Husband Trouble...

Yes. I have the same problem with my husband. When he gets mad about something he has tunnel vision and that is all he can see and then comes the f bombs. It scares my daughter and I hate it. I'm looking forward to see what others say regarding this.

start at the root of the issue: why is he yelling? what's triggering him?

& that's something he has to analyze & then solve with your assistance.

my husband has the same problem...he was raised that way. i have been with him for almost 9 years and he is getting better. our son is 3, and when we have a disagreement, if he starts getting mad, i will just walk away. it takes two to fight. of course i have also told him that if he continues to act like this i WILL leave him, because i will NOT risk losing my child over him. if he had continued liked he used to get, one of us would have gotten physical and that was not acceptable. i am happy to say that after lots of work on both our parts we are much better together. (i say "we" because even though i have never had much of a temper, living with him was turning me into him to some degree. and that was part of the worst...knowing that MY temper might get to the point where i risked my child. UNACCEPTABLE.) you've got to put your foot down. if he wants to stay in the family he needs to WORK at it. and not just go back to the way things were after a few weeks EVERY time. good luck!

I am sorry to hear you are going through that...I went through the same thing. You should suggest anger management therapy as well as counseling.

However, the situation never resolved - he never changed. I threatened divorce if he didn't take anger management therapy and/or see a counselor. He saw a counselor 2 times and said he didn't need to go, even after she diagnosed him as bipolar. I finally left and divorced him. I found the most wonderful and respectful man a few years later. I promised myself I'd never go through that again, nor would I endanger my kids' mental well being again.
Unfortunately, he's still a miserable angry man - but now he's a lonely miserable angry man living in his mom's basement.
I pray things will work in your favor.

My father had a very short fuse and would cuss and fuss and yell over the smallest thing that didn't go his way - just acting like the world was against him - pessimistic and had a big chip on his shoulder. Nothing changed until about 5 years after mom finally left him - after nearly 25 years of marriage she finally had enough - Although I hated my parents going through the divorce - in the end it was really for the best and my mom is now happily married to a wonderful man. Dad has mellowed with time - he's alone and during the 16 years since mom left him he's gone from dangerously furious at her the resigned to reality - the time alone forced him to finally realize that he was the cause of his own problems - he always wants to blame someone else. At this time your husband is not a beneficial person for you or your children to be around -start a diary every day of what he says or does that is detrimental/degrading or destructive to you or the children's emotional well-being. You may meet with him and a pastor, counsellor or trusted successful married couple who are not related to you. Be sure to tell your family and friends what he is doing and how often it happens. My mom kept such a tight lip about dad's abusive behaviour, the community was shocked when she left him. Im my opinion, my mom stayed way too long because dad was never physical with her or us kids, yet sometime I would have rather had a spanking than be called stupid, lazy and blamed for things I had no control over. Please have an escape plan ready, contact the local women's shelter for support and rescue yourself and the kids from this negative environment. His behavior has consequences and you have the power to remove yourself and the kids if you think that is the best. You have to be ready to give up waiting and hoping he will change - he will only change when he wants to, not because of anything you do or say.
Blessings to you and good luck!

If my husband wasn't an only son I'd think you were married to his twin. He's a great man but by golley he has to cuse and yell when he gets mad. Just yesterday my 6 year old had put a childs bracelet into her mouth and the paint came off. He started yelling about the lead in the paint and this was a 20 minute thing. Here comes my baby girl crying because she didn't know about the lead in the paint (and weather this was made in China and had lead in it I have no idea). I told him to stop because our little one thinks he's yelling at her and he tells me that he's not mad at her he's made at the people who make stuff for kids and our goverment for having such tight rules for us but they let other countries import things that have lead in it for our kids. I really wonder about the man sometimes, he can get worked up over little things. I told him that he should have calmly explained to her why we don't put stuff in our mouths (she know's but she still puts everything in her mouth). No make her think he's mad at her. He expects our kids to know that it's not them he's mad at. He's just like his mom. I too tell him all the time that he can't do that. That he has to watch his mouth. His excuss (and I'm sure you've heard this!) is that when he's mad he can't help it it just comes out naturally. Really, cause I don't have that problem. I pray all that time that he will hear himself and realize how horrible he sounds. 'Cause he would not allow others to talk like that in front of our kids and I've seen him say something to people who do it. Just keep reminding him in a loving way and hopefully it will sink in. Good luck and God Bless!

I do have a husband like this it is constant he get's even more madder when I tell him 2 watch his mouth in front of the kid's.To him it's just word's but 2 me it is act's of uncontrolled anger aggression even to the point I feel verbally abused.I have thought about a divorce over it I don't want my kid's 2 grow up with the yelling & cussing either but if only he can take it else where & not do as much in front of them.The kicker is I don't remember him doing this before we had kid's I know stress alone causes us 2 act differently I know I have changed in a loot of way's after having 3 kid's.I'am sick of it I do tell him & I choose 2 ignor him & walk the other way or out the door with kid's in tow.

I'll say it...cussing makes me feel better. Sometimes, that's the only way I can relieve immediate stress. However, I don't do it in front of the kids. It's rare that I cuss at all, but if I do, I make sure they are not in ear shot. "Mommy needs a time out." And I go outside or something and let it rip. I come back, decompressed and ready to handle things sanely.

It's perfectly natural to yell when you get mad. It's important to learn other ways of handling this compulsive behavior. I'm working on it myself. I get a lot of mileage from the phrase, "Please, I don't want to yell" or "Please don't make me yell at you" when the kids are misbehaving. It helps give them a red flag before things erupt and verbalizing where my head is at, keeps me in check.

You've heard of the "Count to 10" theory? Have him try it.

You mentioned that you don't want your boys learning these ways. Maybe mention that to your husband. How would he feel seeing his reflection mirrored by his boys? How would he react to hearing himself through their mouths? Ask if that would make him proud.

I hope things get better for your family. Just remember, time outs aren't just for kids any more!
lb