Husband Ran His mouth...No Good Came of It

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I'd want to know WHY he felt the need to tell his parents these things.

I'd also let him know that you don't plan on attending any functions at his parents home anymore and if they want to see the baby, he go and take the baby.

But I can honestly say that if you don't tell him NOT to say anything to anyone ever... He probably didn't think that he shouldn't... No matter how personal.

Finally... Trust must be earned back. Whether this was intentional or not.

I agree with Lucky. He needs to have a talk with his parents about the things they said during your visit. He should be defending you, not just sitting aside & letting it happen. He shouldn't have told them in the first place, and now he needs to try to fix it!

I think it would take some time for me to trust him again to share secrets again.

Accept his apology but trust is something that should be earned.

He may think it was not big deal but he broke trust in your relationship and that is a real big deal. It is difficult to be intimate with someone that can stab you in the back and betray you.

As for defending yourself, no defense needed. Whatever you did was in the past, the past is behind you. We all have things we have done that we regret, none of us are perfect. I'm just sorry your imperfections where made public. Most of us keep our imperfections safely hidden.

If you ever have to spend time with his family, don't be so defensive. What can they say if you just agree and say yes I did whatever? It sort of diffuses everything they could possibly say.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I pray you strength and favor.

I would not accept his apology anytime in the near future for several reasons, nor would I share anything aside from "daily business" for a long long time.

This is absolutely unacceptable. First, he's your husband which means that his loyalty is to you and he does not have the right to share anything about you with anyone unless you are okay with it. Second, he just sat there while his parents tore into you? Third, he has just told you that he is essentially immature and unable to separate his role as husband/father from his role as a son.

Until he completely demonstrates his ability to respect you as his priority, then it would be very difficult for me to accept his apology. In the meantime, you are owed an apology from your inlaws and you have every right to request it. Better yet... stand there while he requests it.

I guess I'm the "odd man out." I'm very close to my family so I tell them all sorts of stuff that my husband and I have talked about. If your husband is similarly close to his family, he may not have known that it was not ok for him to share your "secrets" with his family. Accept his apology for running his mouth if he truly did not know that it wasn't appropriate to share that information. Let him know that you were hurt because of his actions and that unfortunately, there are consequences to that where he will have to regain your trust. In the future, make sure you tell him when you do not want things repeated ("This is just for YOU to know...").

He does, however, also need to apologize for not defending you when his parents judged you! That is definitely not ok.

So aside from breaking your trust, he then sits there & doesn't defend you while they are judging you? In my opinion, he now has to earn your trust...

Your husband was out of line, absolutely. I would accept his apology but not blindly because although I think once someone sincerely apologizes (and that's doing the right thing) we are then to do the right thing in accepting it (even if that means we can't forgive right away).

But I think there's something you need to consider here. It seems to me that whatever he told his parents (that you had shared in confidence with him) occurred for a reason. You need to talk to him to figure out why it happened. And then you need to fix why it happened. Hear me out.

It's possible that his parents pressured him because they felt something was "off" or they had suspicions and they confronted him. He may have felt forced to divulge the information not realizing that their behavior would change, thinking they would be smart enough to keep it to themselves and not change their behavior toward you.

It's also possible that the secrets you had between you were bothering him and he needed a sounding board and (stupidly) chose his parents.

In any case, he needs to sit with his parents and lay down the law with them about how they are to treat you from here on out. Actions in this case will go a long way in forgiveness and in telling you if his apology is genuine. And along those lines, I also believe that you should both attend marriage counseling because I believe there are deeper issues going on that his "running his mouth" is just a symptom of. Things like this don't just happen out of the blue for no reason.

I married a mommy's boy and I tell him squat. Seems mine can't grasp the fact that when you're married and have kids, then being a husband and dad, rather than the good son, is no longer number one. Ugh. Good luck with this.

That would be tough. His actions have already "changed the game" so to speak.
I say "once bitten, twice shy" and I think there ARE things that can be kept from a spouse and to yourself.

Good luck!

Wow-huge betrayal. And if it were me I would make him pay- I would not visit with his parents again for a LONG while. How can you? You are too embaressed. And I would remind my DH of this all the time. And make him take the baby by himself if they want to see it.

Wow that's a doozie!!! I'd be hurt and pissed! Take it slow. For now it is an integrity issue and trust. If he is genuinely sorry then take it one day at a time to rebuild that trust and let your hear forgive him. Also, I think what is just as bad as he did not defend you in front of his parents. Guess what I think he needs to have a conversation with them about that and set them straight or I would think your visits with them will become very infrequent.

What your husband did really stinks. I agree with those who say to talk to your husband, and ask him to talk to his parents. He should have spoken up for you.

But, I also agree with not being defensive about it. If you don't make a big deal out of it, they won't have any interest in pursuing it either. "Yeah, I did that, I'm not proud, it's over, so what?" For the sake of your marriage, your child, and yourself, don't add even more strain to your relationship with your in-laws. Try to just let it blow over.

Good luck to you!

I would be outraged if my husband EVER did anything like that to me so I only imagine how upset and hurt you are! Sending a hug your way! I would accept his apology, but I would make it clear to him that you don't plan on devulging any personal business for a while because of what he's done. This really irritates me! :) I mean if you can't tell your husband your most personal stuff then who can you tell? I would even go as far as not giving him any nookie for a while! That'll teach him! ;)

Wow, your husband really messed up. He should have kept his mouth SHUT. WTH was he doing while you were being embarrassed in front of his parents? He should have stepped in and at least told them to drop the issue. I completely agree with the other posters that your husband needs to understand the damage he did, and that it's going to be a while before you can trust him the same way. He should go to his parents and explain himself. It doesn't matter if he "only told his folks," he still should be playing for your team and defending you. And, depending to the depth of the secrets..some of them might be better kept to yourself. Sorry you have to go through this, good luck.

I would not accept his apology. That is not something that can be taken back... I never accept anyone's apology if it's a major breach of trust.

I'd refrain from telling him anything other than what he really needed to know. This situation has proven to you (I hope) that he's not some one you can trust with your secrets or issues. It's truly sad, because that is what spouses are there for, and you cannot count on yours.

The thing that worries me is that you feel he still thinks it's no big deal. It doesn't really matter if he agrees with you, he should still respect your wishes/privacy.

Maybe you can test him. Tell him another "secret"--but something you really aren't worried about others hearing--and see if he tells.

My husband has trouble keeping secrets, too, but we've argued about it enough times now that he finally has learned to keep his mouth shut.

That SUCKS. I'm so sorry. In my opinion, your marriage should be a vault. Confidentiality should be expected between spouses. Your husband obviously needs to think about the nature of your marriage. Are you a team, or not? Or is he on the team with his parents? Sorry to make it so adversarial but he just doesn't "get it." I would need some time before I trusted him again. But I would probably get there.

Trust is something he is going to have to earn again. Men have such a hard time imagining if they were in your shoes situations. So maybe you should approach him with that. Talk to him about how it would make him feel if you told your family ________(insert something that he doesn't want anyone to know) Maybe then he will realize how wrong he was. Out of all of this he has to learn that it is his job to defend and protect you to his family. He should have never sat there why his parents threw all of that back in your face. Regardless of how close he is with his family, your past and your secrets are yours, and if he doesn't know you well enough to know it was wrong to share, then I don't think I could trust him until he gets that point.
Good luck!!!

Forgiveness is not for the sake of the other person. Forgiveness is for YOU and for your peace. That's not to say that you'd be saying that what he did was ok. It just means that you're letting go of the anger and hurt inside you so that you can heal rather than having an open, festering wound.

Talk to your husband (which is sounds like you have), but make sure he fully understands that while he may have an open relationship with his family, this isn't something you're necessarily accustomed to and would like your private things to remain solely between you two. I like the idea another mama gave of letting him know beforehand which things are not to be shared to anyone.

I'm a big fan of forgiveness and it really sounds like your husband was not intending to be malicious in sharing...he just figured that it was ok to do with his close-knit family. Now he knows better!

He also should go make it better with his family. He should let them know that he shouldn't have said what he did (and could he please trust them not to spread it any further since it really was something deeply private) and if it was misconstrued in any way that would make them think less of you, then that was his mistake...because he loves you and supports you in all ways and accepts you fully for who you are and everything that comes along with you.

Blessings to you and your family that you may all heal and come out stronger on the other side!

Yes...he is human and people make mistakes

You told him and now he knows. You could end what sounds like it was a good marriage based on the fact that he saw things differently or you can continue to identify to him what it is that is personal to you and that you mean it, only for him. I think men, unfortunately at times do not understand the same trust situation that we might for our girlfriends. They do not have the same barometer. My suggestion is that if you want things to be kept a secret that you do not share some of these things with him until he gets it straight.