Husband's Female Friend

Well, my man and I share a female best friend and it's great! In fact, he went to Tx for the weekend (we lived there for 5yrs a yr ago) and stayed at her place Fri/Sat nights and is at my sister's tonight. It works out well for us, he talks to her, I talk to her and sometimes she helps us see the other's perspective when we are being blind. So, is there any way that instead of being jealous or harboring any ill will towards their relationship you can form a bond with her and share her as best friends? You never know you may experience the same perks we do in sharing a female best friend!

Seeing is how I have a male best friend who is like the "uncle" to my child and my other half has known him for years (he is single and has no kids). We go out to lunch and shopping together all the time (no he is not gay) while my other half stays home. He is completely okay with it because there is nothing to worry about. We live in 2011 and it is okay to have friends of the opposite sex. It would be one thing if he was not coming home or sneaking outside to talk on the phone, but he isnt. I think you should make more of an effort to do more group things with the female and her family. You may be jealous because you two are very much alike and you dont know it.

I was friends with a guy from graduate school. Occasionally we would go out to lunch. The day my husband told me it made him uncomfortable was the day I told my friend I did not want to go out to lunch any more. My husband never said I couldn't. As a matter of fact he told me to have a nice time but I respected him enough not to make him uncomfortable in any way and my friendship with the other guy was just not as important to me as my husbands feelings.
I do not think your husband is being nice to you. Furthermore, I think it is weird that she would go on vacation with you without her husband. Additionally, you now know she knows you are uncomfortable with the relationship yet she is still going to go with you. Unbelievable!!! I don't like her!

This woman knows how you feel but still insists on being in the picture? She has no class. You are the wife and she should respect your feelings and keep her distance. Your husband invited people without asking you first and that is disrespectful. The other husband can't go but the woman is still coming with her kids? Another classless act. This whole situation is not right. I think you are right that you are not on a pedestal but she is. She really has no place in this relationship.

So...you feel bad that you don't want your husband's lady-friend to come on your FAMILY vacation?...that if she's not there he'll SUFFER?? Did I actually read that right?

Honey, if my husband even *hinted* that he wanted someone he was not BLOOD-related to on vacation with us, he WOULD suffer - I'd make sure of it!

Your husband is the selfish one here, not you. I mean, if you were friends with a man and it made your husband feel the way YOU'RE feeling, wouldn't you back off? I know I would. It's called putting your spouse first, and that is NOT what your husband is doing.

I can't tell you what to do except to say that you are, at the very least, being emotionally betrayed here. Now, whether you should go the route of councelling, divorce or burying your head in the sand - that's up to you.

The woman, FULLY knows your feelings on it, because your Husband has a big mouth and told her Husband and I am SURE the Husband told his wife.
So they know. The Husband knows and his Wife knows. Your opinion/feeling on it.

So, to me, she should in a classy way, try and lay low or back off.
IF the woman was socially and emotionally astute, she would NOT act this way nor treat your Husband as her confidant. I mean, he is buddies with her Husband.
What a tangled triangle they have, huh?
Your Husband, is buddies with both the Husband and Wife.
They ALL know, it makes you uncomfortable. Yet, NO ONE... even tries to amend their friendships out of respect to you. They don't have to not be friends.. but heck, they act like you are invisible.

Your Husband knows. You told him.
He reassured you.
But does nothing, to put you on a pedestal.
So he is selfish. Or just really dense as a piece of foam.

You are NOT selfish.
The 3 of them have a really tight little club.
They act like maybe you are the extra wheel?
Or DO they, treat you well and fairly and nicely? Or do they leave you out at get togethers?
I mean, YOU have "gone out of your way" to include them in all gatherings with friends.
DO they do that, for you????

If I were you, I would not go out of your way, to include them at all gatherings! Why? They are just friends. Not family.
They are also not your only friends.
You don't have to include them all the time and each and every time.

Again, DO they all.... treat you nicely? Or do the act like you are a 3rd wheel?
Your Husband, is an adult... and you told him how it makes you feel.
You are his Wife.
And you are the priority.
HE should, do what he needs to, to correct the scenarios.

Also, I guess his Buddy (the Husband) has NO problem... that your Husband is all close and good friends with his Wife and that his Wife CONFIDES in him and tells him ALL kinds of personal information?????
Strange.

Personally.. I would not go out of my way, to please those friends, Unless they were "good" friends who also treated me like a good friend should.
WHY are you trying to go out of your way for them and invite them over so much?
And yes, WHY THE HECK, do they even have to join you all on a "family" vacation??? they are not, family.
Who invited who?
Oh... your HUSBAND invited, her and the Husband.
DIDN't he even discuss this with you first?
Or did he just invite them anyway?
Personally, I would get so burnt out on always having those friends over and going every place with them.
What about your family/Grandparents????

How would your Husband feel, if YOU were close buddies with another Husband and his wife... and always hung out with them???

Insecure or not, he doesn't need a friendship like this. Not many people would like it. She doesn't need to go on vacation with you guys. I'm friends with a few of my husband's friends and we are not THAT close and I would not go on vacation with them without my husband. You have told your husband how you feel, and your feelings come first. This is a mistake lots of couples make. People learn by their SECOND marriages, to leave the riff raff out.

It's nice of you to be so self effacing and understanding, but lots of "bitches" would never put up with this and their husbands wouldn't be doing it. Think it through, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. At this point you are afraid of how she and he and his friend would feel if you nixed this. These are not priorities that should be focused on. If you and SHE were big bosom buddies, that would be different, but I'm guessing there's a reason you guys aren't super tight. We cant' just FORCE ourselves to be close to people because we have to in order to please others.

I would say I didn't want to go on the vacation. Say you thought it would be a fun couples thing or fun with just your family, but now you don't want to go. If he makes the wrong choice and you turn into the bad guy, chances are, things would have gone south anyway and it's better to head things off at the pass.
Listen to yourself! He won't SUFFER if this lady can't go. :-0!!!! He doesn't have to un-invite her, he can just say you guys need to reschedule after all. Ask him sweetly to do this for you. Make it worth his while (wink wink).
And if he goes behind your back and confides to her that you had an issue.....RED FLAG RED FLAG. this actually already sounds super red flaggy to me-not like he's doing anything wrong, but just that it's on the wrong track..

You are insecure because he is making you insecure by flaunting his relationship with this other women. You have nothing to be ashamed of, he is the one who should be ashamed!

You have leveled with your husband. It is your family vacation, the friend is NOT family. If her husband is unable to come along, she should excuse herself. If she does not have the courtesy and good sense to do so, I would recommend you and your husband go some where else for vacation. If he doesn't agree, I would just stay home and save yourself some grief.

Nice that you don't want your husband to suffer...even nicer if he felt the same about you. Also wonder if HER husband is feeling a little off about the "friendship"?

Blessings.....

.

Of course you feel jealous. Your husband is giving the attention he SHOULD be giving you, to another woman. That's completely inappropriate. He is respecting a female friend more then you, and that's wrong. I'm not saying you should be jealous all the time, but his actions breed jealousy. He is, essentially, treating another woman how he should be treating YOU. You ARE insecure, it IS causing problems. He should respect that, sit down with you, and attempt a comprimise. If he won't...red flags.

Your husband is not "suffering" if you want a vacation alone!! If he is "suffering," because she won't be there...you have a bigger problem. Request a private family vacation, because you want your family to have time alone. If he gets mad, then he is too attached to her. Affairs can start that way, and he should be able to go with your family without her. If he can't, you really need counseling as a couple.

Whether your feelings are caused by insecurity or not, I am pretty surprised he called and invited them on your vacation without discussing it with you beforehand. To me, that seems to confirm that he is putting a lot of energy into the relationship with her and ignoring your feelings/wishes. You may be insecure, but I think his actions are making you that way and I would tell him that he needs to reprioritize his attention and energy back into your family. Good luck!

Your husband is not being fair to you. You have said that the relationship makes you uncomfortable. He should end it or at least only be around her when your around. It's a vacation for a reason... your supposed to have fun. A husband who just says you have nothing to worry about and continues to spend time with her in my opinion is not a very good husband. Why would he want just her to go on vacation with you TWO? To me, it sounds like an emotional affair. You've said he places her on a pedestal and you don't get that respect, which is messed up of him. My ex had a best friend that he wouldn't let go of and made me uncomfortable... turned out he was going to date her but she said no and he was holding on to that but still started dating me. Not the same situation but it's a bit suspicious that he is all about their friendship even though you don't like it. I wouldn't do that to any husband of mine. I have a few guy friends that are very close to me and I always make their girlfriends a priority and vice versa (they make my boyfriends a priority). I want my best friend's girlfriend to know I respect their relationship and I am not "like that" with her boyfriend. My female best friend doesn't do that and acts needy to him and hence our best friend's girlfriend doesn't like her. How does this girl act to you when hubs is around? Who does she pay more attention to? you or hubs? The fact that he is down with just her (and the kids of course) going and not her husband (who is his best friend) raises an eyebrow with me. I personally would never have my female best friend's husband (if she had one) go on vacation with my family without her... it's like a slap in the face. They are too close in my opinion. You got to be firm and put your foot down, it seems like he's taking advantage of your good nature.

wow that is a tough spot to be in. It sounds like your husband is JUST friends with this woman, he reaffirmed this, and you believe him. What my suggestion would be, is to try to be a really good friend to her too. Your husband must think a lot of this woman to be such good friends with her, and maybe you are missing out on something. I think if you put up too much of a fight about this, you may end up not looking so good, if you know what I mean. If you can't beat em, join em.

You know the saying..."Two's company, three's a crowd?" Your hubby should take a hint and the third wheel outta take a hike!

So sorry for you. Time for counseling and some hard truth. Someone's lying and someone is definitely being lied to.

My husband had two really close female friends...I had one male close friend. One of those females from the moment (and mean introductions) I knew she was going to have to leave the picture. Not because of my insecurities but because I knew she was in love my the same man I was. The other female friend is one of my best friends in this world and I have no issues with the two of them hanging out and yea if the time ever comes up we might just ask her to go on vacation with us.

I mentioned her feelings to my husband...and that was that! They still talk on FB and we even attended her wedding but she makes my skin crawl and no doubt if he invited her on our vacation husband or not...we would not be going!

Someone below said stand up for yourself. If this makes you uncomfortable in anyway then you have every right to not have her join you on vacation....

My husband has girls that are friends, but they sure as hell dont go on vacation with us. Enough is enough. He needs to chill out on her. I would be annoyed.

You have to really ask yourself if you think he is attracted to her or if you think there will ever be anything there. You have to look at her relationship with your own husband and if they seem in love. Your husband and this girl could form such a bond that if you and your husband ever have issues, or her and her husband ever have issues, it may bring them closer. I know that men truly can have friends that are girls but, sometimes it does turn into more. Is this girl attractive? Is your husband attracted to you? I don't think it was very respectful of your husband to tell his friend of your conversations and insecurities though. I would sit him down and tell him that whatever goes on in your marriage and home is private and I don't think he would want you telling his thoughts or words to someone else. that is how other things start, them telling personal things. How does her husband feel?? That would tell me a lot aobut how their relationship is at home. Don't overdo it but don't be naive' about it either.

In my experience, you need to trust your instincts. My husband had a friend like that and over and over I told him how I didn't trust the relationship. It sounds just like the relationship my hubby had with a female and they no longer talk at all. Things got out of hand and it almost cost us our marriage. I don't think you are out of line at all. I think your husband and this woman are way out of line. Did you know about this relationship when you guys met?

I am sorry you feel this way, but theses are your feelings.

"I know I will not enjoy my vacation." "I do not, however, feel my husband should suffer because of my insecurities."

I suggest you go to a therapist and figure out where this insecurity comes from. There is something there and you need to find it, face it and solve this.

Have you ever had a friend like this?

Do you have childhood friends you are still close to?

Are you concerned about what they speak of?

Do you have a really super good friend that you speak with?

Could be that is part of the problem. I have a group of very good friends and we share a ton. I hold them in high regard. My husband is not jealous of these relationships because he has a few friends he also can share with.

Of course, I consider my husband the "ultimate best friend". I feel like he thinks of me the same.. He loves me no matter what.. I know my friends do too, but he knows all of my weaknesses and personality yuckies.. that no one else could ever know unless they lived with me and yet he still adores me. I carry this with me and it makes me strong. No one else could take his place. So I do not have insecurities about his friends. .

If you're not comfortable with it, then your hubby should respect that, in my opinion. I'm like you, I'd be completely jealous. I want all my hubby's attention on vacations etc. My hubby would respect me on this and I him if the situation was reversed. Sometimes we have to let friendships sit on the back burner while nourishing our families. That's what's important to me.

d.

You say she shares personal information with your husband. How does she go about this? Do they talk on the phone to one another, email, or have lunch dates? Any contact with one another other than at gatherings just seems inappropriate to me, especially since they are both well aware that their friendship makes you uncomfortable. IMHO, married men and married woman have no business having close personal friendships with people of the opposite sex. My husband does not have close female friends and I do not have close male friends. It is out of mutual respect for one another. If your husband respected you the way he should, then they would not be as close as they seem to be. Tell him that you would like to reschedule this vacation for another time when her husband can go with all of you. If he respects your feelings and reschedules, then good for you. If not, then I would ask him how important you are to him if he is willing to put another woman's feelings ahead of your's. It sounds like he needs a healthy dose of perspective to me. Even if he says you "have nothing to worry about", he should still love you enough to want your happiness above any other person. How unfair is it to waste your money on a vacation that you work hard to pay for but can't enjoy. I am getting pissed off for you!

Perhaps this is old fashioned of me, but it is the way I feel. Good luck to you and God Bless!

IMO, he needs to respect your feelings. Whether you have anything to worry about or not is not the issue. He should put you first, no question. I feel like if you want your vacation to be family only, then he should honor that and maybe you can have some other outing with her when her husband can go. But not if you're uncomfortable. I believe that he needs to respect your wishes, especially if you are insecure about it.

Even if there is nothing to worry about, your husband should respect your feelings over hers. You're his WIFE. Friends come and go, but you are for life. He could maintain a friendship with her without it having to be so intimate. Like, if she's around at group gatherings with her own husband - great. But joining you on your family vacation without her husband seems a little inappropriate.

The fact that he told her what you told him about your insecurities just proves that there is a respect issue. It sounds like you are tip-toeing around what HE wants and what makes HIM happy. What would happen if you put your foot down and made your own happiness a priority and demanded that he do the same?

I don't think that is right and I can tell you without asking my husband that he would he agree. Our preacher would say several times when talking about marriage, never be alone with anyone of the opposite sex. Ever. If He wanted to take the church secretary out for lunch for her birthday, the youth pastor was there also. I trust my husband whole-heartedly, but if he had a female he was that much closer to, than me, I wouldn't trust it either. I'm not trying to say your husband is a bad guy, but honey it's your family and your relationship that should be on the pedestal. Your insecurity should be eased by knowing you come first and your wishes will be heard. Boundaries. Good Luck!

Here's the thing: your feelings should be more important to your husband than anyone else's. It sounds to me like, since you've told him you don't like it and he's ignored you, that you two could use some counseling - together. You guys are not communicating well, and communication is (in my opinion) THE most important thing in a marriage. You can love and respect someone with all your heart, but if you can't communicate that love and respect, it's worthless.

I would be pissed and would put my foot down. It makes no sense why this woman and her family constantly has to be encroaching on your marriage.... and now even on your family vacation. Whose allegiance does your husband support? Obviously not yours. I think you feel jealous and insecure because your husband puts too much attention and energy on making this other woman happy.... when he should be doing that for you.

It sounds to me like they are already in an emotional affair, sharing personal things about their marriages and the like, even though he knows how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Without her husband on the vacation, she will be relying on your husband for her entertainment, so you are going to have to vie for attention with this woman. This behavior would not be allowed in my marriage. One reason why both my husband and I agree to not get too close to any member of the opposite sex, heck, my husband won't even go on lunch dates with female co-workers.

(ps, I dated a guy who was 'best friends' with another woman and always reaffirmed to me that I had nothing to worry about, always made me feel insecure. Turns out they were sleeping together.)

This is a little weird. I get inviting the couple on vacation with you, that could be fun, but for her to accept without her husband...weird...especially if you two don't really get along. I seriously am boggled by this.

My other thing is do you really trust him? It sounds in this post as if you're trying to convince yourself that you trust him, but you truly aren't sure. Based on what you've written I can't really offer any opinion on whether or not he's being honest, but the bottom line is that you feel uncomfortable, confused, hurt, and more.

First I think you need to tell him that you're uncomfortable with her going without her husband. Go from there. As your husband he should be understanding of this and be willing, even if it's begrudgingly, to "uninivite" her. If he is not willing to do so then I'd be concerned.

If, on the other hand, you are confident in their friendship then maybe you can learn to embrace her and be more friendly with her. It sounds like they have a long frienship and it isn't likely to disappear.

if his friendship with this woman makes you uncomfortable he should end it. It does not matter if there is no reason to be concerned, you feel bad and he should put your feelings first. I once asked my husband to give up a female friend that made me feel uncomfortable. He turned it around on me, like how could I not trust him. Turns out at that point they were already sleeping together. NOT saying your husband is, but it does not matter either way, he should respect your feelings and want you to be happy.

Hey maybe she can be one of your good friends too?

He's been friends with her for a while and definitely really good friends with her brother. If you try to put the kibbosh on the friendship just because "you're insecure" (which is a little silly, if you ask me) then you run the risk of ruining the friendships of three people all because you can't handle it. That's not fair.

I suggest that you go to counseling to work on your insecurities. It would be ideal if your hubby would be more sympathetic to your feelings. Still be friends with her but limit one on one time (and not invite her on the vacation) but obviously that isn't happening and you can't make people behave a certain way...we can only control our ownselves.

It is great to have good friends that you can share thing with and even better if you truly can have friends of the opposite sex that aren't in any way a love interest. This is not always easy on our spouses especially if our spouse is insecure. A strong marriage can survive, others are torn apart by it so I suggest that you and your husband face this issue head on and work through it one way or another because it will not go away.

When I was in high school, I had a boyfriend (that I later married) who was jealous of my male friends. I was one of those girls that had more guy friends than girl friends (girls could be so catty) and was just like one of the guys (which is how we met and what he liked about me). He didn't immediate express his jealousy but after about six months he suddenly indicated that he didn't like me being friends with two of my dearest friends (one I had known since kindergarten and the other since 7th grade...the latter was also a close friend to my boyfriend). He didn't actually say it but it sounded like he was about to tell me "them or me" and I said "You know how I feel about you but don't make me choose because you won't like my decision". He backed off but as time went on and his jealousy got worse...later as we grew apart it was the final wedge between us. Had I realized then, what I realized later, we never would have married (young and dumb!).

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OMG!! If I felt that way about someone, my husband would make sure that he stopped all contact with that person. It is fine if he wants to be friends with her husband or whatever, but them sharing personal information about their marriages is over the line. In my opinion, it is completely unacceptable. YOU should be the only woman that he shares information with. If he needs marital advice, he should be getting it from a man.....if he needs to vent about you, he needs to vent to a man. I am really not an insecure person, but I think that would push me over the edge.......YOU should be on the pedestal, NOT her.......and the fact that he told her about your feelings shows a complete lack of respect and a disregard for your feelings.

just my opinion.....

ETA: Have you ever heard the old saying "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"???

Please try (as hard as it may be) to remind yourself that she is a friend and that it might only be a problem if you create one. I've been in this situation many years ago and honestly it drove me nuts. Thankgoodness I realized it was MY relationship with my husband that was bothering me more than theirs together. I wanted to be the fun one and the one he seemed to enjoy hanging out with as company. He honestly loved me and I was putting stress on our relationship from my jealousy. I prayed and worked at letting it go. We are now about to celebrate 25 yrs. of marriage and closer than ever. Enjoy your vacation and be VERY glad that you and your husband have friends to share in these times with. Don't avoid sitting with both of them and sharing in their time just hanging out. He will love having his wife and also his friend around to visit with.

Wow. I'm sorry, but the fact that this particular friendship makes you so uncomfortable and that you've told your husband how you feel... yet he's not backing off on the friendship really bothers me. It is NOT your job to be accommodating to a woman that you feel threatened by. Polite and nice, sure, but not accommodating to their friendship.

I would not go on vacation with them if it's causing you so much stress and will ruin the vacation for you. I can't believe your husband invited her and her family knowing how you feel. He's behaving inappropriately with no regard for your feelings. And you can tell him I said so.

sorry, but it truly sounds like there is something going on between the two of them, i have seen it before.. oh, we are just friends.. SURE you are. you dont feel comfortable with this woman around and your husband keeps inviting her ..hmm.he shouldnt have invited her without asking you if you minded..first, and he invited her along anyway?? think about it
K. h.

Well, I think you summed it up when you said "I am very insecure." Why is that? He married and had kids with YOU. Counseling can help you feel secure and worthy of your life.

BUT I've gotta say, I would be pi$$ed if my husband invited ANYONE on our family vacation without talking to me about it first. That's just WAY wrong.

Two separate issues.

He should have asked you before inviting ANYONE on your family vacation! That is the part that would tick me off more than anything! And, why is he not inviting his best friend...why just the sister? If she knows how you feel...why would she ever agree to go on vacation with YOUR family, keyword being YOUR family?? Has she ever said anything to reassure you that their friendship, is just that? Women with good intentions usually stick together and are very considerate of one another. If she is that close, then she should have that consideration IMO. I'm so sorry, it sounds like you really need to voice your opinions and feeling more and stop letting him run the entire show. simply tell him that you would like the vacation to be with just him and the kids for quality time. If he has a problem with that and doesn't agree, then let him go ALONE! Does her husband seem to have a problem with it?

The friend has to go. This is not healthy for your marriage, and that's what comes first. He'll survive without her.

I would feel the same way. This is supposed to be your vacation with your family not hers. When I go a vacation I feel uncomfortable enough in my bathing suit without having to have an my hubbys ex there. How awkward. I don't think you're being jealous for the wrong reasons. I go through this stuff with my hubbys friends and family inviting themselves when I don't want anyone with so I know where you're coming from but to have his ex there? I know you're not trying to start an argument but you're feelings are getting hurt. Tell him you have been dealing with this as best you can but her coming without her hubby is very awkward and makes you feel uncomfortable. I would have a talk with her hubby and ask him if he feels the same way you do about their relationship and maybe he could step in and have her end it.

I feel that a lot of the problem is that you do not feel like he is treating you as good as he is treating her and that is a shame. I feel when he opened up and told his friend how you were feeling the sanctity of marriage was really stressed. There are somethings that a husband and wife should be able to keep in the marriage. I think I would feel like this is just making a mockery of me and trampling on my insecurities. Once when I was married I saw my husband with his hand in my neighbor's back pocket. I told my husband that I did not like that one bit. He told that neighbor and she told me to get my head out of my a$$. I did not like that one bit and that neighbor was not my friend anymore or allowed at my house. The husband did not last much longer either.

I have been on the other side also. I work very closely with a man and his wife is very insecure about me. The man does not try to reduce his wife's insecurities any. However, I feel that if the wife actually took the time to get to know me then she would realize that it is a working relationship. I think you should probably get to know the woman before making any judgment calls. Your husband may be feeling good knowing that you are showing some kind of jealousy also.

Mary you need to re-read her question.. the woman is NOT his 'ex'.

Also she said "planning a family vacation *with friends*" which says, to ME at least, that it's BOTH (family and friends vaca)

SO anyway are other friends invited besides her family? (ie her brother,the best friend's family, or other friends of your family) If so and you've all been hanging out then I don't see the prob with the invite really. She is wanting to go anyway with her kids is her HUSBAND is fine with it too?

If you were not comfortable then why have you invited them over repeatedly, acted like "we're all friends" and kept your mouth shut all these years? If you believe him why are you so worried? DO you get along with her?

How exactly does he put her on a pedestal? Are you sure that statement is not about your insecurity?

I am rambling here...

I know all about being insecure, I have been that way all my life especially pertaining to my looks. You should be able to tell by honestly
watching them if this woman is a threat.

Watch

and talk to your husband about how you feel, I hope yours is the listening kind..

And for pete's sake people... not every woman that speaks to or looks at your (so-called) man wants him... especially if she already has her own (so-called) man!

It's not cool that your husband told private things to this woman. You mentioned that he reaffirmed that there is nothing to worry about and you believed him, this can't be the case that you believe and trust him. I feel so bad that your post is filled with "insecurity" and "jealousy". I think it's a great idea of becoming better friends with her, make her your friend as well. I'm guessing he has been great friends with his best friend and the sister for a long time. Enjoy YOUR vacation, rock your swimsuit with confidence and have a great time with hubby and the kids.

Has your husband done anything to cause you to doubt him? If not, then let it go and give him the trust he deserves. If your (unwarranted) jealousy forces him to choose between you, he will choose you. He will also know that you don't trust him even though he has done nothing wrong. How would you like that?
Men and women can be platonic friends, and often another woman can give your husband insights to how women (meaning you) think. To force him to choose is selfish. If he gives in to this baseless insecurity, what about the next one, and the next.
Try being friends with her yourself.

My best friend was a guy. Never a problem with my husband. I think you
need to just accept that she is a friend. He has never given you a reason
to think otherwise.

I have the same problem. My husband puts any other woman first before me, his wife. He spends every waking moment that he is not working, texting or emailing other women. He thinks they "hung the moon" but ignores me most of the time. I won't go into my current problems b/c you asked for help w/your issues. The way mine & your husbands are behaving...that is not appropriate for a husband to do. He married you, he is supposed to be close to you, not another woman. IMO it's not appropriate for her to be there w/o her husband. I would advise to express to your husband that you do not feel comfortable w/her coming along on 'your' vacation. He did not ask you if it was okay w/you, he just invited her, he should've asked you first, you are his wife & partner. He should not have any trouble supporting you if he truly loves & respects you. You are not selfish, you're trying to protect your marriage & it's not bad to feel insecure, that insecurity can be a good thing if not gone overboard w/it. If you allow your husband too much freedom, it may lead him to think anything is okay. Stand your ground & just let him know that you just want it to be you & your family on vacation, not you, your family & a female friend. That's just weird & uncomfortable IMO. Again, if he truly loves & respects you & your marriage, he won't have any trouble supporting you. Hope this helps, good luck.