I Wanna Be the Kool Aid Mom

My mom, was not the koolaid mom, not by any stretch of the imagination, but she did have a habit of serving us, and any kids who came over donuts as an after school snack. Years later one of my friends told me that that donut was a real paradigm shifting experience for him. He had always thought of donuts as breakfast food, and the idea that you could eat a breakfast food at some other time of day really expanded his mental horizons.
This little anecdote just goes to show that I was a child of the sugary seventies. Don't stress about the food so much, it really, really doesn't matter.

Honey, you just need to be yourself, and serve your kids what YOU want them to eat...and be proud of it. Stop comparing yourself to anyone else, especially a neighborhood mom who is serving junk food.

BTW, here's what I make for the neighborhood kids: Home made Mac N Cheese and Homemade Lemonade.....I now have the older boys lined up making the lemonade, as I've made it so much. My son's friends enjoy coming over and they usually ask if I have lemons, because they want to make it themselves while over here. The only thing I do is wash the lemons, pull out all the kitchen items: cutting board, knife, squeezer, pitcher, sugar, measuring cups.

And one of his friend's just this past week for his birthday present, asked my son if he could have the kitchen gadgets to make lemonade. His mom has never made it and she doesn't have the juicer....

See, when you are yourself, your innate talents and interests will positively affect someone in your life.

You can't compete, don't try ; ) When your kids say "We had such and such at so and so's house" just smile and say, "How fun!"

And they can be "tempted" but if you don't do the same at home they can't follow through on it so let them live it up at her expense and be glad for them : )

You know the saying 'The grass is always greener on the other side'? Well I wouldn't try to compete. Just be yourself and people will naturally be attracted to you.

For all you know their little boy might be talking up the Chex Mix he had at your house because all they have are ice cream sandwiches :-)

I am answering before I read the other responses. But I can tell you being the koolaid mom is not all about wha tis served as snack. It is all about how you make the kids feel. My mom was the koolaid house when I was growing up and I have been and still to some degree am the koolaid house for my kids.

My kids are now 29, 23, 22 and 16. When the older kids were in school I started out making sure I volunteered in the classroom. Get to know the kids your kid will be hanging out with, be the driver for after school events, go to concerts and games so other parents know you. then start inviting kids over to "work on projects" have playdates, make cookies etc. probably the biggest fanciest snacks we ever did was graham crackers dipped in frosting lol. I never made fancy stuff for these things. they got what we had. by highschool level they jsut got in the fridge or cabinet and said "hey is this for anything?.... about crackers, chips etc. put them in the kitchen to play games etc, or the family room, not bedrooms or basements where you have to make it clear your checking on them. have them where you can see / hear them but don't have to open a door or go down stairs to do it. I liked to have them at my house as then I knew what was going on. Don't buy fancy toys / games etc. just have basic stuff and they will like it.

as far as other peoples houses you can't really control what they are eating / playing. the only thing you can control is where you allow them to go. set your house rules clearly and stick to them. ours were pretty straight forward, no running no hitting no fighting. hitting and fighting would cause a playtime to be done. they learn that quick.

you will be amazed at how much you will learn about the other kids and their families if your the driver. don't try to talk just listen they will be off and running with whats going on in their lives. and just so your clear you can't just up and become the koolaid house when your kid is in highschool it has to start early. otherwise you will have the teenager who is never home and you won't know whats going on in his /her life. start early. good luck

My daughter's friends loved to hang out at my house and we were the poorest family in our circle. I didn't have the latest video games and snacks were simple and healthy.
The kids liked my house because they could take off their shoes, kiss the dog on the lips, and put their feet on the coffee table while they played old-school Nintendo and Sega.

What does it mean to you to be the Kool-aid mom? Is it about being liked? Is it about your kids being liked and happy? Is it about how much time friends spend at your house? Is it about quieting the vicious voice in your head that lists all the reasons you are a "bad mom"? Is it about unresolved issues from your own upbringing? Is it about what "others" may think about you?

So often as mothers we don't stop to hear the vicious voice in our heads and understand what our real motivations are. Too often we have fears that are driven from unconcious irrational beliefs such as "I'm not good enough" and "I am unloveable". We then play out these fears in our lives.

Guess what, you will never live up to the vicious voice in your head. Stop trying. Once I started to recognize how it would incessantly beat me up I started to listen and then question everything it was saying. I learned to move from fear to curiosity. I would respond to the "your a bad mom" with "Really? Ok. Sometimes I don't live up to your unrealistic expectations and if that makes me a bad mom so be it. I still seem to be getting the job done, my kids still seem to adore me, and the world hasn't ended because you say I am a bad mom."

So, instead of being the Kool-aid mom what mom are you? Are you the Juice and Laughter mom? Are you the "you have lots of acceptance and space at my house mom? Are you the "have a great time at your friends house I will always be here for you mom"? Are you the "what new and exciting thing are we going to learn today?" mom? Define motherhood for yourself. Be unique, not perfect, unique. Be who you already are, not some ideal someone else has defined.

I vote for the Bowling Alley over the Bounce House! That way you can have the kids form teams and do competitions. One of them could turn pro and would all be because of YOU!!
LOL!!
My son's friends all LOVE me and call me mom. They like hanging out at our house because we have fun. We laugh. We connect. I never had the coolest drinks or the coolest snacks. I just hung out with them and talked and listened. Many times the kids would come to me to talk about things they could not talk to their own parents about. It's about acceptance.
These kids are now in their 20's. And alot of them showed up at my husbands funeral when he passed away a couple of months ago. They respect us and they love us.
Good Luck!! and Most of all HAVE FUN!!
D.

i'd have a huge problem with someone offering my kids an entire ice cream bar without my consent, first off. i have a neighbor who is constantly offering my son popcicles, little debbie snack cakes - he has been taught that he ALWAYS asks me before accepting food from anyone, and he does not get a lot of sugar - i have no qualms telling him "not this time". sorry, i have no desire to be "ms. popular mom". that's not my job. my job is to take care of my son and do what's best for HIM.

there's no competing with this woman. of COURSE irresponsible, unhealthy bribery is ALWAYS going to win with kids. i would suggest being the mom and quit worrying about being the BFF. in this game whoever has the most disposable income wins anyway. and i make a point never to get into a fight i know i will lose.

stick to what you believe is best for your kids. no competing is necessary. my neighbors always have the tv on and when my kids have friends over, they all (my kids included) ask to watch tv. i just say, "no, we're not watching tv right now. there are lots of things to play with in the kids' room. go have fun." if someone is hungry at a non-meal time, i give them each a cup of water and put a box of crackers or a bunch of sliced apples on the table. i'm being totally serious.

At elementary age, kids are old enough to know that some houses have different rules and customs. I wouldn't worry about ice cream bars and sprite. Your kids will know that these are treats they don't get at home and they will not be at this house every day. Continue to invite your kids' friends over. My kids are older now - 12 and 16, but when they were young, no one ever turned down a playdate invitation here because our snacks were not exciting enough.

Don't stress over this. It's not worth it They'll eventually migrate back to your place. When we were younger we had a family of 4 kids that lived a few houses away from ours. Their dad worked for IBM back in the late 70's. You can imagine the high tech stuff he brought home. The kids were the first to bring ATARI into their home. They were the first family on the block or should I say our area to have a "playroom" with all the coolest toys. It was fun! My parents couldn't compete with them. They never showed it either. My mom's only suggestion was if it were possible to play outdoors, such as the stoop of one of our friend's homes or ours, so all parents could keep an eye on us. We would gather what toys we had, and the lot of toys they had and we'd have a great time. The only person who actually paid attention to our friends stuff was my sister. I don't know what it was about her, but all she ever said, was, I want to have a playroom, pool and up to date tech toys for my kids. Well she got it. She's now living off her child years through her own kids. Go figure.