If You Could, Would You?

I don't fly. Planes fall down and go splat! So no, I would have to have a bottle of Valium and be asleep when I got on the plane and stay that way until we arrived where we're going...but so far I haven't had to make that choice. We stay stateside or we take a cruise. We drive to where the ship is then park and go for a ride. No flights involved.

There is a saying I have heard which goes "Feel the fear and do it anyway." As Gidget and Diane B. said, you are probably dealing with an irrational fear because you know intellectually that crashes are rare, millions of people fly on planes every year without any trouble, etc. I myself have been on planes probably hundreds of times in my 49 years and have never experienced anything more than a rough landing. But that is irrelevant because knowing and feeling are two different things. So I doubt you are going to be able to rationalize yourself out of the fear (though maybe a cognitive therapist could help you walk through it and lessen it). However, consider how much you will enjoy that time in Australia! I am certain it will be worth the stress of the flight, hands down. You could compare it to having a baby. Yes, giving birth is painful... and that 24 hours or whatever of pain is SOOO worth living with the child afterwards. The experiences and memories of your trip will be lifelong.

Get the therapy and/or prescription so you can do those two flights there and back, and take that trip! Good luck, and have fun planning the activities you will do while there.

You have plenty of time before the trip. Don't spend it stressing. Get a referral to a qualified therapist who specializes in these types of fears. It won't take many visits to get a handle on this. You will be surprised.

Do it sooner than later so you can benefit from those skills in other areas of your life too.

Have a great trip.

We went to Australia with our DS in 2012. The flights to our destination took about 26 hours. Neither of us are afraid of flying. It was still exhausting, but well worthwhile. I hope you can work out/ work through your inhibitions and make the trip.

Best,
F. B.

You could:
a. Stay at home and not experience Australia with your husband.
b. Go to Australia, get Ambien/Xanax/Whatevs, overcome the challenges to get there, take the one in a million (literally) chance of dying in a plane crash, and tell your great-grandchildren how you traveled to Australia and had wonderful adventures.

Best of luck! Oh and anxiety can be a real *#!*- but oh the places you'll go if you can overcome your own fears.

Definitely. You have more than a year to prepare - find a professional (therapist, coach, whatever) to help you work through your anxiety so that you can get past this fear and enjoy this trip and others.

My dad "doesn't like to fly" but won't call it a phobia and get help for it. My mom doesn't feel well being in a car for more than a few hours at a time (back issues) so that's out. Consequently, they are both retired and have all the money in the world to travel and see the world but won't because they can't agree on how to get anywhere that's more than half a day away by car. A fear of flying is very common and something that can be overcome - give yourself and your family the gift of being able to get on a plane and see the world!

Life is a risk. You take risk when you get in the car, cross the road, or even take a shower. I'm not entirely thrilled by flying myself. But my grandfather utterly refused to fly and therefore limited himself greatly. They took a BUS from the east coast to the midwest just once to visit us when we lived there. He missed out on seeing new places as well as seeing family. I might never have seen him again if we hadn't moved.

We would like to visit Australia ourselves someday. I've been to England and the rest of the UK. It was well worth the flight. Pay more to be comfortable, have food, be able to sleep, etc.

It is understandable to be scared. We had a flight planned to Puerto Rico right after that plane went missing. But my DH reminded me how very many planes are in the air at any time. Now, nobody wants to be on that one plane that gets lost, crashes, etc. but there are something like 5,000 planes in the air at any time. We only hear about it when something happens. The other millions of flights are entirely uneventful. The odds are in your favor.

I kind if get what you're saying--
For me it's not "flying" itself, it's the boarding and sitting and waiting to move.
Once the plane is rolling? Fine.
Til then? Claustrophobia!
I usually read from the moment I board until the plane starts to taxi.

Yes, air travel is safe.
Yes, it's the quickest way to travel.
To NOT fly will limit your experiences, etc.

Nothing wrong with asking your doc for meds if you think you'll need them.
That's a long flight. Better to sleep if you can!

Good luck!

What happened to the Malaysian flight was sad but it's very rare.
Australia is an awesome and unique place and worth it to visit.
As bad as you feel about flying, I pity the people who had to sail across oceans in tiny ships for months at a time 100's of years ago.
Embrace your sense of adventure!
You won't be facing a whole lot of hardship, starving, scurvy, seasickness, pirates, storms at sea, etc.
24 or so hours (I don't know if you'll have any layovers) and deal with a bit of jet lag and you are ready to surf, see kangaroos, koalas, etc.
Take meds if you have to but you'll be fine!

the flight to Oz is daunting. i don't have any particular fears of flying (although i find it unpleasant and exhausting in today's atmosphere of fear and cost-cutting) but flying that distance is really taxing.
that being said, i'd do it in a heartbeat to get to visit wild wonderful australia!
i agree that coping through pharmaceuticals is your best bet. obviously it's no use simply applying logic. you know all the logical responses, and your anxiety is having none of it. so bypass it altogether, and zonk yourself out. you'll have to allow yourself a 'hangover recovery' period when you arrive, but honestly, jet lag would require that anyway. just don't plan to do anything much for 48 hours after you get there, and then have a blast!
:) khairete
S.

I think you have a lot of great advice! My dad used to be terrified of flying, but has gradually gotten more comfortable with a combination of MORE flights and using Xanax on longer flights. He flies about 5-6 times a year now, and while he doesn't enjoy it, he does fine.
I have never been phobic of flying, but I think we all get little panicky moments sometimes during a very bumpy flight. I fly quite a bit, maybe 10 times a year. Here is my own little irrational thought that always calms me down- I look at the flight attendants and think that this is just their office. This is what they do every day, all day. It's just like going to the office for me- no big deal. And for some reason, that calms me down.
Whatever you need, just do it! Talk to someone, get meds, develop a travel mantra, get a lucky coin, whatever works for you! You will have an AMAZING adventure!!

I do not love flying and we fly a lot, however, I will not allow my fear to control what I do. I would not pass up an opportunity like this.

Educate yourself on the how's and why's of flying, different planes, etc.

You can't dwell on what has happened in the past with air crashes. You know as well as we all do that you may walk out your door this afternoon and take your last breath... we don't know when that day is coming and it is not worth making ourselves sick thinking about it.

I am not one to take RX drugs at all. Personally, I can't sleep on a flight because I have to feel a sense of control and awareness. Talk to your Dr and see what he/she suggest you do so that you can go have fun on this wonderful trip!

Whatever you do.. please go on this once in a lifetime trip. I believe you will regret it if you don't go.

Well, it sounds like you have an irrational fear of flying, and you're trying to force your mind to be rational. I'm not sure that usually works.

I completely understand what it's like to have irrational fears. I might not be afraid of flying, but I definitely have my own irrational fears.

You already know that the odds of you being in a crash are miniscule. You are aware of the facts, so educating yourself is not the problem. You have an irrational fear, and I'm not sure you can simply talk yourself out of it with facts.

I don't think it's a bad idea to discuss this with your doctor and see if there is a prescription you can take for the flight. I would hate to see you miss out on a trip to Australia. I would love that!!! I don't think it's a good idea to jump to medication for every little thing in life, but we're talking about taking meds on two different flights. That's not really a big deal. And if it helps get you through the flight so you can have an amazing vacation? That seems like a great idea to me!

Go for it!!!

Yes, do get a prescription for something. Be aware that it will affect how you feel the first day (or even the first couple of days) after you arrive, along with your having jet lag, so you need to be prepared for feeling very "off" but it beats freaking all during the long flight.

Also, along with your husband, research the statistics on flight safety compared to automobile safety. I know you already know this -- you are statistically safer in an aircraft than you will be the next time you get into your car to drive a few blocks later today.

That kind of factual knowledge helps some people more than others. If your anxiety is irrational and not helped by that kind of knowledge, you may need to have a few sessions (not a lifelong commitment to therapy) with someone professional. Don't be afraid to see a therapist "just" for this fear. it really is not uncommon for people to see a therapist for a single issue like this, if that issue is so serious that it is compromising their ability to do things normally. Imagine yourself getting to the airport and freaking so badly that you don't get on the plane -- the impact on your marriage would be real and serious, so you need to deal with this now. You have plenty of time to work on it but don't try to do it all alone.
(By the way, if your husband is supportive that's great -- but if he's the type who makes fun of your fears or tries to "jolly you out of it" by mocking the fear -- he needs to hear from your new therapist that he has to stop that. Just saying.)

Also, can you try to take some trips involving flights in 2014 and 2015? Exposure to flying would help. You do mention that you can cope on two- to three-hour flights though it's not fun; look into taking a few trips that require you to fly. Expensive, I know, so it may not be an option but could end up making it better.

And be sure to load up on a million things to do during the flight JUST in case you are so tense your prescription takes time to kick in.

I also hate to fly, fear it, and have claustrophobia as well, plus we travel each year to Europe and there are always terrorist alerts at the airports and that makes me very jumpy (less of an issue for you heading to Australia). Those are six- and eight-hour flights and the latter is especially loathsome to me. But I love BEING at the destination where our family is located, and I know that my going means my husband and daughter have a good time, so I get through it. It IS hard, I agree. But you can do this. I really do recommend that if statistics and more flying don't help, you seek a therapist -- there are ones who specialize in helping people cope with specific fears and you can probably find one who has done work with people just on fear of flying. Good luck.

I used to think flying was fun, but with age and with an increase in disabilities I'm not even worried about crashing. I'm worried about the Box O' Germs they call a fuselage. :-)

I have a compromised immune system and a chronic pain disorder with ever-increasing Sensory Processing Disorder.

It's great for other people. If I had the chance you had, I would probably do what I could to minimize my risk of getting sick in the airport and on the plane. As it is, I'm going on a cruise later this summer and had to buy international medical insurance, add an international plan to my android, and will have to make sure that I have all of my vitamins and prescriptions including Epi-Pens and my own beauty products that don't make me sick. Fun fun fun. But when this opportunity came up, I knew I had to take it.

There's no logic to this so I agree you cannot talk yourself into it. You probably ride in cars even though statistically that is so much more dangerous - but that doesn't matter because rational thought it not part of this, nor are statistics. A lot of people feel that seat belts in cars limit their control in the event of a crash and they are so afraid of being trapped that they cannot look at the studies of staying alive being the most important. For many people, being in a airplane and restrained while someone else is doing the "driving" is equally or even more anxiety-provoking. You were already an anxious flyer, it sounds like, so I don't think this really relates to the Malaysian flight. There are people who won't go into high rise buildings after 9/11, but many who didn't beforehand. There are people who can't cross bridges. There's no logic to it.

I don't know why you and your husband are planning this trip now - it seems you have a lot more to do in working through the anxiety. Australia is a very long trip for even those who love to fly and travel. It's many many hours in the air.

You have 2 years go think about how to go about dealing with the anxiety and getting to the root of it. Are you willing to get some professional help? That might be more productive than trying to plan now for what prescriptions you are going to take. Trying to talk yourself out of it is fruitless, and everyone else's opinions are either going to bolster your anxiety or make you feel guilty for feeling it. But it's absolutely not based on air safety statistics so I'd either delve into it more with someone highly skilled, or plan a nice driving vacation you can really enjoy. There's plenty to do that is closer than a 24 hour plane ride!

PLEASE get counseling. Honestly, honestly, you are safer on a plane than you are in a car. I hate hearing people go on and on about plane crashes. They are ignoring reality.

The anti-anxiety meds will help and you can take a sleep aid. You will need to try these meds BEFORE your trip so that you know how you handle them. Do NOT take 10 whole milligrams of Ambien - take 5 mgs - and see how you do with them.

Honestly, there are plenty of people who don't fly until they are adults. This ISN'T the reason you have a fear of flying.

Do you have any idea how much you miss out on letting yourself be held hostage by your fears?

Go get help and beat this. Your husband deserves to have his wife on this trip with him.