I'm at My Wits End with My 6 Yr Old!

bless your heart, i know EXACTLY what you are going through. my son is 5 and in kindergarten as well, he has the exact same problems. his teacher tried to say that it was ADD/ADHD, absolutely not...he can sit and study without problems, play for a lengthy time without fail, he doesnt show any signs of add/adhd...so i know its not that. he does on the other hand get bored pretty quickly, sometimes i feel like i have add/adhd just to keep up with him HAHA. he is an only child, he has been in a few daycares since he was 2, didnt have the issues at daycare that he does in kindigarten...but i find there is less structure in some daycares than kindergarten. Its a whole new battle once they hit actual school.
I have grounded, taken things away, apanked, timed out, you name we've done it...the only thing that i've found that works with him is staying on his bottom and when he does do great in class, he gets rewarded for it at the end of the week. This is only done if he gets smiley faces all week without failure. He seems to have his good weeks and his bad weeks, his bad weeks are primarily when he comes home from visiting with his father for the weekend. There is NO structure what so eer at his dads house...therefore it makes it hard once he gets back home and starts his week. I have several friends that have gone through this same thing also, and they said by time their child reached 1st grade, they were much much betta. it takes time, its a big transition from daycare to regular school...juts have to be patient and never give up.
I suggest, like some of the others here, that you reward your child when he does well at school and at home. Give things back to him that were initially taken away...but do it slowly...I wish you so much luck, its difficult especially since your preggo and your hormones are up and down.
Bless you and many hugs sent your way!!!

Hi, S.! Sorry your son is having such a tough time (and you, too). You said he has "never had this many problems." Has he had any of these behaviors in the past? It is a little extreme for a six year old...if you can eliminate the possibility of mold or other environmental insults, then I would begin to wonder if he is experiencing some major separation anxiety.

http://www.medicinenet.com/separation_anxiety/article.htm

I encourage you to consider it as a possibility and be patient with him! I would guess that this environment is much more structured than former daycare or preschool, or it may be the perception that expectations are higher that are stressing him out. He is having to adjust to lots of newness - routines, adults, kids, building - and it may just be overwhelming to him. I think that kind of behavior comes out when someone is feeling very threatened. It doesn't have to be a real threat, obviously. I would seriously consider taking him back into a preschool environment and giving him one more year's time to truly be ready for the "big" school arena. Especially with a new baby coming, you both will have lots of other adjustments to make. Putting him back into a familiar environment right now can buy both of you peace of mind and can make a huge difference in his future school experience. I know that will be a hard decision to consider...I wish you both the best.

Hello S.,

is your son taking any meds? like singulair? or zyrtec? or is he eating new foods... something w/ new sweetener that you have not used before or get more than usual? have you started new vitamins? check and see what's out of the ordinary. for example, my son cannot tolerate high fructose corn syrup. not even in small amounts. they put that stuff into everything! it's a nightmare trying to avoid it. Good luck and keep looking. ~C.~

I have to wonder if that school isn't a "sick building" and doesn't contain chemicals or mold that is impacting your child's brain and thus his behavior. Have you been to the school yourself and spent any amount of time there? Does it smell funny or can you see areas of water damage (i.e., stains in the ceiling tiles or walls)? You might also ask if they've ever had any water leakage or damage. Even if it's fixed, the toxins remain in any permeable object like bulletin boards, any school supplies, books, etc.

There was a first grade classroom at Wellington elementary (in Flower Mound) where they found black mold in one of the walls fo the classroom. It was a fairly new school and the mold grew due to a building defect, so it wasn't visible for several years. My younger son was at that school and had such odd behavior that we pulled him out, thinking he just wasn't adjusting coming from smaller classes. However, we learned later that he has sensitivities to mold. In this case there was no odor (and there doesn't have to be).

The problem with schools and why it is so very common for them to have mold problems is that the funding for schools results in the cheapest and often lowest quality construction possible (also the timeframes for building schools are also very short). And, with the flat roofs, drainage is not always good, thus the potential for leaks is quite high. And, the schools are closed during the summer and A/C shut off, thus any moisture left in the system provides a wonderful home for mold growth (and mold loves the warmer temperatures).

Sounds like you have done a lot to punish you son, justfiably so, but have you done anything to reward him for good behavior, no matter how small?? Positive reinforcement, I have found, works much better when combined with "punishments". I would not take the birthday party away.

Have you had your son tested for ADD/ADHD? I have a son with this and a lot of what you are describing sounds familiar to me. I would get him in to see the pediatrician and explain what is going on and ask for help. You can also see if the school has any advice on screening for possible problems.

I just talked with a friend of mine whose daughter just started kindergarten. She said her daughter is acting the same way, which is unusual for her. She thinks it's the new environment, new school, new friends, teachers, etc. It's a lot for a young child to have to adjust to.

I worked in daycare for several years before staying at home with my son. I taught many children who were VERY excited about having a new baby in the family, but it did still sometimes effect their behavior. It's not that they don't want a baby brother/sister, it's just something different.

I would not suggest taking away his birthday party. That's a special day. Just remember through all of this, that change is sometimes very hard for some kids (even adults). I would continue to be firm with him and let him know this behavior is unacceptable, and there are consequences for his actions. Conisitancy is the best thing. Maybe you can create a good behavior chart, so you can start affirming the positive behaviors, not the negative. At the end of the week, he gets a special treat (I like special time, like going to the park, instead of candy or a new toy, be creative to what he likes) for good behavior.