Husband Still Spending

I think my question is to you. How did he respond to that? My first thought in my head was 'good for you!' On the other hand I don't know how he responded. My advice and this is not necessarily a lot of people's is that if he is not cooperative, that you start taking the money and putting it in another account so you are ready to pay the bills and leave something there for him to use. I don't know what kind of spending he is doing. If he is spending large amounts then you might have to really think about what is happening here, however if he is going out and buying deodorant and shampoo and that bothers you, then perhaps you leave a certain amount for him to get wild and crazy. If he is boozing or gambling then you have a huge problem, but if he is just running to the store instead of a bar and buying toilet paper (my sister's husband used to do this) then perhaps it isn't really a big problem. We really need more information on this.

You can click on her name and go to her profile and read the previous post, he has not be faithful in paying bills and has charged the charge cards to over $30K. She has done some things and you can read those in the previous post.
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I am sorry he can't seem to do this for his family. I am not trying to hurt your feeling but am trying to be really honest. If you two don't get into therapy I don't think you'll still be married in 6 months. I think this will be a deal breaker for him and if you don't get this addressed by a professional therapist, even going by yourself if he won't, then it has no chance of surviving. He is going to see this as you treating him like a child, and you are but it is needed at this point.

He is going to pack up and leave over any little thing to get control of his money again. If you are seperated or getting a divorce your name goes off those accounts and he can do what he wants.

Be cautious and put money back to protect yourself if this happens. He is in serious need of help at this point. If he had not charged everything up to the $30K mark then I would feel differently.

My suggestion in that case would have been that perahps you have an account that the household money/paychecks goes into directly then him having a different account/the prepaid Visa idea and control over the things like his car payment and things he really likes. And only have the money to cover those costs and some ample spending money. Then if he didn't pay his bills his car would be reposessed, he would experience the natural consequences.

Anyway, protect yourself and be prepared for backlash.

Dave Ramsey (dont know what your original question was, so dont know if you already know this or not) strongly encourages the use of an "envelope system" where you put money in categories and when the cash for that category that month is gone, it's gone. He does however have a "blow" envelope/category (maybe 3-5% of the total budget??) with some money to do whatever with and not have to account for. This might be what your husband needs?? A certain amount where he can 'blow' his cash when he just HAS to spend something, but it's not cutting into the money for the bills.

My husband is very out of touch with the whole process of reconciling the checking account. He THINKS he has enough $$, but he doesn't. We spent the first 5 years of marriage with an overdraft protection on our account. Then the next two years we lived in a little tiny town that's bank didn't offer that unless you'd had 6 months without overdraft. IMPOSSIBLE for us. So when we made our next move I suggested (this was not the first time, just the first time he was willing) that we have separate accounts. He works, but I'm the one to pay bills, grocery shop etc. He basically just needs to buy gas. Even that has not been great because he still goes over, so now I just give him cash for two weeks of gas and then he KNOWS what he has and doesn't have. Some people are just not capable of doing things with a checking account, they refuse to learn (or no one has taught them) and they don't get how it works. So they just call the bank to see how much is in their account at the moment, not considering pending items. Now that we use a cash system for him I don't have overdrafts in any accounts.

Here's how it works technically. We have 2 checking accounts, one that I'm the primary on and one that he's the primary on. We have one check card per account - I don't have one for his, or he for mine. However, we both have our names on all accounts, so we can access them if we need to. He doesn't touch mine unless we both agree to it. The checkbook has both our names on it, so he can take a check with him if he's doing an errand for me or something like that.

I also pay all the bills online automatically for the ones that are a set amount, and individually for the others. I get cash out for gas and groceries so I stay in my budget. I also keep a spreadsheet that corresponds to my quicken register, so I can plan for months in advance to know if we can afford something outside of our bills, gas and food money. It works! Takes some time, but honestly having the bills go out automatically saves a ton of time, and thankfully most all of them do that.

Some people overspend because they are careless (like my husband) and others because they are irresponsible or uneducated. I don't know which category your husband fits into. But I would recommend sitting down with a financial planner to go over the best way to budget your money. It is important for people to have discretionary spending money that no one nags you about. It might mean eating out less (and even fast food adds up QUICK) and using that money to just SPEND. But keep it cash, so that you don't go over. Check cards are convenient, but so easy to overdraft with if more then one person is on the account.

Best wishes!

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A prior poster gave the opinion that this was a deal breaker for the marriage unless he got professional help, and I just wanted to tell you that isn't always the case. My dh is horrible with money; if he has it he spends it. We finally figured it out this way: All the credit cards were cut up, we have one emergency card and I control it. We have a joint checking account for bills, but dh doesn't have an atm card for it. We each have our own checking accounts with debit cards and we each get a spending allowance every pay period; his gas and personal expenses come out of his account, groceries and my personal expenses come out of my account. It has gone a LONG way to solving our problem. We don't fight over money, I don't worry about what he's spending - if he doesn't have the money he can't buy it. He has learned some hard lessons about his spending habits, namely that he bleeds money, lol. It's also been very educational for our kids because they see us saving to buy things we want instead of impulse buying. Good luck, you guys can do it!

EDITED: Ok, just saw he ran up 30k in debt. Deal breaker, I would also recommend counseling asap.

I don't think it matters what he's spending it on, he broke the agreement. Did you discuss "consequences" if either of you fell short on keeping your word?

so sorry he is doing this to u my husband cant be on our account b/c the bank wont let him but that does not stop him from still spending he is the only one that works im a sahm hopefully if u take his name off and he acts like a grown-up then up guys can work something out but if he is a baby about things then i agree to start thinking ahead and putting money aside start thinking about what u have to do for u and ur kids to be ok if something does happen that is what i do i know it can be hard to find extra money sometimes but do what u can for u. sounds like he is