I Am at a Lost W/my 4 Yo

Maybe something is going on at daycare/preschool?? Have you considered play therapy. I recently have heard of play therapy working wonders for children this age. YOu can try Associatoin for Play Therapy to find qualified therapists. www.a4pt.org. Maybe he is just needing help adjusting. Don't be too quick to stick on meds before you have tried other solutions. Good Luck Mom.

H.,

He may not be able to help it. Several food dye's, wheat, corn and dairy all can contribute to this type of behavior. Essentially, these products could actually be causing an allergic reaction to the behavior centers of his brain. I would start with an elimination diet. Every week take one of these completely out of his diet. I would start with wheat, it's usually the most potent. Become a label reader. Sometimes wheat gluten can be put in everything...be a vigilant label reader! See if you even notice a small change, it may be more than one of these to completely change. If you do notice a change, keep him off of the offending substance and go to the next one. Further change, keep him off both and go to the next one, so on a so forth. So, he doesn't completely freak out with the change in diet their are several things you can substitute so he doesn't feel deprived. Van's makes a wonderful wheat free/gluten free waffle, rice pasta instead of wheat (can't tell the difference), Nut Thins rice crackers (yum!), rice or goat milk, rice bread. There is even gluten free spaghettios! Go to Whole Foods to the gluten free section and you'll find several substitutes to choose from. Also, when you get to the corn, ALL corn products must be avoided, including corn syrups. The dyes usually come in processed foods, so with the corn and dyes, really read the labels to what you purchase. Also, add in an Omega-3 such as Carlson's for kids, and a good probiotic like Jarrow's Yum Yum Dolphilus. I know it sounds rough, but unfortunately, most of the the food products geared toward children are poisoning their brains and hyperactivity is the result. Just a little diligence on your side and in your shopping cart will do him wonders and allow him to calm down.
I also encourage you to look into chiropractic care for your son. It can also be, and most likely is neurological in nature as well as chemical. Children respond great and quickly and it get them back in balance to get the right responses from the brain in every situation. Boy's especially, it's just their nature to be rough and tumble and that could have caused nerve interference that may be related to your son's issues. (www.icpa4kids.com) He's a fantastic boy, he just needs to be given the proper nutrients and optimal nervous system health to be the big boy that he is. This is not a life sentence to you mom, he's amongst the many that I see everyday in my office and get great results with. If you live in the Plano/North Dallas area I'd be glad to talk to you and your son, if not, I have several collegues I would refer you to. Take care, God Bless and email me personally if you need to: ____@____.com

Perhaps you have been inadvertently giving him negative attention? Maybe feeding into him tantrums? Maybe you don't realize you are doing it and perhaps he keeps doing it b/c he sees that he gets attention when he does those things.

In my opinion, it's important that when he is misbehaving, if it's something he's done before and knows not to do, then instantly place him in a 4 minute time out. Don't talk to him when he is in time out - not even to tell him to stay in time out. If he gets out of time out, without saying anything - go back and physically put him in time out as many times as you have to.

When his 4 minutes is over (and it has to be 4 minutes of being still, not 4 minutes of getting up) - Ask him why he had to be put in time out - and don't discuss, just state - "Yes, you were in time out because you did "x" and that is not appropriate (ok)"

While we love our children, they can be trying - but it's important not to let him see you exasperated, or crying, or at your wits end. We all have our moments where we lose our mind - but make sure when he is having a fit/not behaving that he does not see you start crying, and do NOT say things like "Why are you doing this to me?" "don't you love me?" , things like that show him that he can manipulate and "control" your emotions.

Be consistent. For example, if you are at the dinner table and he is throwing food, or playing w/ his utensils or whatever else - then take his plate away and send him away from the table. He will not starve by missing one meal - no matter how much he may complain - DO NOT give him back that plate, then he will see his complaining worked.

If he can't play nice with a toy, then take it away and put it out of sight. Reinforce good behavior as you are taking things away explaining why he is losing the toy.

When you see him behaving properly, no matter what it is, then be sure to compliment his behavior and ask him about his day, or to tell you about his drawing, or whatever else he is doing.

You may feel like a tyrant at first, but he will learn quick that you are serious and that if he wants priveledges, he must behave.

Good luck to you and God Bless!

You may want to pay special attention to any additives in foods he's eating, especially red dye. I have a number of friends with similar issues, and when they eliminated red dye (especially #40) it made a world of difference. Start to look at labels, you'll be surprised how common it is in food products. Other than that I have no real suggestions but wanted to offer that up as a potential issue. My kids do not seem to be affected by it, but I know so many moms who had issues with it in their kids.

H.,

Dr. Deborah Bain, MD is a local physician with good knowledge of nutrition and behavior issues, and the relationship between the two. She takes a non-drug approach to healing, rather than the conventional model of disease management medical care through prescription drugs. www.healthykidspediatrics.com.

Good luck.

Sounds like Obstinate (or Oppositional?) Defiant Disorder. My son was diagnosed at age 3 and now a model 7 year old. Don't be alarmed by the word "disorder", it's not a disease. ODD's just need a different method of discipline.

Don't waste another minute. If you don't nip this behavior in the bud right now, one day your 4 yr old will be 14 and still calling all the shots in your household!

Call Dr. Harvey G. Davisson of the Davisson Clinic ###-###-####) right away at 12900 Preston Rd in suite 1117. He is a MIRACLE WORKER! My heart goes out to you. Best wishes!

HI H., have you thought it maybe due to his diet? Some children are sensitive to the preservatives in our foods, dyes high fructose corn syrup and other things. you might be able to search the internet and find some info. If you have tried everything else this might be a possiblity. Good luck
M.

Have him tested for behavioral problems ADD/ADHD... A good doctor will test for EVERYTHING.

Also, try to restrain dietary intake ie yeast/wheat/sugar/...

Maintain a structured environment. Do not give into his whims... when you say no stick to no.

Hang in there.

I also suggest having him checked for ADHD as well.

Consistency is very important. Schedule and discipline. I will often say something repeatedly to my near 4 year old and she will ignore me or tantrum. If I warn her early in the day that X behavior will have X consequence, then I FOLLOW THROUGH, she get's the point better than if I let the behavior slide. For us, time-out's or taking toys/privileges works. It's good to always praise for good behavior.

Have your son tested for ADHD. Your description of him sounds ALOT like an ADHD child and your pedi can test him for it.
You don't have to put him on meds if you choose not to but at least you can know what to look for and how to handle him better.
Good luck and I wish you the best.

Hi H., It sounds as if you are trying real hard to take care of everyone. And it is hard when children are acting out especially when we all greatly want them to be happy. Since you have done all you can, have you told his pediatrician of your concerns? I am a grandmother raising my grandaughter and I've been in childcare for 28yrs. I will tell you that the behavior is indicative of some type of problem. I am no doctor but if I were you I would seek professional help at as early an age as possible L.