I'm Not Allowed "In" at the 4 Year Dentist Appt?

Ridiculous if you ask me.
I had to step out of the room when my son was getting his xrays, I just stepped out and he left the door open. I would not let me children go in without me. That's it, simple as that. If they don't like that then I would change dentists.
JMO though, it would be PITA to have to change and drive an hr but it would be worth it for me.

N.

You should be able to be present for an appointment at this age, if you and they want it! They are too young to be in on their own. I am still present for all of my daughter's doctor and dentist visits and she is 8 now. We just go to a regular "family" dentist and I find that he is very good with the children as well as with adults!

I would find a new dentist! That sounds a bit fishy to me. My daughter needed teeth pulled before her first set of braces. She was 9 at the time the Dentist told me I couldn't stay in the room. I told him we would find a new dentist if that was the case. The ended up letting me stay. It was a very scary experience for my daughter I would not have left her alone.

Cancel your appointment and go with a regular dentist. A regular dentist can handle any age. My mother is a hygenist and has been cleaning teeth for over 40 years - she has never heard of this with children - in fact, they rely on the parents to help with the children's fears - usually the book a cleaning for the mom the same day as the children so they can watch mommy get a cleaning first - you should try that. If you bring your child to the pediatric dentist and leave them by themselves they could lose their trust in you for leaving them alone with a stranger. That is an absolutely insane practice and not fair to the children. My son is 1 1/2 and I intend on bringing him to my dentist who handles all ages of patients.

Ive been taking my girls to the pediatric dentist since 3yo. The nurse always invites me to sit with them in the room. When they do xrays I just step out of the room for a minute. I find it a bit strange for a pediatric dentist to not allow the parent in the room. Its scarey for young kids to be without M. around strangers, esp. doctors. I would think that a regular dentist knows about a childs teeth so maybe try your dentist. Atleast you & your child will feel more at ease knowing whats going on in the room.

I agree with what alot of people have already said. It doesn't sound right that the dentist doesn't "allow" you in the room. I have a pediatric dentist as well and the whole office staff is great - very accomodating to parents being in the room. Four years old is way to young to be left alone with strangers poking around in their mouth. Just my opinion.

YOU are paying THEM. They rely on you to buy their service to earn a living. You have the right as a parent and a customer to set the rules. My daughter has had xrays at the hospital and I have always gone in - I just had to wear a vest. There isn't a reason why they should deny you. I would tell them that you either go in with them or they lose you as a customer. I would even go so far as to tell them that you will recommend to all your friends and family to avoid their practice as well. (I am a little outspoken) They may cave pretty quickly.

Bottom line is tf ollow your instincts. It is called mother's intuition and is almost always right!

This year I took my 4 1/2 year old to his first dentist apt. We all went at the same time and to the same dentist. I was aloud to stand outside the room as they took ex rays. When they were done I was aloud to sit in the room while he got his teeth checked and cleaned. At no time was I ever told I could not go in with him. There is no way that I would not go in. He is my son and no one is going to tell what I can or cant do. Especially when it comes to a scary situation such as the dentist. We pay them, in reality they work for us, and therefore can not tell you how to worry about your child. If I was you, I would do one of two things, demand that you go with your child period, no ifs ands or buts about it. Or I would call the local dentist and ask what there policy is regarding children and there parents accompining them into the exam room. If you dont feel right about leaving your child alone then that is your right and no one can tell you different. Follow your gut.

I had the same reaction! It seems to be the norm with pediatric dentists, for some reason. Try a regular dentist. I am searching around for one now that will take my kids' insurance. I personally do not like pediatric dentists.

Red flag, red flag, red flag! Get a new dentist! This is not ok.

If you cannot get a new dentist than you can stand right outside the office door during the x-rays but you absolutely must be physically in that room during the cleaning. All parents are asked to step out of the room during an x-ray. That is common sense. But you do not need to wait in the waiting room.

Perhaps they made this policy because of an out of line parent but that does not make it ok. If they have nothing to hide than you have every right to be there. It is ok if you children see a regular dentist.

A.

I would NOT be a happy camper if I was told no matter what the circumstances, I am not allowed in with my child!. I have 3 children and we all see the same dentist. I have a 5yr old who still sits on my lap in the dentist chair to have his teeth cleaned. My dentist has no issues with having the mom in and I have yet to encounter a problem because I am right there. My 8 yo had to have cavities filled and her grandpa went in and sat next to her holding her hand. Just in case later down the road your children need to have more than a cleaning, I let my daughter take in one of her CD's and a portable player to listen to, so she couldn't hear the drills and talking, it worked wonders. Good luck! C.

WOW- not allowed in, go with your gut. It feels wrong and sounds wrong. Even if your girls are independent, parents should be allowed to go with their kids. If yoru girls made the iniitical "want to go alone" that's entirly different than being told by and office you are not allowed in!! Give your pediatirican a call, maybe they have a lost of dentists that are welcoming to children ( when we moved into twon that's where I got my list). I would think its worth a few phone calls. If your chidlren don't have major teeth issues, you have some time to get in the cleaning and do a bit of research arournd your area.

A.-I'm with you, i would not feel comfortable not being in the room with my children. It seems odd to me that you would not be let in. I've had my teeth cleaned and doesn't seem particularly dangerous for "onlookers". can you call around to other pediactric dentists to see if that is their policy too? my oldest is not quite 3 yet so we are no there yet. i would seriously think about seeing someone else. you still go in for regular doctor check-ups, right? why would you not here with all sorts of mechanical scary sounding instruments???? good luck.

That's BS!! Go to a different Pediatric dentist. When I took my kids to a Ped's dentist you bet I was in the room. I stepped out, just like they do to take x-rays and right back in I went after the click of the xray machine. You are always allowed "in". This is not psyco-therapy, it's a dentist. I have 2 older kids (19 and 21) and am the proud mother of twin boys (10 months - not identical). I too work a full time job and try to balance both home and work. Good Luck, Get another dentist.

Yikes...that is very strange. I have gone to 2 different pediatric dentists both always assumed the parents were going in. They also have a chair for me. My present peds dentist asked me to hold my daughter hands down and comfort her. They wanted me there.
I think you want to call back and question this. I suspect that whoever was booking appointments that day may be new or mistaken. If this is there new "procedure" you can politely say that you are not comfortable with this and pleasantly insist you are present or your children will become upset.
Good luck! JG

I would change Dentist's. Never let anyone tell you that you cannot be there when your child is in any kind of Doctor's or Dentist's office. Be calm and reassuring to your child, it will not affect their independence.

I don't see any reason you shouldn't be able to go in. I have two sons 2 and 4 and I'm allowed in for both of their appointments. The last appointment they even did a 'dry run' with the cleaning tools on my oldest so he knew what to expect next time. They 'cleaned' his finger nails which tickeled and he had a fun time learning what they were going to do. There should be no reason you can't go in. Either demand to be with your child, or get another doctor. I don't trust anyone now-a-days with my child unless I know the situition extensively.

This has happened to me when my 14 year old son was about 5 years old. I insisted on going in the room with him and the dentist office told me I was not allowed. I told them if I could not be there then he could not be seen by the dentist and they allowed me to go in. I guess be persistant but if your dentist will not budge I would find another dentist. The dentist can be a scary experience for anyone and I think you should have a right to be with your child.

I think that is crazy. Switch dentists. Your 4 yr. olds should have mom with them.

I understand having to step around the corner for the xrays. If your child is uncomfortable and you are not pregnant, ask for an additonal lead apron.

You know what is best for your child(ren). Mom makes the decisions.

I used a regular dentist with my children. If there are no "issues" I would think that a regular dentist would be fine and then they won't have to make a switch when they are older.

Good luck,
L.

Hi A.,
When I took my first son at 4 yrs old to his first dental cleaning, we walked in together and when he was in the dental chair, the hygenist said, "OK, you can wait for him out there." I was surprised that she said that, but when I looked at my son, he seemed fine with that, so I did. I thought that it would be great if he could be independent and not need me there all the time. When it was done, he said that everyone was nice and that didn't hurt so I thought that this was great. But, and you knew that there was a but, one day, after we had gone there for a couple of years, my son said to me that while he was getting his cleaning the hygenist told him to stop being a baby. He said that the cleaning hurt a little and he did cry a bit, but he didn't move, he just got teary, and the hygenist told him to Stop Being A Baby! Well, needless to say I felt angry and horribly guilty for ever letting him go in by himself. I called them and they said that he was not misbehaving so they don't know why the hygenist would have said that and they would look into it for next time. Well, I explained to them that there wouldn't be a next time and that we were switching dentists. There is another pediatric dentist in town who doesn't keep parents out. We are using them now.

Anyway, that's my story. I can understand the rational for keeping the parent out, and I know it works well for some people, but I wouldn't do it again.

Sincerely,
S.

Dear A. P:

The children are too small to allow them to take charge. I have two teen-agers now 13 and 16; if I was not allowed to
be present at any procedures done to my children especially
at that tender age, I simply went somewhere else. A pediatric dentist may have experience dealing with children but no one
knows more about what is right for your children than you -
the mother -
One time I went to take my daughter when she was 6 years old to a very prestigious dance school here in NYC, when the
parents were told that we were not allowed to see any classes in session I told them "How do you expect that a parent is going to pay to send their child to this school if they can't see what is being taught and how they are being taught and treated?--When you change your policy then I'll consider if your school is the right dance school or not for her.
I smiled wished them a wonderful day and went out the door.
No other dance school had that ridiculous policy.
So A. P. start searching somewhere else, you'd be surprised even regular dentists have wonderful bed-side manners when dealing with pre-k children.

Best of luck!!!

R. C.

I think that is absolutely outrageous. I can see that you should be outside the door when they take x-rays, for safety reasons. Everything else you describe seems entirely inappropriate. My Ped. dentist has a large practice, very kid friendly. My 4 year old has the choice to sit in the chair or on my lap for everything. The dentist is someone they see once a year. There is very little familiarity. It is not like these are people who know your kids well, like daycare or school teachers. You have every right to be with your kids every step of the way. Run, fast.

A.

A. - Cancel the appointment and find a child-friendly regular dentist nearby. Any doctor's office that wants to exclude a parent for any reason is at best, out of touch, and at worst, up to no good. Sure there's not a lot of room in most dentists offices but they should never tell you that you can't go in. Over the years you might find yourself standing at the door, then in the hallway and eventually in the waiting room, but your presence should always be welcomed by the doctor and staff.

Dentists are actually much easier to deal with than doctors in that, you can stop by their office and say hi, ask them about their practice and let your girls check it out before committing to an appointment. You can tell a lot about their kid-friendliness just by how their office staff treats you.

Trust your instincts. If you're not welcome, it's not a good situation.
Good luck,
R.

Find a NEW DENTIST, I have a 10 month old and a 5 year old I would never leave them alone. RED FLAG!

I would cancel the appointment telling them why you are canceling it. they are your children, and there is no reason that you could not sit in the room with them and a stranger. we tell our children do not go with strangers and do not talk to strangers, and now we are supposed to leave them in the hands of a person we do not know, we are supposed to trust them with all the pedifiles out there. I don't think so. I think you need to call one of the child welfare agencies in your area and ask them if this is a normal practice, and if not if there are any laws pertaining to this so that you can present that to the dentist office. I always sat in the room with my kids, even in thier teens. that office has NO right to tell you you will not be allowed in the back with your children. what are they hiding. T.

Hi A.
that's is ridiculous. Ask him if you can at least stand outside the door while they are being x-rayed so they can see you when the door is opened. The dentist should be accomodating. Each child is different. Some may feel perfectly fine going in by themselves and some still want the comfort of knowing mom is there. If your dentist is NOT accomodating find another one.
G. L.

that IS a bit too controlling. cancel the appt and find a regular dentist that works on children that is closer to home! there are so many regular dentists that work on kids; all you have to do is ask!

I just took my 3 yr old to the dentist and the thought occured to me that they MIGHT ask me not to be in there w/ her....in which case I anticipated telling that dentist NO WAY.

I agree w/ your instincts - you SHOULD Be in there w/ your child to re-assure them in case they get scared, etc....and in these days + times - I'm concerned about leaving my child alone w/ anyone that I don't know all that well.

Unless it's a family dentist that you've known your whole life, I would tell them that you'd really PREFER to be w/ your child the entire time of their examination.

I would not allow my children to see any kind of dentist or doctor who did not allow me in the room with them. However, if it's an open floor plan with no doors, then I would be ok with that. My children see a dentist with just cubby type areas, and no doors. The waiting room is only a few feet away and the hallway door is kept open, so I allow then to go in without me. In my opinion though you should speak with the dentist and tell him/her that you would feel better if you were allowed to be in the room with your girls. If he refuses and you are still uneasy with it then by all means take them somewhere else. Follow your instincts.

FIND A NEW DENTIST!!! If you are not "allowed" in with YOUR KIDS that is not right. I live in a rural area too and my regular dentist is not a "pediatric" dentist but he does see children and my daughter loves him. There may be a "regular" dentist that works on kids too close that won't have a problem with you being with them. My mom actually went in with my oldest daughter so I could care for the baby and the dentist didn't care. If you act all scared and nuts going to the dentist you probably are not the best one to go with your girls but if you act like all is well then go with them. My question is why won't the dentist let you in? Would you let two 4 year olds go any place else with out you or a trusted adult? I think not!!! What makes this dentist think you will leave 2 girls in his care without you when you barely know him. You know your girls the best and must do what is best for them!!! A.

If it doesn't feel right, look at other options. I've been taking my kids to a pediatric dentist since they were 3 and sat in on each visit til just last year when they were turning 13. It stinks that you live in such a remote area that there don't seem to be any other pediatric dentists in the area, but speak to other parents about what they've done and where they go. You should be comfortable about this situation, and not settle for less than that. There may actually be a good dentist that may cater to the concerns of parents with young children. Explore there options. Good luck.

Wow. In this day and age, usually no one wants to be left alone with your child for liability reasons. I would find a new dentist. I have a great one, my daughter started going to her when she was 4 (Dr. Patel, in Congers, NY). She and her hygenist are happy for me to sit in the corner. Good Luck.

A., I would recommend you try another dentist. I had a similar experience when my now 10 year old was 3. The hygienist told me in advance that I would not be allowed in for her first appointment and I knew my daughter would never go in alone. We switched to a wonderful kid-friendly (but not pediatric) office where now our family of five is always warmly welcomed. My younger kids do not even need me to stay with them because they are made to feel so comfortable there. I would call other dental practices and ask about their policies regarding young children. Another person can't stay for xrays, but you should be allowed to stay a safe distance nearby while they are being taken if your children are anxious. I happen to work in a busy radiology office and while I prefer to have parents wait outside the room, I always do what is going to be best for the child. Some children actually cooperate much better when their parents are not present, but some are much too afraid to come in alone. Good luck!! :)

Hi A., my name is K. and I have a 14yr. old, a 7yr. old and a 3mo. old and throughout the years I have never heard of this. I think it's crazy not to be allowed in. I've used several pediatric dentists over the years because we have moved several times, however it's always been the same. They actually encourage parents to come in and chat with the dental hygeienist while the children's teeth are being cleaned and they give the parents updates while being treated. It also makes the child feel safe that you're there with them. Then the dentist is called in to check the progress and the hygeienist gives them the report again while I am right there and then the dentist asks me if I have any question. It also makes ME feel better that I get the see the "work in progress" and know they are doing their job and a job very well. And if they need X-rays, we all walk together down the hall to the x-ray room. The kids are never alone even at their ages. After all, these are our children. I would certainly check elsewhere. Good luck! K.

A., if you are not comfortable with this, then pick someone else who has a different policy. I'm guessing the dentist feels that kids will pick up on parents' anxiety and put on a show sometimes of being afraid for their parents' attention or rewards - not to say your kids will do this, but I am thinking having the parents may prolong the visits in some cases. If your girls do not have a specific problem where they would require the services of a pediatric dentist, you can choose a regular family dentist, my kids have never been to a pediatric dentist.

After searching high and low for a pediatric dentist that would take my insurance plan, I finally ended up with a general dentist and it worked out fine. Of course, I didn't encounter any issues with me joining her in her appointment because it was just the first one. But, if the dentist told me that I couldn't be in the same room with her, I would first try to prepare them first and see their reaction. If it was terrifying, then I would call the dentist and warn him/her that if I'm not allowed in the room, then I'd have to cancel my appointment. Do not let anyone tell you how to handle your children, ever. When my 2.5 year old went to school, the teachers told me to leave even though my child was clinging desparately to me. I looked at the teachers with a sterness that told them I wasn't budging until my child felt comfortable, and I felt really really good about that decision. You don't want to have any regrets when it comes to raising your children and you can't fall into the temptation of listening to other than your instincts. Good luck!

I've never heard of that and I think you have every right to be concerned. I have a 4 year old daughter and would never leave her alone w/ anyone, not even a doctor. I'd call back the dentist office and tell them that you will be going in with your daughters during their cleaning and xrays (I stood right outside the open door during my daughter's xrays). If they say again that you can't, ask for an explanation of why you're not allowed. I can't imagine any reason why you wouldn't be allowed. Not even just so they can get used to doing it without you. If they can't accommodate you, then I would try another dentist. Even in another town, you only have to go twice a year. Our pediatric dentist has the parent come in and we sit right there in the room during the cleaning and entire office visit. Even if the actual room is too small for you to sit in, stand at the doorway. Good luck!

Don't leave your children alone with the dentist. When I was their age my dentist hit me when I cried. At 34 I am still afraid of the dentist...

Hi A., I am sorry to hear that any doctor would tell you that you cannot be in the room with your child. Did they give you an explanation as to why you can't be there? I would not be happy if ANY doctor would not let me in with my very young child. I would ask to speak to the dentist directly before switching to another one. Sometimes just speaking with the dr, they will allow things that they don't normally. If however, they still say that you cannot go in with your girls, I would certainly check with another dentist in the area (and see if they will see children that young or can recommend someone who will if they don't) and see what their protocol is. It would make me wonder what is happening in there that I am not supposed to see; and you don't want you children to be afraid to go to the dentist, or any doctor for that matter. I live in a rural area as well, and have spoken to my dentist who told me that he will see my son when he is two (I will be in the room with my child for as long as he needs me, which I am sure will me several years, I want to know what is happening and to make sure that WE are doing everything to keep him and his mouth healthy).

Hi A.,
It's unfortunate that you'll have to travel quite a distance to get the level of service you want. But, if you have to do it, you must. Try one last time by asking why you can't go in. If you're not satisfied with the response, well, they just lost a customer. I really don't think this is a common practice. I've read the other responses and most do the same as I. I stand outside the xray room with my 4, 6 & 8 year-olds, and I sit in the room with them for cleanings and exams. It's expected. Good luck.

Oh my goodness, that raises all kinds of red flags for me. Any doctor should allow a parent in with their child - for all kinds of reasons, not to mention stranger safety for your own child. Personally, I interviewed dentists before selecting one for my children and one of the important issues for me was the ability to be with my child if desired. I would find a different pediatric dentist if they are that rigid. Who knows what goes on behind closed doors. Your child's safety and comfort is more important that any single dentist. Good luck.

I don't live in a remote area but I would not return to a doctor that didn't allow me to come into the room while they were treating my children. I have had a lot of experience with medical and dental treatments with my 3 kids and every one of the doctors/dentists I have seen have never discouraged my participation in their treatment. I don't know about the the regular dentist in your area but I would give them a call and ask about their procedures regarding allowing parents to join their children in treatment or I would drive to the other pediatric dentist to get treatment. Most pediatric dentists I have been to make going to the dentist as fun as possible and being separated from your parents at 3 doesn't sound fun to me. Hope this helps.

I know pediatricians push getting started on dental health early and bringing children to the dentist, but when I discussed bringing my 4yo daughter in for a cleaning with my dentist, he questioned why I would want to do that. He said I could bring her in while I had a cleaning and let her sit in my lap in the chair so she could see what was going on. He'd look in her mouth, and check her teeth, but it sounded very casual (I haven't scheduled my next appointment yet, so I can't directly relate the experience). I feel (personally) that x-rays are a little extreme for someone who doesn't have permanent teeth yet, and the x-ray experience can be pretty traumatic. Yes, you will get some information on if it seems like the grown-up teeth are forming beneath the gums - but what will it mean and how would it change how the dentist would treat your child? The dentist can detect cavities in the baby teeth without doing x-rays, he/she will know if there are any serious problems, and if they see a problem, maybe the x-rays would be warranted to help diagnose it, but I wouldn't use it just as a standard diagnostic tool in someone that young (I always feel like I'm glowing after I've been through a set of dental x-rays).

I would definitely seek a second opinion. I'm sure my dentist is "extreme" in his lackadaisical approach to children's dentistry, but maybe you can find a happy medium. Also, hospital emergency rooms have lead aprons you can wear to be present when your child receives xrays there, I would want to be present for my 4yo's dental xrays.

Best of luck, but whatever decision you make, do question the need and value of the xrays, so that it will be an informed decision.

I would find a new dentist, you can usually go to a regular one when they are 3 or 4...I would find someone who fits you and your families needs...these are people you need to be comfortable with...suggesting that you not go back in the room and refusing to let you go are way different...I see why they would want the kids by themselves, for space and no mommy anxiety....however...you should never settle when it comes to medical/dental care...I drive 40 minutes away for my peditrican not because I have to but because that practice best fits my and my childrens needs...I don't need an already uncomfortable situation(lets face it you go when sick)worse because our needs aren't being met. i changed dentists twice before I found one I liked too, we all go back together and one jumps in the chair after the next and I have 4 and a baby.
Goodluck!

If you like the dentist enough to make another appointment then have faith in the rules of the office and see how things turn out.

Unlike years ago....Today there is always a nurse in the room....you might want to ask if there will be one in the room if it's going to help you to relax.

Years ago I worked for a dentist. He was great with children. He allowed the parent in the room except for X-rays. But asked the parent to wait in the waiting room when any child started fussing and carrying on. In general, he couldn't win the child over and calm them down to get the work done with the parent interfering with the process. With the parent out of the room he was able to build trust between him and the child and between child and the tools needed to be used.

This dentist your children have the appointment with probably also gets better results with children when the parents aren't in the room....

When I was a child I was terrorize by several dentists and I became impossible when I was told I was being taken to the dentist so much so that some of the new ones I was taken to refused to look at my teeth. One year my mom took me somewhere, where they put me to sleep to get some of the work done...it was awful. Finally my Mom found this dentist in the neighorhood I ended up working for years later after I finished high school.... At age 10 this dentist took me in hand and turned me into a good patient. When I look back on it, I was very lucky as my teeth finally got the good care they were lacking....and know my mother waited in the waiting room from the first apartment on until I was old enough to go there myself.

So my suggestion is, try to relax and go with it.....

A. I have never heard of such a thing nor would I personally allow it. I can see not being in the room for x-rays but why not the cleaning? It makes me wonder why he really doesn't want you in there. :|

Personally I'd find another dentist.

A.:
I have never heard of this. I have a daughter who is 7 and twins who are 2 1/2. Our pediatric dentists office has an open floor plan there are no closed rooms. My daughter has been going to dentist since she was 3 years old and I always go back with her. She has even had fillings done and they encourage the parents to go back with their kids so that they feel safe. I'm not sure where you live but we go to Children's Dental in Old Bridge and love Dr. Dan.
L.

Run and find yourself another dentist! Unless you daughters have problems with their teeth it is ok to take them to a regular dentist. When I take my boys to the dentist we all go in together, I usually leave the one that is not in the chair in the waiting room, but I always go in with them for their x-ray and cleaning. Even when my son had several teeth pulled the doc let me stand at the door. No child under the age of 18 should be alone in any doctors visit. The dentist we go to does both adult and pediatric, only my younger one was refered to a pediatric dentist, all do the same, x-rays and cleaning. Find someone you are comfortable with and closer to home. All the best.

Just wanted to share a ped. dentist story that I took my twins girls to when they were 3. I was allowed to stay with them, but when one was frightened, was told to hold her down and he would clean her teeth while she cried, because her mouth was open. He made little to no effort to make her comfortable and I was shocked. I later learned from a neighbor that the same dentist, who is supposed to be an expert in treating children, sent her out of the room during a visit and was later told by her son that he and the assistant held him up against the wall in order to administer anesthesia. This child was traumatized and is now terrified of dentists.

We found another dentist who treats both adults and children, but is wonderfully patient and caring. He spent 30 minutes just giving my daughters a tour of the office and making them comfortable even before we had an appointment. A general dentist can do a wonderful job with kids.

Please do NOT let your child go in alone, but do take care not to transfer any of your own fears during the visit. If your daughters want to feel "big" they can sit in the chair by themselves while you sit off in the corner.

Why take them to someone you don't trust? my children go into the dentist by themselves and have had no problems and prefer it. I have no issue with the Ped Dentist I use or a regular Dentist they went to until my son needed to have 6 fillings and I had to change Dentist(not because of bad care he takes medicine that can harm the teeth and has really bad acid reflux, so he needed to be put under for the fillings). So if you are not comfortable then use someone else? or talk to other peolple who use this Dentist. I am a Mother and a trained Nanny.

A.--
If you are uncomfortable with his modus operandi, cancel and get another pediatric dentist--there are plenty out there and one is bound to be in sync with YOUR way of mothering. No one is "right" here--it's what you feel comfortable doing, and the feelings you have are also transmitted to your kids.
IT'S OKAY to want to be there! I still stay with my 7 year old because I am NOSY! So, sue me.

I could understand the xrays but they are minors and i think its against the law for them to be alone.Only now do mine go in alone they are 12 and 15. Change dentist.

Find another dentist! I have three boys and I went it with all of them. I still go in with my youngest, age 6. We have a great relationship with our dentist, no fears,no stress, no worries. I would NEVER let my four year old go into a dentist without me there. Good luck!
B. :)

When my daughter was young we went to several dentists, and my favorite ended up being a pediatric dentist who had the same rules - no parents in the back. My daughter loved it there - she was never concerned about an appointment, and I never noticed any of the kids in the waiting room who seemed afraid to go with the nurse. They always came out smiling and loaded up with stickers. I feel like the dentist and nurses knew how to deal with the kids. Sometimes parents can project their worries onto the kids and make a bad situation without meaning to. I would keep the appointment and not worry. Don't make a big deal out of the appointment. They will love being "big girls" and going in without you.

This would not sit well with me either. Did you ask the Dentist office why you are not permitted in with your girls? I can't think of any ligit. answer except maybe for the x-ray part due to the exposure. You are their mom, and you should go with your gut. If you think this seems weird or think your girls will get scared, don't do it.
You could try googling the dentist. Maybe you will find some info. on him? The area I live in doesn't have a peds. dentist, and the regular dentist has been fine for us and many of our friends. Good luck, and do what you feel is best!

I live in Chicago right now, and posted a similar request on this site in that area while I was looking for a dentist for my kids. The responses I got ranged from "great job thinking of your kids' well being" to "how overprotective are we all going to be with our children" and "do we not trust anyone anymore?". My thought was that I wanted to go back with my kids to their dental visit.

We eventually found a dentist that allows us back with the kids. Not even just me, but me and my son's little sister. Yes, it's cramped, but as long as we stay still, we're not in the way.

I think that you should find a new dentist--and they don't have to be pediatric dentists, either--lots of dentists know how to work with children. Meet some dentists and see who your kids are best with. I know this isn't easy to do with work and the infrequent visits to the dentist, but maybe someone on here can recommend someone in your area.

We haven't moved yet to the area, (just two more weeks to go!) so I can't recommend anyone, but maybe others can!

Good luck to you. And always trust your judgement when it concerns your kids. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, question it, or get out of the situation.

Hi A.,
As a mother only YOU know what is best for your children and I would trust my gut instict on this one. I would be leary of doctor telling me I cannot be in the room with my child during any type of exam. My children go to a regular dentist and he doesn't do anything different than a pediatric one. When they are older and in need of orthodontics is when you should take them to a ped dentist. I would definitely cancel the appointment. Your girls are too young to fully understand what is appropriate behavior and there is no reason except for the x-ray part why you cannot be in the room. I have three children and myself and my other two children are allowed in the room while one is being examined and it is a tiny room. Good Luck...

You should be able to go in with your child (except for the x-rays). I brought my daughter to a ped. dentist two years ago and they encourage you to be with your child the whole time. In fact I was told to sit in the dentist chair and have her sit on my lap. I am from Albany, NY and we had a huge news story about how Small Smiles Dentistry (a ped. dentist...not the one I went to) wasn't allowing the parents to go back with the kids...it was because they we putting papooses (sp?)on the kids so they were not allowed to move any part of their body. Children would get so upset from that and just the unnecessary work being done (crowns on baby teeth) that they would be vomiting and hyperventilating. I am not saying that this is going on at your dentist....but after reading/hearing that story, I would never allow my child to go in without me. If you feel uncomfortable about your dentist office, you should look for a new one.Pediatric dentists are good for kids but I eventually switched my daughter to our dentist when she turned 3....and they were great with her (eventhough she wasn't cooperating with them).

Hello, I have 3 kids and when ever they have a doctors appointmetn I am there next to them, I do not think is a good idea to leave your kids alone with anyone I do not care is a Doctor.
I think you should get another Dentist, that is not normal.

Find another Dentist! I dont see why you would need a pediatric one, just find one that has done kids and is gentle.

Our family dentist lets us go in with our kids, since they started going. They (husband/wife practice) has kids the same age as ours and is wonderful. They even had sunglasses for the kids because the light was so bright. We would sit in on every visit and talk while their teeth were cleaned. The kids even sat in while we had ours done. Going to the dentist is a family event in our house. They block a section of time for the whole family and we take turns going first. We have been using them for 14 yrs and love them. She enjoys watching the kids grow.

The only time your not allowed is when x-rays are being done. They have to wear the "special" blanket and it could be kind of cool for them.

We've been to the ortho and other specialist over the years and have sit right in the room for all the proceedures. Its not abnormal. Find someone your comfortable with. I think there is a 1-800-Dentist line you can call to find others in your area. I dont recall the exact number or call your insurance, they can help.

I can also relate to balancing work/life issues. I wanted to be more available to my kids after school so I started a HBB. I did it in my spare time 3-5 hrs a week while working my full-time job and built up enough to work part-time from home and be available to my kids afterschool. This has helped them be able to join so many other groups that they would not have been able to if I worked that 9-5 daily grind. If your interested in learning more you can check out my site here or www.EmpoweringWomenForSuccess.com.

Best of luck on the dentist, dont give up until your comfortable!

Get yourself a new dentist!!! No dentist pediatric or otherwise would ever request that a concerned mother wait anywhere while her child was seen alone! Especially if your child is underage and afraid....NO WAY! Find a dentist that understands your needs and that of your childs. Don't be too concerned with the word "pediatric".....in my experience, I have come to find that the only difference between a pediatric dentist and regular dentist is sponge bob appliques on the walls, videos of cartoons running in the waiting room and various other kid friendly things. You can go to a regular dentist and his examination I assure you will be no different. Trust that mommy gut and the message it is sending you........get yourself a new dentist.

A., I live in Monroe, NY and I can still go in with my 15 year old if I want (I don't) but last year she had root canal and wanted me to come in and I did....change dentists! N.

No dentist should tell you that you can't sit with your child. I understand not being in there when the x-rays are taken but come on what's the big deal!? I just recently started to let my 12yr old go in by himself but i still go back when its over to hear what the dentist said. I take my 7 yr old in and when he goes that usually means that I have to take my 3 almost 4yr old daughter in with me. I would say something to the dentist and the office. I don't trust dentists or Dr. or much of anyone with my kids these days. Hope this helps if you want to know where we go let me know, they are great!! Stef

Wow. My first instinct is NO WAY. Just because he is a medical person there is no way I would leave my child alone with strange man. Absolutely not. The likelihood that you would need an emergency dentist is not that great, especially since you seem so proactive about their dental care. I'd go the hour to someone else or else see if there is a gentle regular dentist (It's the hygenist who is really important) who is experienced with kids. My kids go to a great dentist with wonderful hygenists. When my daughter was scared she sat on my lap in the dentist's chair. Parents always go in with their children. Not allowing parents in is a huge legal liability. I'm surprised any dentist would open themselves up to that sort of risk unless they are trying to get children alone to take advantage of them in the first place.

Trust your gut - get a new dentist! I absolutely agree with the person who said to tell the dentist's office (make sure it's the office manager) why you will not be using them anymore. I'm 30 and my first dentist was my mom's first dentist - so this guy was OLD school. And my mom was with me during my cleanings until I was about 10. So if it was okay back then when we weren't so "over-protective", then why isn't it now? This is the dentists' way of only dealing with parents on their own terms - and I think it's ridiculous. It is worth the extra travel/hassle for you to have peace of mind.

Hi A.-
It is your right as a parent if you want to accompany your child at her dental visit. I would have a consultation with the dentist and find out why they don't let parents "in" Some doctors believe the child will behave better without the parent present. If that is his belief, he should tell you that beforehand. I worked for a pediatric dentist for 4 years. We always allowed the parents in. It was necessary to teach the parents how to take care of their child's teeth by showing them while their child was in the dental chair.
Good luck-
K.

i may be paranoid, but i would NEVER allow anyone to do anything to my child when they say i'm NOT ALLOWED to be there (especially if they say that includes if she's crying or scared!) i myself (being on medicaid) have no choice in having a dentist specializing in pediatric dentistry...but i just took my daughter at 2 yrs to the dentist...not the greatest place, most kids coming out crying, but my daughter only freaked like she does when ppl go near her mouth, they were gentle with her (while i heard other kids saying they pulled this, or drilled that...basically an office with kids that have plenty of cavities) but if i was EVER told i COULDN'T be there, i would cancel in a heartbeat! go with your instincts!

Unless your general dentist has exceptional interpersonal skills, taking your child to a pediatric dentist is the way to go. This is only a check up/cleaning right? It's really no big deal. This gives the dentist an opportunity to develop a direct relationship with your child. Also gives your daughters a chance to be like a grown up! Often times paretns bring their OWN fears/concerns into the room! Kids are like energy sponges and pick up on these vibes. I know this firsthand, I was a practicing general dentist for 13+ years (I did the career change and now do holistic nutrition).
People have BIG TIME fears and phobias around dentists and dental work. Often times this is because they had a bad experience as a child. If you're paying the big bucks to go to someone who has additional special training in pediatrics, they ought to have top rate personal skills and should make your child feel 100% comfortable. That is what you are paying them for- that extra training!

Once again, my advice is if you go to a regular/ general dentsit make sure he/she has great communication skills and can make your child feel comfortable. A check up and cleaning should be FUN, not stressful in any way!

A., I know you how you feel. You want to be there if your girls need you. I also take my children to a pediatric dentist (who came HIGHLY recommended by regular dentist) also an hour away. On our first visit, they took my son and I back to look over the exam area and explain exactly what they had to do. They wanted him to not have any "unknowns" for his "real" visit.

It is their policy also that parents are not allowed in during procedures. I must admit I have to agree. Most children are much better behaved/cooperative when their parents are not around (mine are for sure!)

When it was time for my 3-year-old daughter to go for the first time, I scheduled her with my son. They took him back first as the "veteran" and when his cleaning was finished, invited my daughter and I back to see him and talk about all the tools they use and get used to sitting in the chair.

They are stern, but very understanding and nice to the kids.
My recommendation would be to keep you appointment with the peds dentist.

P.S. Our pediatric dentist is in Rochester, NY
Hope this helps relieve some tension for you,
B.

I'm not allowed in to my daughter's dentist appointment either. We go to a pediatric dentist. The only time I was allowed to go in was for my daughter's very first appointment which was a cleaning. My daughter has been going to the dentist for the past year and has done very well. She is now 4 1/2. I was nervous the first few times, but now I'm better about it. Let me know if you need the contact of my pediatric dentist. Good luck. It is very hard letting go...but the dentist says they behave better if their parents aren't in the room.

I have taken my 3 year old - almost 4 - to 2 cleaning/x-ray appts so far at a pediatric dentist and both times she has gone back by herself. I had not problem with it. My sister worked at this one in college, and she said the kids are so much more relaxed and cooperative without the mom in the room, it goes much quicker for everyone.
Of course, go with your gut, you are the mom, but it really was okay,a nd she loved it, she felt like such a big girl.

My husband is a dentist and this is not unusual. The very first visit, around 3 years old, he has the kids sit on the lap of the mother in the chair and doesn't do much other than count teeth and get the kid used to having someone probe around in their mouth. After that, it's much easier for the dentist or hygienist to deal with the child alone in the room. Often with a parent in the room, the child will react and the dentist can't get the work done. Trust me - this is not unusual.

Where are you located? I have a wonderful dentist in Holmdel, just switched from Lakewood and he is AMAZING!!!!! Dr. Grohman

Every office is going to be different. I take my kids to the family dentist. They know just as much about baby teeth as they do our adult teeth. They are very good with my kids. unfortunatly it doesn't sound like you are local for Rochester, NY. But my dentist lets us in when they are cleaning my kids teeth. The xray's are a little different, but I just had to step out of the room for 30 seconds. I can also remember my mother being in the room when my teeth would be cleaned as a kid- and this was a different dentist office. there should be no reason why you can't be in the same room as your child while a cleaning is being done.

I take my kids to Dr. Frankel on Bainbridge Avenue. ###-###-####. It's right down from Montefiore Hospital. I don't know if you live in the area, but I've had no problems with them for the last 2 years.

i would definitely go with another dentist!!!! its not worth the anxiety and stress on both parties.

Hi A., This does not sound right to me. I have raised 5 and now care for 2 of my grandchildren daily. I have taken them to a pediatric dentist and it is an open situation and I or their mom are welcome to stay and watch. My grandson is 9 and his sister is 5. I would make a change. Also one of my sons had bad teeth. I could not afford a ped. dentist so I found a nice young dentist with kids of his own. He had lots of patience and all worked out well. Just because they have a title does not mean they are good. Just high priced!Specialist
Folow your heart and your gut. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

I worked in the dental field for 20 years. The pediatric dentist is correct, they will and need to do this on their own. You will be amazed how well they will do. If you say this is OK they will be OK with it. It ill also help with their future, school. trust the dentist.

I had a terrible experience with a pediatric dentist! I thought that I was doing a good thing by using a dentist that specialized in childrens dentistry, but I could not have been more wrong.
This dentist (very popular dentist) put unnecessary fillings in my daughters mouth and used white fillings (in baby teeth) that were not covered under insurance. My daughter had a small mouth and when she repeatedly gagged while they tried giving her x-rays they were very impatient with her and acted as if she were doing it on purpose! They were AWFUL..and I am glad that I was there to witness it so that I could switch her to my dentist. At the time that I switched, I was scheduled to have 2 more fillings put into my daughters mouth by this "great" pediatric dentist - my new dentist told me that she didn't have any cavities at all and didn't need any fillings!
I wouldn't trust a dentist that wouldn't let you sit in with a 4 year old...

I would try it if I were you. From experience the dentist probably knows children act better without their parents right in the room. I had to walk out of the room when my daughter was having x-rays at the dentist and there was no problems. Good luck.

Well hello,

Yes I have had the same experience. I live in Queens and I take my almost 5 year old son to a pediatric dentist and the same thing was introduced to me too. So just this past week my son went in alone for and x-ray and cleanoing and flossong all alone, while I waited inthe waiting room. After he was done the dentist called me to speak to me. So I was a little taken by that as well but I guess thats just the way it goes. So anyhow I was most happy about the fact that my son did great on his own and did not need me.
So good luck.

My daughter is 10 and my husband goes IN with her to every appointment. I would not feel comfortable not going in with them. Id ask why you cannot go in and see what they have to say. If it was me, id probably just go look for a new dentist. Its hard enough to get your child to go to the dentist, nevermind not being able to go in with them.
Good luck!

Hi! I saw your post on Mamasource and wanted to let you know about the Yahoo group I run for moms who work full or part time. If you'd like to join, then, just click on the link below:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LongIslandWorkingMoms

I look forward to chatting with you!

M.

I am a dental hygienist / OM for a pediatric practice in Westchester. Mom's are always welcome in with their children and we have a mom chair in all the operatories. We encourage the mom to be an active part in the childs dental treatment, the only time we suggest mom staying outside is if the child requests or if the mom feels she will not be helpful if relaxing the child , if she herself is a dental phobic. We ask the parents to not over explain what will be done especially if the child requires an injection for treatmen.

You have to go with your gut on this .
Good luck and feel free to ask any questions.

I have twins also -boy/girl twins who were three in December -I need to get them to a pediatric dentist by this summer. We don't have dental insurance so I have been putting it on the back burner. If I were you, I would switch to another dentist -it is ridiculous to tell a parent of three year olds that they are not allowed to be in the exam room -maybe, it's their policy and they, generally, have good response to that, but if you are feeling uncomfortable about it (as I would) then they are not the right office for you and your girls. This is, of course, my opinion.
I will say that I have a friend who has a child who had such a bad "scary" experience at a dentist that now it's terrifying every time he has a dental appt. I would want it to go as smoothly as possible and no trauma.
good luck!

M.

Hi

I also identical twin girls who will be 5 next month. Two years ago I needed a pediatric dentist for a dental emergency for one of my girls. I had a very similar experience with the pediatric office telling me I would not be allowed in, etc. I was not at all comfortable and insisted on the dentist seeing my daughter while I held her and never went back to that office. We have been using a general dentistry office who has a hygenist who is wonderful with and sees only kids. The girls sat on top of me in the dental chair for their first 2 visits and now sit by themselves with Mom in the room with them. As long as there are no issues most kids don't need a pediatric dentist.I would shop around and find a practice with rules you can live with. I talked with other moms and called the practices with my list of questions. Good luck.
S.

I definitely would find another dentist. My 2 children went to a pediatric dentist. He was great and always allowed parents to sit in the room in front of the child. Don't be intimidated by credentials! If it doesn't feel right to you as a mom then don't go along with it. There are lots of other good dentists out there. Talk to your friends and get a recommendations from them

My childhood dentist's office worked like this, and to my recollection, it was never a problem. If anything, I'd say it made me less frightened knowing that my mom "thought I could handle this without her." The dentist and all of his assistants were very good with kids, and the office was decorated in a very kid-friendly way. I still remember some of the toys and the choice of flavored fluorides. If you get recommendations so you know that you're going to a good ped. dentist, then give it a shot. If your girls really are uncomfortable, you can always switch.

My pediatric dentist does not allow me in either, which at first angered and concerned me but after speaking with them I was reassured that if my son needed me they would come out and get me. Well he went in (age 4) and came out grinning and actually said he had fun. The dental assistant never left his side so there were two people there at all times, which was one of my concerns. The following year when my daughter went in, my son stayed with her. The dentist did both in same room and she did great also.
I think sometimes kids do much better when parents are not there and dentist are trying really hard to make visiting the dentist not so scary. I now enjoy the half hour reading a magazine I otherwise don't have time to read.

Hi A.,
I just wanted to tell you about my experience with this situation. I was told about this excellent pediatric doctor by several people (all of whom I did not know well) just other moms I ran into at my daughter's activities. My daughter who was 4 at the time was scheduled for the dentist. She really does well when I prepare her in advance for appts. etc. Having told her that she would be by herself for the exam, she said she understood and was okay with it. I trusted the advice I had been given, and boy was I WRONG!!!!
They came out to tell me that my daughter was done, and I went in to see her and her skin was completely mottled, face frightened beyond belief!! I was shocked. She was traumatized! They told me they gave her a flouride treatment and she could not spit or drink for 1/2 hour. (they never told me that prior to the office visit) I just can't believe they didn't come to get me.

Well needless to say, I have since taken her to a regular dentist, and everthing was absolutely fine. I was in the room with her, and all was well. They did not believe in squeezing that mold in her mouth with the flouride treatment. They said her mouth was too small and that it would hurt her. They were wonderful, and so was she! Hope this helps.

A.,

Something is not right...what parent would leave their 4 year old by themselves at a dental appointment? Not me, and Not you!
Call and either demand you stay with them, or find another dentist who has a clue.

Take care,
J.

Hi. I have 3 kids, 10yrs, 8yrs, and 12mos. I take the big ones to a pediatric dentist since they are 3 yrs. and I am with them for all the procedures. When they do the x-rays we just step around the corner for a second. I never heard of one where you can't be there with them. They even have chairs for us to sit on while we watch. Find a new one. Good Luck.

Change dentists....you cant go in, they cant go in. Drs and Dentists all think they own your body...they do not. It is yours...they are there to serve you and too many folks let them intimidate them.
Was this the dentistry office exposed on News 6 Albany? Forget the name....smile, or sun or something like that in the name.
I saw, Never leave your child!

A., No way would I allow the dentist to take my 4 year old in with out me. I didn't even allow them to take my girls in alone when they were 6 or 7. As long as there is no issue of you being prego then the teeth x-rays shouldn't be a problem if you are in there. I would call the the dentist back and insist that you be able to go in with your child.

A dentist can be extremely scary to a young child and unless mommy is there to tell him/her that it is ok he/she may have some major issues. Besides that, I want to know just exactly what is being done to my child and the attitude it is done with.

I hope this helps in some way.

I was as shoked as you, but had the experience and my son did great! If your trust the dentist then keep the appointment, its good to separate. Good Luck LeeAnn

Hi A.

My daughter is 6 1/2 and I am still allowed to be with her while her teeth are cleaned and examined. I never even asked, it is just assumed at the office that the parent stays with the child. I would be very uncomfortable leaving my children. Unfortunately in today's world, we need to be very careful who we leave alone with our children. I think 4 is way too young. I would go elsewhere and tell the pediatric dentist why if you are asked. Hope that helps. -K.

A.,

My children's pedi dentist is the same way. She won't let the parents in back with the kids. The parents have to wait in the waiting area. When my daughter turned 3, I thought that I could go back with her, but the dentist asst. said "mom, you wait out here." Made me kinda sad because I wanted to be with her for her first visit. So I have experienced the "mom, you can't come in here."

oh my!!! i would NEVER let my 4 yr old get xrays or a cleaning w/o me! my son will be 4 in july & he had a cleaning last month & i was in the room with him. my 2 1/2 yr old son had xrays & i was also i the room with him. i would personally find another dentist. good luck!

CANCEL THE APPT. That is CRAZY!!! That worries me a lot.Find another dentist. Don't go to a dentist that does not make u feel comfortable. God knows that r child won't feel comfortable. Ask r pediatrician for another referral. Go to yellowpages.com.. Check out dentists in your area type in zipcode.. or r address to find one.. Go to the Board of Dental and see if u can find another one.. Complain about that dentist. Call r insurance company and they will find a near by dentist.
Good Luck!
Barb G.

HI A.
Sorry to say but I think you should find another dentist. That seems very insensitive to me to force a 4-year old to deal with that without a parent nearby - especially if it's only the second visit. It might make the dr's job easier in some ways - but you need to put the child's priorities first.... in my humble opinion. I don't believe our ped. dentist here has that policy but we only went once while he was three. We go back in June - but they said nothing about my having to leave the room.Good luck

I work with both a regular dentist and pediatric dentist. First no one can force you to not enter with your chilf if they are a minor. Most of the time we ask that the parent wait outside because it is usually the parent that will make the child misbehave. Just from reading the other replies of how the dentist is scary to begin with. The parents start by making the child think there is something to be scared of. You should never go to the dentist and start telling to be brave or it's not going to hurt. They wouldn't think that if it wasn't put in there heads. Since parents push their fears onto the child that is why thay are asked to wait outside. I personally walk my son into the hygenists room he sits in the chair and then I wait outside. But what it all comes down to is you have to trust your caregiver whoever it is.

Dear Mom,

Sorry to say but you need a new dentist, At 4 years old they are to young to be unattended, you cannot trust that they will just be OK,

I wouldn't , thats how accidents happen.

My opinion,

Mom of 3 boys