D.G.
I haven't read all the answers and I can't help with your first 2 questions. But your last question is my situation I have been through. I had my son Oct 2004. At 18 weeks we were told he had a blockage in his uretha (his & yours possibly - was a blocked valve). I was told the same thing - would probably die soon after birth if he made it that long. I went for a 2nd opinion. The specialist I saw said there was issues but since he had amniotic fluid then he was urinating somehow. Sometimes they can get it out at the belly button (not sure how that works). If he had amniotic fluid, his lungs were developing since that is how they breathe. I ended up seeing the doctor every week and had sono's every week. He was delivered by C-section at 37 weeks - spent 1 week in NICU. Went home on antibiotics until surgery could be done at 3mos to repair the valve. Oh - and I did see the pediatric urologist prior to delivery (8 months) and he already knew about my case and he examined my son within a couple of hours of birth. My son is now a healthy 6 year old. Still has some issues with his bladder and still sees the urologist and nephrologist. But he is alive. My suggestions to you:
1) Get a 2nd opinion with a obstetrical specialist - BTW - how far along are you ?
2) Ask for a referral to a pediatric urologist to see now. Take your sonograms
3) Pray
There are many levels with this issue. Sometimes it is so severe that the baby dies but there are times they do not. The doctors have to prepare you for the worst but hope for the best. I told my story in order to give you hope and let you know sometimes it is not as bad as it seems. There is so much that I can't put in here. If you want to PM me, feel free to do so. I am more than happy to answer questions, tell you more details about my son, who we have used and what I have learned.