I Am Torn

I would never allow my 80 year old grandmother around my sick kids, it is way too hard for her to throw off a sickness.

If you guys are that sick I wouldn't go. I'm sorry but I wouldn't leave my kids with anyone especially someone that old with a stomach virus, if it was a cold or something more manageable maybe. I would be extra cautious with her age and sick children.

First and foremost, I am sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you were close to her. Take comfort in that.

But, I don't think I would have your husband's grandmother come watch them. It was very kind of her to offer but she is 85 yrs old and a stomach virus could be much more harmful to her than someone younger.

If it were me, I would skip the funeral and do this instead. Take a private moment, light a candle for your grandmother and say your goodbyes and tell her how much you love her. She is not in that coffin, she is with you and she can hear you. A funeral is not really for them anyway, it's for the ones left behind so that we can have closure. You can do that in private.

You will make the right decision for you. I wish you luck and I will pray for you and your family. Take care.

Stomach flu can be very deadly to the elderly. I would kindly pass on her nice offer.

I would also stay home if I was sick. I know it's hard, but maybe you can find some other way to have your own little remembrance/service?

Ask for a private viewing and take the children with you. They do not have to go up to the casket (they can stay in the back) but you can go before of after everyone else leaves. This will allow you to say your goodbyes in person. I am so sorry for your loss. But I wouldn't let your hubby's grandmother do it, if she became ill I am sure you would feel worse then you do now.

I know you really want to go and this is hard, but I would not have her watch your kids.(it was so nice for her to offer). since you describe it as a vicious stomache virus, it would be even more horrible for an elderly lady to catch it.
Also, you need to think about the other people at the funeral. since the funeral is for your grandmother, then their will probably be elderly folks at the funeral too. elderly people are more likely to end up in the hospital or severely sick from a sickness which they could get from you. I think it is in the best interest of the people at the funeral and your husband grandmother for you not to be there..

I'm so sorry to say that. Saying goodbye to your grandmother doesn't have to be at a "funeral", there are many ways to say goodbye without being there.
Hugs.

She's gone now A., you saw her in the hospital. I agree that the chance of spreading germs to the older people that will be there would not be cool.
I'm sure Grandma will forgive you for not showing up.
I was at my Grandma's bedside when she died a few years ago. It was very traumatizing for me.
I'm sorry you've lost her. You will miss her, I miss both of mine so much, especially now that I'm older there are so many things I wish I could talk to them about now.
I left the hosipital room when grandma was taking her last breaths and was very thankful she was lucid and talkative only hours prior. I do not attend viewings or open casket services as I like to remember the way they looked while alive. I looked at my sister dead when I was 21 and that memory wont leave my head.... so I dont look at dead people anymore.
You will be okay. Just make sure there are some flowers there representing you.

If YOU are sick, FOR SURE STAY HOME! And I would honestly NOT subject an 85 year old grandma to the possibility of getting this virus either because of her age. Older people sometimes get a more serious version.

I'm sorry for you loss but I'd stay home. Your grandma won't be there anyway. It's just her body. Have a small memorial at home for you and your kids to say good bye to her.

If it is the stomach virus going around here.. NO do not allow her to watch your children.. This virus knocks people down for almost 5 days.. She could really , really be even worse for longer than all of you at her age.

You should not be around anyone while you have this.. My business partner had it for a whole week and lost 6 lbs.. she was having diarrhea and having to hold a bowl in her lap to vomit at the exact same time.. Sorry so graphic.. She was weak, head ache and over all nauseous.. I had to hire temporary people to help me that week .

I am so sorry you are going to miss the funeral. I would be heart broken too, but people will understand and will appreciate that you did not expose them to this, especially during Christmas week.

You can always visit her cemetery plot and ask the minister to send you a copy of all of his/her reading and words that were said.. I know at the funeral home my stepfather works at.. they will actually record it for you if you ask..

If there is a prayer or words you wanted to say, have them sent to the funeral home and they can ask another relative to first explain your absence and then to read your words.

I am sending you strength a healing heart and health for you and your family.

I think you made the right decision, as painful as it is. I'm sure your grandmother would be proud of your courage (doing the right thing when everything in you screams not to is very VERY brave).

I've lost too many people I love dearly, and as such came to the decision some time ago to avoid funerals like the plague (although I will happily attend wakes and families sitting shiva). Instead... day of the funeral I make a celebration of the person's life. Photos, stories, their favorite foods. I infuse that day with everything I loved about that person. I very much involve my son in the process.

I personally think it's a GOOD thing for children to see us grieving. They learn that it's okay to mourn AND that it's okay to laugh and take joy from memories AND that sadness isn't forever. That we can move through it. So don't put yourself through the ringer trying to hide how you feel from your kids. You may find an amazing amount of strength and joy from them through the process. There is nothing to be ashamed about crying, or holding onto your kids and crying. Hiding the painful parts of life from children just leaves them in the lurch from learning how do deal with their own pain, IMHO.

Hugs, mama.

I am so very sorry for your loss.
You are in my prayers this evening so close to Chrostmas.
Feel better soon, take care of you and yoru little ones. Let yourself grieve.

hi sweetness, first off, lemme say so sorry for your loss....goodness, losing someone so wonderful hurts SO BAD, and ESPECIALLY this time of year. anytime hurts, but it's just an extra sting. i feel ya'.
someone had a GREAT idea. go see your gma before the funeral tomorrow or whenever it's scheduled. that shouldn't be ANY problem at all. call first of course. i had the honor of doing my mom's makeup for her funeral and it was really special for me and to me to have those moments alone w/her. it wasn't a big deal at all for me to come then. and you have a handful w/your 2 yr old, but i'm sure your older one could be mature for a few minutes and let you say goodbye. i think that's a great idea and could really work. i pray for your healing physically (for you & your girls) and also comfort during this so very sad time. :(
life is so not fair...you are so right. i still don't understand why my mom passed last november...sucks.
oooh...wait, i just looked at the time. maybe 85 yr old gma could come over & just sit at the house w/the girls after they've gone to bed. no direct interaction should be okay...idk, i'm just putting myself in your shoes & thinking of any way you could get up there. maybe a neighbor. after the kiddos are in bed of course and they (neighbor) won't have to do anything but just ensure their safety, but no real childcare. sending a prayer up right now. God answers 'em!!!

Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss. That must be so rough and you are sick on top of that! I am not sure I would accept grandmother's offer-- what if she gets super sick, you would feel terrible if that happened. Is there any neighbor or friend from church that could come and stay for even 30-40 min? I would check that out. Otherwise, I unfortunately would not go. I would ask family members to take pictures and maybe even tape the service so you could watch it at home. So sorry for your loss, hope you and your kids get well soon!

M

You did the right thing. Your girls need you right now and you yourself are sick. You don't want your grandmother -in-law to get sick from being around your girls or everyone at the viewing or funeral to be sick from being around you. Your grandmother probably would not want that either. To help you feel better, can you write something and have someone else read it at the funeral?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I adored my grandparents and had a tough time when I lost them.
Your grandmother knows how much you loved her and if you are sick, I'm sure she wouldn't want you going out anywhere not feeling well.
As far as your husband's grandma offering to help, how very sweet of her. My aunt is 84 and she's active and healthier than I am so I wouldn't hesitate to let her watch my kids under normal circumstances. However, I wouldn't want to risk losing her over getting sick with something my kids or I have.
Are you only going to be gone for an hour or so? Do you have a healthy neighbor that could come over and just hang out with the kids for a quick bit?
I know you want to pay your respects, but I don't think anyone would fault you if you can't make it happen. I couldn't go to my own father's funeral because I had a broken leg and there was just no way I could have handled the airports and traveling 3,000 miles. My family all understood. We had a memorial/family reuinion a year later and all got together to remember him.

Do what you think is best, but remember that your grandmother wouldn't want you worrying yourself over her.
I wish you felt better and hope you'll be better soon.

Best wishes.

No, of course it's not wrong to accept your husband's grandma's offer to watch your kids! However, is any 85 year old energetic and able to babysit for small children? You didn't mention your kids' ages, but if they are very young and still in diapers, I don't think it would be fair for an 85 year old to have such a big task. However, she offered, so she must feel confident that she is able to care for them. I just hope your kids don't give it to her, as the elderly get sick easily. I can see why you are torn. Maybe play it by ear and see how your kids feel tomorrow. Good luck, and I am sorry about your grandma's passing.

Awwww...I'm sorry about your gram and I'm sorry you're sick.
I understand you want to go, and if I was in your shoes, I would try as well.
Can O. of your friends' husbands keep their kids and O. of your friends could come & watch yours? Maybe just set them up in a den with some movies, etc.?
Do you feel hubbby's gram could do it safely? If so, accept her offer. How sweet of her to offer!

One option is to go to the funeral with your kids, let someone watch them at the critical point where you do not want them seeing the body and all of you wear a mask, pay your last respects and go home. If you were close to your gma and your parents died, etc this is the last time you can bring closure. I wouldn't succomb your 85yr old to the virus, but it's just something about when someone has passed that you are close to. All you have to do is protect yourself and others by not coughing, hugging, kissing or whatever. I think you should be fine if you do not do what would cause others to get sick.

i would stay home. but i always stay away from others while sick. espicaly with the elderly. basically they get sick as quick as babies and are as delicate as babies! if your little girls have the virus then your g-ma would be getting sick after taking care and cleaning up after there sickness. send some flowers and anyone who asks or who would ask go ahead and tell them you and your girls were sick. not only did you not want anyone else to get sick from your group but you also dont want to be cleaning up durring the funeral.

* i just read the " so what happened' i truly think your doing the best for everyone. your grand ma would totally appericiate your unselfish move. i am sorry you werent able to attend. i am also sorry for your loss. reminds me of my grand mother in her 80's. the kids are so close to there great grandma! big hugs and God bless.

Can you find a local nurse to watch your kids? There are some nurses who babysit on the side. I'd hate to get an 85 yr old sick with something so violent. However, I'd do your best to make the funeral. I'm sorry for all that you are going through. It must be tough.

I am so sorry for your loss. This is such a sad time of year to lose someone while everyone else is enjoying the holidays. My guess is your kids will be over the virus by tomorrow and it will be safe for your grandmother in law to watch them. How sweet of her to offer. You should take the risk and go to the service in my opinion.