I have a daughter that is 19 months old, my husband and I have had her since she was 2 months old, Her birth mother gave her to us to raise, she still visits with her birth mother about 2 times a month.
HERE IS THE PROBLEM: Last week she went to visit with her mother for four days, when she came back she doesn't seem to be able to sleep. All she does is jerk, and cry all night long and will chase me or my husband around the bed (she has to be touching us, she will take her hands and feel for our face.)
Before she went for this visit she would sleep all night long, as long as she was in bed with me and my husband!!
my question is what in the world would cause this? She has a good life, well disciplined child, and she knows that she is loved.
I would highly recommend talking to a child counselor. This could be something minor and simple, or something complicated that really needs serious attention. I have no idea what the situation is at her birth-mom's house, but the behavior makes me nervous and I would not dismiss it. If there is anything amiss, she's too young to defend herself and she needs you to do it for her.
Good Luck!
L.
I would highly recommend supervised visitation immediatly, you don't know what's going on behind closed doors. This will give you a chance to see how she interacts with your child. I hope this helps :)
My daughter is the exact same age. Any change in routine throws my daughter off SO BAD. Her birth Mom has a different bed time routine, I am sure. If she ONCE let her out of bed, that is all it takes for her to learn she CAN get out of bed. I have a wonderful pediatrician who says that a bad habit starts the first time you allow that behavior. (whatever that behavior might be) She went on to say that for as many times as the behavior happens, know it will take about a week of strict consistancy on your part as the parent to break it. So, if her birth mother let her out of bed for three nights,,know you have three weeks or so of strict consistnacy to break it. Is she already in a big girl bed?
19 months is a very interesting time for the whole family. It is the time to really start setting rules and sticking to them to teach dicipline...that Mommy and Daddy are the boss and she has to learn to respect that. She is not too young, by any means, to learn that. It will be even harder for you, as you have to get three parental figures all on the same page for the consistancy aspect of her learning and dicipline. With alot of talking among the three of you..honest and open communication...I am sure you can get on the same page. I will be thinking of you all,,as this seems like a diffacult situation for any parent to be in. I am sorry to hear of your stillborn. My heart breaks at the thought. I had a miscarriage, (which I know is not the same thing,,but still a loss) You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts.
She can be all of the things you said, well loved and diciplined, but it is the consistancy that is key with any child.
Many good wishes and Blessings.
It sounds like something happened while she was with her birthmother that is causing her some sort of trama. If she will not open up and tell you about it, you might want to consider a child psychologist. I know you probably dont' want to consider it, but she may have been sexually hurt while she was there and is not understanding what to do. I would contact the birth mother and find out if she can tell you anything, don't attack her, but just ask if something happened, or if your little girl was around someone unfamiliar while she was visiting. Also until you are able to find out what is causing this behavior, I would not let her stay at her birth moms again. I wish you the best as you try to help your daugther.
hi T.
seems like you are in a though situation.
are the visitations with her birthmother supervised?it did not sound like it.have you asked her birthmother how she is doing while she is at her house? you need to find out what is going on while she is there.it is obvious,that you daughter comes home stressed and needs time to get reasured about her save heaven.
hats off to you and your husband for doing what you are doing.
if you do not want to ask her birthmother with direct questions about her stay ,involve her in a conversation.talk about the things your daughter does while she is at your house and see how birthmom reacts.for example you could say:"aren't you glad she sleeps through all night?" or "have you noticed that she likes to feel your face when she gets unsecure?"
i am not a professional but i believe at this point comunication is the key.
if the situation does not get better i would not wait too long before involving a professional.your daughter is still too young to explain in words what is bothering her so she does it in the only way she knows how: by acting up and trying to get all of your attention.
be patient and be the save heaven for her that she seems to be needing right now.
wish you all the best
M.
I agree with Laura S. and Monika... are the visitations supervised? Are you fully aware of her environment at the house, the people in the house, etc.? I would be concerned, especially if it continues for several days b/c it could be much more than just seperation anxiety.
I don't know but I would talk to your doctor. Obviously she is too little to tell you what is bothering her. IF there is no set in writing arrangements for the birth mother to see her ( did you adopt her), I would cease them until you figured out the problem. God be with you!
I think that she is going through seperation anxiety. She is at a transitional age. maybe you should sstart letting her visit with her biological mother in your home or your presence for a while until she gets a little older. Another thing to consider is if she is being hurt in that home-not suggesting anything-but children act out thier feelings in different ways. Take care.
My opinion is that it sounds like some separation anxiety. From her view she could not understand where mommy and daddy went, why she was not with them and when will they be back. I would suggest making a "social story" with pics of you, dad and birth mom. Spell out through the story that she goes for a visit, always will come back home and is loved very much by you and etc. I would reassure her that she will always come home.
Also, assess for yourselves if there is any reasonn for the "jerking" ... is she injured/hurting physically?
This is just a generic response on my part. I would still consult a professional (pediatrician, for example)
L.
