I Need Help Weaning My 17 Month old--I Am a Night Time Pacifier!

Just do it! It was the best thing I've ever done. It might be hard for a couple of nigts, but well worth it. I have a 2 year old and once I did the same with the regular pacifier it got her using her words and she came into her personality! Good luck!

Sooner or later you will get so tired that you will have to let her cry it out because you won't have the strength to get up and comfort her. And the next morning you'll wake up and discover that she still loves you and she's not holding it against you. She'll just be happy to see you.

I think you made excellent choices for your child! She will grow up to be a content and confident individual. You have come this far-17 months. If you can go about a couple mor emonths, then you may even be able to talk her into not nursing during the night. One strategy would be her sleeping with her dad only, and then when you switch back to the bed, she would not be pressing so hard for nursing. Also i think keeping a sippy cup nearby can be handy: whenever she wants to nurse you can give her the sippy cup instead, and probably she will be satisfied enough:)-especially during those hot summer nights i like to keep a cup of water for myself too.
I have read some of the other responses here which are suggesting the crying out method and talking about how nice and unhurtful it is. Let me tell you the truth (and i am a psychologist with a graduate degree): cyring out may the most conveninet method for moms and dads who have the nerves, but it is NOT the healthiest. Cyring out causes death of nerve cells in the brain! I am not even coming into the emotional consequences of that method. Leaving a helpless baby in a crib crying out without any response to her cries teaches her NOT independence but loneliness and tells that she is unworthy of attention (research backs this part up). I suspect many cry-it-out baies have insecure attachments to their parents and later insecure in their realtionships with others as well (This part is speculative but you can search on Internet "Ainsworth & Bowlby" and "attachment theory to see how those first years are quite important for humans[of course some of the hurt can be undone later by good experiences])Some medical doctors are too saying cry-it-out is ok, and they may be great doctors but obviously they do not know much about psychology. But at the very essence you do not need to be a psychologist to figure that crying out is not the best method. Think about yourself: don't we all sleep great after we had hours of crying and sadness? that is whathappens to those cry-it-out babies. Similarly, if you poke a needle on thier arms, i'm sure they will sleep instantly and will be called "great sleepers". However, I am not sure if this would really teach her good sleeping habits. Cry-it-out method is not used as often-if at all- in most parts of the world, and Americans have a great deal of sleep problems as adults (again you can search this on Internet or libarary but simply seeing so many sleep pill ads around I think speaks for the fact that that is how succesful the cry-it-out method is)
Of course you don't make or break a happy healthy child by just the sleeping method and we do not have unlimited resources. It is just one factor among many. However, the direction of its influence is as i wrote above. You know your child best and you need to do whatever works for your family.
I know it is soo hard to stay sleepless but those will end soon eitherway(she is 17 months afterall). Eventually what remains from those years will be the feeling of being a wonderful compassionate mother

S.,

It sounds like you have a little one who just loves to snuggle and it's a bonus that the breast is there and she always has access to it.

First, you might want to limit her access to it at night. Wear a bra that covers them and prevents her from getting to it. Bottomline, get her over the use of the breast at any time and then you can work on the sleep arrangements. One will beget the other and in time you will accomplish both and everyone will be okay.

When my son started showing signs of not being able to sleep without me, I started a process to wean him off of Mommy at nap and bedtime.

1. I would talk to her. Explain why the change is happening and how important it is for everyone to be happy.
2. Start slow...it won't happen overnight.
3. Lay down with her on another bed, put sheets/pillow/blanket or shirt on it that you've used. You can do this with the toddler bed. While laying down explain Mommy is going to stay with her until she is asleep. You can rub her back or cuddle and rock her and then lay down...come up with a routine that works for both of you.
4. Over a period of time start getting up after she's asleep...I started by waiting 15 minutes and after a few days, I'd subtract 5 minutes. Until I would just sit with my son (and still do some nights) while he dozed off and would leave as soon as he fell asleep.

This has worked pretty well for us and there was no crying involved. Some nights he would wake up and cry for me and I would just come back and sit on the bed and rub his back until he settled. But, there are even some nights now at 3 YO that I let him come in my bed if he's scared or has a nightmare. But, we have a routine that we follow nightly.

Just remember you need to do the weaning off the boob first and then start with the sleep issues. If you just throw her in a bed and let her cry this will definitely impact her. While many are okay with crying it out, I'm not and will do whatever I can to ensure it doesn't come to that. CIO can be so bad for a child's development and research has proven at certain ages/stages it can actually sever attachment with parents and cause needs to go unmet.

Please let me know if you have questions about my repsonse...I'd be happy to help.

Deanna

Make sure that you eat a big heavy meal before bed at night and take a calcium supplement. Your daughter will eat less frequently if your milk is richer. Also make sure she is getting enough exercise -- an evening park visit -- will tucker her out and make her sleep more deeply and for longer periods.

It's normal to want to be close to Mama in the night when sleep and darkness make her vulnerable. Can you think of another animal that sleeps away from it's child?

You are doing the right and natural thing. Keep going. She will only be a baby for a bit longer.

Best of luck.

I feel your pain. I just night weaned my 14 month old last month and am finally sleeping again! It took 5 nights in a row of horrible sleep and now she sleeps through the night in our family bed.

Here's what I did. I stopped nursing her to sleep. I nurse her about an hour or 1/2 an hour before bedtime, make sure she eats a handsome meal, give her a bath, have her say good night to everyone in the house, go into our dark room and tell her "Mama night night, baby night night, baby does good night night, nice night night..." We lay down together. Same ritual each night. No breast, she gets held in the crook of my arm instead till she pushes me away, turns herself over and sucks her thumb to sleep.

For the night weaning, I held in the crook of my arm as she cried and told her quietly that it's time for night night. We also have a crib next to our bed. After a couple of nights I realized that we were waking her up with our tossing and turning. I put her in her crib (she cried for a minute or so and fell asleep.) I wasn't in the room. I found that she wasn't really waking up at night, but making meeps and peeps. I allowed her to put herself back to sleep. When I did take her out of her crib for making small cries, I found that I actually woke her up and she started the major water works.

Long story short, I started off by hugging her through the night during the hardest part (the 1st few nights), let her put herself back to sleep for the next few. She sleeps in our bed, occasionally in her crib.

I make sure to give her homeopathic medicine before bedtime when she's teething. Chamomilla and Hyland's teething tablets.

Hope my long winded story helps. Good luck. It's hard, but well worth it.

Hi S.! I totally sympathize with you! My 20 month old just started sleeping through the night when she was 14 months old. I will tell you what eventually worked for us, although, we have a crib that she would sleep in, so our situation is a bit different.

I was an exhausted, grouchy, breast feeding zombie. I was constantly tired and really not enjoying life. I breast feed her, wore her in a sling as a baby, would almost run in every time she cried to immediately tend to her every need and tried co-sleeping out a desperation. I was opposed to cry it out, as it seemed very cruel and I knew how tough it would be for me. My daughter would not co-sleep, well she would move around waking us all up which just made things worse. I read the No Cry Sleep Solution, which offered some helpful tips. The obvious ones are: putting them on a bedtime routine, which we already were doing, but we fine tuned our routine; Making sure they are filled up with food, water and breastmilk during the day. Unfortunately that and all of the other tips in the book did not work for my daughter after being patient for 3 1/2 months of applying all info. It was like my little one just didn't know how to go to sleep, without my breast in her mouth.

Out of complete desperation, I told my husband we would try the Ferber Method for only 1 week. This is where you let the baby cry, go in after 5, then 10, then 15 minutes, until they fall asleep. I would not even attempt to do this until you have the post nasal drip and allergies taken care of. You will also know if they are in the middle of a tooth coming in, also not the time to begin this process. Anyway, here is what happened, when we tried this with a VERY attached, high demand, breast fed baby:

Night 1- cried for 45 minutes at bedtime, woke 4 times, cried 15-25 minutes each
Night 2- cried for 4 minutes at bedtime, woke 2 times cried for 2-10 minutes
Night 3- cried for 20 seconds at bedtime, woke 2 times, cried for less than a minute
Night 4- wimpered as I set her down at bedtime, woke once and cried for less than a minute
Night 5 & beyond- began saying "Night! Night!," as she held her stuffed monkey & may occasionally have a night waking for a few seconds.

I was so opposed to this method! I cannot deny the results though and how fabulous it worked for our child. Some kids take longer, some not as long and some this method simply doesn't work. What really helped was having my husband do most of the settling, something we learned after the first night. I even put a sippy cup of water in her crib and showed her where it was. I fill it up each day, sometimes she uses it, sometimes not. Anyway, the first night was HORRIBLE for me. And I don't recommend doing this with a younger child either. We do not have her cry it out at her naps yet, as she was crying for too long and I wasn't comfortable with that. I wasn't seeing the results like I did at nighttime. I did notice that she is less apt to have a crying meltdown during the day though. I think she realized that crying over everything doesn't work. This did not change her personality or appear to make her feel distrust towards us.

You adjust to what works for you. Consistency is the key though, so once you decide what method you're going to try, stick to it for awhile. You & your husband must be comfortable with whatever method you choose! Best of luck to you! I hope that you can find a solution that works for you and your family. In the end, I hope you get more sleep and that will result in you being a happier mommy!

S.,
When weaning both of my girls I substituted cuddling for night time nursing. It takes some extra energy initially because the change is hard but eventually they get it. If it does't work for you to do the cuddling while not nursing, think about having your husband be the "first responder". I think this would be an easier transition, after you have the first issue sorted out you can teach her to stay in her bed.

I had your problem. Get this book: "No-cry Sleep Solution" or "No-cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers" (2 books). There is a section on family bed and extended nursing. It really, REALLY helped me. I was able to continue co-sleeping and nursing (which is what *I* wanted to do) but he was much more polite about it and I got to sleep!

Don't give into the cry it out crowd if that makes you uncomfortable. You know your child, they don't. You're doing a good job so stick with it.

So much good luck to you.

I feel you completely! I nursed until my daughter was 3yrs and 3 month which was where I realized that was too old. We had her in our bed until 16mo with the same reasons you have. Its time your baby learns to fall asleep on her own. What I did was stand in the back of the room to make sure she did not choke or throw up because she liked to gag herself. It was a few awful nights hearing her cry to sleep, but after those days it was easy. I believe. Its harder on us than them, but do not wait longer because it just gets harder. My daughter is fine, in fact she is happier now. We still fight to get her to bed, but she is happy and independent and I get my needed sleep. Get a night time system going, include your feeding about a half hour before. Rock her, lie her down and read. Rubbing her body, especially her feet, to help her relax. Don't give into picking her up. Do the trick of "I'll be right back" and space out the time from returning. It helps them learn patience and trust. Good luck!

S., I hear you! So, with my son we did a modified Ferber CIO and a modified Super Nanny plan.

1. Get the Ferber book and read up about the science of sleep - and in the newest edition Ferber DOES NOT recommend the traditional CIO, he has a revised plan!

2. Make sure she is getting LOTS of physical activity, best if it is outdoors - sun and fresh air help to relax and tire out.

3. Make sure she has a full belly, that she has a dry diaper. Does she have a lovey? Get her a lovey - let her choose some soft object that she can cuddle with. Give her a tee shirt that you have worn all day that carries your scent.

4. Do your night time routine - dinner, bath, books, lullaby, breast (but I wouldn't).

5. Put her in her toddler bed, sit next to it and pat her back, rub her tummy, croon to her. Offer the pacifier. She will cry, but this is the beginning of a new time for her - do NOT give her your breast, because that will only confuse her. When she wakes at night, be there, but only to rock and croon and rub - hold a pillow over your chest so she can't find your breasts and she will soon learn the routine; no breast at night = nothing to get up for at night. You might move into the living room and let your husband handle a few of the night time wakings.

It will be bad, you will be tired and she will be angry but in the long run the whole family will gain from this. You sometimes have to edure a little pain for long term benefit - like immunizations, cleaning a wound, waxing your legs!

Your daughter will not loose her trust in you if you are there for EVERYTHING else - just NO night time breast pacifying.

Good luck!

i was a human paci for three years, fnally weend her just before her 3rd bday,she spent the nigt @ a babysitters was the first time not having me there for her then i would lay down next to her & rub her back til she fell asleep,): traded 1 for another. victory i heard of the mom going on a mimi vacation & when momy returns the child would not want milk anymore or the other parent putting the child to sleep & just being strong willed while sleeping. i guess if you can get your child to sleep back twords you this should help

I was in the same boat as you with my son, and am again with my daughter. I finally let my son cry it out in his crib with my standing right next to him soothing him with my voice. I have to be honest, it was horrible! Lots of screaming, and he would wake up in the middle of the night and we'd have to repeat the process over and over. It took probably over a week to get him off the boob at night - he still nursed during the day until 19mo, then self weaned. After the screaming in the crib, he still didn't want to sleep away from us, so we put him on a bed bumped up next to ours and then he started sleeping through the night with an occasional pat on the back from me. He didn't REALLY start sleeping through the night, without assistance, in his own room until he was almost three - sorry to break it to you! BUT, I have realized how quickly it all went, and am not stressing it this time with my baby girl. She's 13 months and I'm in no hurry to wean night or day, we'll just stick it out until she's ready to stop! Good luck to you - try to catch a nap!haha

I followed attachment parenting (allowing the child to nurse whenever they wanted) with #1. As he got older he slept in the crib in our room. After 6 or 9 months he started in the crib at night, waking up every hour. We moved when he turned 1 year and were staying with my in-laws. He had his own room. I tried the pick-up/put-down method by Tracy Hogg. But in the long run I did have to let him cry it out to a certain extent. Tracy says, whatever method you chose, be consistent and follow through with it. From my experience, if you give in just once, it's all over. It seems to get even worse. Plan your strategy, then follow through. I would recommend finding a method you like, whether Tracy's pick-up/put-down or Ferber's cry it out. With the child in a Toddler bed, she will probably climb out. Tracy's may be your best bet, maybe you can find her, "Solves all Your Problems Book" in your local library.

It's too late for the pacifier, I wouldn't even push it. My 1st never took it either. Odds are that your child doesn't need it at this point anyway. Pacifying on you is just habit. I did nurse #1 until he was 21 months though. We just stopped the nighttime snacking at 1 year.

Our boy is still a happy energetic guy. They surprisingly don't hang on to the battle that went on before. They will forget about it in the morning and be their normal selves again. It is harder on us, that's for sure!

Suggestions:
1) Put the child in it's own room.
2) Start a consistent bedtime routine (make sure to put the child to bed awake).
3) Choose your poison (which method of training you will use). Start just before a weekend. It will be difficult initially, probably the hardest thing you've ever done. May take 3 days to two weeks. I think it took us 1-1/2 weeks. Follow through--don't give up.
4) Provide more cuddling and kisses during the day to make up for what may feel like less closeness at night.
5) You'll be so glad you made the change!

This is hard and wears on you!!! My son didn't start sleeping through the night until 12 months and I thought I was going to die...I was the walking dead. We sleep in the same room but I finally (as much as it killed me at first) had to let him cry. I would start with 10 min, then work to 15. He wouldn't nap either and was so overtired. The first time I finally decided I couldn't handle the lack of sleep I let him cry for 45 min and he fell asleep. Even still this morning...he wanted to be up at 5 am. I had to let him cry while I layed in bed 3 ft away.
A friend suggested a great book. Healthy Sleep Habits, happy baby. The thing that allows me to let him sleep even if it means crying is that I know it is better for everyone to get sleep and he justs wants to be with me all the time but he needs sleep more. Sorta like he wants to eat junk food but I have to let him eat fruit. Check the book out from the library and see if it works, then buy it. It saved me. GOOD LUCK!!

Hi S.,

I went throught the same thing with my little one, she is 3 years old now
I remember thinking I feel like I am being her pacifier, but I could never ever let her cry it out, and even if at times I wondered if maybe I could I don't think my husband would...
now, looking back, I think she really needed that most when she was teething or not feeling good and maybe at times it was easier to nurse her rather than to have a crying baby and no way how to make her feel better at night...
I always thought it's going to be soooo hard to ween her off, but slowly and naturally we eliminated the times with only the falling asleep time left
when she was almost 2 years old, I figured she was too big to be breast fed, we went to the doctor for a check up, we read some books (five little monkeys jumping on the bed with the doctor), and one day I told her the doctor said no more breastfeeding, she did cry the first nigth (we had her tired) for maybe 10 minutes and that was it, she asked a few more times, I always told, I am so sorry, the doctor said I can't and that was it
my friend tried it too and it worked at around the same age
good luck
D.

good luck

Consistancy is the key. Whatever process you decide to go with, you always have to be consistant.
For example, my daughter would not go to sleep unless I stayed in the room with her. Obviously, this was not the healthiest way for her to fall asleep because I was helping her. So one day I decided to start a very strict schedule for nap time and bedtime. (My daughter is now 26 months, this was done when she was about 19 months old) First thing I would do is remind her that it is bed time soon. I would do this about 3 times before I would say "Ok, it's time for nap/bed time". Then we would brush teeth and then I would let her walk herself into her room.
I picked 3 books and read them to her in the same order for weeks. When I would get to the last book, I would tell her that "after this book your going to sleep".
After about a week of this schedule, she knew what to expect and knew that after this one specific book, she was going to sleep.
It worked very well. Now that she is a little older, I rotate books, but will still stick to the same last book for 4-5 days in a row.
After I'm done with the books, I turn out the light and say good night, I love you, see you in the morning. (she repeats it all back to me now) And thats it. Yes, in the beginning she did cry. I let her cry for 5 minutes, went in there, said "it's night night time, I love you" and walked out. Then again in 10 minutes, and then 15 minutes. I think it took over a week for her not to cry at all. It's wonderful now. Oh I did the same thing for her naps.
As far as nursing, you obviously have to stop that. It will go hand in hand with letting her cry in her own crib (I strongly suggest you get a crib).
This is going to turn her world (and yours) upside down, so be prepared for screams galore. Believe me, they never remember those nights, and they never hold it against you.... (I found that out by personal expeirence)
You really should do this for her, and yourself. You might be surprised as to what happens. Like I said, it's going to be hell. I would start on the weekend. Since you don't get enough sleep anyway, then it shouldn't make much of a difference. Just close her door and turn on the TV...loud.
Stick it out, and be consistant....never give in.
Good luck!!!! You can do it!

I have many friends who co-slept and were able to finally able to wean, but it did take a lot of time/work. For us my daughter woke up and wanted to nurse every few hours, but she would only nurse for 5 min or less, then I could lay her back down, but she would wake 3 hours later or so and want to nurse, so what we did was if it had been 4 hours since I had been in with her, I would go in, but if it was less than 4 hours, my husband would go in to comfort her. Then we just lengthened the time in between times when I would go in. 4 hours, then 5 hours, etc. I was against cry it out for my daughter mainly because she would get so upset she would stop breathing and pass out, or would throw up. My doctor actually told me not to do CIO with her because of it. It has worked for some of my friends, so I know it can work, I just didn't like that option myself. You also might try telling her that the milk is sleeping, and is not accessible to her during the night. That way you can still cuddle and enjoy cosleeping without being a pacifier.

Good Morning! I needed to let my 1st child cry it out when I stopped breast feeding. He was about 7 months and it was not easy for 2 or 3 nights but WELL worth it! In order for me to be able to do it, I turned off the monitor and put on my TV loud enough that I couldn;t hear him. I would mute every 10 min or so to make sure he was still breathing but no matter how hysterical I did not go in. After the second or third night the cries were less and a simple SHH SHH Baby from the door evry 10 or 15 for about and hour worked just fine. Within a week he was sleeping 9P-9A in his own room! Good luck, I would reccommend moving the toddler ber out of your room because if she sees you, she'll climb out.
PS My sons persona;ity did not change one bit, he is the sweetest loving little man, even to the new twins who now takes up Mommy's time!!

My daughter had a similar disposition as your baby.
Over time, she just weaned herself, and at about 2 years old was able to sleep on her own... it was just pure developmental changing and maturity. No "forcing" it could change her.
Then, normal developmental things such as 'fears' of the dark evolved too, as she got older and night terrors etc.
I just basically went with the flow, although I know that is not always "fun."

My friends, put "band-aids" in their nipples... and they said this worked for them. But again, each child/baby weans differently. My daughter self weaned about 2.5 years old and my son did so at about 1 year old. Then, they had their "loveys' to sleep with. It was a natural progression though.

Try giving your daughter a 'lovey' of some kind, and try a different pre-sleep and sleep routine.
I co-slept with both my kids too.. .and then they just naturally matured to sleeping independently. But, now and then, we still co-sleep. BUT, we have a separate floor futon in our room... where they can sleep "with" us. We don't mind.
One day it will pass... but I know it's not easy. The 'adaptability' of each child/baby is different. Some kids are just real 'routine' oriented. And they need to learn how to self soothe.

Sorry I don't have an answer for this... but with my kids, I just knew that at a certain age and maturity, they would then be 'able' to sleep without having 'me' as their soother. And I also talked to them about it, but never forced it.

All the best,
Susan

I agree, I can't imagine letting my babe CIO. So many people have advised to do this, but I can't. I bring my 14mo in with me just about every night to nurse/sleep. She doesn't pacify, but does want to sleep in our bed once she wakes from her crib. She won't go back down in the crib after nursing even. I'm still OK with it, though you've got a few more months on me! I would maybe sit up while nursing and as soon as she starts falling asleep, stop feeding her so you stop the habit of beng her paci. You may have to deal with some sleepless nights while you break the habit, but you'll be right there snuggling her instead of letting her CIO alone. Then transition to her bed, with you snuggling her back to sleep there. Then, after nursing, you can start layngher in her bed with you reaching over, so she still has the comfort of your contact. Hopefully if you give it enough time you can transition her to sleeping in her own bed. Not sure if this will work, but it's along the same lines of what we'll eventually try...good luck!

I would put her bed in another room and do a "cold turkey" on the pacifier thing. She won't like it and she will cry but it won't hurt her. I have 4 children and sometimes they just wanted to cry. They all survived and they all still trust me even though I would just let them cry sometimes. In this case she would be crying because she wouldn't be getting her way, she's not hurt. Be consistent about not allowing yourself to be a pacifier and she will adapt. It may take some time but it shouldn't take too long.
When I was little my mom didn't want me to cry either and would pick me up every time I cried. I didn't like being put in my crib. It got to the point that she wasn't getting any sleep and neither was my dad. My dad decided it was time for me to learn how to go to sleep on my own. When they put me to bed and I started crying, he wouldn't let my mom come and get me. I cried for 30-45 min. and finally fell asleep. After that I had no problem going to sleep on my own. This wasn't the only time that my parent's let me cry and I turned out fine and had a good relationship with parents. They only allowed me to cry after they made sure that all my needs were taken care of, and that I was only crying because I didn't get my way. I hope this helps.

Oh man, I feel your pain. I am so sorry you are going through this. My son sleeps in a crib, but he gets up still 1-3 times a night for some of mamas milk and pacify. Once he falls back asleep I am able to transfer him back to his crib, thankfully! He is 13 months old right now.

When he was 6 months old we went through a similar situation as you. Nothing worked and I do not believe in the cry it out method. Just doesn't work for me. Anyhow, what did work was I used to carry pacifiers in my bra between my boobs so they got my "scent". I know this sounds strange but it was very comforting to him. I wouldn't be the one to give them to him, because naturally he preferred me. But my husband would come and grab a nipple from me (this was a transition from boob to bottle situation) and my son would have no problem. It took about 5 days of us doing this.

Perhaps this would help your daughter too? At least worth a try.

Good luck!

Hi S.,
I wanted to respond because I am in the same boat however my son is teething like crazy (4 cuspids coming in at once) and therefore this entire month has been awful for me with sleep/nursing. Even though I am exhausted, I just remind myself that he obviously needs the extra comfort right now and I will be here to give it to him. This time in their lives is so short when you look at the big picture.
I am not an advocate for CIO, I personally think it teaches the wrong thing to the child however a lot of people are all for it. It's just not for me. If you are looking for alternatives, askdrsears.com has a great article about alternatives for the all night nurser.
I just wanted to say you are not alone! I know the phase will pass, they usually up their nursing needs around this age because there are so many changes they are going through physically and developmentally that they need the comfort from you to sort of destress.
I wish you luck!

Hi Stacey,
Sorry you are having a hard time. My son is 18 months old and co-sleeps with us and I nurse him to sleep still. This is a healthy natural thing and is instinctual for them as babies. After all, they are still babies and all they want is to be nurtured by us. I've found that the more I am resistant to things with him, the more he gravitates to it. For example, a few months ago, I would nurse him to sleep in our bed at around 7:30pm. I would stay awake and watch him stir on the monitor every 45 minutes, where he would wake up and I'd have to go back in there to nurse him to sleep. Instead of resisting him, I gave him what he needed and slowly it changed. He now doesn't wake up until around 2 or 3 in the morning to nurse. I know that eventually he'll outgrow that as well. I have to say that I have a wonderful support team around me. His pediatrician is encouraging, supportive, and commends me constantly on how balanced and healthy my son is. He's an amazing doctor who even has a website that has the answers to many questions we as moms have. If you are interested, his website is www.drjaygordon.com. For another resourse, la leche league is great too and I'm sure they have a website.
I know the lack of sleep is hard, but maybe nap when she naps.
Anyway, these are my two cents. I know many moms will disagree with me but plenty agree as well. Parenting is hard but it goes so fast, enjoy the time you have with your little girl. Go with your instincts. If letting her cry it out freaks you out, listen to that. Good luck to you, you're doing a great job trying to do the best for your little girl.

I went through this with both my children - my oldest nursed until 2 1/2, and my youngest stopped at 10 months. But we had them in bed with us until my oldest asked for her own bed at 3 years, and my youngest at 2 1/2. To stop being the night time pacifier, I tried sleeping in another room, and then found the magic thing - SPOONING! It still allowed the cuddling but the child was facing away from me. I've seen a lot of advice on here about crying it out. I never could do it. My philosophy was that we're trying to build trust in our daughters, in their view of the world and in their ability to get what they need/want, how is ignoring their crying a good thing? Our oldest slept through the night early, but our youngest (now 4 1/2) still occasionally cries out. And I still comfort her. It only happens once or twice a month now, if that much. My MIL worried that my kids would be clingy and not know how to get along in the world without us. I've found the opposite to be true. Both my girls are confident, independent, and know how to soothe themselves because we took the time to teach them how to do it. My view was that they're only little once, and will eventually outgrow the need to sleep with us. You know your child and family best. Do what feels right for you.

wow....the best thing you can do is put her into a playpen, crib, something that will contain her if she is not staying in the toddler bed. you must get some sleep!!! this is not healthy for you, or her. lack of sleep leads to so many issues. if possible, move her into her own room also, this will make her transition easier. her personality won't change, i promise. none of my children have slept with me and all were (#3 is still) breastfed, and all have their own rooms with their own beds. crying it out sucks, but it only lasts a couple of days at the most. my daughter (6 yrs) cried two days, my oldest son (2 yrs) for 4, my youngest son (4 months) sleeps through the night already, no crying needed. just tell her very firmly "its bedtime" or whatever you say to go to sleep, then walk away. she doesn't know how to self-soothe, this is why she's up all night. DO NOT pick her up, DO NOT nurse her, DO NOT speak to her. the first night is the worst, i promise. the mroe you go in and reassure her, the longer she'll cry. since she's never slept by herself or fell asleep on her own (STOP USING THE CAR!!!!), she doesn't know how to soothe herself when she's tired, upset, etc. this is hindering her emotional development. you've got to let her figure what makes her feel better, besides you. maybe a special blankie or toy. good luck, but remember, the longer you wait to let her cry the longer its going to take for her to learn to self soothe. this applies to naps during the day, too!!!!!!

First, you need to get a crib (borrow one, buy one off craigslist, or just break down and buy one) or use a pack-n-play. 17 months is too young to have the control/understanding to stay in a bed, and when she is not in your bed or room it is a safety issue.

Second, you need to move her into her own space- her own room preferably or a corner of your room that you could put a room divider up of sorts.

Third, think about her bedtime routine/bedtime, sleep environment, and naps as you prepare to have an amazing sleeper.
Bedtime routine: bath, pjs/teeth, book, bed- this will also help with the weaning if you make a clear and consistent nighttime routine.
Bedtime: 7pm- give or take to 7am is a reasonable expectation and would give your daughter enough sleep in a day.
Sleep environment: dark, cool, sound spa/white noise.
Naps: She should be taking a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon- like 1ish- give or take.

Something to read on the topic: http://www.lullabyluna.com/2008/12/happy-new-year.html

And something to read on being an intentional parent: http://www.lullabyluna.com/2009/06/sticking-to-our-guns.html

Now, for crying it out. You need to think about crying it out in a new way. The crying is taking place as your daughter complains about the change- normal human nature- right? She needs to learn how to soothe herself to sleep- as you said you are her pacifier. You need to give her the chance to discover for herself how to soothe herself. This will take some time- could be up to a couple hours each night for a few nights. Might take longer because she is older. It is worth it- this is how you will have a wonderful sleeper.

Now, your role is just to get through it- be consistent in all the things I talked about earlier (bedtime routine, etc.)- those things you can control. And then just try to distract yourself as it plays out. Don't pick her up no matter what. Really don't be in the room. If you have to check on her- go rub her back and say nigh nigh again- don't give her anything or pick her up.
*Note: If she has a lovey she sleeps with that is fine.

Weaning- how many feedings are you doing right now? Don't nurse her at night, and don't nurse her to sleep before bed. You can start dropping the other daytime feedings if you want to start weaning.

C., mother of 3, sleep consultant, sleep blog writer

My son is now 20 months old and I am in the same situation. I haven't really slept for almost 2 years. It amazes me that I can even function how I do. However, I have grown used to it but look forward to actually sleeping through the night. My son has slept with me since he was born and I truly love the bonding. He only nurses (pacifies) for naps on weekends as I work during the week and his dad puts him down for naps, and at night. He usually only wakes up about twice but sometimes I don't think I can take it anymore. I am so tired when he wakes me up and feel so frustrated at times. I have heard it all but I just go with my instincts. I know it's a lot of work but I agree that it doesn't last long and breast fed babies/toddlers have so many benefits. I refuse to let him cry it out. I find it cruel and it kills me. I am blessed to be able to share such precious moments with him and hopefully he will soon ween on his own. Good luck. You have some great responses here.

Our Dr. has suggested to let our son cry it out and go in and occsionally check on him. The first night was horrible but we stuck with it (if you go in or give in you have just wasted all of that time letting her cry). Every night after that got gradually less and less. It did not change his personality other than he was tired for the first couple of days. He now sleeps through the night.