Husband I Work Opp Shifts, Life Is Getting Hard!

We're in the same situation now. We don't see each other like other couples do, but when we do...we pack in every minute of family time!! I have learned to appreciate the little times we have together. That's not to say it doesn't suck sometimes, but I remind myself it's not forever. You are not alone. We work opposite shifts for the same reasons too. So do many other families.

I completely get where you're coming from, and we haven't been doing it as long! I'm a teacher, so I work from 8-4, and my husband works from 4-10. Great for day care, but we're both exhausted at the end of the day. Our twins are two, and we have another baby on the way. Needless to say, come 8:00, I am so done! What keeps me going is knowing, aside from saving money, my husband and I are raising our kids. That's always been a dream of ours, that we raise our kids, not someone else. So, even though we're both tired at the end of the day, I know my boys are with mommy and daddy all day. That makes it all worth it!

I completely know how you feel! My husband and I lived like this for five years before I was laid off my job. I would work from 5am-1:30pm and he had to be at wor at 2pm or 3pm and not get home until midnight or 1am. Needless to say, we never saw eachother. He still works these hours and I have found that the hardest part for me is getting three kids to bed on my own. I get so frustrated because I'm so tired by the time bed time gets here. Plus you have to do bathtime, stories, and a million "mommies", and by the time I get to my third child, I'm ready to pull my hair out! Even with all this, I'm glad to know my kids are at home safe and sound. I never have to stress about what may or may not be happening to them under someone elses care. Just remember, somedays are better than others, and always remember the great ones when you are "DONE" for the day!

We've done that--me early mornings, then hubby left & worked til about 10:00 p.m.
Actually it worked out great for us.
Youtr kids are young. Do they have early bedtimes? Early bedtimes is key so YOU can have a little time to yourself. You're up early, home after 4.5 hours and with them ALL day/evening/night.
NAIL down that bedtime routine!

You are not alone at all. I work days , hubs nights and we only have Sunday day together as he works Sunday nights. It's hard and we miss eachother so much. But like the other moms we jam pack that Sunday with family time with our son. Of course that means we don't have us time, but once in a blue, when the stars align and my sis can take my son my hubs and I can have alone time together. You do what you have to do now, so later you can enjoy eachother again. You have my sympathies, just try to look at the light at the end of the tunnel.

We have not been on opposite shifts, but we have had travel issues....where I have had to travel for work and he has too.
I don't travel very often, 4-6 times a yr. but my husband is gone almost 1/2 the month sometime.

We couldn't do it anymore, as the kids got older, it got harder.

Don't need to make rash/ abrupt changes, but be looking at other possibilities to have similar schedules. It'll be important to have time together as the kids get to school age. Trust me on that one.

That is a tough call. My husband also worked evenings/overnights before we had kids, then with our first I worked about 6:15 a.m. until 2:15 p.m. and he worked 3 to 11 p.m., so we waved and he told me when the baby had last eaten on the way out the door. By the time we had our second I had a day job and worked 9-5 and he worked 3-11 with an overlap of 3 days (he worked Saturdays and Sundays), so we found someone to watch the kids affordably during that time. Last fall he went back to school part-time to finish his bachelor's and dropped to part-time work, so worked 2 evenings during the week and 10 hours on Sundays, so we only had 2 overlapping shifts, but it still really sucks. Thankfully, we have Saturdays as a "family" day, but he has to catch up on sleep (he also has insomnia), but sadly he never gets to church with me and the kids. People think it is strange that he doesn't come, but I try to remind them that he works in a group home with developmentally disabled adults, who need care 24-7, including Sundays.

It is exhausting for him to be full-time caregiver during the days, then full-time working or student in the evenings, but there is no way we could ever afford child care for full weeks. If he did not work evenings we would be better off if he didn't work at all, so we deal with it. We have the kids on a late-to-bed, late-to-rise schedule so nobody is in bed in our house before midnight most nights. It has been worse since I'm pregnant with our third and am tired all the time. I hold out for our kids being in school. In the meantime, my husband does really wish he were home evenings, had weekends and holidays off, and could spend more time with us. Just try to keep in mind what you are sacrificing for and that there should be an end in view. If it helps, make some scenario lists comparing your current arrangement vs. other schedule options. I usually come up with nothing better than what we're doing, which at least makes me feel like we are making the right decisions for now.

Good luck, hope your kids make it easier on you soon...

I am glad to see I am not the only one in this situation. I work nights and weekends full time to get health insurance because my husband is self-employed and we don't want to spend $900/month on paying for our own health insurance. Since we had our second child, we have found that it is pretty much impossible to send them to daycare, and I was never really excited about sending our second child as an infant. I was fortunate enough to have been able to stay home with our kids during the day, and then my husband takes over at night. I get 2 days off a week so we really try to make the most of those nights. I get pretty bummed about having to work 8+hours on a saturday and sunday. Sometimes I wish I could just quit, and be a complete stay at home mom, but I know that would be selfish. Until I win the lottery, i have to face the facts that it will be like this until they are in elementary school! I feel for you, and I understand where you are coming from, but at least your kids are with you, and you know how they are being raised

yes! i feel for you...maybe one of the evenings he gets home you could go have some time with your girlfriends? even though 9 pm may sound late, you could go visit with friends for a couple hours and that could be your 'get away' time. just a thought. or maybe on sunday's you could have some time to say it's 'your time' to relax, while your husband takes the kids out and about?

hope something works out for you! sounds like you need a break :)
((hugs))

I just got out of a lifestyle like this about two months ago when my husband moved from 3pm-130am Mon-Thurs shifts to 6am-630pm Fri-Sun shifts. For the first two years of my daughter's life, he was working Mon-Fri 3pm-1130pm then about a year after my son was born they moved to four ten hour days so we got to see him Friday, Sat and Sundays instead of only Sat/Sundays. He just recently moved to the weekend shift and it's been a HUGE difference! I know what it's like to be single mama during the week taking care of 2 kids under the age of 2, doing housework, grocery shopping, etc and trying to make up for everything on the weekends. My husband finally had enough of it because he wasn't able to be the father he wanted to be with our kids so he requested to move to the weekend shift. It means that we have less of a social life (as a family or couple) on the weekends than we did before (which wasn't much) but we see each other seven days a week instead of 2-3!! In fact, we are taking our two kids out of daycare next week and he will keep them home Mon-Thurs and they'll go to a friends house on Fridays. If you can avoid paying for daycare, I suggest doing that (that was never an option before AND we didn't see eachother!). I know people do it because they have to, but I suggest only doing it until your kids are in school, then you both should try to get on a similar schedule. For me, being in a family means having dinners together, playing together at night, going to sporting events/concerts/etc for the kids when they get older. Good luck!

It's really a personal thing because everyone has different priority's. I myself go back and forth because it's like on 1 hand your relationship with your husband is the foundation of your family but on the other hand most mom's work their tales off or stay at home or whatever the case is to avoid day care. I guess the grass is always greener right! Me and my soon to be hubby are facing kind of the same issue because we both work for the police dept and it's like i've killed myself the last 2 years so I could avoid day care but I'm just shot! I can't keep good friendships or really be involved in any one thing because scheduling is impossable and like it's been said...your energy is just gone!!! I think somtimes that's just the sacrafice we make as parents but I don't know that it's always nessisary?? I would talk to family or a close friend and get opinions. What does your hubby think? Personally I'd be a little worried still with a 1 year old going into day care but maybe some kind of daycare once a week or somthing just to give you a break would be a good idea!!! Good luck!