If Your Child/teenager Chose to Follow a Different Religion than You

I think I would be proud of my child for seeking spirituality of any kind, given that many people these days don't have it in their lives. I would only insist they live a good live, don't degrade or interfere with other's beliefs, and remain engaged in their family and larger community.

I am Catholic, and my religion is a mechanism for practicing my spirituality and connecting with others. By itself, it does not define me.

(But my MIL woudl have a fit :))

Forcing a child to believe or participate will probably push them away. Unless they are trying to follow something that is just radicle, allow them their own beliefs. I may ask them to explain their choices to you, but keep an open mind.

Let them practice their faith. I grew up LDS and left the church, and I can honestly say that I hope my children never fall into that religion. But, if they do (which isn't impossible considering my entire extended family is still LDS) I will let them choose for themselves. That's a hard situation. I know my whole extended family still prays that I will leave my heathen non-Mormon husband and "return to the fold", but that's not going to happen. My grandmother and my mom's family came to my wedding and stayed just until the end of the ceremony and never once acknowledged my husbands' or his family's presence, because they are not Mormon. They haven't spoken to me since, and now my mom is being completely ostracized because we all openly support my gay brother and all marched beside him at the Capital Pride parade in DC last summer. My whole immediate family (my mom, brothers and sisters) doesn't practice the faith any more, and we do not miss it and have never been closer or happier as a family. My extended family sure is missing out on knowing some cool people since they're too stuck in this little judgmental religious bubble.

My boys have never been baptized or christened into any religion my family is Mormon my DH family is Catholic- we dont practice either- I personally believe that religion is a choice not a birthright so if my boys ever do decide to find some sort of religion (other than the church of the NFL) that is fine with me.

I'm an atheist. If my kids grew up to be evangelical Christian, or Mormon, or Muslim, I'd be perplexed, but I wouldn't try to talk them out of it. Who am I to determine the correct spiritual path for someone else?

I would let them choose. My parents forced me to practice their religion and I grew up resenting it. My kids will be what ever religion they think is best for them. My husband & I are of different faiths and our kids are welcome to be as well

Call your Gods what you will, their hearts are all the same.

ETA-

I would only object to something that taught darkness, hate, mindlessness and the like..

I'd let them practice their faith openly.

We are Catholic and are raising our children to be Catholic. My husband converted after we married. We are active in our church and our kids go to a Catholic school. I have already started to have this conversation with my oldest son (he is 12). I do not want my children to stay in a particular religion because of me. Faith and belief is the most private thing a person has in his.her life. I do, however, want my children to have a deep spiritual life and a sense of peace in themselves. How they get there when they are older is up to them. Maybe they will choose to remain Catholic, maybe they will become Buddhists. Perhaps they will be atheists who find solace in nature. What I deeply care about is that they find value in themselves and that they are committed to serving others. Many, many people do this because this is the foundation of their faith/religion. But many others do this simply because it is their ethical system. The result is what is important to me, not how that result is achieved.

I am a person who believes that to be true, faith must be tested and I think that those who turn from the faith they were raised in have good, private and personal reasons to do so. I guess on some level this issue is similar to a lot of good parenting. We have to let them go at some time and they need to grow into who they were meant to be.

I let them practice their faith as they see fit!
I am one of those who as a young teen realized that the dominate religion of my family was not my own. I was encouraged by my dad to learn exactly why I did not like it and what I did like as a result.
My religious views are now very "eclectic". I have peace in my heart with what I found and what I choose to follow. I do not need or want anyone to "save" me. I feel that I was "saved" when I was told by my father to study and learn and find my path. I talked to the "Forces of the Universe" and this is my path.
I found no comfort in the religion I was sent to church to follow in my younger years. There is still a large amount of family following that church now and I see them and I know in my heart that it is wrong. The hate that is coming from their mouths and souls that is perpetuated by their church is wrong.
Religion is not an excuse to hurt someone, mentally or physically. It is not an excuse to Hate and Condemn. Religion is finding a way to relate to the World around you and the Forces that bind us all together. That Force has been given so many names and respected in so many ways since Time began. I do not believe that any one way is Right and I do not believe that any one way is Wrong. I believe there are many Truths and many Falsehoods. I believe that Humanity can and does corrupt and twist the View as they see fit.
I teach my children about all denominations and all paths, including taking a path of non-religion. They will get to choose for themselves which path they were meant to follow.
It is not my right to force my children to follow a path that is wrong for them. It is my job to guide them to find the path their Being is meant to follow.

I'll love them regardless of what they believe. It won't change a thing.

I grew up in a Christian home, studied many (MANY!) religions and philosophies, and am still searching.

MK Gandhi once said "God is all things to all men. He is even atheism to the atheist, for in his infinite love he allows the atheist to live."

I agree. And if that's the case, it doesn't matter what religion our children follow...because we worship the same god.

I would love them the same..

I am very involved in my Christian faith. I am LDS. I teach my kids to respect others, love their fellowman, and they have agency in choosing their own path in life. We do attend church together every Sunday and are heavily involved in other church programs/activities. As of now...our kids enjoy church with occasional grumbles of wanting to stay home and play instead of sit in church. If later in their teen years they want to explore then we will cross that bridge when it comes. I can not say now how we would approach that.

I questioned my beliefs as a teenager..attended other churches and eventually came back to the LDS church. It is home to me.

I would never punish my kids for wanting to attend a different church or pray the demons out of them..I can't imagine parents actually doing that. I have a sister and a brother that are not practicing LDS and one that does. I love them all the same and treat them each the same. My parents are divorced and have been at varying levels of church activity over the years.

Religion/Faith should not divide us...but bring us together. When you push and force a belief or a desired outcome then it makes kids rebel just for the sake of thumbing their noses in our face. We have learned to teach and love and then let our kids decide.

I think that the best choices are made when all options are explored at least a little bit. I would practice my own faith openly and expect them to do the same (with the faith they are currently following) and pray that they find their way back. Sometimes kids need to discover what's wrong before they can decide what's right.

I'd have lots of conversations about it and always be hoping that they'd return to their religion of their upbringing, but to punish them? No. Force them to go to Church? Yes, until they are 18 and living on their own. "Praying the demons out," ummm....not in those words, but in a sense, yes, I would pray for them.

I would and do allow my children to openly exercise their faith and opinions.

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You're probably not going to get too many people admitting they'd punish their kids for having free will... but a lot of parents do expect their kids to attend church with the family until they're a certain age (like 18, or living elsewhere).

Personally, I'd be disappointed if my girls chose to follow a religion I thought was extreme or close minded. I'd share that disappointment with her and try to engage in some true debate and conversation about why she picked what she did. Hopefully I'll raise my kids not to be idiots, though, so we won't run into this problem!

I knew this was going to be a mormon question. My kids can do whatever they want. I just dont want them to be brainwashed by thier relatives to believe something. I have experienced several religions including the LDS church. I dont like any specific religion.

My 8 year old has decided she wants to be a Hare Krishna (my brother is one) Im sure this will pass but this religion is a pretty positive one IMO. No drugs or illicit sex, no drinking gambling or meat. They chant and sing and treat others by the golden rule. Im all for it.. She has a few statues and sometimes she chants. She is not old enough to have to abstain from gambling, sex and intoxicants but that is certainly not a bad aspiration for her future. She doesnt eat meat and is very vigilant about reading ingredients and has almost converted some classmates.

This is all o.k. by me.

Im all for my daughters picking their own path in life even if it differs from mine, but anything self destructive is something i will rage against. I ,of course, would be quite alarmed and against a satanist religion, or a cult, or extremist muslim. Something mindless and destructive. But thats obvious. I believe religion is basically just a "guess"..its the intentions and the acts within the religion that i will keep an eye on. Not the country of origin, color of its followers or unusual nature of its habits.

i will support my kids whole hearted with anything the chose in life.

Quite frankly, there are a few sects that scare the bejeebers out of me.

I don't care if my son practices any 1 of 100 religions/varying sects... but there are a couple hate filled, or extremist groups that, yes... I would have a problem with.

These SECTS (not the overarching religion) lynch people for the color of their skin. They beat children. They bomb 'unbelievers'. They impale babies on stakes. They burn children alive. (hint for those curious: all four of the above are christian sects, and 3 out of the 4 are still active today; protestants have quit impaling catholic babies... but Cromwell impaled over 100,000 irish infants in a year.). Pick ANY religion and there are splinter groups, extremist sects.

I would have a MAJOR problem should my son fall into any of these groups.

One of my brothers got in with a group that was so slimy/charismatic they managed to turn love=evil into something that made "sense" to one of the kindest/smartest people I know (stupid Mars Hill), and to far far too many other people.

But in general? I'd be thrilled if my son found a path in any of the world's major or minor religions, and he'd be welcome to practice it in my home. :)

My feeling are that I do not "own" my daughter and if she gains strength from another faith, I will support her.

I will always support her.

I was raised where church was pushed down my throat and I resented it. Then I was living in NC and saw the spectacle of Jim and Tammy Faye. I lost a lot of respect for some members in my family because they obviously thought I didn't or couldn't make good decisions for myself. I also lost major respect for all the mega churches.

So.... my daughter is free to choose how religious she wants to be.

In 99% of the cases, I would let them openly choose to follow their heart and/or brain in their search for the Truth. Having struggled with this very thing as a young adult and adult and not having my parents accept my questioning was hurtful to our relationship (I will love you less if you're not Catholic, case in point for me).

The only cases I could see objecting to were if
A) I thought it were a cult or had cult-like tendencies
B) the religion were harmful (ie, a cloak for white-supremacy or other bigoted/hate rhetoric, etc.)

Our oldest son was raised in a free-thinking household, attending a Unitarian church frequently, at his choice. When he went to college, he started studying Islam and soon converted. It was very hard for us to accept for a time, because we didn't understand his need to be part of any strict religion. He started refusing to be part of family christmas gatherings, etc. When he started telling us how we were to live in our own house (no drinking, no swearing, no pork, etc. ) and trying to convert us, his father told him he needed to leave. He found a place to live with a friend. His grandparents blamed us for not raising him in a "real religion" and somehow causing this...

Fast forward several years, he lives in Saudi Arabia for six years, marries a Muslim woman who was born in Somalia but grew up locally, and they have three young children. We couldn't be happier with who he and his wife and family are and what they are doing with their lives. We have learned much about the Muslim religion and culture and continue to work to understand.

We have as close a relationship as ever with him and are so proud of him as a husband and father. He has a close community in his culture that I envy. His grandparents are very proud of him, too.

I am a practicing Catholic, and raised (and am raising) my kids as such. BUT, all I really want is for my children to believe in some religion --- by no means does it need to be Catholic, or even Christian. I just think it is important (and fulfilling) to believe in something greater than ourselves.

As someone who went through this as a teenager I would let my child practice openly. I admit I may not be happy with his choice, but I can greatly appreciate the intellectual journey that takes place when you question the faith you were raised with.

Good question... great answers so far. My personal belief is that we are responsible for exposing /sharing faith with our kids. I think I would expose them to what I know and belive - with a theme of tolerance. Then as they get older they can choose for themselves. They do need a foundation, and they can grow and decide from there. FORCING anyone to believe something backfires...

We have always taken our sons to church and we have always told them not to believe just because we do. They have to have their own faith.
One son is really questioning his beliefs. No way am I going to force him to go with us, as some have told me to do. That would only cause resentment and drive him further away. He is very intelligent and level headed. He will be fine.

I haven't read your other answers, but I did read your update, and I can see why you would want nothing to do with the religion that was 'forced' upon you.
I have 2 answers for you, and somewhere in the middle of that road is how I will raise my children.
First- I believe in the Bible, God, and the values it sets forth- whole heartedly and live my life accordingly. Obviously I feel this is the BEST way to live or I wouldn't be doing it. Obviously I believe that my religion is right, or I would be a fool to be practicing it. Right? So in my responsibility to raise my children in the way I feel is right and best for them- I raise and train and teach them the Bible. I would be wrong not to raise them to believe what I feel is right. (This would carry over to ALL aspects of life, not just religion)
On the flip side of that: Part of my teaching them the Bible and about the God my Bible describes is a God who created humans with free will. A God who has never FORCED humans or spirit creatures to serve him out of compulsion, but who rejoices in voluntary worship to him based on our appreciation of what he has done for us and for creating us. What pleasure would come from human serving him because they had no other choice.
So while as parents, we train and mold our children in all aspects of life because that is our job and responsibility no one can 'force' someone to be a christian or mormon or atheist. What ever a heart condition is, or a persons beliefs are will manifest eventually. I am a very strong believer in: while my children are living under my roof- they will follow my rules- so that would rule out the practice of anything I feel would be a danger to the rest of the family!.

My parents never raised us under any religion. When I was about 8 or 9, I had a friend who was Catholic and I really wanted to go to church with her. My mom let me, and encouraged me to do whatever I wanted to. As I got older I developed my own beliefs and they were never forced upon me. I am very thankful to my parents for that.

As I stated in Rachel's post...we are categorized like this in our house:
Me - Agnostic
Husband- Non Practicing Buddist
Kids - Pentacostal church on wednesdays.

My reasoning for "allowing" my kids to attend church is because I felt growing up I should believe, when I never really did. I was told my questions were invalid, pointless, and just plain not acceptable (grandparents and the church). I want my kids to make up their own minds. If they decide this church is not for them and they want to learn about another religion I am all for it.

Except as AC put it below (sorry AC I am using your words in quotes)
" The only cases I could see objecting to were if
A) I thought it were a cult or had cult-like tendencies
B) the religion were harmful (ie, a cloak for white-supremacy or other bigoted/hate rhetoric, etc.)"

I am Christian, my husband is agnostic. My mother wasn't quite as over the top about religion as your parents seemed to be, but she got very angry with me in college when I started "church shopping". (her words, not mine) I was raised Missouri Synod Lutheran and she didn't believe any other denomination was suitable. She viewed my going to other churches as a rejection of her values and beliefs and therefore of her. But I would tell you the same thing I told her...it's not ABOUT you. It's about MY relationship with God...there are 2 people in that relationship, and you are not one of them. The bottom line is, you can take away books, you can forbid going to other churches, you can lock someone in a cage and throw away the key. But that isn't going to change what's in their heart. No one can FORCE you to believe something that they do. They can persuade, but they can't force it.
I'm raising my children in a Christian environment, but as they get older, they will have to make the choice of what to believe for themselves. Sure, I'd be a bit disappointed and possibly worried should they choose not to follow God, but it's THEIR relationship with God...or not. I don't belong in that equation.
My husband and I have an understanding...we take the kids to church, they go to a non-denminational Christian school, they have a bible book that they may choose a story from at bed time (they also have a hundred OTHER books to choose from...it's up to them) should they want to....he supports my faith and I don't try to force it on him. And if our kids decide later that another faith fits better with what they believe, or they just don't believe in a higher power, that will be their choice. I won't try to manipulate them, either. You can't make someone change...only inspire them to want to. By trying to force it, you run the risk of them rebelling and doing EXACTLY that which you do not wish them to do. Not worth it.

i dont think you can really force anyone for follow a certain religion or belief system. we are christian, rasing our sons christian. I will encourage them to have the same beliefs as I do. But I know I cannot force them. I would not like it if they decided to become atheist or buddist, or muslim etc. I would pray for them, talk to them gently when I could. but I know that the more I tried to "force" them the further away they would run. when i was in junior high a very good friend of mine, who i am friends with still to this day, would invite me to church with her and her family. they would talk to me about my relationship with God, but they werent pushy. i have had a few people in my life like that and I will always be grateful to them for encouraging me, not giving up on me and loving me enough to try to save me. I gave my life to Christ about 7 years ago or so. I like to think of all the people who shined light on my along the way.
So, I would not like it, I woulnt "forbid"it. unless it was really out of hand or satan worshipping or really talking bad about God, that I would not allow in my home.

hhhmmmm...my name is F. so I was raised in a "christian" family. Although we don't go to church every single week, my kids do believe in our christian F.. I'm sure that if they decide to "follow" something else when they are older, I would not be happy. Although I would like to think I would not "force" them or "punish" them I would still love and support them as they would be old enough to make their own decisions and ultimately I want them only to be happy. Now, if they get all crazy and become satan worshipers, then that's a different story!!!

Basically, if they live under my roof I would require that they respect our family religion. Now don't get me wrong, I would still allow them to study and research their new found religious direction I would just have some very strict rules around it.

First and foremost, I am a very strong Christian believer and my goal would be to find out what I have done wrong to misguide my child. I would not oust or chastise at all, in fact, I would probably go the other way and try to figure out what it is about the new religion my child is so interested in so I could be there in his walk and hopefully combat it. I would not hide my disappointment but would not alienate him either.

Second, I would have a large concern for my other children and his misguiding them. As a parent, I feel very strongly that I am to guide my children the best I can and it is not my children's job to guide each other. In short, the child that has gone astray must respect my parenting and allow me to guide the other children in their faith - not him. Basically, I will not allow him to take the other children on his journey, under my roof he is to respect my authority and keep his new religion to himself. He can go nuts when he supports himself and is not a role model for his siblings.

I think we do a great disservice to our children by not allowing them to discover the world around them. I think it is irresponsible for us to force faith on them as it will only backfire. I pray that I never have to come face to face with this problem. I can handle a lot but this one would be VERY difficult to bear for me. My religion is about love and deliverance, I don't want it to be an ugly chore.

Great question!

We are atheists if you want to give us a label. Religion is just not on my radar and not something I think about. If my child wanted to be religious I would be surprised. I would support my child going to church. I did the same thing for a while when I was a kid. When I was in middle school I told my mom I wanted to start going to a church. She was surprised but took me each week. I think after about 4 months I decided it was not for me. I found it to be very strange. If my child kept with it and wanted to keep being religious I would think that that is fine. Everyone can have their own beliefs in life and if that is what makes you happy then do it. My mom stopped going to church as an adult and I think it made her father unhappy but he never really said anything to her about it or made a big deal about it. My husband's mother is an ordained methodist minister and works for the methodist church and she is perfectly fine with her husband and 2 of her 3 children being non-religious. Her 3rd child is Quaker, so a different religion, and she is fine with that too. I guess we don't come from "pray the demons out of someone" kind of people!

It depends on the reasons really. If they were doing it to hurt me I wouldn't be supportive but my kids really aren't like that.

I was raised Catholic and still consider myself Catholic but I can't practice because of my divorce so I go to UCC. My kids are still Catholic so I guess I was the one to change. Oh and they are very supportive. :)

I'm not religious, but I suppose I would describe myself as a vaguely Protestant christian. No church, no bible reading, no praying goes on in our house. I would worry if my children turned to a religion if they had been brainwashed, bullied, peerpressured or scared into it. I would only want them being involved if they had truly come to their own independent conclusion that this is what they thought was right.

I am feeling a bit nervous my my children at the moment because I am moving them from an excellent independent private school to a catholic school. The school itself and the teachers etc are good, but the catholicism indoctrination worries me. I have known so many Catholics (including the one I married) who grew up with a very tangible 'catholic guilt', and I don't want that for my children. Even if they do decide to be Catholics later on.

I wish that I could andwer this one. I hope that I would be okay. I am a person who likes to understand the reasoning, so if my son and I could have an intelligent discussion about why he likes what he likes, then cool. I am not anti-religion, but I am certainly not pro organized religion. I am still hoping that my husband won't get a Christmas bug just because we now have a baby in the house. (Ugh!)

My mother and brother and I (and extended family) attended a non-denominational Christian church. It was world wide and had its own doctrinal beliefs. Most outsiders thought it was a cult, and when it split up, people were truly traumatized. I was not because I always felt that my God relationship was one that could not be dictated to me by any other. I would listen to the message for things that resonated with my spirit. Anything that did not resonate with my spirit was not for me, so I left it there for somebody else to pick up.

My father was a baptist who went to church sometimes. He didn't believe in all that we believed, but he didn't stand in the way of our experience. He had his ideas of what was what. (He was a very spiritual man and a sensitive, I learned later.) He always believed that we needed to experience life in order to form our own ideas about what was right for us. He was there to protect and guide.

There was no absolute right way to be as far as religion goes. I want to give that to my son. I really don't like Christmas, though, and I hope that my son never gets caught up in it.