I Need Sleep - Olathe, KS

The supernanny approach really does work but it takes more then one night. You HAVE to be consistant. No talking to him after the S. time back to bed. It took me three nights with my youngest and a week with my middle son. I know you are exhausted. It helps to have someone who can give you strength. With my middle son my mother made me sit with her and wouldn't let me give in. WIth my youngest I called my sister after I put him to bed and she gave me the strength to get through.

Hi Carrie, I can totally understand and relate to how your feeling! I went through the same with my son about that age. And yes it is very hard!! I won't lie to you and tell you and i was strong through the entire thing....because i did cave!! More than once too!! At some point your just so sleep deprived it's just "easier" to open your blanets and let them snuggle in with you. But like everyone says (and i'm sure your sick of hearing this) You have to stay strong. Sometimes it took four or five days of this, but it usually did work. Maybe trying doing it on the weekend when you have more time and are not so worried about getting up at the crack of dawn to go to work. Trying talking to him just like you are, do the monster spray and the spider killing, read a book, then he goes to sleep. It may take a few days, but hopefully he will get the hang of this thing. I know your one sleepy mama, but try to hang in there. IT WILL HAPPEN. Good luck!!

L.

We have been going through sleep issues with our 2 1/2 year old lately too. Once they get off their normal schedule, it is really hard to get them back on. When I started having this problem with my older daughter, one day I decided to go back to the basics and it really helped. Our routine was always to rock the babies to sleep, which didn't usually take very long, and then put them in their beds. I had decided with the older one that she was big enough to go to bed on her own so we changed things up and it went fine for a while. When she started to rebel, I realized that she just needed that old routine again and she started sleeping great again.
When they start having issues with nightmares, I think they really do need some extra attention. Your little guy seems to be having some issues with this at the moment and that is probably why he is being so rebelious. Also, once they get sleep deprived, they tend to sleep less then they should. It takes a couple of days of close to normal sleep for them to get back to their regular sleep pattern. Super Nanny's techniques work with kids that are just plan being obstinent but it sounds like your little guy is having some issues that need to be resolved. Stick to the routine that he is used to but add the spider spray into it and whatever else it takes to calm his fears BEFORE you walk out of the room. Remember that even though he is probably talking really well at this point, he still doesn't always know how to communicate what he thinks and feels. He has been through some pretty traumatic stuff in the past little while and the fears and insecurities that have come with all of that are not just going to go away in one night. He needs comfort right now and that might mean giving in a little bit until he has mentally healed from this illness and not just physically healed. Fighting him will not help, it will just make it worse. Be patient and loving and understanding and your he will figure out how to be normal again.

Hi Carrie,

I think you did the right things just hang in there! My little sister is 15 years younger than me and I did a lot of the care for her during her toddler hood. She was so "spoiled" and needed all kinds of help sleeping and staying asleep. I decided when I had kids that I was not going to go through that with them. I have found that being loving but firm on the rules works best. Since your son has just started having sleeping problems, I would imagine that sticking with what you are doing will turn the situation back around within a few weeks. I know that sounds like a long time but if he thinks you are caving in, the sleeping problems will probably just go on and on. If he is not getting much sleep at night, he is probably tired and cranky through the day. I would suggest that you make sure he isn't taking longer than usual naps during the day; that way he will soon be tired enough that he wants to sleep.

Hang in there!
A.

Hi Carrie,

I am the mother of three grown children and one adorable little granddaughter.

The only thing I can tell you is something you are not going to want to hear. The best thing you can do is stay consistent with your bedtime routine. Even when it seems you are at the bottom you have to persist - eventually it does pay off. All Children thrive on rules and routine, even when they don't want to follow!

There are probably a good amount of people that "cave", but everyone has to "deal" sooner or later.

You didn't say anything about your personal situation, but if there is a spouse here, there should be some sharing of the duties!

If you have other family in the area, try having someone else keep him for a night on the weekend so you can catch up on your much needed rest. We keep our little darling every Friday night, so her parents can have date night, sleep night - what ever.

I raised my three alone - so I really feel for you!

Hang in there!

N.
www.lovems1.etsy.com

I would say to gather your patience and give him time. In my experience with my two children they don't cope well with change, and they absolutely adore and require schedules, routines, etc. Your sons routine of going to his bed at 8:00 and sleeping until X got interrupted, he he had to get used to sleeping with you, which I imagine was awesome for him to cuddle up with you, and now he has to go back into his bed alone and start his routine over. Maybe he just needs time. Perhaps you can create a whole new bedtime routine that includes lots of cuddling with you? Also, once my son started waking up at teh crack of dawn and I tried to get him to go back to bed a few times and it failed, I just gave up on attempting to get him to go back to sleep. Its a much calmer morning if I just get up and have the grumpys for a while than to hear him scream and cry about not wanting to sleep!

Hi! I just recently started dealing with the same issues with my son who will be three next week. From what I've learned in talking with alot of other moms this is very normal for this age. My son as well had always slept through the night until about 7am and took great naps. He started fighting naptime and bedtime as well and it was a constant battle..he also was waking up three times at night..just needing a tuck in but still disruptive. I think their brains are working overtime at this age so there are new fears etc but in talking with his dr etc it is important to not start any behavior like having him stay in bed with you etc if this is not something you want for him or your family. It really is a matter of them learning to soothe themselves and to sleep consistently again on their own without our assistance (kind of like when they are babies). You are doing great in using the bug spray etc which is all going to help achieve your goal and I think consistency in the long run will win out. We tried everything from positive reinforcement to sticker charts and nothing really worked. I do have to say from experience with my son and my sisters son that what finally worked was the threat (or actual doing) of locking them in their room (my son it usually only took one time of me holding the door closed to get the message) or finally what we did was put a baby gate up. He could climb out if he really wanted to but I think it helped to set something up as a physical barrier which he knows he is not to cross instead of playing that "game" of putting him in and out of his bed. He did just start going from napping to having quiet time but the combination of both has helped him sleep better at night and for us not to have to struggle with him anymore. Good luck!!!

Hi Carrie,
I recently had similar problems with my 18 month old. I wrote in to Mamasource a few weeks back. I also wondered how it was possible for other parents to handle this situation and be so strong. I felt like I was the only one. First, as suggested, I tried the Supper Nanny strategy. I was consistent with it for two weeks and saw little to no improvement. It was a game to my daughter. It never took less than an hour. She just kept walking/running back out with a big smile on her face. Then we had to repeat it sometimes for 3 hours if she woke up in the middle of the night. I was at my wits end! I decided that it was NOT working! I am sure that things are different with a 3 year old, but I thought that it might help. I ended up putting a baby gate up at her door and letting her cry. I don't know...maybe your son would be able to crawl over it huh? I had always been opposed to this idea. It was by far the hardest thing that I have done, but I just kept telling my self that see needs the sleep. I still did the usual night routine, with milk and a story then I follwed the Feber method and started by letting her cry for just five minutes. Then I would go back in lay her down in bed and leave again. This time for 10 minutes. Then for repeats of 15 minutes. The first night it took a while, but by the S. night she had figured out that she was not getting any where and went to sleep much sooner. The next night you start with 10, 15 and then repeats of 20 minutes. Next night 15, 20 then repeats of 25. You continue to add 5 minutes each night but never go over 25 minutes. It is very important to be consistent. There were several times that I wanted to go rock her, but I knew even if it worked this time, the next night she would cry longer waiting to be rocked again. We have been doing this for a little over a week now and it has totally transformed her sleep. Now, she is going to sleep within 10 minutes every night (almost) and seldomly waking up during the night. I feel like I have my sanity back. She is also a much happier girl now because she is getting the sleep that she needs. You have to do what you feel is right for you and your son but this did work wonders for us.
Good luck and hang in there, you are not alone.

Carrie -

First of all, I want to commend you for sticking to your guns and tell you that you are not alone!! From reading on this website, it sounds like there are many kids (different ages) that have sleep issues at one time or another in their lives. It sounds like you did what Supernanny would suggest and I honestly don't know what else you could have done unless you are okay with letting him cry it out. I'm not a fan of that, so I could never do that. I tried to leave my daughter's room (this was about a month ago) and she jumped up out of bed, screamed like someone cut her arm off and was wailing before I even closed the door. I could not bare to hear here like that so I caved and went back in and sat beside her bed until she was asleep or mostly asleep. It may just be that your son is going through a time when he's scared to be alone or without you. I do not think that 'there is something wrong'. Just a phase he's going through. It may not be what you want to hear, but what about spending more time in his room with him at bedtime? If he has a regular sized bed, lay down with him for awhile or sit next to his bed and rub his back. You don't have to do it until he's asleep but maybe until he's more relaxed and ready to fall asleep on his own? Good luck!

I know how frustrating this can be!!I am very sorry that you have to go through this, and I think that this is something that almost every child goes through in cycles. You should try starting this process on the weekend, because it is something that takes several nights. Every night will get a little bit better.
The thing that helped the most with my daughter (who is three) was letting her have a certain amount of control with bed time. I got her a night light with Dora on it, and she gets to turn it on. She turns on her music, and she picks out which 2 books to read. I also let her sleep with some of her "friends" (her stuffed animals and dolls), and she gets to pick which to sleep with. This made bedtime a lot easier for us.

Hi Carrie-
Sorry no help from me, I'm a billion times worse than you at caving and am mostly writing to read the responses from the other mamas to help me! My son is almost 2 1/2 and has never slept well, always wakes up but recently probably 3-4 times a night. First it was teething, then vacation which we are still trying to get back into a routine from. He sleeps in his bed but we are bad, when he cries, we go pick him up and sit with him. He usually falls right back asleep but it takes a good hour before we can put him back in bed without him re-waking up and fussing. Since vacation he has only wanted me at night (lucky me!), so I understand your exhaustion! Unfortunately for me, he has rarely slept through the night, so I'm sorta used to it, but what i wouldn't give for an uninterrupted night's sleep! Hope the other mamas have some good advice for us!

Carrie, How many nights have you done this? It may take several nights before he sees that Mama is not going to give in and that you are Queen Boss and what you say is law. It took several nights at our house when we went through this and each night got a little better. Stick with a routine - bath, story, spray for spiders and then just keep putting him back in bed. It will work. But if he's a stubborn one then it may take a little longer. But what ever you do try to keep your cool. When you loose it they won and they know it. My husband and are are taking a class called Parenting on Purpose and that is one of the big things. Keep your cool because when you loose control you kids know that they got you. Good luck!!

Ok, here is what I think. Skrew what that nanny says, if your child isnt bothering you in your bed and you get some sleep, then just let him sleep in your bed! I dealt with the same issue, I just let him sleep with me untill he graduated to the couch, then finally to his own bed! It didnt bother me that he slept in my bed, matter of fact, I rather enjoyed my sanity by getting good sleep! I didnt realize it at the time, but he is autistic, I am not saying this is the case with your son. But mommy to mommy, YOU NEED SLEEP, or your going to loose it! I cant tell you how good it felt when my son did it all on his own. It may take weeks, months even, but who cares, just let him be a mammas boy, you wont get these snuggle times back! Enjoy your moments! Love, R. Tatum!

It sounds awful and I feel for you, but you're going to have to do it more than one night. It isn't going to work just one time. Hang in there and I'm sure he'll figure it out within a few more days.

I had the same problem with my daughter (who's 3) over the last few months. She was a great sleeper and napper and then, one day; BOOM! She did exactly what your son is doing. After several nights of trying (in vain) to do supernanny's method of putting her back silently (till 2 AM) my husband and I let her 'start' on the couch with us with the stipulation that if she talked or played, she was in her bed to scream (we put a lock on the inside knob so she couldn't get out). We showed her how it worked and she faithfully slept on the couch for three months. When we went to bed, we carried her to our room and put her in her sleeping bag on the floor. (We tried to put her in her bed at that point a few times but she woke up and screamed.) It wasn't ideal but at least we got our sleep and didn't have to fight her. Just last week, I told her we were going to start sleeping in her own bed again and if she did it the first night, she could 'start with us' the next. We weaned her back to her room and she's done great!!!!! Occasionally, we let her start on the couch but most nights, she goes to bed with no trouble. I know people say parents these days give kids too much control and choices, but she really seems to like the choice to sleep in her own bed or start with us, and it eliminates the fight! And, when she asks to start with us and I say no, she takes that for an answer.

I have 3 children. I always followed a bedtime routine (story, prayers, in the bed/crib and "nite nite"). But at some point each one of them had what I called separation anxiety. I had to literally wean them off of my presence when they went to bed. I started by sitting by their bed until they went to sleep. Then each night I would move farther away until I was just outside their door. If they cried "Mommy!" I would reply with "I'm here. Nite nite." Eventually I was able to be in another room and simply reassure them that I was still around by calling out to them "nite nite". They always had to stay in their own bed. This whole weaning process took about 1 week. Hope this helps! (As they grew up, each child would occasionally want me to stay with them until they went to sleep. Those were times when we had some great conversations! I cherish the memories of those times.) My 3 kids are now 20, 26 and 29.

Let me explain to you what a parent of mine in the daycare just explained to me. This is coming from a psychologist because her son has not been sleeping at night and wanting to sleep all day. He's 4 and it's been getting steadily worse for a long time.

He said pick a time and stick to it. Then, when they get up, he said take him in silently. No words at all. Lay him down and face the wall on his side. Make him put his arms around his back. Not behind like the police do hand cuffs. But hugging himself. Then you sit Indian stile with your legs crossed and your knee in his back. You use both of your hands to hold his hands. You pull just tight enough he can't move, but not tight enough he is in pain. In this position, he can't head but you. He can't hurt himself. You are not hurting him. You are to remain in total silence for 15 minutes. No matter how much crying or protesting he does. Then you get up and leave the room at the end of the 15 minutes. This psychologist says to do that as much and as often as it takes each night. In a very short time, days or weeks, he'll fall asleep at exactly the same time each night without any help from you.

In a way, this sounds hard. But can it be any harder than what you have been going through?

Suzi

I am going to suggest the book that saved my sanity many years ago when my youngest ( who is now 25 and seemingly survived the experience without permanent damage...lol)was making us crazy with waking 20 times a night!! The book is called "Solve Your Childs Sleep Problems" by Dr. Richard Ferber. We were back to a good nights sleep in less than 48 hours!! He is wonderful about letting you see things through the childs' perspective...so you understand how things look to them and can adjust what you are doing accordingly.
Basically...I think you need to be patient and realize that he is re-adjusting after being sick and the upset to his routine that was caused during that time. As someone else said...go back to the basic...and retrain him all over again.
Good luck!!
R. Ann

Carrie: I am walking this road with you right now. We just converted the crib to a daybed and have had one very interesting/sleepless week. My daughter is a little over 2.

One tool that I've found helpful is a kid's book called, "Good Night Calliou". It is the story of Calliou getting ready for bed and having his teddy bear to hold if he's scared. I have made comparisons between Calliou and my daughter to her. She seems to get it. I've explained that if she wakes up, she just needs to hold her "lambie" like Calliou holds his teddy. Also, on the nights she has slept through, I have awarded her a sticker the next morning. The last two nights, she's slept her regular hours, and I am smiling/rested when I arrive at work.

I share your pain. Thanks for asking this question. I am learning from others answers too.

try it for 2-3 days without caving in. That is usually what works because after a few days they realize that this is how it's going to be and adjust to the changes of life. If you keep caving in he will do this in the future on everything and 3 year olds test their boundaries A LOT.

I didn't have the struggles of weaning kids out of our bed. We had them in their cribs from day 1 and when they got sick, we took the crib mattress and put them on the floor usually in the living room and put an ice cream bucket beside them in case they didn't have time to make it to the bathroom. We kept a crib mattress under their big bed until they were too long to sleep on it anymore. It was for nights when they got sick and would spray it with antibacterial cleaner and wipe it down. When kids spent the night they would sleep on it if they weren't taller than the mattress so they work great for extra company as well. Now they are older and anytime they get sick they want to sleep on the living room floor with a sleeping bag instead of in their beds. It is easier to clean a crib mattress because they are usually plastic covered or throw a sleeping bag in the washer than to clean their whole bed in the middle of the night.

When we weaned them from the pacifier and bottle it took 1-2 nights of fussing and enduring it. We didn't gradually take them we decided the day and that was the end of it. They were all weaned from the paci by 9 months and the bottle at 12 months.

I know this probably sounds awful, but my son is medicated at night. We tried everything to help him sleep but unmedicated, he will stay up till 10pm, 11, 12, 1, 2am, and be back up the next morning like a spring. He just can't sleep. There are no sleeping medications for kids. So finally his Dr, with no other options, said to give him benadryl at night. It's something you might try. It has worked wonders for us. Our son goes to bed at a decent hour and sleeps thru the night now.