I Found Out My Friend's Husband Is a Sex Offender. What Should I Do?

You need to investigate the laws. It depends on how you tell people -- sex offenders actually have some protection in this case and it is considered harassment to broadcast their status (even though it's publicly available information). I think she's delusional if she can explain his behaviors away. I would want to know, but also be prepared to lose her as a friend because she will be shunned by everyone you tell.

So, this man actually thought that he was driving somewhere to meet a 14-year old? Yeah...not good. I would be upset too. I would not socialize with them as a family. If I wanted to maintain the friendship, I would limit it to stuff you do with just her....

does he show up on the online list of offenders in that town.

one way of letting people know would be to direct them to the site.

I would aslo be very careful that he actually IS a registered sex offender, i guess what i'm saying is that you need to prove this before you spread the gossip, but i would want to know.

Yes, you should tell all mutual friends with kids! I would email them the Megan's Law link that contains his picture and the crime he was convicted of committing.
I am floored that anyone would want to protect a predator. While I feel very sorry for any children he may have, because they are innocent in all of this, I can not begin to wrap my head around the wife's attitude.
A poster below said the wife is protecting her family by not telling anyone. She is so wrong IMO. If the wife wants to protect her family then leave the sex offender. Also, comparing this to telling someone your husband is a Jew in Nazi Germany is simply ignorant. It is not the same thing.

I'm pretty disgusted at the attitude of protecting the predator instead of the prey. Aaacckkk! I hope a couple of posters read, and re-read Laura's post because she is absolutely right.
As far as equating a sex offender to a Jew in Nazi Germany- yikes! The Jewish people committed no crime and yet were persecuted to their deaths in countless numbers and it's an insult to lump a sexual predator in with them.

Check with your local police department to see what you can do. I am so glad that you are bothered by this. Too many people are worried about preserving the dignity of an adult, instead of the welfare of children. Good job!

Wow! Your friend sounds like a piece of work! It doesn't matter that his crime was against someone 'pretending' to be a 14y/o...the important part was her nasty a$$ husband THOUGHT he was going to have sex with a 14y/o...and he drove a good distance to do it, too? Disgusting!!!

Tell whom ever you want...he deserves to be called out...especially to your friends whom have daughters around that age.

Blech! And she stayed with him? Why are some women so nasty and needy??!!

-----------Absolutely look him up on the sex offender registry and make sure it is true, although if you heard it from the wife, I am sure it is true...but you do need to make sure it is the truth before you call his sorry a$$ out-----------

Warn all your friends. Yes you'll lose your friendship; who cares? Why would you want to associate with these people? He's a pedophile and she's in denial. He willingly drove to go have sex with a 14 year old girl when he was a grown man of 29. At 29 my father was married had a 5 year old child, a college degree, and a full time career. 29 is not a boy, it's a man. He's a sicko. People who are saying its gossip or telling you to think about the repercussions on your friendship are advising you to take the Joe Paterno route. Don't get involved, don't rock the boat, it might hurt his family. If you want the molestation of children on your conscience, then by all means keep quiet. Men like this don't just do it once and stop.

She's an idiot. I would do exactly what the others are recommending about pulling up the link and showing it to people who have children. He shouldn't be around them.

I will NEVER understand how a woman can do what your friend is doing, much less stay with the guy...

Dawn

How old is he now? Is he really on the list. In today's world, I think personal responsibility comes in. All you have to do is turn on computer and look up sex offenders in your area. I think most families withnchildren do this. I would not start spreading the news. You will destroy this family. There is so much you do not know. Did he receive therapy, how long ago was this. We're there any other incidences?

Your friend's husband drove to North Dakota to have sex with a 14 yr old. Yes it was a sting however in his brain he was going to North Dakota to have sex with a child. Yes you have every right to be upset at her dishonestly. Yes you need to point mutual friends toward the sex offender website so they can keep track of their children around this man.

Your friend is a bit delusional I think. It is like she is excusing the fact that he is a sicko because it turned out the girl he tried to meet was really not 16. For some reason, she is skipping over the fact he thought she was 14 when he tried to meet her at 29.

I don't believe that you can rehabilitate these types of people. Yes, it was not a six year old girl...but he was also a 29 year old man. I would more understanding if it was an almost 15 year old girl and this happened right after her husband turned 18. That is not the case. He is lucky he found a woman that will enable him to be the deviant he is, to stand by him and make excuses for him. I wonder why she is in this position. If I found this out about my husband I would have left the same day. I wonder why this woman tolerates this about her husband. How many other excuses will she make for him in the future?

Because of this, I would be less concerned about her and more concerned about our mutual friends with young girls. I would probably pull up the link to his registry page and forward it to those mutual friends that have children. I would not call and gossip but at least make them aware of him so they can make their own decisions about whether they limit their interactions with him /their children in the future. I don't think alerting your friends of this information is an attempt to smear your friend...but god forbid he made a move on a friend's 13 year old..how would you feel knowing you let your friends continue interactions with this sicko with no warning that their child was his "type."

You are in a tough situation. Good luck.

to clarify - the person on the internet was an adult who was pretending to be a 14 year old, or a 14 year old pretending to be older?

If it was someone pretending to be a 14 yr old, then he is ABSOLUTELY a danger to children.

If it was a 14 yr old pretending to be a majority age person, then it is a whole different ball of wax.

How scary!! Yes, I'd tell your mutual friends, or perhaps there is a way for your local law enforcement to do so.

A 14 year old is a child!! If she didn't feel it was so wrong then she would have been forthcoming with you. A twenty nine year old man going to mean a 14 year old child is SICK!! Keep your kids away and warn your closest friends to keep their kids close. If he crossed the line once, I am sure he has done it a before and maybe just hasn't gotten caught. I would feel terrible if something happened to a child and I knew and I didn't say anything. Too bad for him if he is exposed.

He has manipulated her into thinking he did an innocent thing.
She is being deceived and now tried to deceive her friend.
Is he on the Megan's law website? If he is, rather than just spewing the fact, just tell your friends to check the website for themselves and they can then judge how they want to react to this couple in the future.

Avoid him. And yes, you should warn all your friends with children.

That's a tough one. On one hand, mind your own business. On the other hand, no child should be put at any risk with this guy. If you shout it from the mountain-top, I think you will lose your friendship. Before you do that, I would first have a talk with your friend about how she feels and what she's thinking about when her husband is around kids (teens, in his case). If she is aware and looking out for other kids and his behaviour, then it's good to know that she is taking care of business - discreetly (this is how she keeps friends). If she is in denial, then it is probably time to change the friendship with a "no kids while he's around" rule. There's no need to ask why she doesn't tell everyone - that's obvious.

Sting operation or not, in his mind he was still going to see a child for sex! If he was caught one time imagine how many times he was not caught. If children are going to his house then yes, tell them. Your friend should not be allowing them to go over there anyway!

There's a free website you can print out a picture of his mug shot. Print a bunch of copies and hand them out to everybody.

Good LORD!!!!

This woman is in denial, he was planning on sleeping with a 14 year old girl. He got caught at it. He drove there....that says he was committed. She just has a defense mechanism in place and she is totally blinded by this towards him.

I'd tell everyone that I could tell and then make sure every friend I know that knows her got an email of his sex offender picture in a mass email.

When they move to another town or city or neighborhood you need to make sure you let some of their new neighbors know too.

Some day she will finally realize what kind of animal he is. If he was really attracted to this girl then he favors young girls but not preteens. So anyone she's around that has kids that age are going to find him out when he can't control himself and flirts outrageously with them. He will even try to groom them to be his special friends when he has the chance.

I'd do everything I could to catch him if I thought he'd already started on someone in your own neighborhood. That way he'd be arrested and out of your radar and you would have a safer neighborhood for a while.

Erica gave a good answer. Think about how telling everyone will negatively impact her family and what it will do to your friendship. Offer support to your friend.

I would assume he is a registered sex offender and is in violation by going where teens (possibly children too as we do not know all of his background only what he told her) will be. She is in denial and you can't change that except possibly by finding his record. Do they have children? I have a child that was molested by a longtime family friend/pastor. I would tell your friends and tell her you are going to do it but after you see if you can find his record. Glad to help if you tellme the state.

Wow.
Couple thoughts...
1. What parent does NOT look at the sex offender website for their neighborhoods?
2. hope to God she doesn't have children.
3. This public information is out there (IF its true) for everyone to see. (See #1)

So her defense is "he didn't do anything but was 29 and going to meet someone he thought was 14"? So maybe he didn't actually touch a child but had the intent to....my question to her would be "What was he going to meet this girl he thought was 14 for?" And "if he would drive that far to meet a 14 year old, what would he do if/when he has easy access to a 14 year old (or other children)?"

I would guess that he is now a registered sex offender. Try to find it on the state's registry. Maybe check w/ local authorities because I would guess they have to notify those in his neighborhood. It is then reasonable to share that info with those you know would otherwise allow him access to their children.

I know here in DE, a registered sex offender is limited in what they can and can not do regarding being near children. For example, they can't work at a school or daycare but if, for example, their work takes them to the school to dump their trash cans (like in a trash truck) they can do that...to the can, dump it, and leave....period. The company knows they are an offender (they are registered and the police notifies the employer). Some companies may not allow it but others may especially if they are not a high risk offender. The wedding photography may not be an issue provided he is not having unsupervised access or alone time w/ the kids but just carrying equipment for his wife.

I would be angry too! I would tell her that she needs to notify her friends with children or you will. I can see both sides because she doesn't want to lose friends over this, but at the same time---children's safety comes FIRST.

Wow... this is horrible on so many levels. First your friend is in complete denail. I'm sure he's a real nice guy, great personality, give you the shirt off his back, blah, blah, blah. Of course he is... that's how he appeals to people. He was busted in a sting but think of all the times he likely got away with his "harmless violations." I'm a photographer and the thought of letting him assist knowing his past... um!! She can't watch him at events and do a good job. I hate to be so extreme but both need to be reported. He's in violation of his terms by being unsupervised at these events. She should be shut down for her lack of judgement. This is alarming to me... you're in a tough spot but I feel you need to report him for sure and have a long hart talk with your friend. She's paid well and her clients trust her and she's bringing danger to their "special day". Wow wow!!