Husband Does Not Want to Own a House EVER, Is This a Bad Financial Decision???

Fill in the numbers!

http://realestate.yahoo.com/calculators/rent_vs_own.html

For us we save aprox $5,000 on the home we buy vs the rent we pay and would pay with inflation! that is over $30 year. Only $5,000 but it is different for every state! We can rent for very cheap where we live. We chose to buy for confort and to settle down! We have moved 9 times in 7 years and we were done!!!

Geez, I can't imagine why he WOULDN'T want to buy a house, especially while the market's so flat.

In the long run, it's ALWAYS better to rent then buy, unless you really can't afford it.

I've been a homeowner for 22 years, I think I would make a terrible renter!

Hope he smartens up!

:)

If you can afford to buy a house I think it financially rediculous not to go that route. When you rent, you have nothing to show for it. True, you have other people "fix" things for you. However, when you own a house, you can do the upgrades you chose. You can paint, you can let things go, you can decide that the stain on the carpet is no big deal because you will be replacing the carpet next year anyway. You can buy a house for the same amount you are paying out in rent, and in 20 years or so own that house and never have to pay a mortgage or rent again.

Homeownership isn't all its cracked up to be....today. 5 years ago- totally different story. I am currently selling my home and we're closing on June 30th. We are taking a $40,000 loss! It's nauseating. We're leaving the home we love because the school district we live in is in shambles. They're currently being taken over by the state. We're doing whats right for now. We're going to rent in a great district until the economy is where it needs to be for use to buy again. It's really ugly out there. You aren't gaining anything by owning, unless perhaps you guys are able to buy under market value as our buyers are.

My hubby has a degree in economics...and my degree involved a few economics classes. It is smart to own rentals...not be the renter. Renting serves a purpose..but if you can buy then you should buy. Now is the perfect time. The market is flooded with homes and demand is low so prices are low. We have some friends that have recently purchased 3 rentals! Owning a home is a good thing if you know you will be there for a loooong time. Right now people look at the market and it makes them feel unsettled. People are losing their homes because homes were sooo overpriced and people got into very unstable loans.

We are actually considering purchasing an investment property again. We bought one awhile ago then sold it after 5 years and made a great profit.

SOunds like your hubby is feeling overwhelmed and wants to take the easy way out(which is understandable) When you rent you really make no long term commitment, you don't have the upkeep expenses. But really...you are throwing your money away. And...for you, you are losing quality of life..you can't really "live" in your home and make it yours.

Don't make it into an argument. Be quiet about it. Do research. Feel confident in your reasons for buying vs. renting. Then take a breather and come up with a legitimate case for buying and breech the subject again. Be understanding of his fears and reservations. The easy way out may seem good now but not in the long run for retirement.

Ok, I will put it this way : If you pay rent at $ 1000 a month X 12 months..that equals $12,000 a year. If you pay $ 12,000 a year X 20 years that is almost a quarter of a million dollars you just threw out the window. If you own a house that quarter of a million dollars will give you a home that you own. When you and your husband retire, you can live in it forever "rent free" or sell it, and finance your retirement. Good luck hun!!

No, it's not necessarily a bad financial decision. A lot goes into the calculation. I believe the Wall Street Journal had an article not too long ago about how home ownership is much less finanically profitable than people tend to think. Obviously the recent fall in prices is a big issue but even over history, the cost of upkeep etc is higher than people realize so your money may have worked better for you invested somewhere else. It's hard to really say one way or another without looking at concrete examples of what it would cost to rent a home versus buy a comparable one. And you have to make assumptions about where real estate prices are headed. But I do know someone in NY, NY who has oodles and oodles of money and after much research, is renting bc it's not worth buying. (She's in finance on Wall St and knows how to calculate these things.) Renting does open you to a sudden spike in prices though. In addition, you may have to move a lot if landlords decide they don't want to rent your house anymore etc. And then from people I've spoken to who rent, it's just not the same feel as owning. You never feel as settled. So that's an intangible cost.

Edit: remember, if you have a mortgage, in a way you're renting from the bank. Sure there's a tax deduction for the interest but you only get that because you're paying $$ in interest. So instead of flushing money down the drain on rent, you're flushing it down the drain on interest. In addition, property taxes are an outflow. Your downpayment could be invested in another asset such as bonds that pay you interest and can appreciate in value. Like someone said, google some articles. I have a masters degree in finance, a CPA and a CFA and it's not as simple as people make it out to be that buying is a no brainer.

With the way the housing market has been the last few years, I can understand why he would think that. Personally, I think owning a home is for the best financially- if you plan to stay in the home for a long time. Our mortgage will be paid for by the time my oldest goes to college. At that time, we'll just need to pay for maintenance and taxes, so for us it makes a lot of sense. I wouldn't argue with him about it, but it never hurts to save money. He could change his mind in 2 years and if he doesn't you'll have some extra money.

IF you can afford it, and IF you aren't going to be moving again, then buying is the way to go. Imagine what life would be like if you bought a home WELL within your budget. You could work hard to pay it off as FAST as you can, and then you'd be without a mortgage OR rent! That goal is always what my husband and I aim for when we work on our budget.

Here are a few of my thoughts....

1. It's a lot less responsibility to rent. If something is broken, you call the landlord. Your weekends are freer not repairing every little thing that goes wrong.

2. Based on that alone, is your husband a handy kind of guy who enjoys tinkering his weekends away? Because as much as I would love my husband to enjoy 'playing house' with me on the weekend, he simply is not that kind of guy. And I have sworn I will never buy another house with him again until he retires and then we'll be buying a retirement condo on a walkable beach somewhere.

Over the years we have owned numerous homes and unless you are planning on staying put for decades, it almost does not make sense to own a home. The equity needed for a down payment is huge and those funds are forever tied up and you have no access to them. Essentially, that means your money is not liquid. Then you are tied to the real estate market, with all of it's ups and downs. And many, many home owners have lost tons of money seeing their homes build in equity only to crash the last few years....there are tons of terribly sad stories about people just months away from retirement, thinking they would sell their homes, are now unable to do either.

I would continue to analyze your future and your finances. Go look at open houses on the weekends, alone or together, to keep a pulse on what's on the market in the areas you like.

Owning a home for the traditional reasons, like having no mortgage when you retire, or you'll sell it to pay for college tuition, no longer hold true for many disgruntled homeowners. Unless, of course, you are very stable in your jobs and you know for sure you will not be leaving that area for a long time.

Hope you find an opening for discussions soon.

I'm a homeowner, but not by choice, per se. My husband bought our house whilst married to his ex. I'm not aggrieved by it, and love having a home for our son to hopefully call his.

That said, I was a renter, and would still be a renter, if I was single. I know enough to know that I do not want the responsibilities that go with having a house on my own. (I'm a preschool teacher, and don't make that kind of money.) Replacing pipes, replacing faucet fixtures, lighting fixtures, drips, toilet troubles, furnaces that burn out, water heaters that die and gush forth, leaky foundations... absolutely none of that appeals to me, timewise or financially. I loved being a renter, finding the smallest space I could live in and then making it my own.

What I did discover, however, were some ways to get around the restrictions. Talk to the property manager: can you ask about painting if A. it's restricted to lighter colors and B. you will paint over it before moving out? Same with holes in the wall. Ask to put up pictures and have a written agreement that you will be responsible for adequately filling in holes. I think that if you offered a written agreement you were willing to sign, you might discover more flexibility.

Financially, however, I see it this way: you are always going to be paying for your home; either in rent or in mortage and then property taxes and repairs. Tough call.

You can paint - you just have to paint it back when you leave- if you are going to be staying there long term, then do whatever it is you want to do. The management company can only take care of the repairs if you let them know about them, so I suppose if you really wanted to you could just do it yourself, although I don't know why you would want to do that. I have always rented and have put pictures up on the walls and hung stuff up. You just fill the holes when you leave and re-paint the walls. It's not that big of a deal!

I can understand your husband not wanting to buy with all that has happened in the housing market.....if you are looking at it as an short term "investment" than it is not a good investment. Check out this article....

http://finance.yahoo.com/tech-ticker/why-i-am-never-going...

I don't think owning a home is as much a part of the "American Dream" as it used to be. Like you, we owned a home for years. Currently, we rent. I hear what you're saying in terms of not being able to decorate the house like you'd prefer. That's a downside. I'd love to remodel the kitchen in this house and make it more functional, but obviously that's not going to happen in a rental!

I think real estate *can* be a good investment, but I'm not totally sold on it being a sure-fire great idea. My DH and I have talked it over, and actually in this market we can get a bigger place for less money renting, AND we don't have the liability of home repairs. For example, on our current budget, we could purchase a home about 500 square feet smaller, and without a pool, or we can live in this really big house with a pool, and have the Landlord deal with all the annoying repairs. Hard to make a case for home ownership, at least for a house I'd want to live in. However, we are planning on purchasing a home that we will rent out. We can buy 2 houses (smaller, and in worse neighborhoods) for the price we'd pay if we were going to live in it, and the rent would more than cover the mortgage cost. And, in 15 years the houses will be paid off, in which case the rent will be all income. Not a bad retirement plan, all things considered. So, something to think about.

Frankly, at the moment, I think renting sounds great! The market is so bad, and if something were to happen and you needed to move, you can't unload it very easily, and you'll probably take a loss.

We broke even on our first home, and were mighty happy to do it. But all that extra money we put toward our mortgage payment? Down the drain. We could have done so much with all that money. Even if it were just going on a real vacation, which we've never really done. Or put the kids in preschool, which was too expensive. Or put the kids in soccer, or karate, or gymnastics, which is too expensive.

I totally understand the love of owning a house, though. I have loved painting and putting up curtains and all that.

As people have said things have changed. I'm reading the new Suze Ormond book and she no longer says that home ownership is always the best financial choice for everyone.
I'm very happy to own for three major reasons:
1. We are picky about our house, love to decorate and improve on the weekends and have a vision for what we want it to look like.
2. LOVE where we live and never want to move away.
3. Don't like the idea of paying rent forever. What happens at retirement when you own nothing and have to keep paying rent (that has probably gone way up from current rents). That just seems like a bad situation.
The good news is you have alot of time to think about it. Things aren't going to change dramtically for a while, if anything home prices may go down even more.

Owning a home is an important investment...yes, the market is sucky right now in many places...but it changes all the time.

As far as tax implications goes - we are able to write off our interest on our mortgage each year - which gives us back anywhere from $5 to 10K in taxes each year....I know giving the government a free loan...

Any way - the advantages to being a renter - you aren't responsible for anything like the water heater, stove, etc. if it breaks...but seriously- I can't imagine NOT being a homeowner....

I hope you are able to discuss this with him and find out what his problem with ownership is....

I have always wanted to be a homeowner, however I can understand why some people absolutely would not want to go that route.

A few years ago, we put our house up for sale. We expected it would be sold within 3 months or so. It took 2 YEARS to sell it. We showed the house over 100 times. It was the worst 2 years of my life. I felt like all I ever did was clean. We had people coming through the house all the time and therefore I would have to pack up the kids and try to find things to do away from the house, which was a huge challenge. I had horrible anxiety and insomnia that whole 2 years. In the end, we were lucky because even though we reduced the sale price a ton, we still made enough to pay the mortgage off and cover moving costs (though we did not make back what we put into the house- new floors, paint, bathroom, etc.) We rented this past year and it has been really great to just call the landlord if the dishwasher poops out or whatever.

It is also nice to know we can move out whenever, if we need to. Just give our notice and move on!

I think your best option is to find out why your husband feels the way he does. Perhaps he had a bad experience in the past (I have had some friends who have no desire to be homeowners due to parents losing their house when they were kids, it just freaks them out). He might change his mind if you can present enough "pros". In the meantime, maybe you can find a rental where you have more freedom. Our landlord lets us decorate as we like, hang pictures, plant flowers, etc. Good luck!

The answer is that it depends.
I am also strongly against buying a home for the same reasons your husband is, I want to be flexible in case we need to move for a job, or simply just because we want to live somewhere else.
For us a home, at least that is what I believe, would also be a bad investment. We are in one of those rare markets where prices are still high and our downpayment would probably only be around 10%. Rents here are reasonable so for us it is much smarter to keep renting and invest our money rather than throwing money at a bank (interest for the mortgage) and be on the hook for every little repair that is needed.
If you are in a position where you can put down a large downpayment (I am talking large, like 30 percent or more) or buy your house outright, then obviously buying is a better choice than renting.

Things have changed since owning a home was considered a smart investment for everyone. You should talk to a financial adviser to figure out what is the best option for you.
Good luck.

I used to think renting was throwing money away. Instead of contributing to something I owned, I have nothing at the end of the day. Today, in 2011...not so much. We bought our home in FL at the top of market, before everything started to fall about 5 years ago. Within the last year, we had to spend thousands on the roof, plumbing etc. My husband recently accepted a job in another state and we relocated. Guess how much our FL house is worth today? Just a little more than 1/2 of what we paid...pathetic. Would we have been better off financially to rent that home. Oh yeah! Besides the ton of money we spent on various repairs and improvements over the past 5 years, we would be free today. Now we are going to be paying for a house we don't even live in and will no longer own anymore for some time to come. Perhaps if you know for sure you are staying put and will never leave the area, it will be worth it to own in the long run. For us, I can't imagine staying in our new area permanently and after what what we just went through with our last house, we are happy renting.

Both sides have pros and cons, but for me the deciding factor comes by looking into the future when many of us are on a fixed income as retired folks. Owning my home out right by that point and not having to pay rent or mortgage just makes good sense, but in order to get there one must buy a home while working so they have the time and $$ to pay it off.

I think there is a case either way...the crux of the answer depends on where the housing market goes from here. Does it stay flat for another 5 years, or does it improve? For sure, there is no way the housing market is going to see a boom anytime soon like it did between 1999-2007. So values aren't going to just skyrocket. The way loans are written today are very different too, with many lenders not giving homeowners the chance to control the escrow for their property taxes and insurance, therefore making the decisions as to how much extra an owner has to pay on a monthly basis as determined by their projections for upcoming property tax and insurance bills. And you have to put more $ down on a loan generally, as credit isn't given nearly as freely in today's market.

Values are way down from 2007, so current homeowners (myself included) find themselves in an underwater situation in many cases (house worth less than the mortgage). So it IS a great time to buy - if you plan to own that house for at least 10 years. If you're looking for a shorter term ownership, then renting is probably the way to go.

IMO yes, that is a bad financial decision. However, some people do disagree. You can google and find several articles on this very topic.

As for me, I was never comfortable with just giving away that much money every month with having no investment in return. My home is mine- what I put into it, I can potentially get out of it.

Good luck!

I wish we didn't own right about now.. Our place is worth $1.00 nowadays, lol.... I "used" to think renting was only for people with bad credit or young people, now I think it's a really smart decision.... When you rent-whenever something goes wrong, you just call your landlord... When you own- you will be shelling out the money yourself... We are needing to buy a new AC unit soon, not looking forward to paying 4,500 for it.. If we rented, we wouldn't have these issues....
It's nice to"say" you own, but who really cares nowadays..

Did he say why?

If the mortgage equals the rent, then it makes sense to buy. We've rented for two decades, and at times I've figured it out, and we've spent about 1/2 million dollars over the past two decades on someone else's house. That's a lot of money to throw away. So if housing prices ever equal our rent, we will buy.

My husband and I have always owned our own house (we are married 20 years and in our second home). I regret buying. Sure, people say if you rent, you are "throwing money away" but I disagree. When you buy a house, unless you buy it for cash, you pay so much more! You may buy a $300,000 dollar home but by the time you pay all the interest and taxes, you can double that, and if you need to sell before you pay off the mortgage, you don't have that much principal paid (the interest is paid first). You also need homeowners insurance, taxes keep going up, you need to pay for a new roof, new water pump, new oil burner, etc. If we'd paid the equivilent of our mortgage payments over the past 20 years as rent, and saved all the taxes, repairs, etc, we'd have a ton of money and not paid $600,000 for a $300,000 dollar house which we'll never sell for $600,000. We could better have put the other $300,000 away over time in an IRA to make interest for us.

I like the idea of owning my own home, so much so that I am in my second mortgage. LOL

With home ownership comes repairs, and insurance, and much more worry. But, for me, it also comes with a higher sense of security - I cannot be told to move b'c a landlord wants to sell, my rent will not be raised b'c I am in a fixed mortgage, when I am old and gray, I will own it and not have to worry about where I will live.

Maybe your husband is worried about having an increased financial commitment. Maybe he doesn't like the area you are living in. Maybe he dreams of moving to an exotic island someday. :)

Take it slowly, explore the idea in small, gentle talks. You still have years and years to become a home owner again.

God Bless

If you move often, it's smarter and cheaper to rent. If you're going to stay in one place until retirement, then it's better to buy. Right now (and even a year or two from now if things continue this way) is a great time to buy b/c housing costs are low. Don't ever buy a house with the hope that you'll make money on it though b/c you never know where the markets will trend. It sounds like you want a forever home, though, and there are definitely psychological advantages to owning a home. I myself want to own a home too one day but we just need to figure out where we want to settle down first. Maybe your husband will think differently in a couple years time. You could also find calculators online that will break down the math for you so you can compare costs renting vs buying.

As you know feelings are not reality.

My own husband FEELS (even though it's not true) that a 30 year mortgage means we HAVE to stay there 30 years.

Myself... I grew up military. We bought and sold houses every 2 years (except when the market was crummy). To avoid ridiculous taxes ALL you have to do is own the house for 2 years before you sell. That easy. You don't even have to live in it... you can lease it out if after a year (or a week, or 18mo) you want to be elsewhere. To ME buying a house is less of a 'tie down' than signing a lease... because you can up and go whenever you want to. A 2 year (or even 1 year) lease means you are legally responsible for not just paying every month but also BEING there (sublets are rare in most places, not sure about your area).

From your update though, I think it's less about finances. You said you want "someplace they can grow up and remember" and he doesn't WANT to stay in one place (even if he is). That's not a financial issue, it's a lifestyle one. From a military brat I remember and LOVE all the different places we've lived. All the cool houses, and different regions. But we also (as I said before) bought and sold when the market was good. The worst my parents EVER did was break even (aka lived free for 2 years), and they usually made quite a bit of money. When we had to rent (crappy market) every last penny was gone for good. It's not a money issue to be buying and selling (IMHO). If you want to put down roots, and he wants to move about that's a MUCH bigger issue than money.

I'd ask him why. Is it just finances? Does he not like the area? What's the deal? I do realize that friends are renting their home out b/c they are upside down and can't sell without a huge loss, so that happens. But there are options. My SIL bought a house because the mortgage was less than the rent and the tax breaks were better. I wonder if his "tied down" feeling is about more than a house. I would crunch numbers or get an accountant to do so. Show him the dollars and cents.

;

I think renting makes sense some of the time, but if you're looking at it solely from a financial standpoint - and long term - you want to buy. Often you can resale and make more than you paid (granted, it depends on where you buy and the market and all), but definitely financially it's better buy in most cases. Eventually the payments END and you OWN the home. With renting, it never ends.

While real estate is rarely a bad investment, if he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. Make sure to be funding your retirement and college funds generously!

Hi lovemahcritters!
You come across as a woman who wants what’s best for her children. I applaud you for this! You say you "don't want to start another argument with hubby". I can totally relate! My husband did not want to buy for 2 years and it was a real issue in our marriage. I don't think "just buying the house yourself" is going to be easy because banks look at borrowing capacity; and a single borrower with 3 children, your borrowing capacity is not going to be high. Plus, buying a house together is one of the joys of married life and you owe it to yourself to try and experience it again! When I was on a mission to get my husband to agree to buy, I had to grow a lot as a person, including learning about finance. Trust me, taking an active position in family finances was worth it on many levels, even though it required effort on my part. I strongly encourage you to not stand aside when it comes to family finance. Start getting involved. You also owe it to yourself to learn how to express your needs in a way that maximises the chance they will be heard and respected by others, including your husband. Have one more conversation with your husband; make this one more planned. Be strong! Best of luck and I believe in you! (Disclaimer: I am an author of an online course “how to convince your husband to buy a house” which can be found here https://how-to-convince.thinkific.com If you have any questions, drop me a line at ____@____.com Nova

We rent, and we're very grateful for this right now. There's no way we could have been paying a mortgage (along with all the other expenses of homeowning) while my fiance was unemployed. When our friends complain about ownership (and stuff breaking that they're required to fix themselves) we joke about being 'recession proof' ;) It's not a bad thing! BUT we've moved 3x in the past 4 years... moving sucks. The house we're in sucks. But I'm determined to stay here until we have 100% fallen in love with a place to buy, and even then, there's a million things we have to check off our list (mostly finances) first. It's going to take a LOT to get us to stop renting!!

I am in the mortgage industry and I always "suggest" (by law I cannot tell a borrower that this is the best idea!) that you get a 15 year mortgage and not spend more than 30% of your take home pay. If you are smart buying can be a great thing. Just dont make sure you are not house poor. The worst thing is when you have a great home but not enough money to paint the wall or invite friends over for dinner!

Check out this article http://www.slate.com/id/2295851/ and the comments readers post as well. Financially, pros and cons depend on each family's situation.
I believe your reasons are personal and they are valid reasons. And so are his. You two need to talk and come to some kind of compromise.
BTW, it's not always true that you can't put a nail into the wall just because you rent the place. My neighbor (renter) just replaced a row of cabinets they didn't like. They just installed new custom drapes as well. You just need to talk to the owner first.

why pay someone elses mortgage find cheap fixer upper or a coop or condo now!

It is a bad decision. Not only is it financially unwise, it also is a less "stable" environment for your children, since your landlord can choose to terminate your lease (based on the terms of your lease agreement), and/or he/she can sell the house, which would leave you at the mercy of the new owners.

BUT, it is an even worse idea to buy a hope on your own without the consent of your husband. He is your husband, after all, and making such a large decision and purchase separate from him is a major threat to the marriage, which is providing your children with a much more stable "home" than any building ever could.

Speak with your husband and try to understand why he has such strong feelings against owning a mortgage, and make a decision about it TOGETHER. If he is absolutely adamant, let it go. While it is financially better to own your home, renting forever isn't the worst thing you can do.

One thing about owning a house is that you aren't throwing your money away to leave an inheritance to another man's child. When you own a house, you at least have that (or whatever you have in equity) to pass on to your children. Renting is good for some seasons in life, but you get nothing out of it. All the money is down the drain. Owning builds equity. That is real. It's yours.

Two things come to mind. Being tied to a home that was obviously creating a strain on your husband (don't know about the financial side of it, but the commute was killing him obviously)... is still VERY fresh in his mind. And today's economy may also be weighing heavily on his emotions--all the responsibility for providing for your family (which is growing) falls on him, and being locked into a set place and payment, to him right now in this moment feels very constraining and possibly just more responsibility than he feels up to at the moment. Many people are worried if they will have their job this time next year-- or sooner.

So. While generally speaking, in most cases, home ownership is a better thing than renting (assuming you buy what you can afford and afford to take care of, etc).... if he is not emotionally ready to do that right now, then I would wait a bit. It is not less expensive to rent forever--- in 30 years (or however long) when you pay your last mortgage payment, that swings WAYYY the other way. Sure you still have repairs and taxes and homeowner's insurance to pay-- but that is a drop in the bucket compared to renting a comparable home and being at the mercy of a landlord who may decide they don't want to renew your lease, and as you mentioned--- putting restrictions on what you can do with the space. When you rent, you are paying someone else's mortgage, essentially. You might even be paying MORE than their mortgage. What you are paying for is the convenience of not having permanent responsibility for the home, and not having to commit to permanent financing, etc.

I think your husband is just thinking with his emotions right now. Especially since he says "EVER". I think he will come around in time. Don't push him about it. But when you get ready to paint the nursery, make HIM be the one to call the landlord to get permission. Anything that you have to check with the landlord first, be sure he is the one who makes the calls. He will probably come around a little faster if he is constantly reminded (not by YOU, but by circumstances) that he is not in control of his home.
Good luck and try to be patient.

oh... wanted to add: do you guys have any pets? Have you thought about your kids wanting pets in the future? Pets are often big issues with renters/landlords. Particularly if your pet of choice is a dog. We have a wonderful German Shepherd. It was next to impossible to find ANYONE who would rent to us while we were building our house. All the insurance companies used by the management companies that handled rentals in our area apparently precluded the size/breed. We finally found one independent landlord (who happened to LOVE GSDs) who was able and willing to rent to us short term. The property was less than ideal for us (2 bedrooms 1 1/2 baths for our family of 4, with girl/boy children who were forced to share a room, and were old enough that they needed their own beds--which had to go on the floor without the frame to even get them into the room together), but we were SO grateful b/c no one else would even get past the first few questions when I asked about pets...