S.B.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I have 3 children as well. A 19 year old dtr, 7 year old dtr and a 17 month old son. I just got off the rollercoaster ride with my 19 year old. And I am getting prepared for the ride that is coming with the next two. What you are decribing is not unusual. They are trying to become independent and because of this they are going to buck all rules and limitations. All of the sudden, we become their enemies (except for when they need something). They believe they deserve to have all this privacy and that they are grown. They may feel they are all grown up but as we all know that isn't the case. My daughter did the same things yours is. While it is frustrating for us moms and extremely tiring, it is very normal. She will need to learn that there are rules and that she needs to realize that certain things are privileges and not her rights. I would continue to try to talk to her. Find some common interest that the two of you have and concentrate on that with her. She's going to have to earn your trust again and that is going to take time. If you feel she needs counseling pursue that. I wouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that she's into drugs but always keep that in mind as well. One thing I learned which was helpful was the fact that our brains is the last thing to finish developing. The brain doesn't completely develop until your mid 20's and the last things to develop is logic and reasoning. A teenager is simply incapable of logical reasoning. What makes sense to us, doesn't make sense to her at this time. Teenages live in the here and now, they don't think much farther than that. Stay tough mom. She will eventually realize that what you are doing is out of love. She may hate you now, but later she will love you so much more for it.