Ideas for Time Out

I had to start time-outs with my youngest daughter much older than two. She had lived with her father for a time and had lost completely all discipline she had been taught when she was 5. So I had to start all over again.

As she was lanky and rubbery, she could wiggle and squeeze out of any space and since all three of the kids were daring me at every turn, the time out was the solution short of beating them until a stick broke (spankings were a joke). They just would laugh at me and run off like wild animals.

So, with my little one, I started a time out for infractions as minor as refusing to come home when told or mouthing off.

I used the old beat-up captain's chairs I had in the kitchen and literally had to sit in front of the chair glaring at her with an unemotional glare and my arms firmly attached to each arm of the chair, basically caging her in to get her to sit still.

I'd use the timer on the stove which helped her to feel that the punishment was going to be exactly what I said and no more. OF course she was responsible for making it more if she refused to behave. Swinging arms around and knocking things off the kitchen table, moving from the chair (after she would calm down and I'd retreat from my stance) or any other misbehavior would cost her extra seconds or a minute.

It took a couple of months but she finally began to develop self control.

Here's a note for all: If you have any doubts about discipline or the time you spend or its importance, I can tell you from experience how important it is. When my kids lived with their father for a year and a half they lost every trace of discipline. When they came back home they were like wild animals and their self esteem was in the gutter, they felt worthless and felt that they could not accomplish the simplest of tasks and did not have the patience to overcome basic challenges. So discipline is extremely important for not only life skills, but basic self esteem, socialization and problem solving skills.

Thought I'd just mention that. I re-taught my kids, but it was very difficult and I had to undo a lot of patterns of behavior they picked up from living with their father. It also amazed me at how quickly children will pick up habits; they will very quickly. That can be good but it also can work against you!

My three year old was tough with time out... he has a book he only uses during discipline. We don't call it time out, it's quiet time. The book is one of those hands on ones... tie the shoe, snap the shirt, button the coat one. My MIL made it for my husband when he was little (guess he was alot of work too!). It works because it removes him from the situation and quiets him down so he can be reasoned with.

don't make it a game. I do a minute for each year and if she gets off or down, then the timer starts all over. If she keeps getting off then she goes into bed.

Firm tough love... we don't have many time out's but when they do come you have to be cold. Don't show emotion, just keep putting them back on their spot. We have a kitchen chair that is the time out chair. She knows what it is and she does not want to go there. Actually she refuses to sit on that chair at dinner! It's pretty funny. But from all my reading and Nanny 911 watching, just keep putting them there.

good luck!
~ T.
www.liasophia.com/tarasamuel

I feel for you. My son did that too until we did what all the books say :) My son has quite the temper and also would not sit. The key is to stay completely neutral (not upset, but ok to show you are disappointed), unemotional and firm (never yell or raise your voice..though this is SO HARD to do!) When they come off the stairs you firmly say "sorry, it's time out. You sit there." and plop them back. Set the oven for 2 minutes for a two year old, 3 for a 3 year old so they know there's an end. Give it another 6 months as well. A 2.5 yr old might not get it yet. Again, firm, NO emotion (walk away quickly and start talking to yourself about something you have to do or to another child (the 2.5 year old will think you don't care that much, which is best!), and keep putting them back on even though they might think it's fun. Doesn't matter what they think, unless you are "in" the emotion and you are letting the fact that they are having fun show on your face (aggravation). Again, this is easier said than done. MY daughter is 3 (son 5) and sits for time out. At this age I tell her she'll lose a privilege if she does not sit (taking a toy away) and she does sit. At 2.5 they don't get that consequence. It's hard...best of luck! It'll pass...
S.

Some great ideas listed already :-)
I found that having a little kitchen timer there was a nice thing for my daughter to hold or have near her while she was in "time-out" or a book...but the one thing that worked the best is that we used the same little toddler chair every time that she sat for time outs. We placed it in the same place each time, and always kept it consistent (bringing her back to it if she got up)...no negotiation, no conversation about it. When she saw the chair, she knew what the deal was, LOL! Knowing what to expect every time is key with time out. Don't ever change the location, seat, length of time, etc. as it shows your child that there's a chance for negotiation. Have the same routine, same situation every time. Then follow it up with a cuddle time together to re-group and chat about what happened. Lots of "I love yous" and kisses after the time out, but keep the time-out time consistent, firm, and stick to your routine (even a little variation will give the signal that you don't mean business). On a funny note, I saw my daughter sitting in her little chair (now as an older girl) and I asked her why she was sitting in that little chair that was too small for her. She replied, "I think I miss it a little." And we both laughed and laughed:-) Good luck with it all!! :-)