I Would like to Hear from Other Moms If I Was Right or Wrong.

I agree totally with your response to your older son. He should have been more responsible as a older brother to look out for his younger brother. We as parents (I believe) have to teach their siblings to be "your brother's keeper".We can not be or see everything and it's always a good to have another set of eyes and ears with the people you care about the most(our kids). Personally I think that the mother that choose to put judgement on your parenting skills was totally out of line. Your son will not hate you for teaching him how to be a good older brother; although he will love and cherish the mother that taught him how to be a responsible young man.

M.,
I wasn't there, and can't say one way or the other - but even the most unsolicited and unwanted opinions may have some value. This incident will influence several lives forever - hopefully for the better.

Some unsolicited grandmotherly thoughts for all parties involved:
1. Always try to keep words soft and sweet. One never knows when we may have to "eat" them.
2. When out in public, we never know who is watching (or recording our actions on a cellphone).
3. Never say anything or do anything that you wouldn't want to read about yourself in the newspaper or see on TV.
4. Kids learn by example. Always try to be a good teacher for all kids.

I don't think the lady's not was about responsibilty as much as it was the way you talk to your children. I personally do not think that it's a 12 year old job's go watch a sibling but I really think this person wanted you to hear yourself the way your child does.

M., I am so sorry that you had to go through the sadness of reading that note. The note in my opinion was totally uncalled for. The person that wrote that note really has no idea what kind of parent you are to even judge you. Until someone walks in your shoes...they have no idea!!! All her note accomplished was hurt feelings and I am sorry, that is not right! If I were you, I would get over the note...put it behind you and realize that you are a good parent and whether you were right or wrong about having your 12 year old keep an eye on your little one (for a matter of 2 seconds)you try your best at parenting. We all try to be good parents.....if we weren't, we wouldn't belong to this website and take the time to offer and receive advice from each other. I am sorry for your experience & thanks for sharing your story.

i know we can all improve how we talk to our children. sometimes we let our own "adult' frustrations and stress out on them (me included!). take the stranger's note with just the right amount of importance. she doesn't know you -- you don't speak that way all the time -- and she doesn't know the incident with your 3 year old that makes you hyper-concerned about streets. just take her words as a "heads up." sometimes complete strangers can make a comment and i think -- you don't know anything about me.......but on the other hand -- don't beat yourself up. talk to your 12 year old, and tell him that you are going to talk more nicely to him. and that you are NOT going to make him the "live-in" babysitter. Occasionally, it is okay to watch a sibling if you are 12, but, as one kid who had to watch little ones, it is unfair when you are really a kid yourself and most of the time, there is absolutely no $$ invovled with watching a sibling. sometimes i think the universe does speak to us in different ways if we are listening, but sometimes people are just absolutely wrong in their perceptions of strangers.....however, it never hurts to consider that perception and improve on our behavior towards our kids because as a parent of three also, we can always improve -- maybe don't rely on your 12 yr old so much -- just occasionally at home -- and make it really occasionally -- and we can all work on talking more nicely to our children --
but don't beat yourself up. just wake up the next day and behave with more knowledge........

M.-
I was saddened to read your posting. I think some find it too easy to pass judgement. There is a saying "that it takes a village to raise a child". I truly believe this to be true. It may not have be your 12 year olds responsibility to always care for your younger child but I personally do not see anything wrong with introducing them to the responsibility of caring for others (especially their own family) at an even younger age. Im sure you were upset. Im sure your son was very sad. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, we say things and do things that we probably would not normally do. We are human. We are mothers, caregivers, bankers, personal shoppers, cheerleaders, friends, spouses, sisters, duaghters, siblings, etc and still expected to always re-act perfectly each and every time we are put under stress. Do not beat up on yourself. I myself have been in the situation where I have apologized to my children for my behavior. I have raised my voice when I probably shouldnt have. I have been impatient and exhausted when my family needed me. But, we are only one person trying to do the job of many. At the end of the day, I sometimes reflect on what has happened and many times I wish I had handled things differently. Sometimes sorry is all that can be said. And sometimes an explanation can help the situation. Im sure your 12 year old is old enough to understand the consequences of what could happen. Maybe you could just have a conversation in which you can ask for his help and explain your fears. Its sad that we cannot support and build each other but instead tear each other down. Bless you. Hang in there.

That lady had no business writing that note to you. It was none of her business, regardless of what she thought. After all, she has not walked in your shoes and doesn't know anything about you and what kind of Mom you are. She only knows what she saw in those few seconds in that parking lot.

That being said, I tend to agree with what she said, which is that the ULTIMATE responsibility of watching your children is YOU. However, it's not asking too much to ask your older children to HELP with the younger children. But, they shouldn't have to shoulder the ENTIRE responsibility. After all, even if they are "legally" able to babysit, they are still children and may not be able to handle an emergency situation as well as an adult.

Children are very sensitive to their parents' words. And they work so hard all the time to win your approval. An incident like the one in the parking lot can really hurt them more than we realize. Perhaps you can have a good talk with your 12-year-old son and explain to him why you reacted that way at that moment, and maybe even apologize for speaking so harshly to him. However, stress to him why it's SO IMPORTANT to have him be "Mom's Super Helper" and that may help him understand how you feel, which might help him be a little less sad.

Hi M.
I agree with you. A 12 year old can help watching his or her siblings. Us Mom sometimes need exra eyes. I am sorry for what you have been thru. That person had no right to say (write)that to you. Alot of people comment on how I raise my kids,now they are grown, but they always told me I was to strict and demanded alot from them. My kids were always well behave and new ths value of a dollar since they were 2years old. They helped take care of each other and had chores as soon as they can walk and learn to make a mess. People would tell me that they need to have fun. Also if they want something they have to work for it. Like driving, they had to get a job to pay for the insurance. They don't mind it . They also now help pay for their tuition and they take turns buying groceries wifthout being asked. They are not planning on leave for a while and say they should help us. Alot of people are in dismay how my kids came out, they say it's amazing they do not rebel. Well my kids enjoyed their lives and are very loving and love doing alot of charity work for the community, especially the homeless. My oldest are twin girls, which will turn 21 next week, a 19 year old daughter will turn 20 this week. My son is 17 years old. To sum things up teaching you young to be responsible at a young age is a must. Don't let that note bother you.
Noel