G.W.
Hi J.,
It's G. again, I had responded to your post several days ago and as I'm sure you remember, I made light of the fact you were probably expecting. I'm glad you took the time to let us all know that you found the reason for your question that day.
I don't really know much about what you've asked in this post. I never was interested in using that or similar types of birth control because frankly, that was way too much thinking for me. Knowing how intimacy is, often spontaneous, I didn't want to have to hold back in any way for fear it was the wrong day or week or whatever. So, I was always on the pill and then got my tubes tied when my twins were born in June 2005.
So, the reason I'm answering today is more about your feelings of being pregnant again unexpectantly. I know everyone is congratulating you and I send mine as well but I also want to let you know not to beat yourself up if you're not as overjoyed as you think you should be. Yes, life is precious and you already know that there is no joy compared with that of holding a baby you have birthed. You also know along with that joy comes times of challenge that we have to deal with, too. When I decided to try for another baby in the fall of 2004 it was after nearly 6 years of thinking I only wanted one. Honestly, I wasn't even sure I wanted number two, I just decided I'd let God decide for us. If we did, great, if we didn't fine, too. It took only a few months to get pregnant and I was happy about it but when I found out two days after Christmas that I was having twins, I emotionally lost it. I felt like I was having an unplanned and unexpected pregnancy, too. I never imagined I would have three children altogether, never felt like I was capable of it. For the first four to five days upon finding out, I cried constantly. Of course, everyone else around me was celebrating like crazy but I was completely shocked, scared, unsure and every other emotion you can think of. Of course, I felt guilty about it, terribly guilty. Here I was being blessed with what was hopefully two healthy babies and I was being ungrateful. Anyway, it took several months after that for me to become ok with the idea that I was having a baby I had not planned for. God really showed me that as much as I like to think I control my life, I don't. I also learned that He created all of me, even my emotions and that I shouldn't feel bad if I had some that didn't seem "normal" (being thrilled about twins). When the time was right, I came to the acceptance and excitement that we were indeed bringing TWO new people into our family. I tell myself that one or both of my sons has such a great purpose for being here that God sent them together because He knew I was having my tubes tied when the "baby" was born. Bottom line, He sent me a child I didn't even know that I wanted. Now they are almost two years old and driving me crazy but also filling our home with so much comedy that we laugh until tears on occasions.
So, give yourself some time for the excitement to come, I'm confident it will. Sometimes others have to be excited for us until we can come up with it. Take care of yourself the best you can with a little one already with you and best wishes for a safe pregnancy and a healthy baby.
G.
p.s. I hope that no one out there in Mamasource land will be offended by the feelings I've shared. I know there are some of you that have had difficulty conceiving and are probably irritated when you read women make comments like these. Again, my emotions were mine, good or bad, and had to be worked through and dealt with until I came to a place of peace. Blessings to everyone.
