Im Heartbroken My Toddler Can't Stay at Hospital with Me When I Deliver New Baby

You are way over thinking this. I am assuming you have someone to stay with him? I would not break the rules and bring him in. I would not change the perfect doc and hospital. For the first time in his life, it's not about him.
It wont be the last time. Go where you feel safe and cared for to have his sibling. Didn't you do that for him? One night or two that you don't put him to bed won't traumatize him. Keep him in his environment. That would be the most logical, practical thing to do. Anything else and you have elevated him to more important than is good for him.

I honestly wouldn't want my son around all the germs and such that are at a hospital. I'm certain that's where I contracted MRSA after delivery. Also, it's not uncommon now for hospitals restrict visitation to children of a certain age. My husband just left to visit his mother, and my son couldn't go because of restrictions due to influenza. They aren't restricting children that might possibly bring it in, but they do this for the opposite reason. They don't want children contracting the disease.
I think it's sweet that you want to include him, but I think it's in HIS best interests to make other arrangements.

Would you consider home birth?

Sorry, but when you are at the hospital, you must abide by their rules.

Really? You think spending the night in a hospital, in a strange room, with unheard before noises coming from the hallway, with a mother focused on giving birth, with her reaction to the pain, etc. and with strangers coming in and out even during the night a good thing for a toddler?

I suggest that you're more focused on your own needs than on the needs of your child. You've never been apart from him. You put him to bed every night. You need to have him with you. What does he need? He needs the security of his own bed. He needs to not have the anxiety and worry that accompanies a really strange situation. He needs the security of being with someone who is able to focus on him and his needs. As a mother in labor you will not be able to focus on your child. And after your baby is born you need to spend that time bonding with your new baby and resting.

I urge you to start weaning yourself from so much attention to your toddler. You will have to share your time and attention with both babies now. It's time for Dad to get involved in bed time. Begin a transition with your son before you go to the hospital.

I suggest you try looking at this from the view point of the hospital. The staff is there to help you and your new baby. They do not want the extra responsibility of being involved with a toddler. You are going there to deliver a baby. Involving a toddler, who is not old enough to appreciate what is happening and who will need extra attention from the staff is just not realistic.

And do you want your husband managing a toddler instead of being able to give his full attention to you and the new baby? Having your toddler there is a set up for frustration for everyone. Focus on the purpose for being there. To deliver a healthy baby and begin life with that new baby.

This is just the beginning of you finding ways to be involved with two babies. Get Daddy and son started in sharing with the care taking of both babies before the birth. Start the transition to two babies before the birth of the second one.

If you want your toddler involved have a home birth where there will be other adults to manage your toddler. You don't say when you're due. If it's soon it's too late to plan for that.

Childbirth is a very unpredictable event. Each delivery is unique and they can be VERY different from one another: longer, shorter, more painful, less painful, complications, who knows? It's no place for a toddler to be (except in the case of a home birth where the child is in his own safe and familiar home surrounded by family and caregivers who can whisk him away if things become too intense.)
You need to focus on delivering your baby safely, and your husband needs to be focusing on YOU, not worrying about keeping your toddler close to you in the hectic environment of a hospital.
Let him be at home with a loved one, where he will be happy, comfortable and content.

I cannot fathom wanting a toddler in the hospital right after delivering a baby. I was exhausted after both births (first an emergency C, second a planned C) and struggling to get out of bed, let alone hold a newborn and a toddler who is going to want to snuggle and take your attention away from the new baby that he will likely be jealous of.

Don't you want a couple of days to relax from the demands of a toddler? Don't you want a couple of days to enjoy JUST your newborn - to snuggle and feed and stare into her face, just like you got to do the first time around?

Also, I think it is actually healthy to spend some time away from your children. Spending every single night with them and being the only one who ever puts them to bed is not good for either one of you.

Absolutely don't try to sneak him in. How do you hide a toddler in a room the size of a closet? Don't piss off the nurses who do their best to take good care of you by breaking the rules. Don't expose your toddler to the germs of a hospital.

Maybe I am a bad mother, but I can't imagine being so attached to my child that the thought of a night or two away is heartbreaking. Do I miss my kids when they are gone? Of course. But I also welcome the break and relish in the opportunity to either relax or take care of tasks I simply can't devote enough time to when they are around.

I have to say I disagree that it would be "terrible" not to include your son (I'm guessing from your profile that he is around 2 1/2) in the entire process of delivering his new sibling.

I think that you should reevaluate why you think he will feel rejected. I certainly don't think that rejection is a given if he doesn't sleep at the hospital with you.

Is it possible that this is your issue and not his?

Toddler + hospital = sick toddler

Rethink this, please.

Wow. I realize hormones are kicking in but do you really want a 2 yr old with you when you deliver #2?

Your #1 will be just fine. You need this time to bond with #2!

Most hospitals would not allow a baby to be in the room with mom giving birth... Gees... You don't want to emotionally scar your 2yr old! The 2 yr old will be concerned and scared seeing mom in this state.

Please rethink. If nothing else..., think of all the germs and illnesses your 2 yr old can contract as you are welcoming #2!!

Use this time to bond with your new baby. Your 1st baby will be ok! Empower #1 to be a great older sibling and make this an adventure for him/her!!

Besides all the other great advice you've been given on why it's not such a great idea for him to be there, consider that the hospital never shuts down at night and nurses will be coming into your room all night long. What a fallacy that people actually get 'rest' in a hospital! :) Good luck, everything will be fine.

I had a baby this fall, when my daughter was 24 months. I had never left her overnight before (or really ever at all), and was very sad and worried about it. With that said, I am so grateful for the time (3 nights w/ a c-section) that I had in the hospital to bond with baby #2. It is probably the ONLY time you will get alone with your baby, ever, with a toddler at home. As sad as I was to leave my 2-year-old, I still look back on those three days fondly because my husband and I got to fall in love with the baby without having to feel guilty or distracted. My mother, who stayed at our house with my daughter, brought her up to the hospital each day to see me, but she got to be home for meals, naps, bedtime, etc. It will work out. Take this precious time to focus on the new baby! Your toddler is more resilient than you think!
Good luck with the new baby!

He'll only feel rejected and sad if YOU make him feel that way.

By either expecting, encouraging, or modeling that.

Like the parent and child both wailing & crying at kindergarten drop off (or night out, or any similar thing). Kids look to US for how to react. If you freak out on him, he'll freak out, too. If you apologize, get very concerned & serious, and pitch this as a negative event? It WILL be.

If, however, you pitch this as normal / a fun adventure for him?

Kids are sponges. They absorb EVERYTHING. If you ask him if he's bored, were people mean, were you soooooo sad??? Then the kid who had a BLAST all day will choke up. Ask every day, and that's what they LOOK for. They stop having fun. They start BEING bored. Start focusing on every bad thing. Ask a kid how much fun they had? Who did something silly? What was exciting? Then they start focusing on THOSE things.

This is one of those 'sacrifices' in parenting. Being strong for our kids. So they don't carry our burdens.

Even if you have to FAKE it... I'm sure you believe your child deserves to be happy... And not a complete mess.

_____

Note: Modeling behavior doesn't completely nix separation anxiety. Those phases come & go. What it DOES do is make separation anxiety a phase... Instead of a constant horrible normal.

Step up, Mama :D
You can do this!!!
Be your son's hero.

_______

Just to add... I had wee ones at my sons birth & it was AWESOME! Totally cool for everyone involved.

And then they went home.
Slept in their own beds
Weren't woken up constantly (vitals, nursing, meds in MY room, plus commotion in other rooms).
They got good sleep.
Great breakfasts.
Playtime.
& were bouncing up & down excited when I came home.
Refreshed instead of Exhausted.

To give you some perspective, my son was 18 months when my daughter was born. I was worried about leaving him home, since we were used to our routines, and wanted him with me to be a part of this new phase in our lives. When he did come see me, he was afraid of the machines, and he actually managed to accidently pull out my IV (just from the vein, not completely) when I was holding the baby and he was trying to get in for a closer look. It was completely unintentional, but it was also a sign that he needed to go home. Now, over 3 years later, he still talks about when he saw mommy at the hospital and how much it scared him.

K.:

There is NO WAY I would want my toddler in the delivery room with me. EVER. Nor would I want my toddler to stay the night with me at the hospital after delivery. At the hospital where I gave birth? Children under 2 were not allowed in the NICU nor in the delivery room. They were allowed to come visit their mother.

You NEED time to bond with the new baby. Let him stay at home with his dad. My oldest son was at day care when I gave birth and my close friend picked him up and took him home with her until my husband left the maternity ward.

Don't try and break the rules. Let him come see you and the baby and then a normal evening at home with daddy. Your husband can handle it, right?

DEEP BREATH!!! Let it out slowly...it will be okay!

How can you expect to care for a new baby attending to the new baby scheduling nurses in and out caring for you & your new baby & trying to care for yourself & your son?

K., there is such a thing as too much attachment. :) He is not going to feel rejected unless you've taught him to think he is the king of the universe.

You should get someone you love and trust to take on the care of your toddler for the duration of your labor and hospital stay. He will be fine, and probably have a blast. You don't need to have him underfoot to worry about when you have an important job to do, bringing his sibling into the world.

My sons are 21 months apart, and they are close as can be. During labor with the second, there was an issue that caused a lot of blood all over the floor. I wouldn't' want to have subjected my toddler to that sight.

I think that you need to work through your own issues and feelings. You're approaching this from a standpoint of what would make you feel better, not what is best for your kids. Don't feel guilty about your toddler no longer being your baby. He's ready to be a big brother and you're ready to baby an actual infant. This is life, and change is good.

Being in the hospital with you for labor, delivery and then to stay the night would be horrible for a toddler. I suspect you have your fuzzy, rosy, inaccurate memories of what labor and delivery and recovery are really like. Even with "easy" births, the whole process is pretty raw and emotional and messy and disgusting. I don't think your son will appreciate seeing you sweating, crying, leaking breastmilk and bleeding. Being poked and prodded and woken up several times a night with either a crying baby or a probing nurse. When you have your second, the uterine contractions that you'll have while breastfeeding will be enough to bring you to your knees. There are some things best left to the knowledge of the mothers and nurses.

Your toddler needs to be in the care of a loving relative who can let him live his normal little toddler life while you are resting and recovering and attending to your new baby, who is deserving of these precious few hours with just you. This is what relatives, friends, and daddies are for. Your husband is perfectly capable of caring for your toddler at home while you and your new baby rest in the hospital. Your toddler has had you to himself for at least a year. Your new baby can certainly get 24-48 hours of your undivided attention.

My 3rd was 22 months old when my 4th was born. Yes it was hard *for me* to have him visit me and then see him leave to go home with my husband, but he had a ball having just daddy time while I was in the hospital. I did go home after 24 hours because the baby and I were well and I am much more comfortable at home, but that time at home was for me and the new baby, not to be tending to the rest of the kids.

Millions and millions of moms and first-borns have survived being separated at the birth of the next baby. You and your son will be just fine. Please don't obsess about this or try to sneak him in. They will most assuredly oust him (and your husband if no one else is there to take him home) at the end of visiting hours. That's if they let him in to visit at all - during flu season it's common to restrict visitors to only those over a certain age. Make this a positive experience for both of you. Line up a trusted sitter and have him have fun having a sleepover adventure while you're in the hospital. It'll be OK, really.

good heavens!
do yourself and your child a HUGE favor and let him learn that the world won't end if he's not surgically attached to his mother!
this degree of co-dependence is not healthy.
any child should be able to survive an occasional sleepover at a grandparent or trusted friend's house.
of COURSE you don't sneak him in. what are you thinking?
use a birthing center or homebirth if you are this set on your toddler watching you labor and deliver. i hope he's prepared for it.
and then work on developing a healthy relationship with your kids.
ETA attachment parenting (done well) does NOT mean a parent and child who are unable to be separated.
khairete
S.

Are you kidding? I'm sorry, a delivery room is not a place for a toddler who can't process why mommy is in so much pain and bleeding profusely. I'm hoping you mean AFTER you deliver, not WHEN you deliver (which is what you wrote). But even then -- what about your new baby? How are you expecting to bond with a new baby when your attention is being demanded by a toddler? And please don't sneak him in -- to me, that's questionable parenting (shhh, honey, don't let them know we're breaking the rules!) I get that you're bonded with your child, but you owe it to your newborn to give him/her your absolute full attention and energy. It'll be the only time in his/her whole life that he/she gets to be one on one with you.

I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same way with my second. I am not saying that this is the case for you, but for ME...I figured out that what I was really upset about was the knowledge that my relationship with my older son was about to change forever. I knew he wasn't going to be the center of my universe all by himself anymore. I was mourning the loss to him of his "only child" status. We dropped him off at my SIL's house and I bawled when I said goodbye, knowing that when we saw each other again, our relationship would be changed. Looking back, I know that he had a great night with his Auntie and cousins. He came to see me the next day, less than 24 hours later. And when I saw him, I didn't love him any less and he was still the center of my universe, he just shared that space with another person. We had a gift for him from baby and a gift for him to give to baby. It was amazing. I am actually very glad that I took the time to focus on labor and delivery. I had no pain meds, so he would have learned some new vocab :)
If you give birth in a hospital, I would say leave him at home and have him come to the hospital a couple of hours after you deliver. Give yourself a little breath, focus just on your new one for a few minutes. You have a whole lifetime with the family, but just a few short "first moments" with your new baby.

First of all, although I wish you an easy delivery and healthy baby, that simply may not be the case. Many of us had babies born with issues and the LAST thing we needed to worry about was our other child running around. Second, your son is going to realize REAL QUICK that he is not your only priority any longer. Some time away from each other would probably be good for both of you. JMO. Good luck.

I actually think it will be good bonding for your husband and toddler and I would do a "trial run" or two first. Have your husband start putting him to bed more often and maybe even leave them alone for a night together while you stay with a friend or catch up on sleep somewhere. I did this when I was pregnant with my second. Yes, I was very nervous, but dad and toddler did great. It might also be traumatic for your toddler to be in the hospital, even if you have an easy delivery. There are a lot of strange sights and sounds in a hospital. I don't think he would sleep well there and then you might have a tired, crabby toddler in addition to a newborn on your hands. I would NOT try to sneak him in and I have no idea how that would even be possible. Are there grandparents nearby? Can they do something special with him so he doesn't feel "rejected?" You can always bring home a little gift for him from the hospital that is from you and/or the baby. Congratulations and best wishes.

As a mother who has given birth 6 times and has VERY attached children. Your son will live. He will not feel rejected or unloved. I'm assuming he will stay with people who love him and also want the best for him, otherwise why would you pick those people.

The experience will just be to much for him, I know many, many woman who have done the natural, at home wanting their children with them birthing mom's and almost all of them had to have their children removed during the actual birth.

When I gave birth to my 5th, my "youngest" girls insisted on being there. They were 8 and 9. We watched video's, movies read up on it and they still felt they were ready. I had my reservations, but figured at 8 and 9 they could make that choice. The 9 year old did fairly well, the 8 year old ended up a hysterical mess. The husband had to take her out of the room and they went for a walk and he bought her ice cream.

She said seeing me in that much pain was more then she could handle..and I'm fairly quite cause one good push and out comes baby. Now years later when I gave birth to #8 that very same DD was invaluable. I really didn't want to let her come but she was 16. I figured 8 years was a big enough difference, and it was, that girls was awesome at sneaking in food :)

So what do you do? You go have your baby, and enjoy the mommy moon. There is a small window where it will be just you and the new baby, and while I get how important it is to have your oldest involved. You will never get another chance to just relish in the newest 10 perfect toes and 10 perfect fingers. A toddler, being a toddler, will not really give you that chance.

Hospitals are disgusting and NOT clean. Don't think those rooms are clean, cause they are not. You can compromise your childs health. The ONLY people that should be in a hospital are people that absolutely need to be there. Healthy people need to stay out.

Plus a new mom can hardly get a full nights sleep with all the ins and outs of the nurses. Let your boy be well rested for you. I don't know how your son is but if my kids don't get their sleep, it's hell to pay.....

Enjoy and bond with your new bundle of joy. When you get home you are not going to be able to have that one on one that a newborn longs for, so enjoy it while you can.

Let him stay home and have special time with grandparents, babysitter or whoever will be caring for him. This will be the last time he has one on one attention. A hospital,is not a place for a toddler. He will not get a good night sleep, he will be cranky. What if you have to have a c section. I think you need to start getting him used to being with others. His life is about to change. You are putting your needs before his.

Toddlers are soooooo needy. This is especially true when you need to focus on something else! They think they are the center of the universe and tend to freak out when anything threatens that.
You might just be glad to have someone else handling him while you go through delivering your baby. Can he stay with a special family member? Grandparents or and Aunt/Uncle? Have him spend some time with this person beforehand so they can bond.

I can't imagine submit a child to this kind of a environment. He will be bored beyond belief, he won't want to be standing by the doc looking at your crotch getting all stretched out and a head popping out. He's going to want to be in your lap talking to you, getting you to play with him, entertain him.

He's not going to understand anything about what's going on and he will increase his behaviors until someone comes get him and take him home to play with his own toys and to sleep in his own bed.

You can't sneak your toddler in. Sorry, but you are being irrational----its the hormones! :) I would have your toddler visit during visiting hours while your loved one brings him to the hospital or daddy brings him etc. and have him say goodnight to you there and then whoever is caring for him, takes him home to go to sleep. Most likely he will fall asleep in the car- Good luck!

Why can't he just stay with a trusted sitter (grandparents, nanny, whoever)? I understand that your first labor and delivery were easy, but please understand that each time is VERY different! I'm sure there will be no complications, but what IF there are? Suppose you need an emergency c-section or something - where would your son go? It would be so scary to him! Much better that he stays with a trusted person and has a nice day outside of the hospital so you don't have to worry, and can rest and recover when the new baby has arrived. If he's a toddler, he will not remember this a year from now. I know that up until this point, your whole focus has been all about him, but that is about to change. It is what it is. If being away from your son for a night is the most difficult part of this process, you will be very blessed indeed! :)

I felt the exact same way when my 2nd was born, my daughter was 18 months and I didn't want to leave her. But, she stayed with my sister and had no problems at all! I on the other hand had some complications and it really was for the best that she just came to visit. She got to go to the zoo which she had never been to before, but she still remembers. She got to come and visit and have sleepovers with Aunt Sis and then daddy.

They say these things for a reason, and usually its a good one even if WE don't think so. I didn't think so at the time, but I am super glad that I had made other arrangements for her.

Its your decision to make, but if you like your doctor, the hospital, and everything else, then go with it. I know now that she would have been really upset if mommy had been in pain from labor with her there. That is something to consider also.

Did you not have pain when your first child was born? Would you really want him to see you like that? In his poor little mind he would probably be thinking that this new baby caused mommy to hurt, ughh not a good way to start a sibling relationship. My kids are 22 months apart. When I went in to the hosptial to have my second child I didnt even think about having my son with me, heck I didnt think about not having him with me either, I didnt think of anything but giving birth. It ended up that my son was actually in the room laying with me until about 10 minutes before his sister was born. The minute the pain got so bad that I couldnt fake it anymore, he was taken out(I would not have wanted him in the room during the delivery). He came back in after his sister and I were all cleaned up.You do not need him to stay the night with you and he does not need to. Your new baby deserves a little bit of one-on-one time with mommy just as your first born had.

I will not try to pretend that I understand your desire to have your toddler there. I will say that a home birth is your ONLY bet of having the whole family there.

I would suggest you allow your toddler time to be with someone you love and trust and NOT be around the chaos of the doctors, nurses, freaked out mama, daddy and whatever family will be there. What happens when he is there and he starts playing with the Dr.'s tools and is a problem? What happens if there are complications and you have to go to the OR NOW! Or what happens if they have to cut you right then and there. I am sorry but not all births go well, go perfectly or are the same.

The hospital has rules for a reason, I would expect you to have enough respect for your doctor, nursing staff and yourself to find a safe place that is not the hospital for him to be.

I haven't read the other responses, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating.

I want to say that as a mother of 3 I totally get where you're coming from. But look at this from his perspective. He's a toddler. A hospital is a scary place. His Mom is going to be in pain, attached to machines, etc. Then a new sibling. Lots of scary and BIG things going on there. Then there's the aspect of you & baby. You NEED that time to bond with your new little one. You NEED that time to heal. You're going to have two little kids to take care of, and those hospital stays are oh-so-short.

I just had a baby November 30 and my girls are 8 and 5. They stayed the weekend with my Dad & his wife, and they loved all the attention they got from grandparents while I took the time to heal & bond with my new baby. It was a win-win.

I was also sure that my dd was going to be traumatized when I went away for a few days to have baby brother. She could have cared less. She hung up on me when I called to talk to her because she was busy playing with my SIL. My husband stayed came up once I was close and then left after the birth, to go home to dd, he visited for a while the next day and then we were back home. It will be fine and you will get the concentrate on new baby for a day or two. Plus they can stay all day and then your husband can take him home to sleep.

I am very thankful that my toddler was with my mom when our son was born. It went from perfection to mass chaos in minutes and 11 minutes later he was born. She would have been traumatized had she been there.

It will be harder for you than it will be for your toddler.

I had my 14 month old there while I was labouring. I just couldn't concentrate or give my toddler the attention he needed. He had his aunty and grandmothers and grandfather looking after him, and he was fine. My point is, I needed to concentrate on giving birth, and my toddler was absolutely fine. When things started getting messy and scary (for me, him, and my husband), he was taken away to have fun with loving family. He had a ball. He came back to meet his brother very soon after all the painful bits were over.

In reading the responses, I think it should be noted that all the mothers that 'loved' having their kids with them during subsequent deliveries had children that were much older than yours. I wouldn't mind having an older child there for a delivery; a toddler is a whole new story.

I 'm a SAHM that exclusively breastfed all of my children (so, not a lot of time to get away, there) and put them to bed every night with prayers and stories. We're also military so there wasn't any family around. Needless to say, I can understand your attachment to your kids. But, I have to say, that when my second was born and we dropped of my not-yet-2 daughter at a friends, she had the time of her life. Played non-stop for two days and was excited when we finally brought her to the hospital top see her brother. I should probably ALSO mention that it was the worst labor I have had yet, with an epidural that didn't take, my husband completely busy helping me breathe so I didn't forget (yes, it did happen - I even passed out at least once), and me screaming my lungs out in pain several times (and I have a pretty high threshold for pain). I think it would have been awful to have my toddler with me during that experience. Heck, I didn't even want to be there ;)

Find a friend with a good buddy for your son to play with. He will have much more fun doing that than trying to figure out what the heck is going on in this strange place.

I would look for him to stay with a friend or family member he loves and trusts. This is a time for you and the new baby and he will be fine not being included in it all. The experience may be overwhelming for him and the friend or family member can make it a special "big brother" event for him. A toddler will be happier at home. Please don't be upset that he can't be there. Think of his comfort and make plans to make this a good transition for him.

I was not allowed to stay with my mom when my sister was born and I was fine. I had a great sleepover with the grands and my aunt took me shopping for a new dress and a toy. I was a little weirded out by the hospital when we went to visit/see Mom and meet my new sister. I was 3.5 and I clearly remember Mom in the hospital bed and the baby in the nursery (it was a long time ago). Being away did not in any way harm my relationship with my mom and it gave her time to be with just my sister.

Good Grief! Your son will be fine! Relax & allow this miracle of Life to happen.....& then bring in your son to see his new sibling.

Trust all of us....it works well this way. Trying to sneak him in, insisting on his presence when....honestly.....a few drops of blood totally freaks out most kids....naaaah, don't do it!

& as the Mother of an emerg c-section....right in the middle of a nice, peaceful vaginal delivery.....NO, keep that toddler out of the room! In the blink of an eye, delivery can become incredibly frantic & tension-filled.

Wishing you a safe & speedy delivery.....without that little one in the room!

My daughters are 12 months apart. Imagine giving birth to a baby when you still have one!

Luckily for me, my in laws were in town for Thanksgiving. I went into labor in the middle of the night. So my in laws stayed with my daughter while she slept. My second was born at 4 am Thanksgiving morning. Hubby stayed with me until our first daughter was awake. He then went and got her so she could meet her sister. The in laws had to leave, so he wasn't able to stay at the hospital with me the whole time like he had the first time around. I thought I would miss that, but really I didn't. In the year since it was the only time I've been alone with my second for more than an hour or two.

Things change when you have more that 1 child. Enjoy the time alone.

I went into labor with my 2nd on the morning of my older child's 2nd birthday. He stayed with his normal babysitter while I was in the hospital. He was with someone that he loved and that loved him. Eventhough we had never been apart overnight, truly it was fine. My DH brought him up to the hospital to meet his new sister. He wasn't traumatized...really...

It is really not fair to your son to have to be quiet, be calm be stuck at the hospital during who knows how long the delivery lasts. ..

Instead allow him to have his fun at home, playing, running around being a toddler.

You will be in "Labor".. You know working.. Not time to be helping him and giving him the attention he will expect. It will be frustrating to him.. may even frighten him a little to see you in any discomfort.

He is going to have to start getting used to sharing you.. it is just part of being in a family with more than one child..

Start prepping for both of you.. He will do fine and you will need to give your 100% attention to this new baby at least through this child's birth..

I think you''d be too tired! I don't even have the newborn BABY stay with me; he goes to the hospital nursery and comes in for a nursing (s).

I also didn't WANT my toddler to visit me in the hospital. Last time we did that the child got really confused, and I was tired. Couldn't really hold a toddler at all anyway.

So many germs around the hospital; it's best to have your toddler stay at home for the 2+ days you''ll be in the hospital.

I know you feel. My first was only 15 months when I had my second. Everyone will be fine. Everyone goes through this and I've never heard of anyone being permanently damaged from being without his/her mother for a night or two bc of a sibling being delivered. Think of the mothers with 3+ kids! Just take a deep breath and have faith that everyone goes through this and if it really was a serious issue, they'd allow toddlers to stay with their moms... 2.5 is old enough too to understand that you will be back and what's goign on. My 15 mo old had no comprehension and she still is fine to this day.

I think it might actually be scary for your toddler to see you going through labor & birth. You said toddler so I am assuming he is 3 or under. He will want mama's attention and help and won't understand why you can't give it to him. And god forbid a medical emergency happens, that could be very scary for him AND distracting for you. I would prepare him to spend the night at home with Dad instead and tell him it is a special daddy and son day (or Daddy and Grandma, or whatever you need to do) and talk up how awesome it is that he is such a big boy and how excited you will be to see him the next day when he comes to visit the hospital. I think you are so sweet, but honestly I think 1 day where all you need to focus on is having that baby is the best thing you can do for your family. Big brother can come the very next day for a visit, and then the next day you will be home again! good advice as always from Riley J below - you need to think about how you will frame this for him - he will look to your emotions to decide how he feels about it.

One thing that I did in advance to help prepare was - I framed a bunch of pictures of my older boy and had them ready to go in my hospital bag. As soon as I got there its the first thing I unpacked. So I had pics of my sweet boy while I was waiting on his brother to arive, and then with big brother came to visit he thought it was really cool that my hospital room had so many pics of him. I also had bought some "big brother" presents and wrapped them and when he got there I told him it was from the baby. He thought coming to visit us in the hospital was the funnest thing ever. And he was also OK about going home with Daddy for the night because he knew mommy would be just fine and would be coming home real soon.

If you feel that strongly, you should consider homebirth with a midwife.

If you aren't comfortable with that, then start prepping yourself for the many changes that are about to happen in your life and in your toddler's life. You are about to be the mother of TWO, not one. Your toddler is going to have to learn that mommy doesn't exist for just him alone.

Who will be taking care of him while you're in the hospital? Grandma? Aunt? Friend? You should plan a weekend prior to the birth for a trial run and let him stay at the caregiver's for one night so he's used to it before the main event.

When he does come to visit you in the hospital, that would be a good time to make sure someone is holding the baby so you can introduce him to his new sibling gradually. Make him feel a part of it by telling him it's his baby too, and letting him "help" as much as he's capable of it.

Everything will work out fine! I have three kids. The older ones stayed with Nana and just came to visit me at the hospital. They aren't scarred for life. Don't worry!

My daughter was 22 months when I had my second. I felt so sad I had to spend any time apart from her at all. But I wanted that time to bond with my new baby alone too (with hubby). My family was great when I had kids (not normally) and they took care of her. Same when I had my 3rd.

He won't remember it, and make it fun for him to stay with grandma or a sitter. You'll want the time on your own. I can't imagine any place that would allow him to stay. If you have any other kind of surgery, kids aren't allowed to stay past visiting hours. It's as much for their protection as yours.

I know this is hard right now, but it will be totally fine!!

Once you're in labor the LAST thing in the world you're going to want is a clingy toddler in your delivery room. I had the same exact worry and then when the time came I had nothing but gratitude that my hospital took it out of my control and we had to plan for my mother to take the younger/s when I was delivering a sibling. I did labor as long as possible before going to the hospital, but I'll tell you... my patience with small children was thin and had to be relegated to other people anyway while laboring.

My kids were basically 10 years apart.
My daughter completely expressed a desire to be part of the birthing experience. However, when it came down to it, it was too much for her and we, luckily, had Plan B, just in case. She stayed with friends until after the baby was born.

I would have loved to have her there, but my experience wasn't routine or easy by any means. It was best for her not to be there.

I totally understand wanting your son to be with you at the hospital, but you have to look at it from other perspectives. Little ones don't always handle Mommy being in pain well. I've worked on a maternity ward. Nurses don't have time to entertain or comfort or supervise little kids.

You're not rejecting him. You are having another baby.
I stayed with my grandparents when my mom had my little sister. She had a c-section and was in the hospital for a while. I missed my mom and wanted to see my new baby, but my grandparents were so awesome that I didn't feel left out at all. I felt no rejection.

I think you should give yourself a break and not worry so much. The birthing experience can be scary for a kid. Have someone you trust that can bring your son to see you for brief periods so he knows you are okay.

I'm a firm believer in the older child being part of the new baby process and being lifted up as the older, important, and caring sibling.

That can all happen without the toddler being there for the actual birth.

Just my opinion.

You could consider a birth center or a home birth instead. many birth centers are very accommodating of siblings!

You could also ask your doctor whether he will let you and the baby check out of the hospital without staying overnight. I only have one DD, but I still did not want to stay the night at the hospital when she was born. I was "discharged" around noon by my midwife and our DD's pediatrician came at 6 PM after his office hours were done to discharge her... we never spend the night, DD was born at 6 AM, we were home by 8 PM the same day (I was admitted for the actual birth at 3 AM).
No one gave me the impression that my request to be discharged immediately following the birth was in any way unusual or dangerous...

And please... do NOT let others tell you what you will feel! If you want your toddler with you the first night your new baby is born that is ABSOLUTELY fine! You are entitled to make your own decisions about this, based on what YOU feel is the right thing for you and your family!
Good luck!

My delivery w/my first was a breeze, 3 pushes & she was out w/in 12 minutes once things got going. When asked my ob/gyn wouldn't allow her in the delivery room either & she was almost 6, for the simple reason that you never know & boy was I thankful....my 2nd crashed on the way down the birth canal (because of my diabetes) and when she came out of me there was a deafening silence, nothing at all, except a ton of doctors & nurses running around the room rushing to get her down to the get her down to the NICU Unit. It was overwhelming for myself, my husband & my MIL, I could only imagine what my daughter would've been thinking. Childbirth is a beautiful experience to go through and all, but sometimes I think that we need to trust the doctor's recommendations. It is understandable that your son is going to be upset, but he needs to realize that there are going to be things that you need to do with his new baby alone. Just as you did with him. Best of luck to you.

I went to a birth center for the birth of my second and third children. My older kids were there the entire time I labored (only a few hours) and the 6 hours they keep you after delivery, after which you go home.
My boys were 8 & 5 when their sister was born and the midwife (who was the nurse for the delivery of my second!) included them and answered all of their questions and even gave a lesson about the placenta and let them look at the umbilical cord.
It was the best choice and experience! I wouldn't do it any other way!
My first was born in a hospital and the OB actually kicked out everyone I had and wanted there except for my husband and reluctantly let me keep my friend because she was attending the birth as part of her Doula certification. I was livid! I wanted those people there, they were not causing any problems at all. Those nurses can get testy too and will push your toddler out if it is against their rules.

ETA: I did have someone there to care for my older children besides my husband or I. My parents were there for the birth of my second and my parents, brother in law and sister in law were there for my third. My friend was late because my daughter came earlier than we guessed and she was still on a plane LOL I would not advocate you or your husband being the ones in charge of your toddler if you go somewhere that you can have him there with you.
Also, there is no reason to stay at the hospital for several days unless there are complications. I left around 6 hours after the birth of my first from the hospital because I didn't want to be there any longer. I had to fill out extra paperwork and they had to scramble to get some things done but I left and didn't regret it at all!

ETA once more: I wanted to add one more thing after seeing some of these responses. When my second was born my first was not even 3 yet. He was my focus. The labor with my second was very fast and very intense (he was very close to being a car born baby, were it not for the late night hour and my husband not driving the speed limit he may have been). Seeing my older son there reminded me that it was worth all of this and I'd have another one very soon. My not even 3 year old son sat with me and helped me feel better, no exaggerating.I wanted everyone else to leave me alone but my son I was fine having there. He wasn't scared or traumatized or upset or anything else. He was glad to be with Mommy.

Homebirth!

When I had my second at home, it was wonderful to be able to put my then 21 month year old to bed. I couldn't image leaving my kids at home and being away at a hospital.

I fully understand how you feel but also agree with some of the others that suggest perhaps you're more worried about your feelings than your sons. HOWEVER, that does not mean your feelings and wishes are invalid. I was in the same boat when I had my 2nd. My water broke at 3:30 in the morning and my midwife instructed me to go right in since we were 45+ minutes from the hospital and being my 2nd they thought it would go fast. I woke my cousin who was watching my older daughter and told her we were leaving. The plan was for my cousin to bring my daughter down when I started pushing and for them to come in when the baby was out and everyone was doing fine. I ended up laboring all day and baby wasn't born until 11:30, but I still had them come. It was extremely important to me that my daughter be there to meet her baby sister in those first few moments and it worked out. They stayed not quite an hour then went home and back to bed. My cousin brought my daughter back for another visit the next morning when they were well rested and the baby and I were discharged that afternoon around 4:30 so we were home for dinner.

Your son probably won't remember either way, but you will. I cherish those first moments and pictures we had together as a family and would not change anything (other than choosing to have #3 at home!). Make the choices that feel right for you and your family.

I am really saddened to read some of the responses! What the heck? I think it's awesome that you want your son there as part of the experience. I don't understand people that think there is too much attachment! Your son is a little boy and now IS the time for attachment.
Many studies have shown that attachment parenting raises children to be WAY more independent and self sufficient when they get older. Want to know why? When they were younger, and at a time of development, they got all the love and attention they needed, they know they are loved and someone has their back and there for them if they need it. Co sleeping is a perfect example.

Someone mentioned hospitals being dirty. Yes, that's true. They are for emergency situations and for the very sick. Pregnancy isn't an illness! I think your idea of a birthing center is a great one. I believe there's one in Hollywood. Probably one in Miami too? Also, you can consider home birth. I had a home birth and it was beautiful. My mother who was opposed to home birth was so impressed, that she is now an advocate for them.

Your birth and everything around it should be the way you want it. You had a beautiful experience last time and want to share with your son. I congratulate you. Go for it!!!
There is nothing wrong with your son seeing something a bit 'chaotic'. He will learn from that too. Sounds like you're a mom that doesn't shelter her son from reality and teaches right from wrong. Good for you!

K.- I felt the same way when I had my youngest. My oldest was only 19 mos old. He hasn't ever been away from me overnight. My soon to be ex-husband wasn't involved w/him at all. So, the thought was super upsetting & overwhelming.
But the truth is, you're so busy w/the new baby, that you'll be ok. I promise!! And with an unmediated vaginal birth, you'll be out of there in no time.
And you really never know what could go on. My 2nd had breathing trouble & had to be transported to another hospital & nicu. So having my sister lined up to take care of him was really important.
Try not to stress too much about this. And enjoy the help from the nurses while in the hospital.

I'd switch birthing centers, if that's important to you. When i delivered my last one, my girls were 15 and 7. We all went to the hospital when i delivered and they were planning on leaving in the heat of the moment (but the moment came to fast and they got trapped). Although they didn't see anything, they loved being there as soon as she was born. All of us spent the night in hospital, they didn't care. I will say it was frustrating for me to have just given birth hours before and they are all over sleeping and i was up all night with baby haha. But they loved it. I understand mine are older than yours though.

Aw, I feel your pain.

Hospitals are weird like that. They adhere to rules just because, and there is no thought process behind it.

Since you have had a healthy natural birth in the past, you may also nave a great birth this time around as well. So, consider asking for an early discharge. Women do it all the time; assuming you and your child are healthy there really isn't a good reason to stay overnight in the hospital. I know of a few women that ask for discharge the same day they deliver.

Or, as another suggested, consider a birthing center or a home birth with a good midwife.

I would not try to sneak him in; the staff can be ver cruel to you if they find out and it will just mar your experience. Good luck.