I Received Lots ofWalking to School

I think that's old enough to walk to school, especially if it's a busy street (less likely to be harassed/approached by strangers.) Hopefully she's been taught how to be a safe and careful pedestrian.

Yes, I think you are being a bit reactive. There is nothing wrong with walking to school. You look at school parking lots now and they are packed because everyone is driving their child to school. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a child walking to school.

totally not over reacting. big issue and not ok. all that comes to mind is Amber Dubois. She needs a ride to school at that age.

I really think it depends on your step-daughter. Is she mature and responsible? I know children who are younger than she who walk to school and are fine and I know children who are older than she who cannot be trusted to make it to school on their own.

Yes, I think you're overreacting. She's 11, not 5. It's 1/2 mile, not 5. It's a busy street, not a desolate, hidden street in Compton. You should've called your DH or her mom to see what was going on before interfering, IMO. You are needlessly creating drama where there doesn't need to be any, and being judgmental of the mom, too.

I don't see the point in driving a PRETEEN to school, especially if it's well within walking distance. DD's school is K-6 & it's the norm for a kid that age (and younger) to walk alone.

I understand that you are coming from a good place, but I don't think you need to be pissed about anything. Kids need to learn how to handle themselves at some point, you can't shelter them forever. It's not as if she was thrown to the wolves.

Are there sidewalks and crossing guards? Wouldn't worry at all. When I was a kid, elementary school kids (that would be 5 and up) walked if it was less than a mile, Jr. High and High School kids walked if it was less than 2 miles. No one's parents drove them (unless you lived more than that distance and missed your bus). Half a mile is a 10 minute walk at a super easy pace. Walking is way healthier than being driven to school

I think what you are reacting to is the fact that you were unaware of the situation, not so much the fact that she's walking.

In our district, children who live within a mile of the school are expected to walk. We have sidewalks and crossing guards, so there isn't as much of a safety concern.

She's 11 and as long as she's responsible and knows the route there's no reason why she shouldn't walk to school! Let her mother know that if the weather is bad, you would be happy to drive her. Otherwise, it's not a bad thing.

I think that by 11 it is reasonable to expect a child to walk half a mile to school. She needs to know how and where to cross streets safely, but I wouldn't be upset in your position. She is much more likely to be injured in a car accident than walking to school.

I think you're overreacting. Most schools have crossing guards. She's 11 years old, and it's .5 miles. That's not far at all. I walked much farther than that when I was a kid. She may be walking by herself, but I would assume that other kids are also walking to school. It's normal. If she's mature enough to know how to cross a street safely, there's no real issue.

Maybe her mom said - miss the bus again and you're walking?

Did you ask her why she was walking? I think you should before you confront her mom. Then, assuming all is ok, offer a ride. Sounds like you're close by.

A lot of those posting (OK, virtually all) say it's fine, but only YOU know the route. You may have good reason to be concerned: How many streets does she have to cross? How busy is the cross traffic and turning traffic at those intersections? Are there stoplights and are the pedestrian crossings well marked? Is there a tendency in your area for people to do "slow-and-go" at intersections and slide through without fully stopping? (In our area there seems to be a culture, at certain intersections, of drivers totally NOT expecting there to be any pedestrians around, so drivers slide around corners without even turning their heads to look for walkers, etc.).

There are a lot of factors like those to consider. If the walk is just crossing one small street, there's a school crossing guard, etc., quiet area, it probably is fine. However, the folks posting here that she should just walk it don't know if your SD has to cross five streets or one, or whether there really IS a crossing guard at school (not all schools have them!), etc.

I would talk to your husband about it. You may be over-reacting but you also may have a legitimate concern. Maybe tell mom, "Hey, I gave Sally a ride today -- I hope that was OK with you that I picked her up since I was passing anyway. I didn't realize she was walking to school so it kind of surprised me. If she ever needs a ride because she has a project to carry, or if you want to set up a regular ride for her with me, let me know." And I'd leave it at that for now. Ultimately it's up to her mom to decide, if the mom has custody of the girl at that time of day; however, you can offer to help out.

My kids have been walking to & from school since they were 8 & 9 years old. It's only about 4 blocks, but that's just under a half mile in my estimation. For our school district, anyone who lives within 1 mile of the school & doesn't need to cross a highway to get there is deemed a walker. For us personally, I have to be at work before my kids start school so driving them is not an option.

Is her mother's address a designated 'walkers' zone? In the area where I work, if a home is in certain neighborhoods (that can be as much as one mile) the kids walk to the High School. Lots of kids get beat up, smoke, drink, etc on the way to and from school on the paths that have been designted for the walkers. I think you did the right thing by picking her up. Did you ask her why she was walking (ie, normal routine these days)? I agree with you 100%. If my daughter was in an area for walkers she would be catching a ride from Mom or Dad everyday....too many creepy kid snatchers out there! Kudos M.H.!

My kids aren't that old yet but I see younger than 11 year old kids walking to our school at least 1/2 a mile alone. I think it depends on the norm for your area. Walking to school is a great thing! And statistically, there's a higher chance of a child being hurt in a car accident being driven to school than something happening while walking. Likely the mom should have discussed with your husband but I wouldn't get too worked up. If your SD was solo on a deserted road, not so good. If it's a busy area with lots of other kids walking, I think it's great.

I am the classic overprotective mother that would never let my child walk to school in this day and age. I would be SUPER pissed. Some may say that a 1/2 mile is a short walk to school, but if it is truly that short of a walk, why isn't her mother driving her? It's not like it would take that long. What does your husband think?

I think it totally depends on what she has to walk through.

There is a major road that leads to the elementary school. There are lots of work trucks and people walking through the neighborhood that do not live here each day.. Also it is still dark in the morning when it is time to leave from here to get to school. That is why we did not have our daughter walk.

The middle school is also close to a2 major roads that would have to be crossed and these streets are packed in the mornings and afternoon.

If we were in a subdivision and not in the Central part of town, I am sure it would be different, but it has just never been possible here.

Do not even get me started on all of the stuff she had to cart to and from school each day in her backpack as well as carried in her hands. We usually had to put it in the back seat there was so much.

I can understand why you'd be concerned, but I agree with other moms that 11yrs old is old enough to walk to school (or to a friend's house, local store, etc.) on her own as long as her primary parents think she's shown reasonable maturity and the route is safe enough. In many respects, she's probably safer walking on a busy street then on an isolated one, as long as there is a safe place to cross (i.e., traffic signal or crossing guard). Tweens really need to develop independence, and this is a good way to start. After all, you're going to need to let go eventually and it's a lot easier to do so if you help develop your child's independence and confidence at an early age. To put this into perspective, I started letting my kids walk alone to a close friend's house a few blocks away at age 9 (elementary school was too far and the road was a busy one with no sidewalks). They were expected to check in with me by phone when they arrived, however, so I knew they got there safely (perhaps your stepdaughter has a cell phone and can do this when she gets to school?) By age 11, my son was walking or riding his bike to middle school 1.5 miles from our house, and would ride to the local mall or movie theater to meet with friends. I let my kids fly alone to overnight camp starting at age 12 and 9 (older son supervised younger daughter, and they were met by the counselor at the airport). By 16, each flew from L.A. to N.Y. on their own to meet up with a youth group to fly 1/2 way around the world to Israel. At 17, my youngest flew by herself from L.A. to Paris to study there for the summer. Now they're at college, and I have no idea where they are most of the time -- you just have to progress toward helping them mature and letting go, and it's all about baby steps.

Also, consider this. In today's environment of rising childhood obesity and the health challenges accompanied by it, a 1 mile walk (to school and back) is a GOOD thing -- it could be the only excercise the child gets besides 45 minutes of PE or recess.

It's clear you care about your stepdaughter, which is wonderful, but you should mention your concern in a caring way, not an angry way, with her mom. Better yet, since I'm guessing this is your husband's child, I would let him broach the subject. But I do encourage you to find a solution that everyone is comfortable with, and that guides this young lady towards adulthood.

She's not to young to walk to school but I'd be thinking like you, that I'd gladly drive her to school if she had to walk alone. Walking alone isn't the best thing. I'd have my kids walk with at least another kid for me to be completely ok with it. Maybe you can offer to drive her to school. That's what I would do.

Since your schedule seems to permit, ask if you can pick her up in the morning when she doesnt have a ride. I am like you, I am fearful of what could happen and make sure that I cover my bases with rides and such. I'm sure that if you appraoch it well, this can be a relief for you and her mother and a nice time for you to share in the morning before school with your stepdaughter. :)

I'm reading the answers that say you are overreacting and i only have this to say...if something was to happen to that little girl and you not say or try to do anything you'd feel horrible and there would be a different tone here. You and I know it only takes a few minutes to get to know others and look for alternative ways that "lessen" the chances that something would happen or add protection. Even a buddy or 2 to walk together...

The school district shouldn't have any walkers where it isn't safe. My kids school has no walkers because there are no sidewalks on the road the school is on.

At 11 she can definitely walk by herself. Would my kids do it? Not if I could help it.

I would not be concerned unless she is walking way early before school starts. Otherwise, there should be tons of parents driving their kids and walking with them as well as all the other kids walking to school around her so its not like she is out in the toolies by herself with no one around.

Talk to her mom about having her walk to school everyday with a friend. But if you can drive by and pick her up that's great. Or how about you go over every morning and walk to school with her. Walking is a great exercise and it sounds like a good opportunity for you two to get together and talk.

I walk with my kindergartner most days just a hair over half a mile to school. Portions of the trip are down busy streets. As long as there is a side walk or grassy area to walk on I think an 11 year old can handle the walk. It would be nice and a little safer if she had a friend to walk with her. I see many children younger than 11 doing the walk just fine. It's wonderful that you are concerned and obviously care about your step daughter, but that's something for her mother and father to work out. Maybe you can start picking her up when you take your daughter to school.

Hi MH,
I mean no disrespect, but yes, it does seem that you might be overreacting if you are 'pissed' in any sense. Surprised, perhaps. But pissed? Seems a bit inflammatory.
I agree with the others who suggested that you mention it to your husband and let him talk with his ex if he has any concerns. But as far as your position with the child's mother, I'd respectfully suggest that you stay out of it. Good luck and kudos to you for being such an attentive step mom!

Unless there is an unusual safety hazard (no sidewalks, no safe place to cross at a light) then an 11 year old is probably fine walking. Everyone less than a mile away walked when I was a kid (starting at 4th grade--the bussed K-3 kids). I would be okay with my kids walking when older (over about 9 and able to cross streets safely and follow other pedestrian safety rules).

If you are unhappy with the situation either offer to drive her yourself or talk to the mom (or have her father do it). Definitely have a conversation with the SD about safety rules for walking (following traffic signs, not talking to strangers or whatever concerns you).

It's not the same as when we were kids. I wouldn't let my child walk alone. It's not worth taking the chance. I wouldn't be pissed, but I would be concerned. Maybe talk to your ex about it or can you offer to pick her up and take her? Don't know if it's out of your way or not. I'm assuming she and your daughter attend the same school....