I Need Tips on How to Get Through the First Holiday as a Single Mom.

at night after he goes to bed then lay down and cry. While he is awake it is christmas time and he is three. You dont have to go all out with christmas cheer but try making the time you have with him happy. Bake some cookies even if they come in a box. I have been where you are it is rough hold him close be thankful for him. There is no greater joy than a childs face on Christmas morning!

Spend time doing things you love with your kids. Stick close to family, love your children daily and know that you are better for it. (I was a single Mom of 4) I had no money and made the kids things. They still remember the silly things we did when they had no idea I was lonely and sad....keep your chin up and you will be fine. Your children are gifts, enjoy them.

K.

Hugs to you A., you will get through this, its going to be hard, no doubt about it. Focus on your son, do things with him to bring joy to him, his smiles and laughter will get you through this. On down the road, you'll be stonger for it. In the mean time, curl up in a ball and cry, after you put him to bed, don't let him see how much you're hurting. Crying is good for you. Good Luck, and have a Merry Christmas:)Sue

Hi A.

I know this is a very tough time for you but I just want to say good for you for not putting up with his garbage. You deserve better than that.

Everybody has given you great advice. I especially agree with Anne about starting new traditions. My kids were very young when I went through my divorce but I still thought it was important to have that special tradition just for us. You don't have to do anything extravagant. I just buy each of my kids a new Hallmark ornament each year (I stay away from the ones in a series because I would never remember each year which ones to buy). I buy something that is of interest to them that year such as Hot Wheels, Barbie, Shrek, etc. Then I wrap them and put them under the tree the same day we put the tree up. Then I let them open it right away and put it on the tree. The plan is for each of the kids to take their ornaments with them when they move out so they have something to decorate with when they are adults. Hopefully they will keep this tradition going for their own kids.

Other than that just try to keep in mind that if you can make it through this Christmas, then each year it will be easier. I always had a motto...I can do bad by myself. If he's not making things better for me then I don't need him. It's not always easy being a single mom but there are many benefits to it. Just think, if you want a puppy you get to decide that all by yourself. If you want ice cream for dinner, nobody will be there to make you feel like a bad Mom.

Please feel free to email me if you ever need to talk. I've been there and I know how you feel. I wish you the best of luck.

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this. I also want to give you a lot of credit for leaving as it took me seven years to leave my x. I think it takes a very strong woman to leave an unhealthy situation. The idea that you made the decision for yourself and your son is wonderful. I have a four year old who also has a great deal of energy. I can tell you that I am not going through a divorce but we are going through a foreclosure and attempting to find a new home. It is hard to focus when things are not going right around you. I want to stop and cry every second as I feel that I have failed, but I also know that I have succeeded in my life in other aspects. We have a lot of medical problems that have brought us to where we are now. How do I focus? I look at my son and realize that he makes all of the holidays. Sometimes I feel that I don't have the strength to make it through the day, but my son is what makes me get up every day and carry on. I love my husband, but he is not what gets me through the day. My son does....I hope that this gives you some inspiration. If not, email me and we can babble if you need some support ____@____.com can wallow in some of each others misery...j/k. Take care

*hugs* you are in my thoughts and prayers, hang in there!! It might be too late this year, but being a single mom, money is always tight on the holidays. I was a single mom for a while and one gift that you can always give, that is low in price is photos. You don't have to go to an expensive photographer either, walmart does decent photos for a low price, but you can also borrow a friends digital camera if you don't have one and take TONS of photos of your kids. I am a photographer and one tip that I have is to take TONS of photos and you will get one GREAT shot, take that one photo and have prints done up, frame them (walmart does decent prints of photos and some dollar stores have great frames) and give those away. Most people love photos, it is an great gift to give.

Don't forget to make a copy for yourself and put that right next to your bed so each morning you can see why you are getting out of bed, putting a smile on and it gives you the strength to keep going. Also, remember that with divorce rate being so high, you are also setting an example for you kids on how to go through a divorce. They will more than likely go through one too. If they see you cry, its ok, be honest with them and tell them you need a hug and they will see the power and strength they give you. Keep your chin up!! :-)

I find that going to church, I get free child care with the nursery, AND alone time to cry. And you can ask anyone at my old church- I cried EVERY Sunday for months on end. I just realized yesterday my divorce anniversary is Dec 14th and this has been 3 years. Fortunate for me, my ex and I get along tremendously when we are together. So, I have spent every Christmas with the 3 of us together. This will be my first year alone. I am taking my son to his sister's house in OK and his dad will meet him there- I will come home and spend quality time with the wonderful new man in my life. I was really ok with that to begin with, but as the day draws nearer, I am getting a little sad. Celebrate the season, cry in church and try to be cheery around your child. god Bless you and I hope you have the Merriest Christmas ever! This is the first Christmas of a new future for you-look forward!

Hi Andy

I will just be praying for you and your kids. You've gotton tons of great advice. So this is what I'm going to do for you.

T. H.

It's hard for me to offer advise having never walked in your shoes but I think I would surround myself with family and friends. If you are living in a new city I would get involved with a church or social organization and be honest about your feelings with your new friends or old family. Change is hard but wow- what an amazingly strong person you are for making the change! Your son will be happy with a mommy that loves him and makes him feel special, loved and wanted. I would probably concentrate on that- I know that when I make my kids happy (or anyone for that matter), it makes me happy too :)

Sometimes we wait until someone offers us what we think we want but often times people are too caught up in their own lives to think about others, so we need to ask for what we want and need.

ANother idea is if you don't have anyone to spend the holidays with or have some free time during family visits you could go down to the local hospital pediatric department and spend time with the kids whose parents are working over the holidays and can't visit them.

I was in the same boat as u couple years back. so i do know how u feel. I just kept in my head that would i rather spend my time fighting with my ex with the holidays or do i want to enjoy them more then the previous years. Like someone else said .... smile on ur face during the day is way better then being gloomy for your son. Alls it took for me is to see smiles on my daughters faces and it brightened my day. As for the night time ... i suggest curling up with ur son and feel the love. There is unconditional love with ur son and he will always be there. Its hard times and it will all past. GOOD LUCK and ur in my thoughts
T.

I found that building new traditions was my answer. We didn't try to do all the same things as we did when mom and dad were both there. I let the kids pick some things that were important and I got rid of the traditions that were more work than we cared about doing. It worked for us and made it all new and special in our minds. I didn't get up really early to cook things we didn't care about and the kids didn't have to do the same things as we had for years, we kept the fun stuff and did more of that part, and less of the work part too. I started making chili instead of turkey and all the rest of a big dinner and we grazed rather than making it a scheduled event to eat, their friends were jealous and liked coming over and sharing too.

When you finish crying you may find it is all much better then like I did too.

I went through the same thing when my daughter was that age. It was hard but looking back I wish I would have enjoyed her more during that time. Is there anything you can do like community or volunteer work to get you in the holiday spirit and take your mind off of things? Maybe take your son to a school or church concert? Don't forget about your son. I would try to concentrate on making him happy and you will find that will make you happy as well. I am sure he is hurting as well so I would just concentrate on him and remember that you are better off alone w/ your beautiful son that with someone who doesn't treat you well. I promise that things will get better.

God Bless You.
M.

I have never been through what you are going through, and I can not imagine! I would say surround your self with family and friends who love you. Try not to be alone!

Feeling sad and wanting to cry alot are all normal emotions during a time like this especially at the Holidays, but if you find that you just can't snap out of it, please call a counselor!

I will pray for you!

You know I was a single mom most of my boys young lives, and I have to tell you. I just looked at them, I put myself all into their happiness making their Christmas fun, I started doing a 12 days of christmas for them telling them santa was leaving them gifts each day cause he knew they were extra special and he knew how hard it was to wait for christmas, somethimes it was just some special little candy others it was a dollar store item, but to them it was so much fun, which ended up makeing it so much fun for me to watch them so excited each day to see what special item Santa left for them even when they got old enough that they knew that it was mom doing it, they still loved it. I do it now for my grandsons.

It's all in looking into the faces of your children throwing away your own misery and see'ing the little britness in them. You will be surprised how much power they have, how easily it is to see all that love in their faces and it can wash away all your pain, if you just let it, give yourself a day to greave and then decide this is my choice I made it is right for me.
And as far as christmas goes do things that made you think of it special christmas when you were a kid, if its baking cookies or making candy with mom, or decorating.
My boys and I use to decorate the tree, we strung popcorn and candys and I always made them cocoa and we played christmas music, and we decorated the tree, they would giggle and laugh and I guess that is what makes it all fun is listening to that innocent giggle. We would drive around and look at everyones lights they would put up on their house, of course we had to take cocoa and snacks :)
Everyone has their little traditions they creat, alot of times its just a way to get into the spirit of christmas. You have to find your own spirit, you have the age of child that is just in awwww of it all right now they are easy to excite and get their giggle on :) Merry Christmas and may you find your giggle.

A., I started my divorce last september and my family disowned me so Thanksgiving and Christmas were VERY DIFFICULT. I had a friend who became my boyfriend and although his family brought me into their lives openly and readily I still had holidays without my biological family and partly without my five children. I was in contact with my counseling office so they "adopted" my family for Christmas. Also, there were some churches that brought Christmas to my family so you might talk with some local ones that you like their belief structures as well as the Salvation Army...even at this late date. Most of all...gather trinkets or fabrics, you glue or glue gun or sewing machine and MAKE CRAFTS or GIFTS with your son. He will cherrish the time with you more than the "things" of the time. My children love the homemade items more than anything we bought for our tree. I even took a broom handle, fabric, yarn and pillow stuffing and made a stick horse for my kids one year. I hope this helps and God Bless you. T. S.

First i am sending many many needed (((hugs))). What a brave woman you are for standing up for yourself and your son. You should take pride in that, I hope you know you are stronger then you think you are. Really you are.
So give your self some credit, your doing great! Believe it.
As for the holiday's, remember that your son is watching you, you set the mood in your home and he will pick up on your down/depression and this could ruen this time of year for the rest of his life. Make sure taht he remember's this as a HAPPY time, a time to think about the good.
I know that coming from a home of a singel mom we always focues on what we had and not what we didnt have.
Health
Each other
Love
faith
A Father in Heaven that loves us more then WE truly know or understand.
Family
Friends
Jesus Christ, he is the reason for the season.

I would focus on the things you can control, the things that you know are real. Dont focus on the ugly, at least for your son's sake.
I know this time of yr is really really hard for you, and I will be praying for you. I hope that you find some kind of peace through out this time of yr.
(((Hugs)))
T.

What you are feeling is normal, I remember when my husband and I seperated years ago, it was right before the holidays, and I like you really just wanted to be left alone and pretend like they didn't exist, but....I had babies and they deserved everything the holidays represent, no differently then my single mom did for us girls growing up, so I put on a happy face during the day, and at night in my quite time I had my pity moments.

This will pass w/ time, but right know all you have is this moment w/ your precious little boy, who will not be 3 1/2 again, pull up your socks and redirect your feelings into something with more meaning.....him and his childhood memories, the only childhood he has, go out buy youself a silly little santa hat, or some reindeer antlers, and let that be your reminder every time you start to feel the blues, that there is a bigger picture then just you, your son.

You can right to me and vent if you would like, I wish you and your son the Best of holidays!

What you need right now is a support system of family and friends or your couch and tv. Lifetime or Desperate Housewives may help. Do you have co-workers or class mates that you view as friends? If someone has invited you over for the holidays you should attend. This will probably give your 3 year old a chance to meet and play with other kids and you a moment to get your mind off of negative things. Keep your head up and keep a smile on your face. Don't let your ex keep you down. I hope this helps.

I have to tell you (don't laugh) The first Christmas I ever spent alone was with my oldest before I remarried. It was a week before christmas and all I wanted to do was crawl in a hole. I had a $20 and that was it to get a tree, ornaments and any other decorations. My tree was the cheapest one at walmart and I had enough for one box of those ornaments that are covered in the fine string ( you know where that blasted string is looped around the styraphome ball. I was so disapointed for my daughters sake. All her gifts combined that year didn't cost more than $50 . I thought for sure I was a failure until she looked at pictures and reminded me of all the things we had done. We went out to look at the lights and sipped hot cocoa, Made popcorn string, made our own ornaments, watched the christmas movies under a blanket on the couch togather. A., it was the simple things that made her christmas. It has been seven years now and only a couple of those red string balls have survived and every year more have unraveled and tangled around other things and my husband tries to throw them out every year in frustration, cause they won't stay togather. I won't let him cause to me and my oldest they have memories.

Since 2001 my oldest has been making her ornament. It is just a clear glass ball, you take the top off of it and then pour diffent colors ( which ever you decide) of paint into the ball. Then swirl it around until it coats as much as the ball that you want, Turn it upside down to drain in a disposable cup, it will take around 24 hrs to fully drain ( be sure not to set it over heat while you do this or else the paint will literally melt out of the glass ball) Then we put the top back on and tie a ribbon through the loop, write her name and the year in either paint makers ( sharpies when I was poorer) and hang it on the tree. She is ten now and still goes through to look at them from throughout the years.

I too am a single mother and going through a divorce. Hang in there!!! If you are around family, involve yourself and your son in as much family stuff as you possibly can. I have (at least trying) been starting new traditions with my kids. Anything to have a new start for the holidays. If your son likes to cook have his decorate a grahm cracker house (very easy and messy!) instead of ginderbread use grahm crackers. We are making cookies to take around to the neighbors. We are having one family over for dinner with their kids so I can have some adult time while the kids play. Good luck and Merry Christmas. Next year is right around the corner and a new start for you and your son.