I Need to Sleep.....

Get the book the NO Cry Sleep Solution. I did have to do a little of a cry it out with my daughter, I would lay her down and go in every 3 min to calm her, I would pick her up and rock her then lay her down still awake but sleepy. It took 2 days and 45 min the first night then 15 min the next night. She still got up once a night to have her diaper changed but went right back to sleep, most of the time she was asleep on the changing table. I also HATE cry it out but I needed to do something to teach her to self soothe, I truly believe that is why she was waking in the night. I do believe that they need their Mommy and believe that when ever they wake up I need to be there for them, I do not know why they woke up, if something is wrong, did they have a bad dream, a fever, are they sick, etc. GOOD LUCK!!!!! I have been there and believe me my daughter still does not sleep through the night and she is now almost 2 1/2.

I admire you, I don't know how single mothers do it all! I have heard that *some* nurslings get most of their milk needs met at night. I agree with the person who said you'll regret t if you ween now, I regret weening my first early. My suggestions: maybe start bed time an hour earlier, so you can still get alone time, and go to sleep earlier too? Or instead of having to get up in the middle of the night to bring the baby to bed with you. she starts off in your bed? good luck, this too shall pass! Your a great mom, and doing a great job, hang in there.

Hi J.,

I feel so proud of you! Yes, I believe it WILL get better eventually. One day your daughter will sleep through the night and one day YOU will sleep through the night too! When that day arrives you can look back and be happy that you were so loving and affectionate. Your mother's intuition seems very strong and I applaud your commitment to raise your girls this way - there aren't as many mom's out there that are as informed or as strong as you these days. Just stay the course and hang in there. While a few of the Mom's here have criticized your actions, I think many of us are totally in support of you and have given some great tips (ie. night weaning ;)

I really dont know what to tell you other then, I understand how you feel, I do the same with my son,its hard I did the same wiht my daughter aswell she is now sleeping she just turned 3 I did stop breasting feeding way sooner the that, I dont know what to do eather am tired a lot too I do have a husbun but the baby dont want him at night, so hes not much help, for me when am haveing a really hard time with the lack of sleep I just think to myself how luckie I am to have him in my life, think of all the joy I get from him and thank GOD that hes lets me have hime in my life it does make it a little better, sorry that I dont have any help but I know for me it helps to know that am not alone good luck

J.,
You are doing a wonderful thing for your Daughter! BFing is the very best thing for her. I also think that there is nothing wrong with co-sleeping. Based on what you shared I don't think that you really want to wean your daughter. I was surprised by the very harsh comments made by some of the resonders!
Have you thought about night weaning your daughter. Dr Sears has some great suggestions on how to do that. One of the things that he suggests is that between the hours of say 11 and 7 (you can modify that to fit your family) nursing goes night night. Check out his web site-good stuff!!
Also remember that you are a teacher and the end of the year is one of the hardest and busiest times of the year. With the summer will come relaxing days and naps!!
You might also want to read this article it talks about how night waking and nursing is very natrural. I think that you will enjoy it! http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detsleepthrough.html
Hang in there!
Blessings, K.

the book babywise you need to read it now!!!!

Good for you for doing things the natural way! I'd say that what you have right now is very good compared to what a lot of moms have to deal with. My guess is that you need more support from other moms as well as taking a little rest when you can other than at night. Will you be off this summer? Enjoy your daughters. They'll grow up fast! I definitely wouldn't wean at this stage. You'll regret it, I think. Many, many babies do what yours is doing and some far less cooperative at night. You're doing good. Don't give up - take it day by day. This too shall pass. If she is waking and wanting you, there's a good reason.

Hang in there!

My kids each nursed until they were 2, but I reached the point when they were between 15-18 months that I was completely exhausted from the frequent night nursing. I had pretty good success with night-weaning using Dr. Jay Gordon's method:

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

It's a gentle approach designed for co-sleepers to help change the baby's sleep patterns. So I just wanted to share that it is possible to night-wean without completely quitting breastfeeding if you need more sleep.

I hope you're able to get more sleep soon!

J. T,

Good for you!!! I nursed and co-slept with all 5 ofmy children, and you will get past this tiredness. Nursing takes its toll on your energy level anyway, and sometimes co-sleeping will too, but I wouldn't have done it any other way, its what felt natural and right for us.

The first thing I would like to suggest is to make sure the sides of the bed and the foot have somthing there so your not worrying about the baby falling off the bed. I always used those mesh siderails for children (one on the side and one at the foot) then I stacked folded blankets and pillows up against those to act as a soft wall.

The second thing I would like to suggest is not really to wean her, but when she wakes at night for a feeding, offer her a pacifier first, if she takes it great, if not then nurse as usual, at least you will know if shes hungry or not.

Something else I always did was to sleep topless, it made nursing so much easier and I could drift back to sleep, once the baby had latched on. Sometimes every extra minute of sleep you can grab can really help.

If you have summers off then try to sleep in later or just get some catnaps during the day. Also don't be afraid to let the housework, or non-vital chores lapse a bit. Just tackle the high priority stuff and the rest will wait for you.

What you are doing will reap your baby a lifetime of benefits, and just remember that "this too, shall pass".

J.

Everything I have done/decision I have made/decision I have "changed" since having kids 9 years ago has been for the health, safety and well-being/happiness of my children...just like most moms :)
After having kids I went all organic, no-chemical and no-doctor (unless arms are broken, strep throat, etc.). I see a chiroprator and a holistic MD, and I research everything to the point of nauseum!!
When it comes to sleeping, however, it is my strong "opinion" that the best thing you can do for your child is help them to develop healthy sleeping habits. Good sleep is a necessity for children's growth and development, and more importantly, such an important ritual to develop in a healthy way. It broke my HEART!! to let my kids cry it out for a couple nights (that's all it ever took), but they were so much better off once they did not need ME to fall asleep and could instead fall asleep on their own (get themselves back to sleep on their own too if they woke during the night). My son was 8 months (bad tummy troubles), my 2nd was 6 months and my last one was 5 months.
I do completely understand the natural mindset, but having to have someone get you to fall asleep is not natural once you are no longer an infant. I am not saying it is a terrible thing (it is personal decision I suppose), but really...everyone needs to learn to fall asleep on their own, and the younger they are the better it is for them. My 2 older kids are great sleepers and my 18 month old is thankfully on the same track.
As a bonus, not only are you doing her a favor...but you will be doing ALL of you a favor by getting your own health/energy back.

I know it is hard to be flexible when you have such strong beliefs (speaking from personal experience here :), but you really need to find a balance in certain situations and be 'flexible'.You are not "abandoning" your core beliefs just because you find it may be smarter to "change" an initial decision along the way...you are just being a good parent by looking at all the options.
Best of luck!

I give you a lot of credit for being a single mom and meeting your children's needs!! : )

My understanding is that around 2 1/2 years old children start sleeping better at night regardless... so it might have been the weaning or it might have been just coincidental.

Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? It's a natural non cry it out way to help children sleep better at night. I can't say I've used it, but I have friends that it's helped a ton. You could also consider night weaning without weaning entirely.. and that would help your sanity I would think!

Also if you aren't already... consider going to La Leche League. I think you'd find that you're not alone there and it always helps me to realize I"m not the only one that has a child that's not sleeping through the night.
Best wishes...

Hi J.,

I SOOOO feel your sleep deprivation. You have my story 9 months ago. I too did not want to CIO, I was ready to breastfeed until 2 years, we did the co-sleeping thing... everything. And my daughter was a HORRIBLE sleeper. Since day 1! She hated being laid down alone, she wanted to be held, she wouldn't sleep more then a few hours... she started to sleep better and then went through a growth spurt around 10 months and everything was awful. I was a walking crabby zombie!

Around 14 months I NEEDED something to change. I was impatient and felt like I wasn't giving my best to my daughter because I wasn't taking care of myself. I decided to determine if the night feedings were REALLY feedings or if they were comfort measures.

I really paid attention for a couple of nights to HOW my daughter nursed at night. Was she really eating like during the day, or was it light and not much actual swallowing and drinking. I determined that it was significantly different then her day time feedings and felt very strongly she was only nursing for comfort.

So, after about 3 nights of the same thing... I decided it was time to wean her off night time feedings. There were other ways I could give her comfort and let her know I was still there. The next night when she woke I went in, I checked her diaper, changed it if it was wet, took her potty (we followed EC practices and now we are in full blown potty training, but that's another story), then took her back to her room sat in the rocker and rocker her and cuddled with her. She DID ask for milk. I just calmly told her it was not time for milk, but mama would rock and cuddle. Sometimes she would ask me to sing to her, so I would. (we sing a lot in this house) It took about 3 nights, but eventually she didn't ask for the milk any more. After about a week, she didn't wake up anymore in the night!!!!!!! :-) It was the first time I had gotten 8 hours of solid sleep since before I as pregnant!!!!

In addition, she started going to bed easier. I no longer had to rock her to sleep. We could have our cuddle time, and then I would say 'mama is going to lay you in your bed now' and then I would and she would be fine, and just go to sleep.

She kept her day time nursing sessions for awhile, but soon started weaning herself. She finally dropped everything at 18 months. I really don't think weaning her off middle of the night feedings had anything to do with it. She's a VERY active little girl, a good eater (NO trouble getting her to eat solids), and very independent. She just decided she was done.

My horrible sleeper is now a great sleeper. She does tend to be an early riser...but she does at least sleep 11 hours at night and then takes a 2 hour nap during the day.

This too shall pass.

Try to find some time to rest during the day. It really helps. Maybe have your older daughter have some quiet time in her room when the baby naps...and then you rest too.

I congratulate you on extended breastfeeding and doing things naturally. It's so important and gives our little ones such a great healthy start.

Good luck!

Congratulations! You are an awesome mom - having the tenacity to keep going with the nursing but realizing that you need to take of you too. and doing it on your own!!!! Wow! I am a single mom now to 8 and 10 year olds and can't imagine doing it along at those ages!

I weened my youngest at 2 years so a bit of a different story probably - but - I was gone overnight for a wedding and he didn't wake up at his Aunt's house. This gave me the clue that he might be fine if I was away. I actually left for the weekend and he weened of the night feedings. I was back to sleeping well. So, if you have someone who would support you in this way ( I was married at the time so it was easier!)

Good Luck!

It might be too obvious, but can one of your family members take your girls for a day and give you time for a nap? Or two?

I also try to handle things in a natural way and sometimes I take a dietary supplement that will help me to sleep when I can't. There are no side effects and I don't wake up groggy. Let me know if you want to know about that.

Hang in there! You can do this.

S.
____@____.com

Hey there, I understand that a lot of the things you are doing for your daughter at night are because you don't beleive in making her "tough it out", but you deserve to get a decent nights sleep and happy kids start with happy mom as it sounds like you are already starting to realize. Crying it out is very hard, believe me I have done it with my daughter, but if done correctly it only lasts a few nights and once everyone is getting good sleep at night you will notice a huge difference. Your daughter is old enough that she should be able to sleep at least 8 hrs without eating and you are only providing her comfort with the middle of the night feedings and I know that feels wonderful but this will continue until you make her stop as you learned with your older daughter. Co-sleeping also teaches kids that it is scary to sleep by yourself, and the younger they are when they learn to sleep alone the easier it will be.

J.,

It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job with your girls! I too nursed my children for their first year and suffered many trials on getting my children to sleep at night. One thing I would suggest is not nursing your daughter until she falls asleep as this can cause them to look for the same thing if they wake during the night. Try nursing her but put her to bed before she actually falls asleep. Try creating a bedtime routine in which you read a book to her and then sit in a chair right by the bed. After a couple of days of reassuring her you're there start moving the chair closer and closer to the door. Eventually you can progress to the chair being outside the door. If my daughter stirred and asked where I was (when outside her room) I would run back to the chair and tell her i.e. I had to go to the bathroom, daddy needed something, etc. Then it got to where I would read her a story, tuck her in and tell her I was coming back to the chair once I finished ironing my clothes for the next day. When I was "finished" she was usually already asleep. :)

She's now seven years old and listens to a Disney Princess CD when she goes to sleep. It gives her something to focus on that is positive and gives me a better nights sleep.

I hope this helps. :) I know it's something that we all struggle with and are willing to try anything to get some sleep.

Good luck and hang in there!

C. :)

J.,
First I applaude you in your desire to raise your children as naturally as possible. I am a chiropractor in Eastpointe, MI and know how important it is to allow our bodies to grow without interference from unnatural sources. I would suggest that you and your daughter talk to/see a chiropractor.
Chiropractors are not neck and back pain doctors, we are nervous system doctors. Our bodies are self healing and self organizing. The central nervous system (our brain and spinal cord) and the peripheral nervous system (the nerves that branch out of the spinal cord and go to the cells, tissues, and organs in our bodies) control how our bodies heal and organize itself. If there is any interference in the communication of our nervous system with the body, then there will either be increased activity or decreased activity, either way the body is no longer functioning at it’s highest potential. Chiropractors call this interference a subluxation (sub-lux-a-tion). This interference/subluxation is caused by three major life stresses- Physical stress (trauma, repetitive motions, poor posture); Biochemical stress (preservatives in food, drugs- prescription, alcohol, smoking); and Mental or Emotional stress.
In regards with your daughter, she might have a subluxation that is making it hard for her to settle becasue of teh stress on her nervous system. It will also benefit yourself in that your body will be better able to relax in what time you are able to relax.
If you have any questions about anything, I would be more than happy to help. You can write me back or you could call. My work number is ###-###-####, I am one of two doctors at Khalil Family Chiropractic. I hope that this information gives you some encouragment that you are doing a wonderful thing for yourself adn your children.

Yours in Health and Wellness
Dr B. G

Hello J.,
I feel for you in your difficult sleep-deprived state. It looks like you have received some helpful advice already. I agree with the suggestion that you ought to determine if your daughter is nursing out of hunger or for comfort at night. It sounds like eliminating some or all of the nighttime feedings (and getting your daughter to sleep for longer stretches) would bring you the most relief. As someone else wrote, reducing nighttime feedings does not mean you have to wean entirely, and if your daughter is used to nursing to fall asleep, she has no other strategies to get back to sleep on her own.
Do not feel guilty or disappointed in yourself if you have to change your course a bit. I am sure you have chosen the belief system you have because you think it is best for your family. However, if these strategies are leaving you depleted and a "worse mother during the day," maybe some adjustments would utimately be best for you and your family. For example, I have a relative who firmly believed in breastfeeding. When her fourth child was born very soon after her third, she found out after a few months that she couldn't keep up with the rest of her children and be a "good" mom while breastfeeding exclusively. She made the difficult decision to supplement with formula for the good of the entire family.
Blessings in figuring it all out.
Rachael

You are right about eveything and are doing a fantastic job. There certainly are sacrifices to raising children, but your well being shouldnt' be one of them. That is the line I drew, to know when something needed to be changed, and I was truly sleep deprived. Right now, as long as she has you to put her back to sleep, she isn't going to do it on her own. I'm all for doing things the natural way, and sometimes nature needs a little coaxing. I like the idea of establishing a routine before bed, and with all routines she will probably be a little fussy, but that is okay. She is learning what her temperment is, and so are you. My last child was over 3 years of age when I finally said enough, I needed to sleep through the night.My entire life was suffering becausae of being sleep deprived. After all other methods failed, repeatedly I might add, I did let him cry it out and had results by night 3. You neeed to do what is best for you and your family, not be bound to a definition of natural or anything else. Try to make taking care of yourself integrated into your belief system also, not just taking care of your children. Hang in there! You will find the method that is best for you and your daughter!

I had this idea when I was pregnant that I was going to breast feed my son until he was 2 or longer and stay home with him for a year and carry him in a sling all the time etc etc.

These are all WONDERFUL things. I have a friend for whom all of the above worked and she has a fantastic seven year old.

The reality for me, however, was that I ended up having a serious breakdown (PPD and previously undiagnosed bipolar) shortly after my son was born and was hospitalized twice in his first four months. I lost my milk supply during the second stay, in spite of pumping, so when the donor milk ran out I started giving him formula. When I was released my husband told me (rightfully so) that on no uncertain terms was I well enough to care for our son 24 hours a day and that he would be going to daycare. I was so dizzy and out of it from the meds at first that I needed the stroller as much to transport him in as to hold myself up.

Obviously a very extreme example but I'm trying to make a point.

I had to give up on my idea of the way things were supposed to be because as badly as I wanted to do things the 'natural way' it didn't work for me and that made me a REALLY CRAPPY PARENT. So now I have a formula fed, day care attending, stroller riding eight month old who laughs and smiles and has a momma who properly medicated and rested. He is PERFECTLY FINE.

If you no longer nurse her at night and are able to be a better parent during the day as a result then perhaps that's what you need to do.

Is there any chance of starting a "family nap" in the afternoons?

As you said already... As your older one got older it got better... It will get better!!!

Perhaps before nursing at night try giving her a snack. Crackers etc so that her belly has a bit more weight in it. Then nurse and put her to bed. See if it helps...

Parenting is trial and error. Finding out what works with THAT specific child and staying flexible enough to find the golden key for each different child. :-)

Yes. Get a baby sitter now and then and get some sleep.

Not to be rude or anything, but co-sleeping is a known no-no. You've put yourself in this situation. For good reasons sure, but you've been proven that MAYBE one or two parts of those good reasons have to be eliminated. DO NOT sleep with her, DO NOT feed on demand. That is conditioning, and in the world of psychology, that means you're teaching her to need these things on a schedule. Even tho it could be the case that she could just as easily learn to NOT be hungry that often and sleep on her own. You're allowing guilt to over rule your own health and reason.
I applaud you with the herbs, homeopathics, etc. But sometimes there needs to be a reasonable balance. You need to take control and make adjustments for all involved. Otherwise you'll be in so deep you can't get out. It's okay to let a baby cry. Better now than when they're logical, thinking teenagers who will use the same guilt technique.

J., why don't you want to try to "cry it out" method? I give you credit for doing what you think are the best things for your children. But your lack of sleep and your child's inability to soothe herself are obviously harming both of you. The "cry it out" method, if done correctly, doesn't mean that your child will cry it out every night forever. If you do it sooner than later, your child should only cry it out for a few days to a week. Isn't that worth your sanity, your health and your ability to parent well during the day? Your lack of sleep is extremely detrimental to your health!! You will NOT harm your child, and yes, it will be a little hard for a couple of days. I know, because I did it and a couple of days of heartache has been better for all of my family in the long run. My children are happy, healthy, and extremely good sleepers. And so am I.

Good morning. Throughout our lives we develop beliefs about everything. As we grow, change and our lives become different our beliefs change to accomodate those new situations. Often times, we find ourselves struggling to hang on to a belief that no longer works for us - without realizing what we are doing. First I would find out (honestly) why you are holding on to an outdated (since it isn't bringing you peace) belief. Does professing your belief in these things make you feel like a better mother? Do you feel that if you believed in taking a firm stance and being a boundary setting mother that you would be less of a mother? Do you feel that you have to stop your life in order to assist in the raising of other lives? These are some very good questions to ask yourself...and more importantly to answer honestly. A child without limits and boundaries lives in a constant state of worry and fear...worry because they don't know how to set their own boundaries and fear because the world is so big and they are so small and they feel as though they have no chance of dealing with it. It is too much for them to handle - as they have yet to develop the skills to do so. That is where you come in and set those limits for them.! As they learn to live within those limits and expectations, they learn about themselves and how to manage. Without those lessons, they will live just as chaotically as you currently are.

A mom can't give 100% - if she doesn't have 100% to give. Right now, you don't have that. Your children are dictating to you what you will and won't do, every moment of the day. They are the parents here...not you. Your conflicting beliefs about what is and is not acceptable indicate that you have some inner conflict about what you really truly do believe and what you feel you have to believe in order to view yourself as a "good" mother. Sit down - alone with yourself and honestly figure out what you want...then decide how you can get it. Simply saying that you want to sleep is not enough...it is too vague...and doesn't address what I think is the real question in your request for help. You are unhappy...your children will see this - and emulate it. Time to sort yourself out - decide what you really do believe and make some changes. The children will see that and respond accordingly.

Sleep well and remember...you can't be true to someone else until you are true with yourself; and you can't be someone's everything if you are not everything to yourself!!