My sister in law (who also happens to be my next door neighbor) runs an in home daycare. The kids she watches range in age from approximately 3-5, so preschool age I guess. I've noticed that she feeds her daycare kids differently then she lets her kids eat. For example at lunch, maybe her daycare kids get a half a sandwich when her kids get a whole one. Maybe the daycare kids get peanut butter & jelly while her kids get something more substantial. Her kids get to snack but she doesn't let her daycare kids snack. Her kids might get second helpings of foods but her daycare kids do not. I can sort of see the logic. Obviously she doesn't want to spend all of her income from the daycare on food. However, is it right to let her kids have special privileges, and right in front of the daycare kids? I see her kids eating snacks right in front of the daycare kids but they are not allowed anything, even if they ask.
I mentioned it to her and she seemed confident that there wasn't anything wrong with what she was doing. I hear her tell the kids if they ask her for food, "You can eat at home."
Isn't the whole point of in home daycare so that your child can be treated as if they are at home?
Some of the things that she serves them aren't what I would prefer that my child eat if they were in a daycare setting, whether an in home daycare or a facility. Examples for lunch are half a pb&J with a small handful of pringles. Another example is a small serving of scrambled eggs with a half of a slice of toast. That to me is not a substantial lunch, and then to not give them snacks in the afternoon? All the while letting her kids parade around them and eat what they want?
She's not licensed so I guess I can't report her to the powers that be (whoever that might be). I'm not afraid of hurting her feelings so I've already spoken my mind about it, she just disagrees and doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. What's the next step? Is there a next step?
To add, a very good friend of miine used to have her child, who was 4 at the time, in my sister-in-law's care. She would send food with her child because she was a very picky eater. My sister-in-law would "hide" or withold the food from the little girl so that the other daycare kids wouldn't get jealous that she had whatever it was that her Mom was sending for her. When the little girl would ask about her food, my sister in law would say, "Your Mom didn't send any food" and try to make her eat what the other daycare kids were eating. I saw this with my own two eyes, and told my friend, who quickly pulled her from my sister in law's care. This is what prompted me to have the first of many conversations about what she's feeding her daycare kids.
By the way I don't think it is illegal here in Texas for her to have an unregistered in home daycare as long as she watches under a certain number of kids.
She should charge enough to cover substantial meals and at least 2 snacks a day for these kids. If she doesn't want to provide food, she should tell the parents that food is not included and they will have to bring food for their kids.
Shame on her! She's clearly not treating these kinds like she treats her own. She shouldn't be providing care!
Wow! I would be a very upset mama if my child was treated that way by a care taker. I have never heard of a daycare provider not providing snacks. Is she at least registered? If she is you can report her to the state, and if she is not, you can still report her to the state. It is illegal to watch kids and not be registered at least.
I would not like that if my kids were with her. The only thing you could report is her running an unlicensed daycare. Some places that's eligal. My question would be do the parents know about this? Since she's not licensed she does not get money for food from the state so that's probably why she's being like that but that is no fair to the kids she watches!!!!
I am quite put off by your SIL's behavior. She is the adult that chose to have an in home daycare, the fact that she's not licensed speaks volumes. I cannot believe that it is legal for her to care for other people's children and not provide for those children. Definitely report her actions. No, the children will not literally starve by missing a few snacks or a meal but the fact is she should not be caring for children if she cannot care for them properly.
I care for one child, 5, after school for around 2 hours. In that time period my own children get snacks, as does the child. Whatever my children are given be it snacks, playtime, tv time, what-have-you the child I watch is automatically included as well.
Please do what is right by these children and speak up about what's going on. I cannot believe that parents would knowingly allow their children to be denied basic needs.
Uggggg... sigh... these are the kinds of situations that give daycares a bad name.
First, the kind of meals she's serving are not healthy and it's bs that she doesn't give seconds if the kids ask AND if she doesn't give them snacks if they ask. It really fries my bacon that she withheld food from home to a child and then lied about it. Your sister in-law sounds like a real peach.
When my two kids were part of my daycare, they obeyed the same rules as my daycare kids and they ate the same food and at the same time as the daycare kids. As they have gotten older they do have different rules because they are older and it's appropriate that they do.
I do not feed all of my daycare kids the same portion sizes. They have been in my care long enough for me to know who eats what and how much. Having said that any child is offered seconds if they eat their firsts and are still hungry. Even so, I throw away sooo much food every month it's depressing.
She can disagree with you all she wants, but she is doing wrong. I would absolutely report her to the licensing agency. I would be willing to bet that she is watching more kids that she is allowed to under the law as an unlicensed provider. And even if she isn't she should not be watching ANY kids in the way that she is currently operating.
It really really disturbs me to read stuff like this. Meals and feeding kids is so basic. If she can't do that with any quality, I wonder what else is going on in that house. Report her.
Based on your SWH, she's just cruel then. I'd report her and I'd somehow let the parents know. I'd think this could damage a child's psyche (being told your mom didn't send food!) and then we wonder why there are criminals... Not to be overly dramatic but this really is cruel.
Example #105 of why I detest day care . . . :(
Do the parents know?
If the kids are asking for more food but are being denied, then surely they are going home hungry each day.
She REALLY should be giving them more, and if she was licensed she'd be REQUIRED to give them more. It is up to the parents to ask for better meals and to get her to give them snacks.
Pretty sad that she'd not just NATURALLY want to feed hungry children who are entrusted to her care.
I'm sorry but she sounds like Cruella DeVille. You should do something for those poor children.
Well, child care homes in Texas are to be registered, not necessarily "licensed" but registered homes do report up through the DFPS and are required to get a certain number of training hours each year and if she was registered, she'd be eligible for the USDA food program that helps off-set the cost of healthy foods for providers.
True, if she is watching more than a certain number of children in various ages (there is a total, but that changes based on the make up of the kids. like it may be four toddlers, but if you have two infants, the number of toddlers is less, etc.).
Call DFPS and see what the state allows. Maybe ask her why she doesn't go ahead and become registered and take advantage of the USDA food program.
I feel so sorry for the children in her care:(
I really do not know what to say to this. Kids that age need snacks, heck mine still get a snack at school and they are in 2nd and 4th grades. I think it is mean to let her kids eat and the others to be told they can't.
That is such a tough one, I mean I wonder what the parents say. They have to know their kid is hungry when they get picked up and at that age they are able to say I get told I can not eat.
Also it is your sister so that makes it even more difficult.
Maybe talk to one of the parents.
You could try and talk to the parents when they drop off or pick up their child. Maybe slip them a note with your phone number so they can call you? Let them know who you are and you know what is going on in the daycare. I bet eventually one by one they will pull their children out and she will no longer have a daycare. If I had my daughter there then I would want to know that she was being treated that way.
Your concerns and questions are obviously very valid and even more disturbing. How terribly sad for those hungry little kids, being treated like second class citizens, in an atmosphere where they are supposed to be loved on and nurtured.
When I had to use daycare for a short spell in my life, I always made it a point to drop in unexpectedly, at different times of the day, and check on what the food was like, or how craft time was, etc.. It's unfortunate that the working parents are not more involved and in the know about what is really happening. And since you seem to be the voice of reason with her, and you don't mind confrontation, then by all means continue to educate her about the sites listed below.
Remember the famous quote: ‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’
Please report as soon as possible!
There's nothing abusive about it, you've given your opinion so let it go. It's up to the parents who take their kids there to decide whether or not it's an acceptable lunch.
Yikes, I could never deny children food. She should have budgeted to feed them as if they were her own children..
She is not licensed? Maybe you could at least download the recomended or required information for a licensed daycare.
It will give her actual guidelines.
I would think you can still at least call the hotlines and ask your questions there... they would have the actual regulations and knowledge of whether what she is doing is legal.
http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Care/Other_Child_Care_I...
http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Contact_Us/hotlines.asp
There may still be minimum standards that a person is supposed to provide, and they can advise you if what your SIL is doing is within those standards....
Even if they are in the standards, it sure doesn't sound like a well-run child care facility!
The daycare our DS attends is licensed and has been around for 30+ years. They provide 2 snacks and lunch, but parents are allowed to supplement and send extra food. Kids are not allowed to share. I sometimes supplement with leftovers from dinner (stuff my kid normally rejects, with the hopes that he might be willing to give it a taste for the daycare providers). Might be that my kid sees others eating stuff he'd love to have and vice versa daily.
Life goes on.
F. B.
That is not fair and if the parents of the children who are being denied food find out, she'll lose her customers. Word of mouth can destroy her income.
I am in agreement that in a day care situation, the children should be loved, nurtured, and fed as though they are at their own home.
She should have her rates higher so that she can feed healthy meals OR ask the parents to send the lunches and snacks with their children.
I never had my daughter in daycare but I have been friends with someone with inhome, unlicensed daycare. She was proud to let the parents know that the children would have hot meals. They might have 1/2 or whole sandwich and soup, spagetti, fresh fruits and veggies were always available. I would not want my child having 1/2 a sandwich and chips daily. She needs to throw in some healthier options.
I feel sorry for the children your SIL watches. Kudos to you for speaking up to her although it appears to fly through the non matter in her head.
I always sent my children with their own food. Period.
That is terrible. I have had my child in an in-home daycare and in a center. If I found out my child had food withheld I would be so upset. I can't believe she would be able to handle listening to small children ask for food and not give it to them! Or let her children have them IN FRONT of the other children? I would report her. You can do it anonymously. Or, if possible, discuss it with the parents in her daycare.
Wait, so she's being paid to feed the kids and barely does? Unlicenced or not, you can probably still report her to whoever oversees home daycares to see if she's in line with regulations.
I also think that her allowing her children to eat substantial food in front of the other kids is just rude. To hide food the parent sends puts the kabosh on my idea to have her ask the parents to provide food like they would in preschool.
I would wonder what other shortcuts she takes with the other kids. Does she watch them or is she like a daycare I once attended where we ate a dry snack, standing, when we arrived and played in a room in the back while the caregiver watched TV waiting for our parents to arrive. That didn't (thankfully my parents wised up) last long.
Looks like you need a license in TX, even for small groups of kids:
http://daycare.com/texas/
According the the website, even if it's only 1 child, they have to be registered with the state, although they don't have to answer to standards until they have 4 or more.
Report her to the licensing bureau. I feel badly for the people paying her.
No more than 3 in Tx. If she has more than 3 report her.
That's wrong in so many ways. I don't know the next step, but I would never want my kiddos to be in her care.
You need to report her. Start with child protective services. If this is not the correct agency, they will certainly point you in the right direction. She sounds like a truly horrible individual, not just someone trying to save a few pennies.
And everything Gamma G says.
How many children is she watching? I would call the state licensing bureau to ask what the law is. You don't have to give your or her names.
I also think it's not fair to feed the children differently and it's very poor care to not provide a morning and afternoon snack. Does she tell the parents that she gives them snacks? Does she tell the parents what she is feeding them? If not, then I suggest it's the parent's responsibility to ask. It's the parent's responsibility to be sure that their children are being taken care of in a healthy way.
I would probably stay out of it unless there is more going on. Is she taking good care of the children in other ways? Does she provide healthy activities for them or does she have them watch TV/videos all day for example. Do they get a nap? Is the environment safe? That sort of thing.
omg this is NOT typical of daycare - AND she's not even licensed - why the heck do people have to jump on one incompetent and use them as an example of ALL daycares. ignorant.
however - this is also not right. and also - any parent worth the title would have a FIT if they knew this was going on. small kids need snacks. i am shocked that she doesn't have a group of miserable whiny crying kids by the end of the day. it doesn't take a degree to know that happy kids are fed kids. how does she keep them happy, i wonder, if she has them all day and only feeds them half a lunch in that time??? hmmm....
plus - are we assuming these parents don't ask their kids about their days at all? ages 3-5 should be more than able to talk about what they had to eat, etc. maybe the 3 year olds might not remember everything, but the older kids' parents should be getting a rundown at least occasionally. i'm pretty sure if my 5 year old told me he had a half a pb and j sandwich, and that was it, i'd be poking my nose around and asking some questions.
there seems to be a lot of holes in this story...
Your SWH is enough to report her regardless. I am surprised that your friend hasn't done so, already. Your SIL sounds very selfish and greedy. Do you have children? Would you trust them in her home? If you answered no to number 2, then, well...follow your gut.
Welcome to Mamapedia! I see you just joined today, welcome.
you must be over there all day if you know down to the 1/2 sandwich and snacks that they get.
why do you need to be involved? That's the only question I have, b/c these aren't your kids, not your daycare and not your money. You've said you've spoken your mind, and she's given it its appropriate attention (she filed your suggestions).
And now you want to go a step further? Wow. Don't know what she did to tick you off, but aren't you taking this just a wee bit far?
Welcome to mamapedia!!
If she's NOT licensed - you SHOULD report her!! That most likely means she does NOT have insurance or any certifications. Sorry - but my kids wouldn't be attending her in-home care withOUT those items.
You don't like it? Report it.
Video tape it. Show it to the parents who have their kids there...they may be singing another tune....she might be singing another tune when the county shows up and starts asking for certifications and licenses....then you won't have to worry about it!!
Good luck!
Is she a listed home, if she is running an in home daycare she needs to be at least listed with the state. As for the food thing, she needs to be fair. I run an in home daycare, all the kids get a balenced meal and can have seconds of they want unless they are known waisters. 1/2 a sandwich is not enough for a preschooler for lunch. I would report her to the state, of she is listed they can do a surprise inspection, if she is not, they might fine her for not being under the law. If she is listed she can only have 3 kids above her own in her care.
No, this is not right. My kids were in home daycare until this year and my provider ALWAYS fed the kids the same. Everyone had to bring their own food, but they always shared. She would also share her own food if a child wanted something. As a parent, I would want to know if my child was being treated that way.
I would not want my children in this person's care.
Wow--sounds like a loving and nurturing home away from home for those kiddos:(
This actually sounds like something I've dealt with recently. (Eerily similar, actually).
I think you should tell her that she either does right by those kids or you report her to the parents. Her choice.
