I Don't Want to Be the Maid Anymore!

I like the idea of a chores chart. We haven't started that yet but I think we might. I suggest reading the book, Have a New Kid by Friday. He has excellent ways to deal with things like this and excellent ideas all around.

Go on strike. That will shock them into really. A couple of days of you not cleaning, not cooking and not doing the laundry will help them appreciate what you do. Especially when the older one's goes to put on their favorite jeans and they're dirty. Or they're hungry and there's nothing to eat because you haven't been to the grocery store. Be a little gentler on the 4 year old, but the 11 and 9 year old are old enough to know better.

We do not believe in allowances. Nobody gets paid to clean your own toilet. Your reward for cleaning your toilet is the privilege of using a clean toilet (it is it's own reward).
My 11 yr old son puts away clean dishes out of the dish washer, and puts dirty dishes into the dish washer. He takes out the trash and the recycling, and takes the cans out to the curb on garbage collection day and brings them back after they are emptied. He helps carry groceries in from the car and he helps put them away. He'll sometimes vacuum if I ask him to, but it's not a usual chore for him. In the summer, he'll help me weed the garden and wash the car and he helps my husband wash down the boat. In order for the TV to be turned on, homework must be finished (to my satisfaction) and his chores must be done. When all the work is done, he can watch his shows or play some computer games. He's learned the quickest way to freedom and fun is to get the work done. He's a good boy and he always helps out. For such good behavior (and his grades are straight A's), I get him whatever he wants at the book store.

My 8 yr old daughter is great about using a chore chart. My slightly focus challenged 11 yr old son is not. However, he is fantastic about doing what he is told to do: i.e. the trash is full, "A" come take out the trash, please. He is quick to do it and without complaint.

11 year olds can take out the kitchen trash, scrape their plate and load their dirty dinner dishes in the dishwasher, vacuum (maybe not as effectively as you, but they CAN do it), clean the bathroom sink/mirror/toilet, put away their clothes, fold towels, take the dog out, poop scoop the yard, roll the trash can to the street, take out the recycle bin... these are ALL things that my 11 yr old son can do and does. Some items he does because he is part of the family; some items he earns a "commission" for.

My 8 yr old daughter puts her clothes away, cleans the bathroom (she needs a step stool to reach the mirror though), cleans up her plate, sets the table, gets drinks for herself and her brother (sometimes my son does this as well) at dinner, vacuums, feeds the dog and fills her water bowl, brings in the empty recycle bin and trash can from the street, empties out her lunchbox after school. Some are for commission, some are just because she is part of the family.

They both bring their laundry baskets to the laundry room for their clothes to be washed.

Most of the time, they are happy to help out. The thing they hate doing, is cleaning their own rooms. They don't even mind helping the other one clean theirs, just not doing their own, lol. But everything else they actually enjoy. They would never SAY they enjoy doing these things, but it is evident to me that they feel a sense of accomplishment and contribution to the family that makes them feel good.
They especially enjoy pulling weeds out of my flower beds in the spring... they get paid extra! And it is outside! :)

The trick, it seems to me, is to tell them to do these things when they are not already overwhelmed with something else, like homework. When they have been outside and come in for a drink, and are sort of in a relaxed mode, I will say... "hey, ___ needs doing. Will you do ___ please"... and they are pretty quick to comply and get a pat on the back~

Well, in our house we never got an allowance, it was, you are a member of the family and these are your responsibilities. We had a rotating chore system, so if you hated something, you only had to do it for a week. For example, cleaning the living room, doing the dishes/cleaning the kitchen, and the bathrooms. We would switch chores on Sundays, and would be responsible for the whole week for keeping our area clean. (Our rooms were always our own responsibility, and had to be at least cleaned once a week, usually on saturday). If things werent up to snuff, we would lose privileges. For example, tv taken away, library taken away, the worst for me was getting my book light taken away, so I couldnt read at night. One night of that and my chores were done. :-)

In our house, the kids can't do what they want (play with friends, xbox, computer, tv) until they are done with their chores. They each have specific things they have to do every day. One kid has to sweep the kitchen, another has to empty the dishwasher, another loads it. You get the picture. They are responsible for keeping their rooms fairly neat, the front room free of clothes and toys and they have to put their own laundry away.

Their allowance is not tied to their chores either. As members of the family, they are expected to do certain things for the family home. They can earn extra money by doing extra chores (like sweep the garage or rake leaves).

Two words- chore chart.

With that being said, since your children are not used to it, this will take some time for them to adjust.

Maybe you can have a family meeting and start explaining that part of being a family and showing love for each other, is everyone helping out. It's also great for children to learn how to do the everyday household chores. I married a man that didn't know how to do anything- his mom appologizes to this day for not teaching him.

Take it slow and have patience, but don't give up. You will be doing your children a great service by making them be part of the family "machine" in taking care and respect for their home.

Just my two cents,
R.

our 8 yr old is responsible for:
walking our chocolate lab out into the field to go to the bathroom. Usually once a day after school. I do the morning walks and hubby does the weekends.
She also feeds and waters the dog daily
sets the table for dinner
clears the table after dinner (hubby puts food away) she washes the table and sweeps the floor under the table.

Our 5 yr old:
feeds and waters the cat in the garage daily
Feeds the fish

Our 2 yr old helps both older siblings. :-)

The older 2 are also responsible to pick up their rooms and put their clean laundry away in the drawers (older hangs her stuff up also). Picking up toys, books, games etc nightly... They also recently started helping pack their own lunches for school the night before...

This is something that we start as soon as the kids get into kindergarten. We do do allowances. Our 8 yr old gets $5.- a week, our 5 yr old gets $3.- a week and our 2 yr old gets $1.- a week... We don't go to or rent movies more than once a year, don't eat out except for birthdays, own a tv or any of the "game systems" or DS's... But we are a one income family and have to scrimp to have that $8.- a week... There are some weeks they don't get anything... And from the money they do get they give some to the church, some in savings, and some to spend.

The biggest thing is MAKING them do it. Yes, every day the kids walk in the door from school and I say "Tommy, get the cat stuff ready... Emmy, gingers gotta go out... " etc.Then while they are doing those I go thru their back packs. I remind the 8 yr old that the dog needs water and food... and the 5 yr old to feed the fish...

Its about letting them know they have NO choice... They must do it and no matter how much they moan and groan about doing it later keep saying "If you do it now you'll be done in 5 minutes" OR you can complain about it and it'll take up all your time for fun!

Do not ASK them to do the chores... TELL them to do it. Yes, you will tell them daily and have to check for a while... But once the schedule is established it will take less reminders. And the thing about the yard clean up is being out there WITH them... The kids LOVE helping hubby pick up sticks and stuff... Why? They get to ride in the wheel barrow on the way back from the dump pile. lol

Come up with a list and TELL them... This will be your job... You need to do it ----- times a day... Then make sure they do it.

my children help here by taking laundry to basement to be washed. doing dishes, vaccuming their rooms. raking the lawn,mowing,cleaning dog pen. they don't do them all every day. but i do assign chores when they need to get done. i make a list of what needs to be done for the day and then have them draw straws if it becomes a battle(more like toothpicks..lol) the one with the shortest gets that particular chore. i dont hand out allowance either but i do let them earn something. wether it is a special treat, being able to pick out a movie of their choice to watch that night, or time on the computer playing a game or checking their email etc etc. when they dont complete their chores then they get whatever we agree upon for punishment. yes the kids do have a choice in their punishment. they either loose a privialedge or something else they really like doing. if we can't agree on a punishment then i choose something that i know will get their attention. i know there are mom's on here that dont believe in the word punishment, but it is an easy discription i can come up with. my kids ages are, 15, 13, and 11. i can be a strict parent but i believe sometimes you have to be.

My kids are just old enough to start helping. We gave our 3.5 year old a few "jobs" last night because he asked to help.

But, when I was growing-up (3 girls all within 5 years of age), chores were not compensated with allowances. They were expected, and we did nothing we wanted until they were done.

I remember being 8 and being responsible for vacuuming while my sisters cleaned bathrooms. We were responsible for doing the dishes after dinner, setting the table, putting laundry away, cleaning our bathroom, etc.

I think if you teach your kids that chores are an expected part of being in the family, they will get them done.......or all the fun things they like to do will not exist.

Hope that helps, and I hope they start helping more, too.

If we didn't do our chores (chart on the fridge- warnings and expectations clearly set) we did not go to the birthday party or whatever was planned that week, no tv etc. Concequences are real world/life lessons and I am so glad (now) that my parents did not give in even when their friends were the ones saying come on let them go to this or that.
Find out what is rewarding for each child (not money) and make that the big reward for going above and beyond the chore chart.
You are doing your kids a huge favor and their future roommates/spouses when you expect them to participate in family/household chores. I lived with a friend at 19 who's mother did everything for her and her siblings and she had no pride in our place and no respect for me. My husband is also use to someone else taking care of things and it is hard on our relationship.

Good luck

The 9 year old can vacuum the house. The little one can help you with chores and pick up toys. the 4 year old can dust.... just some suggestions. You can make a chart with a white board and put some simple daily chores on there every morning. the older one can help assign chores and also help teach the youngest how to help out. If they don't do their chores. ...how about, "you can't come out of your room until your room is clean." You can't play on the computer until your laundry is folded... you can't talk on the phone until the lawn is raked.

I like Karen's response!! Great job Karen!!

My kids are 8, 6 and 2 and I've had them help since they were really little so it's been sort of ingrained in them that this is how things work. That being said at your stage I would probably call a family meeting to explain that you all are a team and there are certain responsibilities in keeping the household running and everyone needs to do their part. Make them an active participant in listing the things that have to be done every day and let them choose what they think they can be responsible for. If you want to keep the team mentality you can try to plan a fun family activity every Saturday night (game night, movie night, etc.) but it can't start unless all of the chores have been done for the week. If you are likely to have more problems with one child than another pulling their weight you can choose a privilege for each of them that will be taken away if they don't complete their chores each day. The one suggestion I do have is to start small so that it's not overwhelming to them (or to you trying to keep track of everyone). Maybe have one or two new daily responsibilities and maybe one weekly responsibility to begin with and once they have that mastered you can add another one as a reward for showing that they can handle it so well :-)!

Good luck,
K.

I googled "chore charts for tweens" and found this info (this is only a small part of what comes up). Another idea is that maybe once they get a lot of chores done (filling up their chore chart) maybe y'all have a family outing - a movie, a picnic, a trip to the lake.

Here's what I got from the google search. It starts with chores that a 'tween' could do:
Loading the dishwasher
Sorting laundry by color
Packing his own lunch
Making his own snack
Feeding the family pet
Watching younger siblings for short periods of time
Vacuuming the car
Weeding the garden
Planting flowers and vegetables
Sweeping the front porch or garage
Folding clean laundry and placing the items in the appropriate drawers
Setting and clearing the dinner table
Taking the trash cans (or recycling bins) out to the curb and bringing them back when empty
Older tweens can also:

Wipe down bathroom sinks and toilets with disinfectant wipes (gloves are recommended)
Prepare a salad or a simple dinner
Clean out the refrigerator
Organize closets and cabinets
Write the family grocery list
Mow the lawn
Every tween should have at least one daily household chore, such as setting the table or making his bed, as well as a weekly chore that takes more time, such as folding laundry or writing the family grocery list. As your child ages and matures, you can add to his list of responsibilities, according to your family needs and his school schedule.

Getting the Household Chores Done
Once you've assigned a chore to your child, the next step is making sure it's actually completed. Consistency and follow through are key to getting your tween in the habit of completing his chores every day. To get him in the habit, be sure you stay on top of his progress and offer gentle reminders every now and then.

Tweens can also benefit from a daily chore chart or a chore contract, which will help them track their chores and make it clear what the consequences of not doing them might be. Keep the chart in a highly visible area where your tween will see it, such as on the refrigerator or at your family's computer desk station.

In addition, you might consider offering a basic reward system to encourage him to keep his chores up-to-date. Refrain from offering glamorous or expensive prizes, just keep it simple. For example, you could say that for each week his chores are completed on time, he'll earn an additional half-hour of television or computer time. Or, you could offer a special treat at his favorite fast-food restaurant, a sleepover, or time alone with you so you can enjoy an activity together.

Parents might also consider tying chores to an allowance. If you decide to do that, make sure that you tie only the bigger chores to his allowance, and make it clear that his everyday chores are expected to be completed without reward. That way, he'll understand that sometimes you chip in just because it's necessary, not because there's a reward at the end waiting for him.

Another strategy to encourage your child to complete his chores is to make it clear that all chores must be done before he participates in his favorite activity. For example, you could say that he can't play with his friends on Saturday until he's finished his chores, or the television stays off until all chores are completed. Find out what motivates your tween and stick to it.

this is quite "simple", but only if you can back up your words. each one of your kids likes something(s). maybe it's tv, video games, computer time, sports, etc. you sit them all down and say "okay kiddos, things are gonna change around here, you guys are all getting older and i need you to pitch in a little bit. you are each gonna be responsible for a chore or two everyday, and for you older two, i'm not going to hound you, i'm putting a chart on the fridge, and i expect the chores to be done by 'x' time. if the chores are not complete, you will not be allowed to 'x' for a day/week". then, this is the important part, YOU STICK TO IT. if your 9yo misses a basketball game, well, that's a great learning lesson, especially when he has to explain to his coach and team WHY he missed the game. good luck!

Hi-We have a chore list on the fridge. After snack and 15-20 min of downtime chores are done right before homework each weekday. Their allowance is not tied to the chores but if they don't do them, with a good attitude ;), they lose TV, computer, playdates or whatever they really want to do. Works great for 7 & 11 year olds. Good Luck!

I write down the chores on pieces of paper, and then the kids draw chores weekly. The chores are: taking out trash, taking care of cat, taking care of dog, putting dishes away, loading dishwasher, wiping down table/countertops, vacuuming LR/DR daily, and laundry and toy patrols-I do have to help the younger ones sometimes, but at least I know they're learning. No playing, watching TV, etc until chores are finished. No allowance for chores, a family must work together to keep the family/home running smoothly.

I went on strike for a week at my home and only made dinner. My husband got upset because he did the dishes a few times. The kids got the hint and started doing them. My son came in from playing one day (I had just done 14 loads of laundry and put it away - military housing overseas) full of mud. Hubby sent him down to the laundry room at 8pm and he had to do the play by himself *he was 10 years old*. I have never done his clothes and he is now 36. The daughter also began doing her laundry at age 10 and she is 33 and on her own.

It might take a bit for them to get the hang of it but they will. Just re-enforce the fact that they are responsible for their clothes and room. As one person said, if the clothes aren't clean they will have to wash them or make sure they get to the laundry room on time. Another area for you to consider is the fact that they can begin helping with the dinner - setting plates, silverware and pulling the lettuce apart for salads. Of couse help the 4 year old how to set the table and make a game of it.

I feel every child should be able to wash, iron, cook, clean and sew before they leave home. They may not marry or find a roommate and need to know how.

Hang in there it will get better, stick to your guns and don't give in. Allowance was something that they got when we were out shopping but they were not paid for chores as they were part of the family unit.

The other S.