I Know It Has Been Asked a Thousand times...We Need to Wean!

My son is 26 months old. He weened a month ago and we still co-sleep. He is autistic and non-verbal and I saw his BFing as a means of maintaining physical and emotional contact. (So important with the diagnosis.) For many reasons, we felt it was time to stop. I slowly had gotten him down to just BFing a few minutes before bedtime. Then, I had to go out of town for a few days. Ripped out my heart, but I left my son with a cadre of family members he was comfortable with. When I came back, it was a week of Daddy handling bedtimes and avoiding anything he might mistake as a feeding cue. He also was not interested in any form of dairy. I offered Kix fortified with calcium and crush up a Flinstone Vitamin in his juice mix. I had to ask for help from everyone I cared about to make it a smooth and painless transition. It was worth it.

I'm still working on weaning my 25 month old, so I sympathize, but it sounds like you're more his pacifier at night than his being thirsty. Have you considered ending co-sleeping? We coslept until around 18 months and I loved every minute of it, but we all got such better sleep once he transitioned to his crib. It may also be easier now so that he doesn't associate it with the arrival of his siblings. Teaching a child to fall back asleep on their own is vitally important and not very easy, but it's definitely better to do now than with newborns in the house too.

Good luck!

Well, my initial reaction was to say, stop co-sleeping and problem solved. But I don't know if you want to take away two comforts from him at once. And ending the BF is probably the priority. Can you move to the guest room for a few nights and let Dad comfort him or give him a sippy at night if he wakes? See how that goes. Your supply will decline and he will maybe ask less because of that too.

I never coslept or nursed into a pregnancy. But I weaned my second around 18 months, basically eliminating the last night feeding. First, my daughter had to learn to sleep without nursing which was accomplished around 12-14 months. That last feeding was done before jammies. I basically stopped offering it when I was ready to wean, and I had to get rid of the cues - didn't sit in the rocking chair, didn't wear nursing tanks, covered up with a sweatshirt, etc. And I had Daddy do bedtime for several nights in a row. She stopped asking after that, and I realized she had reallly not asked for awhile, it was just a habit and convenient for her.

Once you get rid of the nursing or at least reduce the frequency (get him to a point where he can cope without nursing), then I would work on moving him to a bed. I never really wanted to cosleep, so I don't know if your plan is to move him. But once he is sleeping on his own, I don't think he would wake to nurse.

But don't feel too rushed - I know that you want and need to stop. But make an effort to enjoy the last few times you nurse. I missed it greatly when I stopped, even though if felt like time to move on. Don't get so hung up on "I have to stop" that you don't enjoy ending this chapter with your son.

Amusing response that worked for another friend of mine. Rub vinegar on your nipples and say the milk went sour. It actually worked for her. (to be fair her son was a little older and had actually tasted sour milk) But if your child has a word for yucky, etc you could try that.

My actual suggestion is to get a breast pump and let him 'help' get the milk. Transfer the milk to a sippy cup and let him see you doing this. Explain that he needs to start 'sharing' the milk with his new brother/sister and put a bit in a cup for them and some for him. Something along the lines of "they can't nurse yet so mama will drink it for them", Do what you want with your cup, drink it, toss it etc. Then you can control how much milk is coming out of your body in a given day. You can gradually start mixing his with regular dairy and swap him over. When he asks at night you can tell him that you already got all the milk out and he can drink what is left in his cup or have water.

I'd also check with your doc and see if you are allowed to take anything to dry yourself up. If there is no milk left he can't drink. Get your OBs advice though as some of the drying products should not be taken while pregnant - especially in the herbal supplement category.

The above is if you want to transition him rather than cold turkey. I don't know your child so you may just have to go cold turkey. And remember that your son's temporary unhappiness (which 2 months from now he will not remember) is NOT worth endangering the life of your new babies or yourself.

Sage (the dried spice you would use in cooking) helps decrease your milk supply. When I weaned, I took 1/4 tsp 3 times a day for a few days to stop my milk. My son was no longer nursing at that time. The sage might decrease your supply so that he would not get much milk and that might make it easier to wean him. Have you tried chochlate milk? I know you hate to start him on that, but it may be a dairy that he would accept. THe whole milk type you buy in a carton is so yummy. If he takes that you can gradually dilute it. Good luck and congrats on the twin pregnancy.

Hi

I don't have the first clue about breast feeding/weaning as I did not BF my kids , from your post I can see you have 2 issues , you want/need to stop breast feeding and you also have to tackle the getting your son to sleep without nursing. As he associates you with your breast and uses it as a tool to go to sleep could you not go cold turkey and eliminate you from this bedtime part and let your husband put him to bed? Still let him have milk but cow's milk from a bottle and let your husband sit with him and put him to bed.

For the waking in the night to nurse , you need him to be in his own room , it is only a matter of time until the new babies are here and they will need to be in your room , when I wanted my kids to stop waking in the night for a feed I offered water instead , once they realised they were getting nothing else they stopped waking , would this work the same with a BF baby?

Sorry if this is not much help!

K.

To wean an older child gradually, just do not offer and do not refuse. This means you do not have power struggles with the child. When you meet their needs, it is much easier for them to move forward.

Although you can nurse through pregnancy, many children will wean on their own. The flavor may change and your supply will decrease. I found it uncomfortable though as the nipples may be sore and you may be nauseous and really tired. It always helps to think about what you will substitute for nursing with your toddler. Sometimes, the alternatives are much more work!

I had good luck distracting my toddler from nursing at night by having his Dad give him a bedtime snack (sometimes it was ice cream) with the deal that he could snuggle with mom afterward if he didn't wake me up because I was very tired. He was about your son's age and not verbal yet but he understood. His dad would lay him on the bed and he would snuggle up to my back being as quiet as a toddler can be and go to sleep. It was very sweet because I saw signs of compassion developing. If he woke up at night, we started the three sucks rule and I started teaching him the difference between day and night. He also jumped at the chance to have breakfast with Dad. Other moms I know have left out a bowl of cereal at a little table in the bedroom for their toddlers so they could lay down for a bit more while their toddler snacked in the morning (you are still keeping an ear and eye on them). Toddlers are easy to distract but tough to rationalize a "no" with so just work with that and figure out what he really wants and needs.

When my child would come into the room at night (we moved them after they fell asleep), I would act happy to see him and welcome into the bed but tell him he needed to be really quiet so we could sleep. That seemed to work really well. Other families put a sleeping bag on the floor for older toddlers. Kids want to feel cherished, night or day, and this is especially true when they sense the excitment of a new baby or babies on the way.

Good luck and Congratulations!

When I was pregnant, I partially nightweaned my daughter. Meaning, I would nurse her to sleep, but I enforced 6 hours at night with no nursing (12-6). Prepregnancy she had only been nursing once a night, but with the drop in supply, she wanted to nurse constantly.

There was no easy way around it. I told her what the rule was and enforced it. I told her that mommy was growing her brother and we all needed to sleep. The first night was TORTURE. The second night was easier, the third night easier still. I kept a sippy by the bed and offered her water, but no nursing. I let her snuggle. We continued to co-sleep.

Be consistent. It was tough, but I didn't lose my patience with her and acknowledged her upset. I reminded her that Mommy still loved her, but that we all needed to sleep.

Nightweaning was the only way I managed to stay breastfeeding. I could not have functioned at work otherwise.

Good luck.

I can understand your worries at this point and have been in your shoes 3 times now. I was still breastfeeding the previous child each time I got pregnant with the next and we also co-slept with each child for the first 20 - 24 months. I was super concerned about weaning and never wanted to rush them. I was lucky each time and the kids each weaned themselves 6-8 weeks after finding out I was pregnant. I think your body just does something to your milk and the little ones move on. Just stock up on the extra vitamins and give it a few weeks. You may be surprised at how naturally this corrects itself and you'll save yourself all the stress.

Good luck!

I feel you pain. just needed to say that! at 5 month we did the sleep sense program to get our daughter out of our bed. I was still nursing and it was time for her to go! I have the sleepsense program in my files and if you want it you email me at ____@____.com's an easier softer way to get children to sleep in their cribs/rooms. don't get me wrong...it's tough. 7-10 days of screaming/kicking/waking. but in the end we have a child that takes about 15 minutes each night to read to , rock and put in her bed.
next. sounds like you have the weaning problem I have. I actually had to LEAVE the house. I went to a local B & B (we are not rich) but I wanted peace! while taking care of the boobies! and my hubbie took care of the babe! We had to cold turkey her. The pediatrician said DO IT! so off I went. and when I came back she was good to go!
well. that's my two cents worth. if you want the sleepsense download let me know...I will be glad to share!

T. ~
I don't have a lot of great advice to offer, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone! I never thought I would BF more than 12 months, but I have now done so with three of my four children. My third child did not want to give up nursing and she was 20 months before I finally decided it was time. She was down to just nursing to go to sleep at night, so I went away for a few days and let my husband put her to sleep. She asked to nurse when I came back and was very upset the first few nights when I said no, but she got over it. She used to rub my wrist while she nursed, so when we dropped the nursing she would just rub my wrist for comfort. She's now 8, and she still rubs my wrist when she's tired! My fourth child is now 2 1/2 yrs. and still nursing! Like your son, he usually wakes up once or twice a night to nurse, in addition to nursing to go to sleep. I also did not find "No Cry Sleep Solution" to be very helpful. He's in his own bed, but I go in to get him back to sleep and usually fall asleep with him, so he might as well be co-sleeping. I've come to the conclusion that weaning him is going to require a stressful transition. I don't think his nursing has anything to do with the milk; I think the sucking is just his comfort and way to get to sleep. I think your best bet is to drop the final day nursing and start working your husband into the nighttime routine (if he's not already). Then go away for a few days! It will be a tough transition, but your son will adapt and will not hold it against you :). Remember that parenting is all about phases. The first couple years are the hardest, and then it gets easier as they sleep all night and don't need your attention 24/7. Best of luck to you, and congratulations on your growing family.
~ H.

just to sound the other chime here -- I co-slept with my second son until he was 10 months old. he was still nursing. at that point he wasn't really sleeping that great with me. the first night in his crib he slept through the night without a peep. i also really tired him out that day. he didn't sleep through the night again for a few months, but he sleeps GREAT in his bed now (he's 18 months old.) he also has a big, soft blanket that he LOVES to rub when he's falling asleep and uses a pacifier at night and for naps.

All of the things you listed to try sound great to me. Just remember don't stress over him not eating dairy. Cow's milk is healthy for baby cows, not necessary for baby humans. You can research healthy alternatives to cow's milk online to make sure he gets all the nutrition he needs. Remember that just because soy milk and rice milk have milk in the name doesn't mean that they have the same nutrition as cow's milk, so don't stress that either.
Lots of luck and congratulations on you beautiful family.

I potty trained my son at 26 months and weaned at 28 months, and the potty training gave me ideas for the weaning. What I did was take him to Target and let him pick out a $10 truck. I told him it was a sleeping prize and I would help him earn it. He needed not to have milk during the night. LUCKILY he fell asleep the next night while I was reading him a story, so nursing to sleep took care of itself. That night when he woke up I sat up in the bed with him instead of laying down and I held him in my lap and hugged him and let him cry and told him he was growing up and how proud I was of him to work through this, etc. The next morning he said "Mommy helped me earn my prize." I doubt it would go that smoothly for everyone, but a tangible reward might keep the screaming and tantrums down and help him feel a part of it. (I think I would wait a week in between what you've been doing and this method.) Also, talk about how big he's getting. Get him his first library card. Let him feed the cat, whatever you can think of to show he's growing up. I'm not sure this next idea is the best, but your company is precious to him. Tell him you're willing to help him through the night by sitting with him (he can cry a little, fuss, and then calm down), but you like this quiet peaceful time with him and will leave the room if he throws a fit. Then you have to do it. But you can then come in when he calms down and see if he wants you to sit with him while he does to sleep. Whatever you do, GOOD LUCK!!

I would cut out his feeding during the day since if you are up with him anyhow, that is the easiest one to eliminate first. Maybe try to substitute something in it's place like a blanket or some other comfort item and hopefully he will begin to associate that during the night as well. It would be wise to stop the co-sleeping pattern as soon as possible too since how can you continue doing that with twins. Good luck!

I have had trouble with weaning my 25-month-old daughter. There is a friend of mine who had a similar issue with her 26-month-old daughter and needed to stop based on her ob's recommendation due to pregnancy. What she did was send her child to another room with her husband who took over soothing her to sleep and stayed with her when necessary throughout the night. Apparently, after a week of the toddler crying and daddy staying, the child's expectation of nursing went away. Her daughter would ask on occasion, but was able to respond that she was too big to do that anymore. My plan is to try the same technique during a week when we can sacrifice the sleeping on our end because it is tiring to hear that crying in the middle of the night. Yet the toddler will wean, move on, and still love you! You're pregnant with twins and you ought to take care of yourself as much as possible. Hopefully, your husband will be on board to take over this, maintain consistency every night, and within a week or so your son ought to sleep without the need for the breast.

Please discuss this with a lactation consultant, La Leche League Leader, a midwife, or a medical professional who SUPPORTS breastfeeding. There is no reason that you have to wean. Many women nurse children through their pregnancies and even go on to have fantastic tandem nursing experiences thereafter. I urge you to consider all of your options.

I am sure you have gotten all kinds of advice by now, but I will give you my opinion of what I would do.
I dont want to sound harsh or anything, but sometimes tough love is the way to go. And yes, for the record, I was a breastfeeding/co-sleeping mom.
Just remember that whatever you do at this point is going to be a little more difficult than if you had tried this a long time ago, before you got pregnant.
AT this point, he knows something is up and senses the change and will fight it to the end. He might be a bit more clingy and jealous, something is telling him that your body is no longer for him, but for the new babies.

The best option would have been to start weaning him while ttc'ing and also training him to sleep in his own room. That way, once you were pregnant, he would be in that adjustment phase and by the time the babies are born he would be safe and secure in his own room/bed and drinking from a cup. That would be in a perfect world :)

But seeing as time is of the essence at this point, the whole process just needs speeded up. Make sure he gets plenty of fluid thru the day so maybe he wont wake as often at night to bf. But keep in mind, the night time bf's may be mostly about the connection than the nutrition. You can try both things at once, weaning and non-co-sleeping, that might work. I wouldnt suggest he goes from your bed to your floor either, as down the road thats one more transition for the both of you. Put him down in his room and offer a drink when he wakes and try patting him, or sitting by his bed til he falls asleep. Each time he wakes, sip, pat, sit. NO talking after the first couple of nights. He is old enough to get the pattern. YES, it will be torture and it might take a couple of weeks. But if you stick to anything long enough it will work. I just hope that you can accomplish what you want before the new babies are born.
Best of luck. I hope whatever you decide to do works.