I Want Your Marital Advice

COMMUNICATION! Nomatter how hard it seems, how mad you think the other will be or fear of what may happen next, it's always best to communicate openly, honestly and clean. Congratulations!

This was actually a game my mom had everyone play at my brodal shower lol. I got some funny ones.
I would say communication and for me...keeping things spontaneous! I hate being in a rut.

Be best friends, communicate daily, show respect and consideration. Also fght fairly. Great question.

Congrats! I would say the best advice I ever got (and still working on) is not thinking anything negative about him, ever. It might sound easy now, but after a few years things can creep in and thinking negative things builds walls between your heart and his. If you have some feelings and frustrations to share, try to do so in a loving manner. And going right along with that, I never ever talk negatively about him to girlfriends or to family. Some girls love to get together and husband bash, big no-no! Best of luck!

I never criticize him in front of people. I will talk to him later about his words or actions,
If he made a big mistake and hurt me in some way I never tell my family. I know I will forgive him but that they won't.

Congratulations. I think you are off to a great start in that you are honoring your fiance publicly. Never stop that. And, make sure he always knows that you respect him. Never speak poorly of him to anyone. Seek out his vision for your family, and make it your mission to help him achieve that goal. Be a student of your husband. You have a very powerful position as a wife. You can either build up your home, or tear it down. It's up to you. Which will you chose? You are uniquely *his* wife, not another man's. So, meet his particular needs, not what you think he might need, but what he actually needs. Ask him how you can do that. He will know. Blessings! By the way, I have been married for 22 years, and we have 6 children. We are more in love with each other today than we were when we first got married. He treats me with such honor and respect and love. He works so hard to please me and love me. Your efforts will not be in vain.

One thing that I try to do is make sure he knows how much he is appreciated for his hard work and devotion to our family. And to make him feel sexy!!! =D

The thing I wish I had done a lot more of when I was younger and just starting the relationship with my husband is trying to really listen and see his point of view when we were in a disagreement. So often, I had been really into making him see my point of view and making me right in the argument, that it never dawned on me that there may be two perspectives to be considered and maybe each one is equally right in its own way. What's the saying? "God gave you two ears, two eyes and one mouth for a reason. You should do twice as much hearing, twice as much looking and half as much talking." I do believe this to be true in most instances.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals. I'm sure you will be a beautiful bride.

My husband and I have been married for almost 16 years. We have 3 daughters together. We are supportive of each other in everything we do. We are also very respectful of each other. We still make each other laugh. We also help each other. My husband constantly asks me if there is anything he can do for me. Make sure you make time for each other. It is so easy to get wrapped up in everyday life that you forget to make time for your relationship.

Congratulations!

Lisa

To add my 2 cents to what Dorothy S said. To accept Christ in your life and to let him lead you and your marriage is the recipe for growth and happiness, not just in marriage but in life.

But much to many people's dismay, the bible actually states that Christ is first, followed by spouse, THEN children.

Many couples are failing their marriage and their children by not putting their spouse before their kids. It is our job as parents to SHOW them how a healthy marriage works...living our faith, affection (tons), respect, listening more than speaking (oh how I struggle), etc.

My parents were married 40 years and were only separated by death. I asked my mom how they were able to withstand life's struggles and difficulties and she said: we promised each other going in that divorce would never be an option - it would never be threatened or said. Knowing that, we had no choice but to work things out.

He's going to drive you nuts at times, you will argue, and cry non-stop. But that will pass...love remains the constant.

Prayers for a long and happy life!

Marriage is not 50-50, it's 100-100!
Don't tell your parents/inlaws about disagreements you have in your marriage, you two may be able to forgive and forget, but family will always remember!

I'll pass on the best advice I was given--never keep score. No "I did this so you should do that" kind of stuff.
Congratulations!!!!
J.

Congrats! I am happy for you! The one thing I pass onto people is that marriage is 99% about remembering to treat your spouse better than anyone else. For example, you wouldn't yell at or be sarcastic to your boss or even casual friends...so don't do it to your spouse. Treat your spouse better than that. If you catch yourself about to say something mean to hubby, think about how you would address the issue if it were with a good client or customer. Treat / respect your spouse better than anyone else and you will get the same and more back from them.

Congrats again and good luck!

honesty and communication! :)

agree to disagree. I've been married olmost 4 years now and been together for 7 yrs. The best advice I can give from my experience is that sometimes ya'll are going to disagree about things you might even feel strongly about and a simple conversation can turn ugly so agree to disagree. Also no matter how much you think your husband knows you he can't read your mind. So be patient. Never let the sun go down on your wrath work it out that day.

Separate blankets.
Seriously, the lack of an air gap and no hogging of blankets makes for a happy marriage. :)

Also, making sure to make time for ourselves as a couple is extremely important.

COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE!! This is where so many couples go wrong. They dont communicate. Communication is a must! PLEASE REMEMBER THIS. Congradulations

I would recommend pre-marital counseling through your pastor, etc. He can offer great biblical advice.

My other suggestion, and believe me, it works...is to be a good wife. Keep your house as clean as you can, keep the laundry folded nice and put away and the dishes in the cupboards (not the sink), don't run out of things, cook fabulous meals, don't ask your husband to change diapers or give baths (he might surprise you and just do it, but don't ask), keep yourself clean and happy, and don't forget to take time for yourself after all that is done!

I truly believe good men want and deserve good wives, and good wives are womanly women who don't think housework should be "50/50." It may seem old-fashioned, but I think if it were more prominent these days you'd see a lot less divorce and affairs.

It isn't drudgery, either...I love to do these things for my family; it's very rewarding. I do, however, bop around the house with my mp3 while doing chores, etc. :)

Congratulations!!! I have been very happily married for almost 10 years, and we have 3 children. In my opinion, most marriages fail because of communication or money issues. So the best advice I can give is to have open lines of communication and be on the same page as far as money is concerned. When you argue about something, fight fair. Don't drag up old issues or resort to name calling. Just discuss the issue at hand. And, always respect each other! Best of luck!!

Love is a choice at a certain point, just keep on making that choice together and everything will work out great.

Have a sense of humor
Don't hold grudges
Appreciate what they do, don't dwell on what they don't do (After all, at the end of the day, you love this guy!)
Show respect for each other, even in the heat of battle
Always have his back, and present a united front-especially when parenting.

-Congrats!

As women we tend to be vague about what we want and then we are disappointed. I have learned over 20 years that you have to state what you want, need or expect clearly to your spouse. Men are not good at vague. This has stopped most of the arguments that could have occurred. I use this with my boys too.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Realize that it's healthy to disagree. Laugh together every chance you get! Good luck and congratulations!!

Communication!! I've been married to my best friend for 11 years and we've known each other for 26 years. The most important thing to keep the relationship going is communication! Also make sure to spend quality time together both as a family and as a couple!

Good luck!

My little sister (11 years younger than me) is getting married in June. I've been sending her random "Big Sister Tips of the Day"...kind of my way of giving her advice on marriage without the pressure. Here are a few I've sent her:

"Learn to say I'm sorry. Whether it's something big or something little, don't be afraid to say I'm sorry and mean it."
"Never cook bacon in your bra and panties...it's just not worth it." (This one got a huge laugh!)
"Communication is the key. Using it will unlock greater bliss in your marriage."

These are just a few that I've sent her. Basically, talk about everything. Don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong. And lastly, make sure you make special time for the two of you.

Always put your marriage first, openly acknowledge and appreciate him, laugh a lot, take time for each other each day, each week. I also agree it's so important to be open and honest from the beginning about finances.

Try not to sweat the small stuff. I have caused many problems in my relationship due to my obsessive female brain. I am learning though!

I would say "put God first" -- a 3-cord bond is not soon broken.

blessings to you!

Married 21 years, and we agreed no matter how bad things got in our lives, our arguements, or how mad we got at each other.... we would NEVER say the "D" (divorce) word. It's worked, because we knew divorce was never an option.
Have fun and enjoy your lives together!

Don't expect your partner/spouse to read your mind. If you want/need something you're not getting, say so. When s/he does something you appreciate, say so. Express appreciation for the day-to-day stuff, not just the big stuff. I thank my husband when he takes the garbage out, he thanks me when I clean the cat box, even though it's stuff we do every day.

I didn't read all these responces, but the biggest thing I have learned to work on is communication. If your happy let him know, sad let him know why, thankful tell him why :) We just celebrated our 4th anniversary, we have grown and changed so much, but I feel we are still learning how to compliment each other and go hand in hand as one. It's all about learning!! Best wishes for you a wonderful future :)

COMMUNICATION is the number one thing you both will have to do. Pick your battles. Congrats to you both! I hope you have a beautiful wedding :)

My best marriage advice is to keep your heart soft towards your husband for two reasons. First, because men need way more physical attention then you would think... In fact I don't think he will ever say you have tried to give him to much sex and love. Secondly because by keeping your heart soft and going out of your way to be fun and spontaneous you are actually enabling him to love you better. You will have to communicate your needs to him verbally over and over sometimes before the light goes off to him that you need him to do that certain thing as a way that you feel love, but he will be able to connect with you better if he is not deprived of sex and by giving him sex you and needing sex from him you are meeting one of his most important love languages. P

Date nights, boys nights and girls nights!! You need them all. The guys need to get out and be guys- burp, fart, watch sports or go to games, play poker, no women (no bars though, sports bars/pub ok- but not some dive with single women hanging out.) And #1 rule - take a cab!!! It's worth evey cent.

For you- girls nights or spa nights for just you. You need your time too!! Get the girls together for dinner and movie. Or make a massage and facial appt for you. And once again- cab if necessary. (girls nights can get crazy!) it gives you time to relax, refresh, have fun.

And finally- keep the love alive. Get a sitter or take baby to moms and go out. Get dinner, see a movie, get a hotel room. It's SO SO important!!

Congrats.

"It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis" Margaret Bonnano.

Someone gave us this quote as a shower gift. I love the sentiment, that no matter how rough yesterday was today has a good shot at being amazing, so we have it in our bathroom. I read it ten to ten hundred times a day and try to live by it.

Wow, so much great advice and congratulations to you both. We have been married for 19 years and I can honestly say, we are happily married. I second all the advice already given, make your relationship a priority, have a regular date night, do whatever you want to do, it doesn't have to be expensive but take time for yoursleves as a couple. Marriage is for life, treat it as such.

Keep outsiders out of your business. Address all issues as they occur. Keep outsiders out of your business. :o)

Never go to bed angry.
Talk about everything.
Take time to do things together - you need time to yourselves.
Dates don't have to be anything huge - my favorite dates are a trip to the dump and lunch at our favorite burger place.
Remember to say I Love You -- even when you are on each other's nerves.
When it comes to the children - you need to be a united front - always back each other up in front of the children. If you have differences of opinion, discuss it when the children aren't present. If you and your spouse are on the same page, it's far easier to parent.
Laugh - often.
Be a couple - we've been married 21 years and people still tell us that we are a great couple. We are! We laugh. We like to spend time together. We genuinely like each other. We are funny. We are a united front when it comes to the children. We communicate - often by email and phone. We volunteer as a family - if the kids are in an activity, we are there with them cheering them on and helping out. (Not to say that once in a while we'd like the kids to join an activity that's fully funded by the school... That's never going to happen, but it's a dream of ours.)
Enjoy each other!
LBC

Forgiveness & beable to say you are sorry. Keep the fights clean... and don't argue just because you want to be right. Compromise and pick your battles.

Good luck
DH

Never get too comfortable. Always treat your spouse the same way you did when you were dating. Plan dates, and spend time together... just the two of you...

Love is like a flower... it has to be watered and tended to, or it can die...

My best advice is to treat your husband the way YOU want to be treated. Don't take him for granted. Respect him. Support him. Honor your vows to him. Be pro-active in your relationship. Romance and spontenaity (sp?) aren't not solely the man's responsibility. Be best friends. Be playful and have fun together. Share interests and activities. Don't lose who you are as a woman, not only a wife and mother. Find joy in every single day.

Happy marriages don't just happen, they are built and nurtured.

Two pieces of advice that we try to remember in our marriage are:
1. Try to always make your spouse happy and to feel fulfilled and you will make yourself feel happy and fulfilled. If you are always trying to make the other person happy, it is very likely that they will do everything they can do to make you happy also. The opposite is also true. If you are constantly putting the other person down or just being disagreeable, the other person will probably treat you the same way. You can teach someone how you want them to treat you.

2. Remember your spouse is not your enemy. We went to a Weekend to Remember marriage conference a couple of years ago and several times during the weekend we had to look into each others eyes and say "You are not my enemy. We are a team and how can we do this so we both win." Remember in marriage no one wins if you don't both win.

Also check into marriage conferences. These are great to go to if everything is going well in your marriage or if you are having struggles. Check with your local churches or Focus on the Family. It can give you a safe place to discuss small conflicts before they become big problems. If everything is going great, it is a great way to get away from being mom and dad and to rediscover why you feel in love to begin with.

Best wishes for a long and happy life.

I'm married twice, the first time had i known him better, the marriage never would've happened. had 4 children, stayed together with him for 16 years, the last eight were hell.
the second marriage is going alot better. I knew what i wanted and what I needed out of a husband. and i remembered what an old couple that i met in a diner that had been married for many years told me. which is the principles that I incorporated into my second marriage. and that is"GOD" put God first in everything, before anyone, then your spouse then yourself always last, and i asked him what if i have children. then he said, Put God first, children second, your spouse third and you always last.
This recipe does work. the first husband didn't want anything to do with God.
My second husband is fine with God, we go to church together, he helped me to raise my children, and now we are alone and in the 17 years that we have been together, we have had maybe a handful of disagreements but nothing out of control and crazy enough to be calling for help.
so if you believe in God, and incorporate Him into your marriage, have respect each other, always keeping the lines of communication open to help keep trust and love alive. your marriage will be awesome. Good Luck and Huge Blessings. D.

Pick your battles. Only fight over the really important stuff. Also, set the ground rules early- who is going to do what chores and when type thing. That will save a lot of arguing.
Make time for each other!

Communicate, communicate, communicate! Talk about everything, don't keep secrets, don't keep things bottled up because it leads to problems. When the topic is difficult or unhappy, remember to use kind words and really listen to each other. And say I love you.

Be best friends with your spouse.

It's okay to go to bed angry, or to walk away angry, but ALWAYS say I love you. And say it like you really mean it, not with sarcasm, no matter how angry you are.

Apologize if you are wrong.

Don't share your personal life with others. You should be able to trust each other to keep your personal, private things within the marriage.

Don't tell your problems to family. Family takes sides and they do NOT forget.

Congrats on your marriage. I wish y'all the best, and hope you have a long happy life together.

Finances are one the top reasons couples argue and get divorced - there is no "my money", it's "OUR money", you decide together how to earn it and how to spend it.

Communication is extremely important. Talk to each other. If you're mad because you asked him 3 times to hang up his jacket and it's still laying on the chair, tell him. Yes, he should know, but he doesn't.

Share your dreams.

Find something you enjoy doing together and do it often.

Have "couple" time. No it doesn't mean going out on an expensive date. Rent a movie, make some popcorn and snuggle up together after the baby is asleep. My favorite - hubby's day off is Monday, he picks me up at work and we go to lunch together.

Guy time and Girl time. He needs a night out with the guys occassionally, you need a night out with the girls occassionally.

Agree on how you want to raise your daughter, what disapline techniques to use, education, friends, etc. You need to decide on her care. Be on the same page.

For others reading this... Wait at least a year after your married to have a child, you need to develope as a couple first before adding to your family.

Respect each other. Never talk bad about him, unless it's to the person you trust the most (for me it's my BFF), sometimes you need to vent.

Congratulations!

Congratulations!

When my husband and I were married in the Catholic Church, we were required to attend a premarital counseling weekend retreat, called Engaged Encounter. It helped us to discuss in depth and ahead of time, how, as a couple, we would deal with big issues, like finances, child discipline, and aging parents. It was a GREAT tool, and forced us to think about serious subjects we hadn't broached, being all young-and-in-love.

NOW, after being married for almost 20 years, we've recently taken (and now facilitate/coordinate) Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. It has CHANGED OUR LIVES. I SO wish that the church would have required us to take it, as well. Had we taken it back then, we would be well on our way to a comfortable retirement, with our house paid for and children's college already funded.

Money problems is one of the highest (if not #1) reasons for fights and/or divorce these days. Dave teaches couples how to communicate about finances and budgeting. I've also been surprised to find that since we've taken the class, it's made other disagreements easier to work through.

My best advice would be to find a marriage counselor.

You do not have to be in dire straits to visit a marriage counselor.

Anytime my husband and I are having communication issues or the same issue keeps on arising we go see our counselor. He gives us new ways to communicate.

Sometimes they are so obvious but you just get so wrapped up in the fact that he is not listening or vice versa.

We leave happy and it has worked for us for 8 years. We usually have an issue or two that we cannot figure out on our own about once a year. So we visit our guy once a year. His name is Eugene Webb.

Well first, congratulations! This might sound silly, but I think the best thing that I've done is really commit in my own mind that I am in this marriage for the long haul! My husband and I talk all the time about how we have chosen to be in this marriage until the end and that we are willing to do what it takes to make it work. I think sometimes people feel like if things get tough, then it's not meant to be, but I think if you just really make the choice that you are going to stick it out, you are much more willing to put your ego aside and admit when you're wrong and work hard to make each other happy. I know that sounds really simplistic, but I do think a lot of people leave room in the back of their minds for a divorce. Obviously there can be lots of good reasons to get a divorce and no one should stay when the other person is abusive or unwilling to do the work. BUT I do think sometimes people end up getting divorced because they feel like the other person is not their "perfect" match. I think if you accept up front that no two people are truly perfect for each other because no one is perfect on their own, and that every couple is going to have disagreements and problems, it makes it easier to decide to work on those things instead of giving up. It also makes those little differences less important - you don't take it as a sign that you're not meant to be together.

On a similar note, have a sense of humor. If you can laugh together even in really tough times, there's not a lot that can tear you apart. Don't take yourself too seriously, either. This is a hard one for me sometimes! If I can make fun of myself, it makes it a lot easier for us to talk about our differences.

Also, I know that a lot of people say to never go to bed angry. I agree that you have to work out your problems and disagreements and that you can't give up. But, I do think that sometimes I get so worked up about needing to resolve something that it backfires and the situation is just too intense. If I can give it a break, even just 20 minutes while I go off to one part of the house and he goes to another, we can gather our thoughts and talk about things in a much more productive way. Give yourselves permission to take a break from an argument but commit to not letting it go. You have the rest of your lives to work these things out. Just keep trying.

Also - look for the little things to appreciate. Marriage is not all grand gestures and big anniversary presents. For me it's noticing the little things my husband does like picking up some chocolate for me at the store or remembering to do something around the house the way I like it done. Those are the real expressions of love! But you have to look for them. :)

Don't go to bed angry with each other!

Also, talk, talk and talk some more. Keeping the lines of communication open and honest are the best way to keep a relationship alive.

Best wishes.
~C.

My best advice is to realize you are two grown people and each have your own ways of doing things and it is a journey to find "our" way. Try to remember that he isn't wrong just because he views a situation COMPLETELY differently, easier said than done I might add!! Let him have his viewpoint and be open and up front about what you want and what you think about things, but try really hard to see things from his perspective. Remember that moms and dads are different and your child needs both as she grows. Don't let silly things like money and sex drive a wedge, talk it out, come to an agreement. Wish you the best!

Respect!!!!! If you both show it, then everything else falls into place!!