My husband is a great dad. He takes care of our little girl just as much as I do. He reads stories, gets up with her at night, and will even take her to the bathroom. The problem is that he doesn't think she need surgery for her chronic ear/sinus infections. Our daughter has had dozens of infections and snores at night. We have been told by two ENTs and our family doctor that she needs her tonsills and adenoids taken out and tubes put in. My husband believes that it is unnecessary to do this and that she will grow out of it. Add to that the fact that when I first mentioned tubes to our family doc before the age of one, he told us that he has seen children die because of tubes(This doc now says that she needs them). In addition, my Father-in-law told my husband that he had problems like this when he was a child and he grew out of it. My husband had multiple strep throat infections growing up and still to this day has allergy problems.
Another problem is finances. I'm currently not working, but looking for a job. We don't have any money to spare right now. The hospital wants a certain amount down and we just can't afford it.
I'm scared that by not doing anything, she will have some sort of permanent damage. She already doesn't talk very well. The beginning of the sentence will be gibberish but the last word will be audible(Thuga thuga thuga Dora). She can still hear, but you have to get her attention before she will listen. That might just be because of her age. She has already built a tolerance to Amoxil; it doesn't work at all anymore. I have been told by many people to just go ahead and do it without him knowing about it. I love my husband dearly and I don't want to go behind his back, but I want to take care of my daughter.
PLEASE HELP!!!
Well, I scheduled the surgery for the fourth and final time. I had committed to having the surgery whether my husband approved or not. He finally came around. Her surgery was October 25th. She recovered well. She no longer snores and has only had one sinus infection since. (She was having either a sinus/ear infection every two weeks at one point.) She still wheezes at times but we still have her on sinus medication.
On a different note, I graduated with my Associate Degree in March. I am working at Pictureme! Portrait Studios in Gaffney. I love my job. I get paid to play with kids all day. My husband and I are happier than ever and are considering having another child.
Thanks to everyone who responded to my request. I felt like I was not alone anymore.
Hi S.,
I wouldn't do it without my husband's knowledge, but I wouldn't necessarily ask his permission either. I might explain that because of the risk of hearing loss and speech development delay, it's not an option. Another option would be to have him allergy tested. If you can figure out what's triggering it, you might be able to avoid the surgery.
Good luck!!
Hi S., I won't make recommendations about the surgery because I think you have some sound advice already, but as far as the hospital bill....Grand Strand Regional and Waccamaw hospital have financial assistance for your situation but you need to talk to the financial department and ask for an application for "Financial assistance" AFTER THE SURGERY...A lot of hospitals have this in every state and it's funded by the government. You can get from 10% to 100% assistance. Hope this helps the money situation.
J.
I would not do it without your husbands knowledge for one. I also would consider all other options first. Have you tried chiropractic? I know a lot of people do not believe that Chiropractic will help, but I know that in most cases it will. I think surgery is an extreme solution and you should try everything else first.
My son had tubes put in about a month ago, and I too was terrified and scared because my husband nor I knew anything about them. I even put on a post asking for any experiences, and about 90% were all great experiences. My son has done a complete 180 since the tubes were put in and he's even been back to his happy self! The hospital also told us that we had to put $500 down, I laughed and told the woman I was pre-registering with that there was NO way we had that kind of money to put down, and told her all we could put down was $100, after having to put some down with the surgeon & other people. And she said that was fine. They will work with you on the money issue. But I will say your husband is probably nervous, and we were also, but you don't want your child to be in pain when there is something you can do about it. What really helped me a lot was all of the comments that mother's left for me on my request, it's wonderful to hear what other mom's have experienced. Good luck!
I was just saying yesterday that you can be an absolutely wonderful parent, but if you don't allow your child to have necessary procedures done, it doesn't matter how great you are. Your child is being hurt and not responding to that is neglectful in a way. Two of my kids have had ear tubes put in. My daughter was 2 1/2 before she got hers. Her doctor at the time refused to give us a referral for ENT. We finally got a new doctor and got the referral. Her speech was horrible until she was about 5. No one could understand a word she said. My son got his first ear tubes in at 8 months and his second set 2 months ago today. His speech is also delayed and his hearing was horrible. He failed the hearing tests miserably. He also seemed to "ignore us" when he wanted to. When actually he was barely hearing. He can talk but not like he should be for 2 1/2. He has made major improvements since he had the new set put in. His first set had fallen out on their own. Antibiotics were not working for my daughter either. I didn't have that problem with my son because he got tubes so quickly. I was always worried with my daughter that she would get a serious infection and no antibiotic would work. Then what would we do? I wasn't willing to take that chance. With both kids, after they had tubes put in their ear infections stopped completely. I didn't go into these surgeries lightly. I was extremely nervous and scared. I cried every time. But they needed to be done so my child could develop normally. Other kids can be cruel. What will happen when she gets to school and no one understands a word she says. She might get picked on and ignored. No one wants that for their child. Another thing with adenoids is that when they grow too big they can change the structure of a child's face. Maybe scare him with the thought of messing up your baby's beautiful face! I would talk to your doctor and say that you want to have the surgery done but your husband doesn't and see if they can talk to him or if they have any other ideas. Your child is suffering through these infections and illnesses over and over again for no reason. Your husband really needs to see the light of day and allow the procedures to be done. Good luck!
I agree w/ getting the statistics and talk with him about the differences between anethesia & the surgery side-affects. I'm willing to bet reactionto anethesia was the source of the problem for those poor kids. Also check out the DR & facility. Maybe some nursing friends can help with any inside info. Antother thing you might point out is that ANY infection can be deadly. More so if it gets into the bloodstream. Ears are awfully close to the brain & not that far from heart
You probably don't want to go behind his back *but as a last resort. My youngest nephew who is now in 1st grade needed to have the process done & didn't get it done. To this day, I can not understand him and he is greatly improved. I understand most toddlers way better than him after 2 1/2yrs of speach therapy. His hearing is permanently damaged & unfortunately he learned to speak just like the world sounded--garbled. (His dad was no where near as involoved as yours and naturally refused to listen to reason.) The child only needed tubes and had his surgery around age 3 1/2 - 4.
Yes there are risks for any surgery & always a risk for anesthesia. There are also risks for ignoring problems. Follow your instincts on this.
By the way, if you look back on previous requests I believe you'll find someone who asked for the pros & cons of ear surgery.
I wouldn't recommend going around your husband but I would STRONGLY recommend the surgery. My Mom opted not to have the surgery done (also due to lack of insurance and extremely tight finances) when I was a child and I never grew out of my problems. At 5, one eardrum ruptured but healed. At 16, both eardrums ruptured within weeks of one another and didn't heal. I'm now 32 and have holes in both eardrums. They are in locations that are difficult to operate on and the prospect scares me to death. When my 8 month old's eardrum ruptured, we didn't hesitate to have the surgery. My daughter is also 3 but speaks so well now that most strangers can understand her. Of course, since she doesn't stop talking EVER, maybe this isn't a good thing...
I can't offer advice about the husband -- maybe talk to a pastor or a respected family member?
I can say that I not only would opt for my daughter to have the surgery, but I can only wish that my parents would have made the same decision when I was that age.
ok i have not read the other resposes but my opinion is that your child needs to have it done. My oldest was 2 when he had all of that done and he has been a healthy child ever since. he had strep throat twice since then but he was 10 and 11 when that happened. has never had any other sickness. So i had the same thing done to my middle one last year at 6 years old and this year to my 2 year old (minus the tonsils) and it has helped tremendously. my kids were in the doctor every week till they had these procedures done and now have not been to the doctor since except for their well visits. My husband was the same way but now sees what a difference it has really made. Oh and on the money issue my children were able to get medicaid to cover the expenses and we have insurance but i do not work. Sometimes it is better to go behind their backs because the outcome will be worth it and they will see that.
Hello S.
I am a 31 year old grown women who had the same problems as a child. My mom and dad had no money so I didnt get the surgery done. Just a year ago I had to have that very surgery done. I had the hardest time.Recovery was horrible.My adnoids were so big that it took some of the area around them too. My tonsiles had swollen so much over the years and had permante puss pockets on them. I was for ever in pain and sick all the time.
She may out grow the ear infections but not the snoring and tonsiles.. take them now while she is so young and can heal.
Keep us posted!
Hi, my daughter had dozens of ear infections and used to snore as well. She's 6 now, she first had tubes put in when she was 3 she had her adenoids taken out at the same time. We decided to do it because we found out that she had some mild but permanent hearing loss. Without the surgery her hearing would have just gotten worse. Because of her hearing loss she developed a problem with her speech. We could have conversations with every other 3 year old in her class EXCEPT her. To this day she still speaks a little funny, pronouncing things the way a small child around the age of 4 would, but it's not anywhere near as bad as what it was. My daughter has had to have her tubes replaced only once and it doesn't look like she will be needing them any longer as it seems she is progressing just fine now. We were really happy with the results of my daughters surgery both times. She didn't feel any pain, and she was back at school the next day on both occasions. Hope this helps!
For one I would never give my child surgery without my husband fully knowing what is going on. As for needing the surgery I totally agree because if she is 3 and not talking very well then the cronic infections are affecting her speech and hearing. Has she had a hearing test? Most ENTs do those right in their office. tubes are very common for kids to get and I know my daughter had her tonsils and aidnoids out when she was 18 months but when she turned 5 she started getting strep!!! My son had tubes put in his ears when he was 13 months and although they slowed the ear infections down they did not totally stop them. But since your daughter is older and not cutting teeth which is what I feel is still giving my little guy infections, then it can be a beneficial surgery. It will definitely help with allergies. I hope this has helpedyou....
My son never outgrew the ear infections or the snoring. After the tubes and adenoidectomy, he's doing MUCH better. Once his adenoids came out (which had TONS of bad stuff in them which was causing the infections), he stopped snoring and no more ear infections! And he can pronounce words. Before he never said the consonants at the end of words, which is a big sign of hearing loss. What does the audiologist say? Is her hearing below average? I'd say get the surgery. My son didn't get it until age 4, so she should be ok if you need to wait until you get some insurance coverage. A big hospital expense is a huge stressor. Or have you looked into S-CHIPs insurance? That's the state insurance for kids. Looks like you're in SC. See http://www.dhhs.state.sc.us/dhhsnew/InsideDHHS/Bureaus/Bu...
OR see http://www.commun-i-care.org/
Maybe try to get him to understand that while she MIGHT "grow out" of it, she might not, and doesn't he want to make sure she gets the best chance? Also, I've never heard of a kids dying from tubes. Maybe from a bad reaction to anesthetic? That's ALWAYS a risk, but it's VERY slight. Good luck!
S.,
I had the same problem. My daughter would get infections every six weeks and be on antibiotics. I spoke to a couple of ENT's about the problem. One was SURGERY!! The other one was more laid back and told me about Singulair. It comes in chewable form. It is meant for allergies/sinus problems. My daughter got tested for allergies and nothing significant came back. Anyway,the singulair has been terrific. She takes one a day. The 2 times she had infections is when I didn't get the new prescription in time and I ran out. And that was 2 times in 1 year. Much better than every six weeks!! Also, she uses a nasal spray--Nasonex 2 x a day. One spray in each nostril in the morning and one at night. It has been a wonder. Hope this helps. We didn't have to get the surgery after all.
S.,
I would advise to get the tonsils and adenoids removed and the tubes put in as soon as possible. We had to wait two years to get insurance approval (had to have tonsillitis so many times in a calendar year for them to pay). Once we got the tubes in, the trips to the doctor decreased dramatically, my son was in less pain and life got easier. He got his done while in Kindergarden.
He had to spend five years in speech therapy in order to perfect his speech. He could not hear the fine sounds and therefore could not reproduce them. The sooner that hearing is resolved the better. My son was teased in Kindergarden and first grade for his pronouncement of certain words - which broke my heart.
A second consideration is that my son got numerous cavities while fighting the tonsillitis. The dentist explained that while the tonsils were infected the bacteria was on the teeth. We spent tons of money on a pediatric dentist fixing his baby teeth so that his adult teeth would be in great shape. We had to see a pediatric dentist as my son needed so much work that he was terrified (my other three kids never had a cavitiy until their teen years).
As for your husband, ask him if he wants to deal with the physical issues that your daughter will continue to have (more pain, delays in speech, dental issues and then speech therapy. The longer that you wait, the more that it will cost.
As for the medical costs, have you looked at BCBSNC.COM? I was able to get my son coverage (17) for $125 a month for good coverage. I know that Starbucks is hiring and it offers all of it's employee health insurance - so that may be a way to go.
I had an ear infection a month ago and it stopped me in my tracks. The pain was uncomfortable but not hearing was horrible. It tooks four days for the medicine to kick in and I was gratefull.
Good luck with this.
C.
I know I'm late coming into this, but I totally understand your husband's fear of the surgery. I would get second opinion after second opinion about it. I am very against ear tubes... and yes, I have a son that had chronic ear infections. Chiropractic, plus Garlic Mullin Oil ear drops were our solution. And treating for allergies.
Children actually need their tonsils and adenoids for their immune system. I would rather look into steroids for shrinking them rather than removing them.
I'd day that the risk of hearing loss is much greater than a bad anesthesia reaction. Most men work better with the facts. Your best argument is going to be numbers. Do the research and come up with the statistics and weigh the pros and cons for him. He's just scared and doesn't want anything to happen to his baby girl. Men feel helpless when they can't fix a problem themselves. Hope that helps. And, BTW.. my son (almost 3 yrs) does the whole mumbling thing and clearly states the words he knows. I think when he does it, it's to fill in the blanks because he always tries to mimic what he hears. GOOD LUCK!
Hi S., My daughter had ear infections one after the other from a very young age. When she was 2 1/2 we had tubes put in her ears. She did perfectly fine with the procedure. She had not had a major ear infection for over 10 years following that! I think it was thte best thing we could have done for her. I would recommend it! I have never heard that of children dying from this surgery. I am sure that age and statistics were a factor when the dr mentioned it. If we all read the "possible" side affects of medications today, none of us would take them! As with ANY surgery, there is risk. I was scared to death to have children, as women have died during child birth. Sometimes you have to look at what is best for your childs well being. I am sure it is more "fear" than anything that makes your husband not want her to have the surgery. Just look at the long term effects. Her speech may in part be effected by the ear infections. At age 3 she should be speaking clearly, although each child developes differently. As far as finances, could the hospital set you up in a payment plan? Are you eligible for help from the state? Good Luck in your decision and I wish you the best.
