I Want My Bed Back!!

Hi M.,
I never knew there was a name for what I did with my daughter. lol, Ferber system, interesting since parents have been doing this longer than that name was even thought of. I had no problem just sticking my daughter into her room, closing the door, and walking away. The first part of her life we lived in a very cramped 1 bed room apartment, we shared the room. She always went to bed before I did and there was only one time where I ended up sleeping in the living room. Be a tough mommy and leave her for the night. She will get the idea pretty quick that mommy will be back in the morning after I have slept. They get it.

i wouldn't reccomend the ferber method, as a matter of fact it goes against every style of parenting i find important, but thats just me. as for any advice, i may not be able to help because our daughter is 4 and still sleeps with us most nights- but otherwise very independent

This was a common problem at our house. To get them back in the swing of sleeping in their own beds, I read to them and then stay with them until they fall asleep. I close my eyes and start to breathe like I do when I am sleeping and they fall asleep themselves. (Note: I do fall asleep sometimes myself). Then I finish what I am doing up for the night and go to my own room.

First of all... our "A little about me" sections start out exactly the same..lol So, at first I was thinking--I didn't post this did I?

Well.. you are getting some VERY conflicted advice on this subject, which doesn't surprise me because everyone feels very strongly about this subject and very differently on it.

I thought that I would chime in and add a vote to team "Don't let her cry it out". A child's only form of communication is to cry-and they need to know you're there. You know that feeling that you get when she cries? That "in the pit of your heart and gut" feeling that just tells you that you HAVE to do something-that you NEED to do something to make be happy and okay???? That's there for a reason. It's because as a mommy it is our job to be the one that never lets our kids cry.

Having said all of that..... I know for a fact what it's like to have a kiddo who cries in the crib. My son is 15 months old and when he was about 8 months old I put him in bed with us for a "few days" just like you did..lol (You live you learn, right?) He is still in our bed because we are moving next month and I don't want to put too many changes on him at once. I've heard that's really bad to do. But about a month after we move and get settled in he's in the toddler bed for good!

He has been introduced (and actually has come to like) the toddler bed at nap time though... He's "accepted it."

But--now that he's older he will sleep in a toddler bed BUT not a crib when I want him to. I was really surprised when I figured this out. I finally realized that once he got used to our bed he didn't want to go back to the confinenment of a crib. It makes sense to me now.

So, my advice if nothing else works... get a toddler bed (put lots of pillows on the ground but she'll learn fast not to roll out even being that young-if she ever even does at all. My son has never fallen out of it). Skip out on the pillow for a few months until she's at less of a risk for SIDS-but then I would add a pillow in there too.

The great thing about laying the baby in the toddler bed instead of a crib is because you can lay them there and squat down beside it and lay your head down by theirs too while you pat her or sing to her until she falls asleep. Then you can go crawl in your OWN bed.

My son has learned that when he's on the toddler bed that I'm going to walk away. He expects it and because of this he is also better at getting himself back to sleep when he wakes up. He'll roll over or whatever instead of just crying and waking me up.

I know you might think she's too young, but I would say try it and it will work. Think about it... Let's say it takes you a month to get her into her crib (of sleepless nights) then 6 months later you have to introduce her to the toddler bed anyway... you'd be killing two birds with one stone here.

Let us know what you decide!! Good luck!!

J.

PS--If you wanna chat with another 22 year old UALR student email me. :)

I think that it is okay to let her cry for a little while - she needs to learn how to put herself downa nd she needs to know that you are there for her. My husband and I had a similar problem several moths ago - our son had the measles ( don't aks - I know no one gets them anymore, but he did!) Anyway he was so sick for so long it seemd and we kept him in the room with us and at times in the bed with us - afterward all our "puttign himself to sleep" work had been undone we did a combo of things. the first was that we set up boundaries - Iknow they are just babies, but the do understand routine. Here is what we did. We have used the same luliby CD since he was born so he is familiar with the songs. The first night we rocked to three songs and then put him down - he cried for about 15min. , my huisband went in one ( did not pick him up)time to let him know it was okay. After a couple of nights we rocked to one less song - until it was just one song. KNow he is asleep before the song ends and does not cry at all.
I know this is a long response, but we felt like this tactic accomplished two things - letting him know we were there for him and letting him know that he would be okay on his own.
No matter what advice you get - you know your child the best and know what will work and come up with the best combo that suits you and your child. above all have faith in your abilities as a mother to guide your child!!!

best of luck

When you put her into bed, try staying in there and patting her on the back or head or something so that she knows your there. Each time she cries wait a little longer to go in. I don't know if you ever watch "Supernanny" but she has a book out and she talks about the method that she teaches parents to help their kids sleep in their own bed. It seems to work pretty well. We haven't had problems with our kiddo sleaping yet (praise God!), but if we do I plan on trying it.

Also. Don't feel bad at all about having your daughter sleep on her own. You DO need your own space. Just because you are a mother doesn't mean you stop being an individual or a wife. You need to take care of YOURSELF and your MARRIAGE so that you can best the best mom for your kids. If you don't set boundaries while they're little it will be ten time harder when they're older. You deserve some space of your own. Don't let anyone else try to bully you otherwise.

I have gone through this with my son several times. Anytime he is allowed to sleep in our bed (vacation trip, sick etc) he has a hard time going back. One way I dealt with it was by putting a sleeping bag on our bedroom floor. He would start out in his own bed but if he couldn't sleep and needed to come in our room he could climb into the sleeping bag. (You could also just pull his mattress in). Each night just push the sleeping bag a little closer to his own room. (First by the door, then the hallway and finally on his own floor.) It worked with our son.
I just read that your daughter is only 7 months. This would really be for an older child. When my son was younger we used Baby Wise. I am a Licensed Family Counselor and don't feel that you should feel bad about letting your child cry it out. I read one response that must have made you feel horrible. When I child is truly in distress then yes by all means tend to their needs, but when it comes to sleeping a child needs to learn to self-sooth.

My advice to you is this, be consistent. Put her in her bed and let her vry for a short while if need be. Go in and reassure her that she is ok then leave again. She will fall asleep and learn to sleep on her own again. This may take several nights. It is better to brake her of that habit sooner than later. I also live in Fayetteville and have a two and a half year old little boy. Feel free to write if you'd like to get in touch sometime. I am 26. Hope this helps. This may be harsh, but don't listen to anything that Lois person said. I don't know why she freaked out over a simple question.

From my husband to whom I complained "I want my bed back!"....."soon enough, they will not want to be in the same building as you let alone the same room or on the same couch. Take it for what its worth now because it won't be here tomarrow and you will cry for your babies."

He could not have been more right. I no plans of a good nights sleep for at least another three years or so. (min are 8 and 6)

The best advice I can give you is to just let her cry it out. I have a 4 month old and we've tried to not let him get attached to sleeping in our bed. I lay him down in his crib and he usually starts crying everytime...but he has to learn that when Mama puts him down for bed, it's time to go to sleep. I let him cry for 15 minute intervals. When I go in his room after 15 minutes, I talk to him to let him know everything is all right, touch his face and body, turn on the mobile, things like that. Then I leave for another 15 minutes. He eventually gets the picture and puts himself to sleep. Sometimes he cries for a couple minutes, and sometimes it's more like 45 minutes. But my husband needs my time just as much as our son needs my time. Keep trying to break her of that habit because you need your space, and she needs her space. She will eventually learn to sleep in her crib again, but it's gonna take some long crying bouts. Just stick it out! Crying won't hurt her, and it'll be better in the long run.

I know this will be tough, but you may have to try a little tough love and let her cry it out. When she cries go into her room and tell her that she is OK and that you love her and thet it's time for bed. Wait 5-10 minutes and do the same thing. (wait longer before going in again) After a few nights she will get the hint and begin to sooth herself. I promise it will be much easier doing this now vs. when's she 1 and older.

Good Luck!!