My niece and her parents have been visiting us for over a week now. They are here from the Philippines and this is the first time I saw both my niece (turning 4 in December) and my nephew (just turned 2). We had a huge family get together and everybody was shocked (my husbands family and my side of the family) about the way my niece is. She is tall for her age, almost 1 head taller than my daughter who is actually 3 months older than her. She does not eat any solids except one specific type of biscuit. And to make things worse, her parents give her Pediasure or Formula! In a baby bottle! Not even in a cup! And not even regular milk. She is constantly constipated and screams due to the pain! I feel so bad! I just want to take this kid and take her away from her parents! Sorry to say that... I am just very worried about her! We tried to offer her food but she just shuts her mouth and tells us no, not hungry... and her parents, especially her dad just keep giving her the bottle! When I mentioned to my bil that I don't think this is good for her and that I know I shouldn't say anything, he just said: "Don't worry, I don't take things personal. My friend's daughter did the same thing and started to eat once she starts school". I am worried... I don't think this is normal! She is my niece!
What can I do please tell me if I am over reacting or what I could do?
I'd like to add something to my original post. I have talked to several members of my husbands family (all raised in the Philippines) they are all shocked about it as well! Yes, they say that it is not uncommon to pamper your kids more than you would here and definitely more than in Germany, however they all agree that this is not what they would consider normal. Furthermore I'd like to add that the two year old does eat at least bread and they started to give him other solids as well. I am just seriously worried about the reaction that her dad gave when I mentioned the health risks to him. Supposedly they even had their own pediatrician in the Philippines tell them that they need to get her to eat solids. It just seems to all of us that they do whatever the girl wants. Raising a kid is not always easy and I am not perfect, but I try to do the best for my kid... for them it seems like they just want to have an easy way out.
Thanks already for all your input! Please give me some more advise! I had a conversation with my mil and she seems to count on me and my husband to intervene as they don't seem to listen to her.
additional update: thanks so much for all your advise. We actually showed some of your comments to my sil and bil and they now promissed us to address the problem with their daugther. They went back home last night and on the way to the airport my husband made it clear to his sister that they are risking the health of their daugther and that in our eyes this is child neglect.... so lets hope this will change. Again, thanks so much for all your input.
The girl is not at an imminent risk otherwise I would have take much more drastic steps. She is healthy and active, but I do want to avoid having this result in permanent health issues. I believe they finally had an eye opener due to seeing our daugther and us point blank telling them that they are wrong with the way they are treating / babying her.
I am most concerned about the painful constipation. My twins are 16 months. All of the toddler formulas give my daughter instant constipation. We have started to give her Karo syrup in her milk (not formula) to combat this problem, same as we did when she was an infant. The Karo syrup works wonderfully. Please address this issue as it may be the easiest one to change. Good luck.
Very weird... I'd say look up online or in the phone book for a family NUTRITIONALIST. Get their advice. More than likely, the nutritionalist is going to say that it is not good at all. Tell her parents what the nutrionalist said, and be very serious in tone. If there is further trouble, and a doctor has agreed that it is dangerous, get advice from child protective services. Don't do it in secret. Explain each step that you may take to her parents and why.
They are family, so don't "turn on them" (not implying that you are). Help her parents, BUT at the same time the child's health comes first.
It would be GREAT if you knew a doctor well enough to invite them to come over to your house to talk to her parents!
Also, keep in mind that kids DO change their habits, however parents need to be there to guide them to make those choices.
Hope this helps
It could be a culture thing but I agree it is strange to have a child of 4 still drinking formula and eating no solids! What about the 2yr old? Does he eat normal foods or is he mainly on formula aswell? The constipation is an issue , perhaps if you tried to talk to them about that and then suggest foods that can help with it.
Good luck
Yes, it is weird, but I think they know it is weird.
As for the bottle, I still had a bottle until around age 3 or 4. Sippies weren't part of my upbringing. If my parents didn't want something spilled, it was in a bottle.
If she isn't eating solids, she likely needs the pediasure or formula for nutrition. Constipation will result from the complete lack of fiber in her diet.
some kids are just very difficult to get to eat regular foods. my daughter is the same way, for her 3 and 4 yr old years she survived on cheeseits, apple juice, fruit snacks, and the occasional chicken nugget. Since her height was above normal and her weight normal, her pediatrician was not worried about it. she suggested pediasure to get her nutrients, which she wouldn't touch. We had her evaluated at a food clinic and they didn't want to do intensive treatment because her growth was normal. She does see a therapist now who helps her try new foods. He said some kids taste buds are stronger than others and some are bothered more by new textures than others. As for the bottle, well, that is weird and a dentist would probably go crazy at what it does for her teeth, but I have a relative that used a bottle until she was 10, she is grown now, albeit slightly strange, but I don't think the bottle caused her any great difficulties. My advise is to continue to encourage your niece to try some new foods while she is with you. I found with my son making yummy sounds while offering them to him helped.
Seems like you've gotten some good advice already. I'll just add that my mom went to Italy (actually Sicily) last year to visit family and was surprised to see that they still used a blender to puree meals and spoon feed them to a 4-year-old boy! It could very well be a culture thing.
If you're concerned about your niece's constipation or other health issues, address those as tactfully as you can. As far as the bottle and some of that other stuff, it may seem weird to us, but we don't know what's "normal" for them back home.
Hope all the moms are able to help you!
B.
Maybe suggest to her parents that they offer her prune juice and more fruits. There are also mild stool softeners safe for children, like Milk of Magnesium. Maybe a little could be added to her Pediasure to mask the taste, but I don't think it tastes bad. Do they offer her vitamins? Hopefully she's getting all her nutrients, but sounds like she could use a more balanced diet.
I'd probably let them know that it is kinda weird, but if constipation is the worst side effect of this bizarre behavior, then it's pretty benign. I wouldn't stress over it. When she starts school, they're right, peer pressure will put an end to most behavior that's considered out of the norm because she'll want to fit in so badly. So many things change as kids mature, it's best not to worry too much about things you cannot really do much about.
it IS pretty weird. i would be very careful in confronting them, though. she seems to be getting enough nutrients to grow certainly, and if the formula is all she is getting it's probably better than just milk would be. i would certainly drop nutrition information into the conversation, and try to get the poor kid some fruit juice to get her moving again. but it's hard to know what's going on back in their own culture, ya know?
khairete
S.
Hi A., I agree with you; it does seem quite bizarre. If you feel uncomfortable talking with your sil, I would make and appt with your children's pediatrician to discuss it. It couldn't hurt. I hope this helps.....I.
My first question would be, what types of food do they have access to at home? I am of German descent, so I know that we love our full rich foods. I have a freind who married a Filipino and her diet is fish, chicken and rice, with veggies and oatmeal. Try offerring her some of the foods that she would get at home. While I too am concerned about ANY 4 yo who regularly drinks pediasure from a bottle, there may be other things going on that you are not aware of. Has more than just you voiced their concerns? Maybe if he knows that many family memebers are concerned he will help you to try to offer solid foods. Since she is their first child, they may just not know that she should be on solid food, drinking goats or cows milk and using regular plates and forks and spoons. They may just need to be educated about how to handle a growing child. You could get them a book to help them with questions about childrearing, if you think that would not insult them too much. Do they see your daughter eating reular food and drinking from a cup? Enjoy the visit
This may be more of a cultural thing, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. It all depends on how a culture thinks they should care for their children, each is different and no one is better than another as long as the kids achieve adulthood in good shape. I saw a mother of some ethnic descent still spoon feeding her four year old daughter (she was eating a vegetable medley, whatever works). An African tribe carries their children until they are four! I think it is pretty harsh in the Western world that we demand children grow up too fast, then blame the parents because we don't think they are progressing as fast as they should. For example, my daughter didn't completely give up her bottle until she was 2 1/2 (she was down to two) because she didn't want to give up her cuddle. Every child is on their own time line, and parents have to work with it.
How long are they visiting? Long enough for you to solve her eating problems? Or just long enough to drive you crazy. You have to pick your battles, just hope your daughter doesn't regress. And be glad that it isn't coke with extra sugar in her bottle, some mothers from South America do that thinking that coke is good for their children, and it's cheaper than milk.
HI read your post and it reminded me a girl who I worked iwth at a childcare. dshe doesn't want to eat anything, her parents has to give her Pedisure. However, when she enrolled in Elementary school program, she starts eating solid food. For milk in the bottle , In Asia many family still continute to giving kids drink milk from Bottle instead of cup. Probably until 5 years old. (same as my naphew). his parents give him the bottle at night because they afraid that he won't sleep well. I am not concerning about my naphew because I grew up that way. as I moved to USA and l learnt that we should give kids to drink from a cup at age 1. that what I did with my daughter.
don't worry about it and you can show your relative how you treat your daughter. they will learn from you or you can give them some good books about kids.
