If You Don't Know He/she Is the One Within the 1St Year Will You Ever?

When i met my husband, the minute I shook his hand, I knew.

If that spark isn't there you can't make it be there. you can't force it. if you don't want the spark, that's fine.

Sometimes relationships are more than J. that spark...I know mine is. But it has changed and evolved over the years...we aren't the same people who met in 1994.

I think I would know in the first few months. At this point I already know what I am looking for and how I want things to go. A big part would also be how they are with my kids. Good with my boys means good with M..

M, you're killin' M.!

There IS no ONE! There are people more compatible with you then others, but even if you're together for 30 YEARS, you will still be discovering things about your partner you didn't notice before.

It will only J. BE fabulous and effortless for a short period of time. Afterwards, you BOTH have to MAKE it fabulous.

I for one, think you can do it! Can he?

:)

I honestly don't think so. I mean, you will be learning things about each other for years and years to come, but you should know the basic character, goals, dreams, world view and outlook of the other person within the first year and should know if this is someone you are going to want to commit to or not.

I can't imagine dating someone for more than a year and not being sure of my decision or my feeling about whether or not I want them in my life for the long haul. To go longer than that and not know seems like an answer in itself and a waste of time.

The "one?" I confess, my husband and I connected quickly and have had a long happy marriage......... but we have had our days in the trenches too. If I believed there was such thing as "the one" then I guess I would believe that I have been lucky enough to get that, but....... I don't believe there is only one any more than I believe I could love only one of my children. If something happened to M. today, I would think my husband could find someone else to be happy with again. At least I hope so.

I don't think there is "one." I think you can connect and be happy with more than one person, then make your own happiness with attitude, but I agree with Theresa N...... you both have to be of that mindset.

To answer your question....... if someone isn't sure after a year....... well then they J. aren't sure yet. Some other thing could be confusing them other than the actual relationship. We all have issues.

No, I don't believe in " the one". I have had so many people come and go in my life. Most have impacted M. in a way in which I will never forget them. Each one holds a place in my heart. I J. view my life with my husband as what it should be-someone whom I want to grow old and grey with. If you can see that in your partner, then that is truly a gift.

Those of us who have been married more than once can probably say there is no such thing as "the one". LOL! That being said, I think everyone knows pretty quickly if they are with someone they want to stay with. I think a year is a long time. If you are still questioning a relationship after a year, then I would think that would be your answer. =)

Dating, yes, but J. knowing, then no. Some people know their SO's for years before actually dating and I wouldn't expect them to know in those first years when they were not dating that that person was mean for them. However, I'd think after a year of dating you'd have some sort of idea.

I knew with DH in about two months, and we were 16!

It is hard to say, I think people are different when it comes to these things. There were times when I was dating that I J. knew within the first 5 minutes or within a few months that someone was not right for M.. There were other times that I didn't know and I look back that those as life experiences. I can tell you that I knew on the first date with my now hubby that he was the one for M.. Call it intuition.

I don't believe in "the one", but you do and should know in much less time than a year. I started dating my husband on Sept 21st, engaged on November 24th and married him on Dec.31st of the same year.

Typically one is committed long before they know its "the one". It won't be the other way around.

I guess I don't really believe in the concept of "the one." There are probably thousands of men who I could have built a happy life with. Sure, he wouldn't be EXACTLY like my husband, but the central qualities that my husband has that I was drawn to are not unique to him.

In my opinion, you should know in a few months whether or not someone has the qualities you want in a husband, as your compliment and help-mate--someone who makes you a better person, who challenges you, while supporting you. Someone that YOU help to be a better person. I think that dating too long can actually be stifling to commitment, as the little personality flaws that we ALL have, and our idiosyncracies can start to look like a big deal to our partner, when they really don't alter who we are at our core. They can become a justification to end a relationship.

I say this because I have seen my brother do it--find a girl that he really likes, that he has a ton in common with & the same core values....but then he freaks out when they start to see his flaws, and vice versa. That is where the commitment comes in. When they see your flaws, and rather than knock you down or exploit them, they help you to overcome or work on them.

This is my opinion, as a woman. Perhaps men, however, have a different thought process.

I think a lot of it depends on the circumstances. When I met my hubby (online, actually), I knew almost immediately that he was the one. When we met in person, it was obvious to both of us, and we got married a year later. The kicker, however, is that we had to get married. He lived in England, I here. He came for a visit and we J. went to the courthouse so that he could stay here forever. The other kicker, we were 29. I had one serious relationship before (8 years), and lots of short, you aren't marriage material relationships.

I think that when you are older, you can J. know immediately. A lot of it is a choice, a conscious decision you are making, and making together.When you are younger, it's harder, you don't know what you want as much.

I do think you should be able to make a decision after a year. If you aren't able to, then there is some issue clouding things that needs to be dealt with.

I agree with that.
DH and I met in December, we were engaged by March.
That's 3 months , and Married that December, exactly a year.
I knew from the very first.
That was 12 yrs ago.

Here's my take: if you're high school sweethearts, you can go YEARS before getting engaged, moving in together, getting married, and starting a family.

If you're older and have already experienced life, you already know what you do or do not want in a relationship, and yes, you know within the first year if it's going to work or not.

I think anyone in their mid to late 30's and up should become engaged within a year (channeling my inner Patty from Millionaire Matchmaker)... an engagement is a promise to be faithful and monogamous... it takes you off the market. Not all engagement's end in marriage... that's the TRUE trial period.

My thought is no. If you don't know right away, you might be wasting your time. This should be mutual, too. You both should want to spend every free moment together doing things you enjoy for months when you start dating. This is the honeymoon phase. I admit, I was young when my husband and I started dating (16), but we knew in a few months that we were in love - as much as teenagers could know that. We were married 2 years later. We're still married today (14 years). Of course the honeymoon has ended, but we J. know we will be together forever. There was never any doubt. We argue and get stressed out over raising the kids, etc. It shouldn't be complicated so early on in your relationship though.

I knew that the other guys I dated, before my husband, were NOT the one:) always by 4 months often by the second date. I got engaged to my husband after 9 months of dating. He was the first guy that didn't annoy M. by 4 months so I knew he was probably the one by 7 months I knew I loved him. We have been married for almost 16 yrs and I love him more very year!!

It's usually MORE than sufficient to know. Sometimes things grow slowly from friendships over time, due to extenuating circumstances etc. but if you're full on "dating" for a year, you usually know whether or not you truly dig the person and don't want to lose them or not.

For M., I didn't know in the first year, but most likely because I was extra guarded (having been married before, which ended horribly) and J. figured I'd be single the rest of my life. I knew after 2yrs. My husband, who'd been single until 35yo says he knew in a few mos, but it took him 3yrs to propose, haha :)