she has assured me not to be concerned. Just keep an eye on the progress of his speach - adding new words or speaking multiple words at one time. My sone will now put 5-6 words together, but you wont understand them all. Again, my step mother says that is GREAT!

It takes time and remember he is a boy. They move much slower!

Hi Chinetta, It sounds to me as if your precious little boy is right on target. My son, who is now 9, did not really speak until just around his 2nd birthday. He babbled and had his own language. He is very smart and is in the advanced classes at his school. I think you might want to look into another childcare situation. And yes, I think he should be with toddlers. I don't know your situation, but if at all possible I would get him out of day care all together, or have him go as little as possible.--J.

hi chinette!
i wouldn't worry to much about it. ever child learns things at a different pace. i know people whose children didn't speak until they over 2 years old and they are normal. just like some children walk at 10 months and others don't walk until 18 months. he understands you, so he is developing. your daycare shouold havwe him in the toddler room. most daycares move the children from the infant room once they are 1 and are eating table food. this transition also helps the child to do what other kids his/her age are doing. if the other kids are talking he will be talking in no time. if he stays where they are babies of course he's going to act like a baby.
anyway, i wouldn't worry too much about it, especially if your doctor doesn't seem to concerned.
trust me he'll be talking non stop soon enough!

I know what you are going through. I have two daughters who are diagnosed as being developementally delayed. First thing is to have him tested if you are concerned. Second seek another daycare who can understand his needs and help him to improve instead of loses their patients with him if that is the case. Finally check with your doctor to see about testing his hearing. I know that may be a stretch, but I did this with my children to rule everything out. My oldest is 5 now and is talking non-stop now due to a frenulectomy[her tongue was stuck at birth and needed surgery]. She then received speech therapy through All Childrens Hospital in the New Port Richey location, then has been enrolled at a Pre-K Talk program that is free through the Public school system for the past year and a half. My youngest one has had her adnoids and Tonsils taken out before she was 2 1/2, and also extensive hearing tests to make sure she didn't have any hearing loss that we couldn't catch ourselves. My oldest also had her adnoids taken out when she was about 3 and that hepled immensely with how they both slepted at night. I have gone through alot and I understand about being firm with your children, but if they can't express properly what is going on with them you can't be so called firm. I wish you luck and pray that everything goes well with your son.
Sincerely,
S. Frazis
EF-5
SF-3
baby on the way

It is not your son it is the daycare...Children talk when they want to. as long as the pedi says that he is ok don't listen to them. MY nephew did not talk fluently until he was 3. He had nothing to say. He was a listener. Now my son is 19 months and he talks all the time but he does not want to listen. Your son is fine just keep reading to you and when you talk to him make him answer you and not use head nods. As far as discpline it is different for every child. My son I have to tell something to his misbehaving self 10x. My dau at that age I could ask her something once and she was an angel. Don't worry once he starts talking you will not be able to shut him up. LOL

Hi,

I understand your fears. My son is 4 and isn't speaking in complete sentences. Every child develops at their own pace, my 4 year old was 15 months when he finally began to walk, 3 1/2 when he finally potty trained, but he is reading more than my kindergarteners are and he works the computer like a pro. He is starting Kindergarten a year early. Having said all this, I would maybe check to see about a speech therapist, we did this through All Childrens on Lakeland Hills Blvd. We saw Ms. Cindy, she is fantastic. I don't know if his age is high enough for this, but there is help if this is a problem. There are age marks that they use to gauge his speech and they can work with him if he needs it. Personally, I would either speak to the daycare director or look else where. He should be in the toddler class. I work at a pre-school in Lakeland and some of the kids in the VPK program, those going to kindergarten next year, don't speak plainly at all. If the doctor says he is fine, then go with that. For the daycare, they can't compare him to other children, they are all different, even my 5 year old twins speak differently. Don't worry, he will be fine. Also, your daughter will probably out-speak him, don't worry, my daughter talks all the time and her twin brother speaks in sentences sometimes, when it suits him:-)
Hope this helps!!

Roz

hello! i have a son who is 22 months old and was a little concerned 2 mths ago because of the same issue. just in the last 2 mths he has been talking a lot more. he babbles a lot, whines sometimes but understands everything. the doctor told me as long as he is understanding what you say he is ok. i also asked a few nurses and the office and one nurse said her son didn't speak fluently until he was 3. hope this eases your mind a little.

I understand your need for comfort and reassurance. I thought for the longest time that my son my have been color blind but he was just slower than my first on recognizing his colors. When I was worried about him he was also in the 2 year old range but he is almost 5 and on target.

I wonder, if you have the time, if your son may benefit from interaction outside of the daycare setting with other kids? Maybe the library or a church group? Maybe placing him with older kids and letting him play he will blossom. If not I know there are orgainzations who offer screenings for young children, United Way has a referral service, by calling 211, you can see if anyone in the Venice area can offer a developmental screening.

And last but not least, my advice would be if you are not comfortible with your day care provider, change. They need to be supporting your children as well as your family.

Hope Jayden is just holding out on you and that you find yourself in a few months wondering if he will ever stop talking!

Chinetta, I am seriously concerned about your daycare. How FIRM do you need to be with a 20 month old? As far as the communication is concerned, you can take him to a FREE screening at St. Joes Children's Center to see if the speech pathologists have any issues with his development. Boys usually talk later than girls, so if he is in a class of girls, he could appear slow. Personally, I LOVE sweeter, kinder boys. Everyone out there is trying to make them tough, but he is only 20 months of age.

D. A. RN, Ph.D., IBCLC
Advanced Lactation Care, Inc.
Tampa, FL

You need to find another daycare.One that has a loving, caring and encouraging environment!Every child is different...your doing a great job. He is just fine.

Chinetta:
A typical two year old will be putting two words together and have a vocabulary of at least 20 words. I would recommend that you seek a language evaluation by a professional if you are concerned. Sometimes pediatricians tell you to wait with language delays, but if your son indeed needs services then it's better to get him started with therapy now. You can get an evalutaion done through your local Early Steps office. It is a government funded agency that assists families with children 0-3 years old. If it turns out that he does not have a delay, then at least you will be able to have peace of mind about the situation.

A.

I am in a somewhat similar situation with my 21 month old (and I have a 6 month old too!). My son is finally starting to repeat a few words (or at least try to). He wasn't saying anything other than "ball" for the longest time, but it is obvious he understands everything we say to him, and he has been able to communicate in his own way. I would listen to your doctor over the daycare providers. I'm bothered by the things your daycare providers have said to you. While a 20 month old is not drinking from a bottle, etc., he is still your baby. He's not even 2, what type of behavior are they expecting from him? My 21 month old is often grumpy, easily frustrated, and fussy. I think it's normal to be a bit whiny, and perhaps your son is whining and not speaking more because of some failure on the part of the daycare! Just based on your question, you should check out other daycares. I know that is no easy task, but it may be well worth it. My children have gone to 2 daycares, and while the providers let me know if the boys are fussy or had a difficult day, they have never insulted me or the boys. Anyway, if you're looking for a new daycare, you can use this DCF website: http://204.90.20.58/childcare/provider/providersearch.aspx; which will not only allow you to enter specifications with which to search for a daycare, but it also gives you info re: inspections at the daycare, which was very important to me (I'm a big worrier too). For example, I avoided any daycares that repeatedly failed to ensure that they had the required number of people who are CPR certified or repeatedly failed to perform criminal checks on its employees.
Well, sorry for the long response, but it seems we have a lot in common as far as our childrens' ages and our tendency to be overprotective.
Hope this is helpful!

It sounds to me like the daycare is a little pushy. All children develop at different rates and your child should not be grouped into a generalization. I understand your need to be overprotective. Our second child and only daughter spent two weeks in PICU because she had stopped breathing when she was 4 days old. I think my constant need to watch over her had an affect on her development up to the age of 2. When we had our 3rd child I realized that I had to let her do some things on her own. She is almost three now and she has caught up and is just fine. I own an Indoor Playground and see countless numbers of kids from 1-3 years old. Some 3 year olds can barely speak and then there are 1 year olds speaking in paragraphs. LIke I said children will develop at their own rate. Just have patience with him and possibly look into an alternative daycare. Yes by the way your child should be in a class with children his own age. He will never relate to children at his age level and will never learn beyond the "baby" class if he is kept with much smaller children all day.

hi Chinetta,

i think it may be your daycare. if they are telling you to be more firm with your son. How are they treating him during the day? your right if he is around infants. how is he going to learn more words? My nephew was the same way he did not talk even after his 2nd birthday he was not saying much. then it was like over night he was talking up a storm. If the DR says hes ok
i would not worry. my son talked early but he did not walk until 16 months and i was worried. until a smart women said. honey don't worry. they will all be walking and talking in kindergarten . every child is different. good luck i hope this helps.

Don't worry. I'm part of a preschool team and it's a very large range of time for toddlers to learn to speak. If you are truly worried and don't wish to take your child's physician's advice, then go to a speech expert. The 'normal' range is about 10-26 months, and that is two word simple sentences. If your daycare is worrying you, speak to the director and be frank about what you think and need. Ask about the criteria for moving children from the infant to the toddler program. Ask what you can do at home to help your son progress. Do not be defensive, realize that while you love your child and think the world of him, his teachers see different things. You need to establish a working relationship with his caretakers. Toddlers need a different level of stimulation. They need places they can work on rudimentary motor skills, both fine and gross, and social skills of expressing their needs. If you continue to be unhappy with your daycare then find one that suits your and your child's needs.

Every child develops at their own pace. Stay in communication with your doctor, and ask your daycare how you could work together to help your son's development.

As far as the "spoiling him" point... I recommend you read a couple of books that really helped ME get on the right track. "Boundaries for Children" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend -and- "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" by Becky Bailey which teaches "Conscious Discipline".

About me:
I am a mother of 3 daughters, Katie 17, Emma 14 and Kim 6, and I have been married to the most wonderful man for 22 years. I have been a pre-school teacher, director and now work with children and families as a Music with Mar. Instructor.

Typically, they move to the toddler class at 18 months. You may want to look into that. I would ask your doctor. They usually let you know if they think there is an issue. He is probably fine. Not all kids talk at the same time.

Tell them to back off! My son will be 2 in early May and he says only a few words. 19 months is too early for much speech at all. My son knows far more than he can actually say, but the words are starting to come quickly now. Before now, he was like you describe your son. The doctor is right. And as far as him being a baby, he is your baby. I have a miracle little girl. She is 5 now, smart as a whip and very independent. I went through the overprotective stage and listening to everybody's opinion. I always did what felt right in my heart despite what others had to say and she's fine. I had to make the choice for her sake to reduce 2 babies during her pregnancy...there was her and a pair of underdeveloped identical twins. I was high risk after that procedure was done and she could've been born at any time. She made it to 39.1 weeks and I protected and loved every little hair on her head! You do what you feel in your heart is right and don't worry about his language skills. Love him to pieces, listen to his doctor and tell the others to stick it! Luck and daily blessings to you.

Hi:

I have a 21 month old baby and he does not talk yet. He has a baby language talk but when I talk to him he understands me. He is also my miracle baby because I had radiotherapy in the pelvic area and the doctor told me I was never going to have a baby. But God is awesome and He gave me a baby boy. Every baby develops in their own pace. If the doctor told you he is doing well, don't worry about it. He might be shy, mine is.

The teachers at your daycare are not nice. They should have him in the toddler class. He doesn't deserve to be treated that way. He is not an infant. I just get upset that they treat you and your precious baby that way. Is there any way you can get him in another daycare that are nice and respectful to your baby?

Hope this helps.

Hi Chinetta,
I'm a mom of a 28 year old beautiful daughter and a grandmother of a five year old darling grandson. I was so afraid our daughter would suffer crib death that she sleptt in our room until she was several months old.
When we finally moved her into her own room, just down the hall from our bedroom, she would wake me up 5 -6 times every night. Nothing wrong, she just wanted her mommmie. I was exhausted the next day. After a few months of this, my husband said i could check on her one time. After that let her cry. He literally had to hold me in bed because i was so sure she needed me. Guess what? After that first night- and it was a doozie. She would shake the crib, scream and wait to hear if i was coming to her. It only lasted the one night. From that night on she slept the whole night through. Silly me! Did i say that she was one year old by this time? hahaha

Now about your grandson. If the doctor says nothing is wrong, I would certainly trust him more than the daycare. Do you know most of the time
little boys are slower at talking than little girls? Our grandson didn't really start talking sentences until he was a well past 24 months old. By the time he was three he was better, but all the little girls around him were talking a mile a minute. Not him. He is now
five and talking very well. He needed to be reminded between 3 and 4 years old to "use your words". I feel that your son is normal for
his age simply because he is a boy. It is a fact that girls speak so
much more words - something like 5,000 more than boys. Your daycare should know this. You may want to check out another daycare facility.
Trust your "Mommie Instincts".

Blessings,
T.

Hi, I am a mother of three, 10, 8, and a 3 yr old. My oldest two were speaking at an early age. My youngest always seemed behind. It is still hard to understand everything he says. I worried about him as well and although the doctor said he was ok, he said I could have him see a speech therapist if I wanted too.

I am an ex-preschool teacher and have my early development certification. I do believe that you may have a problem with his preschool. They should not have a 20 month old in the infant class. This alone will delay his progress. Being with children his own age will allow him to develop more vocabulary as well a mature a little.

I had 4 miscarriages prior to my first child so i do know about spoiling him. Just know that every child develops at his own pace and if the doctors feel he is on the right track go with that. If you question a doctor get a second opinion. Continue to read to him and talk with him in the car. Any opportunity for him to hear speech will help.

Relax you seem to be doing just fine.

Chinetta, First, relax if you can. All children are different. They progress and accomplish different milestones at different times. I have found that this is based on their desire. If your little guy is frustrated by not being able to communicate, then he has a problem. If he is not, and he is able to function, then he does not have a problem. There will be a lot of people who will try to fit others, big and small, into their preconceived parameters. I don't usually fit, do you?
Next, what does spoiled mean to you? Does it mean he has all the food he needs, clean, tidy clothes, a place to sleep and books and toys that stimulate him, then spoil him. If it means that you say no to him and don't back it up when he complains, then DONT spoil him. He is relying on you to set limits and mean it. He will be a happier boy if you do this for him. Being firm means, not being angry or embarrassed about your children's behavior, but setting limits, with consequences and being reliable about enforcing them, firmly. None of us is 100% on enforcement, but working toward consistency is important. He will resist your getting well in this area, but it is a way to show your love for him and his sister.
Continue to read to him and speak to him like a human being, you are doing a good job with that. You are right, that is how they learn. Love him and tell him how special he is, there will always be people around him who do not understand or see it. You always will. Barb

not sure how your daycare does things. Ours has infant room, one year old, and every year like that...
They really have no right to be saying those things to you (in my opinion). I'm sure you will get a lot of responses from parents telling both good stories and bad stories, because this question gets asked every now and then. I don't think there is anything to worry about yet. My son didn't say his first words until 17-18 months and like you, he understood everything. Then one day around his second birthday, the floodgates opened and he progressed quickly from words to phrases. I really don't think you should worry yet and the daycare people need to lay off. I hear this a lot, especially with boys for some reason. If he responds to you and understands you, the language will come. Please don't stress! It isn't because he is spoiled either. I know some people think that you should not give them things they want until they say the word as encouragement. I would think that this would be a last resort for when he is older. My son doesn't respond under frustration, it just makes things worse. A few months from now, you won't believe the difference!

I have raised four kids, and now am raising my 15 month old granddaughter. Have had her since she was 3 months old.
All kids develop at their "own" rate , and time. At his age, I wouldnt be overly concerned.

I would DEFINATELY listen to his Doctor over the day care. MOST day care personnel are minimum wage workers, who cant get a better job (unfortunately) Very few even have had courses in child care, or just the basic required ones.

Listen to your Doctor. Ask questions, on each appointment.

Relax, and ENJOY your little one.

jackie

I wouldn't worry. My oldest son spoke on a limited basis until he was two. And even then he didn't talk much with others outside the family. He also understood everything we said to him and was well behaved. He is now 37 years old with a PhD in electrical engineering!! So, don't worry. Your instincts and your doctor's observations are on target. Many times a child has the knowledge and capability to talk, but chooses not to. This too is normal and when he is ready the child will perform. By the way I was an elementary school teacher and also had a daycare. I have four children and ten grandchildren. Good luck and keep loving those babies, they are special gifts from God!! Lucille

Chinetta,

I think it is crazy to think that a 19-20 month old boy should be talking alot! Every child is different and each develop and move forward with different skills at different time frames. Some seem more physical before others, while another will be less physical but more vocal. You are doing fine.

I would question this daycare, or at least the staff that they are criticizing both you and your son...saying that he shouldn't be so whiny and that you shouldn't baby him. He is yours and you can treat him the way you see fit and what makes your family happy. Maybe your loving, gentle approach that works well at home isn't working with them because maybe they aren't interacting with him in the way you are??? Maybe he is more responsive to you because he has a loving bond....

I wouldn't worry about him, other than to maybe find another more nurturing daycare/homecare setting....

Coordinated Childcare does free assessments now. They can come to your home or to the daycare. www.childcarepinellas.org

First off, calm down. I would like to know what the daycare is using to determine their opinions of your son. Is it just a daycare teacher's opinion, or are they truly based on his milestones? At our daycare, we use a pediatric milestone list for our students. At the 18 month milestone, it states that the child should say 8-20 words with meaning. If he does, then he's fine. Boys almost always are slower socially (speech) than girls are, whereas their motor skills are usually much higher.

If your son is in a facility, then he should be in the one year old room. If the facility doesn't have a seperate one year old room, then he must be in the infant room. He is a toddler, but he is not yet 2. Legally the ages in a facility have to be seperated by age. An infant or one year old cannot be mixed with the older children. If this concerns you, look into a small family or large family childcare home where he will be able to be with a mix of ages, since they are not bound by the same legalities. Also, you could look into setting up little playdates with other children around his age or slightly older. Once you yourself are around kids his age, you can see where he's ahead, the same, or behind with his peers. When you have very little experience with any children but your own, it's really easy to take every little thing said by others to heart, without truly knowing the truth of it.

p.s. He may be a miracle, but it's fine to begin fostering independent behavior, such as letting him pick his clothes or get dressed, and having him tell you what he wants/needs, and if he doesn't have the words, then you can say them to him, "Would you like milk?" "You feel mad right now." (etc.)

I agree that with others that it's odd your child's daycare is telling you how to parent. We would never do something like that at mine. But I also find your comment odd, as well: surely a therapist knows discipline won't make a child "fear" its parent.