Husband Battling Depression -- Need Resources for Me

I've been in your shoes! I love the book Depression Fallout. Very realistic picture of the challenges that those who love someone with depression face. During my husband's worst bouts, I had my own counselor to whom I could vent my frustrations. Just knowing that I was going to get an hour all to myself every two weeks was enough to keep all of those thoughts that were going to explode out of my skull under control. Journal if writing makes you feel good. One of the biggest resources has been that the psychopharmacologist (meds doctor) who he has been seeing for the past year invites me to all of the appointments and lets me contact him directly (which required my husband's permission, of course). It's good to know that if I think he's off his meds or that something isn't working, etc. I can call him and he'll be proactive about reaching out to my husband to get him into the office before the wheels totally fall off the cart. It's also empowering for me to be right there at the table and feeling like I'm part of the solution and not some frustrated bystander yelling through soundproof glass while he sits there and lies to the doc through his teeth and the doc treats based on totally delusional information, which has happened in the past.

I love FlyLady.net. It's not related to depression per se, but it's a great resource for how to organize yourself and your life so that when you are faced with "doing it all" you feel empowered to do what needs to be done and not totally overwhelmed. The site's founder had depression herself and a lot of people who are members (it's free) have also experienced it as a patient or caregiver. The site sends out a lot of e-mails (if you want them) with testimonials from members on this or that trick that worked, etc. and they are all very positive and upbeat and encouraging. Lots of times I delete them without reading because they clog up my in-box but when I feel like I'm sliding into a frustration and despair rut, I'll start to read the e-mails and it helps me to feel better and get moving forward.

Good luck to you - it's a long road, and I hope your husband starts to get back to his old self (or his better self) soon.

Call NAMI in your area. They are wonderful resources for caregivers. They have free classes, and they can help you.

M.

There are lots of resources here:
http://www.familyaware.org

It may be helpful for you to also meet with a counselor. Contact a local hospital and ask about family services and if they have any local support group for you. It's a heavy burden to bear. I had to take are of a severely depressed family member during a rough suicidal phase and it nearly sent me over the edge. Hang in there!

your self-care is vital-- give yourself a lot of credit to ask for ways to do it!

i second looking at NAMI-- they have great resources for family members. here's the link to the chapter in Vermont: http://www.nami.org/MSTemplate.cfm?Site=NAMI_Vermont

also, if you can find some time to talk to a therapist yourself, that would be a big help (and i'm not just saying that because i am one!). it is beyond helpful to have an hour a week to talk to an adult who is separated from the situation, who can listen to your experience, and who you don't have to take of.

another option is to call Parents Helping Parents-- it is based in Massachusetts, but they have a 24/7 stress line for all sorts of things relating to parenting, including spousal stress. their number is 1.800.632.8188 and their website is http://parentshelpingparents.org/. it might be good to just talk to someone who is trained to listen at a time that is convenient to you (and who is free!).

a quick google search came up with this article, which has some decent suggestions, and the comments sections mention a few books: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com...

good luck-- you are a wonderful partner to be there for your husband and you have taken a strong step to take care of yourself, too.

Hug to you, sweetie. I walk in those shoes myself.

Do you have a hobby? If not, get one. You need something for you that provides a break from the stress. Do something totally unrelated to being someone's employee, wife, mother or daughter -- something just for you. Garden. Learn how to fly a plane. Take up knitting. Anything that allows you to focus intently on something other than your husband and everything you're shouldering right now. I know it's hard to find the time. MAKE the time! It can be liberating. It will help you find the strength you need to cope.

I'm glad your husband is working hard to deal with this issue. It took a while for my husband to realize he needed help. I won't lie & say the world is all roses and sunshine now, but it's so, so much better. The first glimpses of my "normal" husband were incredibly helpful in giving me (and him) strength to hang in.

Hug, sweetie. He's working hard. You're working hard. Only good can come of that.

I don't know about dealing with depression in your spouse. But I just came across a "natural" supplement (don't know if that is the correct category)---but my kids' sport doctor is into all this really healthy good stuff your peoples' minds/body etc. Anyway--it is called E3Live Brain On. There are tons of testimonies from people who have battled depression/ADD etc. and they were RAVING about how this has helped them so much! I ordered it for my whole family just for school tests/sports focus/work presentations etc...so I haven't received it yet. But they also give a one year guarantee on their stuff. It's worth a try!! Good luck! It must be tough on you!