I Need to End Bathtime Battles

My son is the same way. How we get around it is having him look at the ceiling and having him hold washcloth over his eyes. Also, even though we give him a bath every night, we don't wash his hair more then 1-2 times per week (depending). We have also given him a very short haircut so it doesn't take that much water to rinse his hair.

Good luck.

Hi L. -

I have a 4 1/2 year old who does the same thing. He hates getting his face wet anywhere - pool or bathtub. What I did is I bought him some swim goggles. He LOVES them. He picked them out at Wal-Mart (they're pretty cheap too) and he wears them in the tub. He wears them out of the tub too. :) He pretends he's a superhero. Hope it helps.
A.

My girls didn't like to water on their faces so I just take a wash cloth fold it up to cover their eyes and have them hold it there and tip their heads back, then I am able to rinse off the shampoo with out a wimper...good luck!

Totally sympathize. My 5yr old in the last few months started to stop this screaming too. My 2 1/2 yr old is not good with the hair washing either but tolerates it more.
I have bathed them separately before but mostly together.
Swimming is a great suggestion. My oldest is afraid of getting his head wet but he's also has lots of sensory issues around touch and getting messy. Hope things get better.

Dear L.,

Geez, I'm sorry everyone's giving you such a hard time about bathing every day! Clearly that was not the point of your question, nor the source of your problem! I only bathe our almost-3-year-old daughter every 2 or 3 days because she has very dry, sensitive skin, but I insist on washing her hair every time, and she has absolutely hated that part since about 18 months of age. (Screaming, crying, pushing, thrashing, etc!) She'll use a cup to pour water on her bath toys' heads and say "wash hair," but if I pick up a cup, she freaks out.

Nothing helped much until recently when she became old enough to understand the concept of future rewards. I'm not generally big on "bribing" kids, but in this case, it seems worthwhile. One night I explained to her that we were going to wash her hair, as usual, because that's part of taking a bath, but that if she was nice about it, she could get a treat after bath was over. (A Skittle or Vitamin C gummy or similar...) However, if she was not nice about it, and screamed and cried and made it hard to wash and rinse her hair, I would still wash it, but she wouldn't get a treat. She agreed that she wanted a treat, and was surprisingly agreeable throughout the process. (She still hated it, but the thrashing was milder, she didn't scream, and she let me do it!) It's worn off a little since the first few times, but in general, if she starts to get awful, I remind her that she has to be nice if she wants her treat, and she settles down. (I also still try to get the whole hair-washing part over as fast as I possibly can.) We make a big deal about the treat, and she wants to show Daddy her treat, and I tell her I'm so proud of her and she's a good helper.

I'm sure at some point the novelty will wear off, at which time I think I'll try that "bath hat" idea. (Nice one!) You could probably do a whole star chart thing if your son was into that kind of thing -- whether it's treats or stars, I think encouraging cooperation is a useful skill. Oh, and swimming has had no effect on the whole thing. She loves the pool and the ocean, but she's still scared of water in her face, and she still despises hair washing.

Best of luck to you! I just try to remember it won't last forever... but right now it's SO frustrating! (And if her skin could handle baths more often, I would definitely give them to her -- I don't know about everyone else's kids, but Katie gets very grimy very fast!)

- L.

Just wanted to say, too, I bathe my kids every day. I wash hair every other day or every three days, but I insist on a bath a day. I typically don't use soap in the water, just for a quick wash. If their skin seems dry (not often) I use lotion.

hey L.. i had the same problem with my 2yr old little girl. so instead of trying to distract her from the water i started to tell take a wash cloth and say "sweetie im going to put this nice and tight over your face so no water will get in your eyes or nose." then before i would pour the water on her head i would worn her "ok sweetie now im going to take a little bit of water and gently pour it on your head to get all the soap out. close your eyes. here i go. ok im going to do it two more times. ok heres the second one. ok one more time. ok here it comes. YEAH! all done! you did so good. im so proud of you!" and as soon as i started doing that with her all the screaming stopped and she never even complains now. i hope this helps. good luck!

i've had the same problem. and the younger brother was fine with having his hair washed until my oldest set the example of freaking out. now they both hate it. something that helped was going swimming more often and my husband teaching him how to hold his breath in the water. now i remind my son to hold his breath like in the swimming pool and he handles it better. another thing i learned is that hair washing signals the end of bathtime and sometimes he was throwing a fit because he wasn't ready to get out of the bath. so now before i wash his hair, i say something like, "you can still play in the bath for a few minutes after i wash your hair." i've tried the bath visor, but it's hard to get to all the hair when washing it. the visors are helpful in the shower, though, because the kids don't have the water constantly running down their faces. the water can sting their eyes after a while, not just the soap. i got my visors at Honk's $1. you may end up bathing them separately eventually just for fighting. my friends with only girls actually enjoy bathtime. but most of my friends with only boys experience the same kicking, pushing, teasing, fighting, etc that i have to endure. maybe it's just being territorial. good luck!

Hello, My son is also 3 1/2, he hates water in his face. We have him hold a dry wash cloth over his face when we wash his hair. He is just now getting to where we can do it without the washcloth. We have ended the bathtime battles and I hope this will help you end yours! good luck!

we use bath time as part of our nightly ritual. we started having the same problem with the fighting over hair washing, which she used to love...anyway her daddy was bathing her one night and showed her how to hold on to his hands while he put her under the water so that she had some control instead of giving up all her independence as she went under the water. It has helped.

You don't need to bathe or wash there hair everyday, a sponge bath every other day would cut back some of the hardship, and as to the hair unless it is really dirty it really shouldn't be washed everyday, once a week to twice a week is all it needs, over washing removes essential oils from their hair, actualy that is true of bathing.

I can tell you my know 6 year old was exactly the same way, but by about 4/5 he slowly started to outgrow it, and today he is really good, he still doesn't like to have his hair washed, but it isn't a battle.

I son't think that is what you really wanted to hear but good luck!

Some kids are like that, my husband was like that from what I understand. Have you tried maybe a shower where he has a little bit more foot control. My dd loves the shower and baths are occasionally at the grandparents.

Do you wash your hair everyday???? I don't.....why don't you get a calendar out and let your kid pick the days he wants to wash his hair and he gets to pick the days he doesn't wash is hair.....give him a little power they love to feel like they have control in their lives. If he breaks the rules on his day to wash his hair then he doesn't get to pick anymore.

L.:

Maybe you could try having your husband bathe him as well...and see if he reacts the same way. Also, you might want to think about swimming lessons. This would get him used to the idea of water in his face is okay and won't hurt him...of course, there is no soap or shampoo;)
Check out books from the library or buy some books that put bathtime in a positive light for the "both" of you. Make sure he has some tools to get his face wet by himself-washcloth-one with animals or a bright colored one. Put a cup in the bathtub so he can experience pouring water over his head.
Ask him if he would like to try rinsing the shampoo by himself with the cup. That way, he is in control. Then, see how he does and help him do the rest. Make sure the shampoo you use is tear-free because it could complicate matters if it is not.

doesn't bathing him daily dry out his skin?? that's just what i've heard. He will grow out of it!

I TOO insist on a bath everyday-I wouldn't worry about that. This was a suggestion given to me and it really helped. Get the plastic sun visors (Michaels crafts) and have the two boys decorate them with things like sponge shaped fish, water-proof paint, whatever and make "water hats!" Then at bathtime-have them wear their visors and tell them that your "great idea-helps the water stay out of their face!" Try it-may help HOPEFULLY! Good luck!

Hi L.. I don't have any additional suggestions on how to make washing the hair easier on you and your son but I just wanted to offer my support to you in wanting to bathe your kids every day. I too am a Mom who insists on having a bath everyday for my kids. I know that doctors say this is not necessary and not good for ones skin in our dry climate but none of my 4 kids has dry skin and I like that they go to bed fresh and clean. I know how much I like to take a shower at the end of my day and I beleive that kids feel the same way. In any case, keep bathing every day if that is what works for you and don't worry about "overbathing your son" Good luck.

T.

I don't think (depending on the activities) that a 3 year old needs to have their hair washed every day. Besides that, why don't you sit down and have a chat with him when everyone is calm (not before bathtime either). Ask him why he doesn't like it and ask probing questions. Ask if he'd feel better if he were to pour the water himself or have earplugs or a nose plug. Maybe he's gotten water in his ears or nose before and didn't like the way it felt afterwards.

i would start by giving the 20 month oldhis bath first as the 3 1/2 looks on and then he could see what fun he is missing out on. and praise for not screaming. another good idea is to use a childrens watering can (dollar tree) or a shower hose that hooks to you bathtub. ther are the kind that detatch from the wall mount. and last but not least you can use those big carwash sponges to squeeze as you gently rub his head.

this just came to mind. get his ears checked. he might have a problem with the sound of the water going in or over his ears. you may need to use water proof ear plugs. and have his hearing checked.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. When my 3 1/2 year old son turned 18 months, he began a water phobia. For the next 8 months we would have to stand him up in the empy bathtub and pour water on him to wash him, and he would still scream. Even after he could sit in a filled tub again, he continued to scream when I washed his hair. I tried washing it in the kitchen sink...I tried showers, everything. I finally let him do it himself. He would start by using a washcloth to get it wet (it would take a long time because the wash cloth couldn't be dripping) and then I would put the smallest amount of shampoo, and he would "rinse" it out. He had a build up of dirty hair/dried shampoo in it for a while, but he got more comfortable, and he just wore hats in the meantime! His now 18 month old brother bathes with him, and LOVES the water. He loves pouring it on his head/face ect., and so by watching his little brother and seeing that there is nothing to fear, he now pour water over his own head! A miracle! As we were building up to this point, another solution I found was to let out all the water in the tub except for maybe 1 1/2 inches. He would lay down so that the back of his head was on the bottom of the tub, but the water was low enough that it wouldn't go in his ears. Then he would plus his ears and allow me to wash his hair carefully, as long as I didn't get water in his face. He still hates water in his face while swimming...hopefully he'll get over that soon!

Good luck!

You say that giving your children a bath every day is important to you. If it isn't drying out their skin, well, okay, (though many 'experts' discourage it) but their hair doesn't need to be washed every day. Children's follicles are much different than adults-- they don't produce the amount of oil that we do. Try washing his hair every other day or so. Though it probably won't help with the battles on hair washing day, it will give you and him a needed reprieve in between.

My 3 year old is the same way, he throws a fit whenever we wash his hair, especially if any water gets in his face. I don't get it because he doesn't care if his face gets wet any other time, like in a pool or with the hose. I keep his hair cut pretty short so what I have started doing recently is having him wash his own hair. I showed him to get bubbles on a soaking wet wash cloth and I have him drape it over his head and rub it really good. So far this has been working and where he is in the tub every night I figure it is getting clean enough.

Our DS is the same way, and always has been. We let him wet his hair himself, either with a cup or by laying down into the water. It has helped a lot. Swimming lessons did not help him at all. As far as a bath everyday, he might be more cooperative if it were not so often. Unless he's been outside and is dirty or sweaty, he's probably fine. A shower may help, but don't be surprised if he totally freaks out. Our DS is worse in the shower. GL! I know it's frustrating. We're glad DS #2 is not the same way.

All my ideas were already mentioned -

Don't need to bathe the kids every day in CO - too dry
Get one of those foam hats

Possibly enroll your kids in swimming lessons (especially the 3 1/2 yo) to get them used to the water.

The longer he holds on to that fear the harder it will be for him to learn to swim (which I consider an essential skill).

Hi L.,
Unfortunately, this is very common and usually hereditary. lol. My son is horrible and my sister was and my mom... It is because they have realized that they should be scared around water and the sounds are sometimes scarry (underwater). They eventually grow out of it. My son is almost three and he is getting better. He still hates swimming though and I try to take him frequently to get him to relax. I really just try to get the water the right temp. so it is relaxing and talk in a calm sing-song and repetitive voice saying, "Oh this feels so nice and relaxing. Oh doesn't it sound funny when I knock on the tub when you are relaxing." Oh yeah, keep the water pretty shallow as well the deeper the more they slip around and feel out of control. I also try to ask him if he is ready to wash his hair yet a couple of times that way he knows it's coming and I also keep my hand under his neck or back or head so he feels a little safer. Sorry I hope it helps because I know those screams are ear ringing and stresses us poor mommies out.
L.

Wow! I bet you are totally worn out after bath time. I was lucky enough to have one that loved the water, but the other one was a challenge. I finally decided to choose my battles and in the end I won. They really don't need to bathe everyday. In fact, in dry climates, it can be hard on your skin. My hubby and I just decided to let him take it at his own pace. We would let him play in a trickle of water in the sink or tub filling cups and what not which helped keep the major dirt down and we also went to the pool several times a week in the summer. When he was allowed to approach it at his 'comfort' level, the battles decreased and then ended. Don't know if it will help you, but it totally made my life easier and now we can't keep him out of the water (or dirt). Good Luck!!

I used to bathe my daughters every day...however, that's when we lived in a humid climate. After researching how to live in this dry climate, I learned that it is better for our children's skin not to do this. Now we bathe every other day unless there is some reason (such as pool water or extra dirty) to break the rule and give a bath two days in a row (or even twice in one day). The health of my children's skin has improved being that they are no longer as dry as they used to be. It's actually been advised to give baths every 3 days and once in a while I even do that. On that note, my 2 1/2 year old hates having her hair washed unless she gets to take part in the process. I let her scrub and I get the spots she misses (although really only the roots need to be washed...more research involving hair care). I also let her rinse her own hair with a cup and I get whatever she has missed. This has worked very well for us. When my oldest two daughters were younger, they took baths together and had fun washing each other's hair and washing each other's backs...made the process more fun for them and I imagine helped build their confidence. Good luck to you!

My five year old screams or cries as well when I wash his hair. He has been doing this for about three years or so. Yeah, it drives me nuts too! I usually end up yelling, unfortunately. I have asked him on several occasions if it hurts, when he tells me no I tell him that I don't want to hear him screaming and crying. I have purchased some ear plugs that are used for swimming but haven't tried them yet, I just keep trying to stick it out. His younger brother who is two, doesn't like the water either, but when I tell him that he can tip his head side to side to get the water out he usually seems to stop freaking out. It could be that he is afraid that the water won't drain out. Perhaps you could suggest the same thing that I have and see if it works. Let him know that he can breath out of his mouth or his nose even though his hair is getting wet. I think that was one of my sons problems.

I understand not wanting to get water in your face. I'm 28 years old and even when I take a shower I don't like my face to be covered in water for very long!

Have you had him take swimming lessons? This might help him to get over it, but you will also want to make sure that he is ready for it and not force him into it. My five year old likes to go to swim lessons even though he doesn't like his hair getting washed. Go figure!

try rinsing using a wet washcloth, let him play during bathtime

Get him in swim lessons ASAP. even though mine loved swimming from day one and passed quickly out of level one, she screamed. But now she knows how to float and lays down in the tub to rinse her own hair. She still fights a bit with the rubbing in the shampoo so I try to make silly songs and hairdos. Put a mirror in there might help too. this way he can see what is going on. I also taught her to put a towel over her eyes. I explain this is exactly how Grandma used to wash my hair. She likes that. But get him in the swim lessons and try to keep it going for several sessions in a row...sounds like he is a bit scrared of the unknown.