since we have moved to washington we have had some work done on our place. well while that is going on we have been staying with my dad and step mom. she feels the need to take my niece (whos 2 1/2) every other weekend when my brother is supposed to have her (he and her mom are divorced). which is fine and all.. though i think he should have her and be a dad instead of partying all weekend.
anyways what bothers me is that my neice has no rules to obey by when she is here. when something doesnt go her my neices way everything has to stop to appease her. its ludicris! when my step mom isnt here with her she will listen just fine because the rest of us dont put up with the whining and such from her. a 2 1/2 year old should know what is and is not ok to a degree. She is supposed to take a nap but between 11 and 12 but is never put down then because she is asked if she is tired instead of told its nap time. of course she will not say yes im tired i would rather sleep then play. she when she is actually laid down for a nap its like 3pm and she is a holy terror. I think she may be add like her dad. There are a lot of factors to play into it and its too much to list here.
now all this makes my daughter act out. so when i get after her i get the eyerolls and the sighs and such. I just cant tollerate the bad behaivoir. i do not allow my child to yell/scream and run around the house like a mad man. where my neice does as she pleases. it makes it really hard to parent when you are looked at like a mean person.
My step mom is one that needs to feel needed. she doesnt let her kids grow up. she hovers over her grandkids (when parents are present even). feels the need to interfere when they are being disaplined. its just hectic. I cant wait till im back in my own home to regain control of my child.
thank you all for listening to my vent i feel better now...
oh and toni v. we provide all the food in the house so that is our rent. because i am still paying rent for the place we are having work done on. that was our agreement i worked out with my dad and step mom.
thank you all for your input. we live on our own. we are having work done on our place and it is not safe for our five year old who is asthmatic to be there.
the two year old is my niece. not my child i wouldnt allow her behavior. also its not my daughter that rolls her eyes and sighs its my step mom. we will be back in our place by next weekend (earlier if i can push it!). when reading what i put just now i saw that it wasnt too clear of who was doing the eye rolling and such.
for the mom who commented on writing a letter to my brother. he doesnt care he lets his mom do as she pleases. very rarely does he step in. hes to busy doing his thing instead of the daddy thing. as far as their my neices parents relationship as a divorced couple its fine they are kosher with her. my neice lives with her mom primarily and i dont thing she behaves like that at home because because she has rules there.
I'm sure the people you are staying with "rent free" can't wait until you are in your own home as well. When you are a guest (family or not), you must learn to grin and bare it. The grandparents may be trying to compensate for the child's broken home situation. They would probably do the same for your kids.
I guess we are lucky that my brothers and sister and parents all have the ability to discipline any of our kids. It's the fact that we all support each other as an adult the kids must listen to. I can see where you are frustrated when no one else is disciplining but you so you feel like the bad aunt/mom. You can't control your step mom or your niece if you have not been given permission (oral, written or unwritten as ours is... it's just cultural for us) but you can tell your own daughter that it's unacceptable and you will not tolerate her following her cousin's footsteps. She'll be mad but you are the parent and no other person should control your child directly or indirectly if it's behaviour you don't like. In the end, your daughter will listen to you if you make it so.
At any rate, pray the house will be done soon.
Just another example of why it's so nice to live in your own place :)
Hopefully you'll be back home soon!
Yep, she is raising her son all over again. He doesn't HAVE to grow up and be a father because he never Had to do anything. IMHO you WILL raise your children either now when they are little or have a much more difficult time and higher consequences when they are older. This is a slow train wreck and even if you through yourself in front of it it won't matter to the situation, you will just be run over. In this case get out and as far away as possible and start a new family dynamic. One based on love and respect and joy. Give your daughter the gift of good role models and some parenting classes for you. seek out good moms and learn from them. Now is the time!
why don't you print your letter and hand it to your brother? Also-maybe it would be best to feed the little one and put her down at 1?
I'm sure that it is annoying, but, honestly, so what if you're getting rolled eyes and such? As long as your daughter is obeying you, why can't you tune out their responses to your parenting style?
It's two different dynamics - you have the parent/child dynamic with your daughter. Your SM has the grandparent/grandchild dynamic with your niece. Total opposites!
As grandparents, yes, we spoil our grandchildren. I think it's our job, right? I have kind of a similar situation. I raise my GD, L. My SS lives with us an brings his daughter, another of my GD's, H, to visit every weekend. Now, while I may let H eat junk rather than dinner, I don't want L to. With L, I am the mom so I do the mom thing - healthy food, etc. With H, I'm the grandma who gets to spoil her so I may let her get away with a bit more. L understands this dynamic - I've actually explained it to her. I tell her I'm looking out for her future like a parent, but I'm only in it to spoil H as her parents are the ones looking out for her future. L understands and it's not a huge difference between the two and L know how much I love her and consider her to be the "perfect" child while we both know H has her issues!
It works for us. But all this to say, there are two different dynamics at play and they aren't comparable.
FYI, now you know what your LO is getting away with when he's at your dad's!
I thought you moved out and away from the family... sorry, I can't keep up, LOL!
I can't remember how old your child is, but it sounds like she's still really young. You can't blame the two year old because she is acting the way the adults are grooming her to act. I'm sorry your step mom is the way that she is.
The best thing you can do is get into your own place as soon as possible and let your daughter see her cousin at YOUR place instead of at your step mother's place. That way you can discipline both of the children at the same time and the two year old won't act this way with you.
I would be pretty tough on your daughter if she is rolling her eyes at you (I take it she is not yet a pre-teen.) If you let her keep that up as a small kid, she will be awful as a pre-teen. As soon as you get in your own home, it's boot camp time, J..
Good luck!
Dawn
