Husband Acting like a Child..... - Aztec,NM

Most kids have to prove that they are responsible enough for a pet. For you husband, these could be that the yard needs to be clean...... Until these are maintained for month, no dog, and if they aren't maintain afterwards, the dog goes away (have a friend that is will to "babysit" if needed so that it isn't an empty threat). If the dog is more important than the family, there is something more wrong here.

Tell him that if the 2 yr old asked for a dog you would say no , and as he is acting like a 2 yr old then you are saying no to him aswell , tell him until he can help out around the house more (and not just when you nag him to) and he has proved that he is responsible enough , then you might consider it , until then no dog , or any other pet for that matter. If he chooses to act like a kid then he needs to put up with being treated like one.

I had to tell my husband NO to a dog earlier this year for the same reason. I have 3 kids, work outside the house, and my husband doesn't really do much to help out at all. I knew I would have to do all the walking, bathing, feeding and cleaning up poop out of the yard. I also didn't want to be accidentally stepping in poop or have the kids get it all over their shoes if he didn't pick it up (and I knew he wouldn't). I compromised with him and we got a cat, because it requires less maintenance.

Theresa, please be strong on this one. Do NOT make the same mistake I did. You need to have absolute veto power on pets. My husband used our kids and completely manipulated me into getting a dog, a puppy, and I am very, very angry and resentful towards him for it. It has affected our marriage as well as my relationship with our daughters because I am often extremely crabby for having to care for a dog all day that I did not want. Our kids are 8 and 11, and they do help, BUT they are in school! And out doing all the things that kids do. And DH works, a lot. So who does that leave to take care of the dog, ME! Having a dog has been a million times harder for me that having a baby. I feel completely trapped, as just being out of the house for more than a few hours is a major ordeal. I really, really miss my freedom. I've been a SAHM, and have even contempleted going back to work full time out of spite, because I don't believe he respects all that I do at home and for the kids.Tell him no, no dog. If he really has went off and told you he didn't want to see your face because you don't want a dog, wow. I am sorry. Fights like that are very tough. I hope he comes back with a big apology. If he truly cares about you, he should respect your feelings on this. Honestly, I have a hard time trusting that my husband really respects and cares about me at all since this dog has come into our home.

No way to make him understand. He's lazy and selfish. Why get a dog at all if it's just going to be left outside all day and you are going to be the one taking care of it?

I would just tell him it's not the dog you are worried about, but the fact that he never helps and you know that it will just add on more responsibility and stress to you. Maybe, if he can ease the burden and be helpful to the family, then you can get a low maintenance dog.

You work, take care of the kids and the house and are also going to school. I'm going to guess all he does is go to work. So, it sounds to me like he needs to be pulling his weight around the house. He needs to realize what all you do and that you are not the sole caretaker of every single thing.

I would stop doing his laundry and stop making his meals.... let him do his own damn cleaning. Assign a chore chart. He wants to play that game? Then fine! He is throwing a tantrum over a dog, to the point of telling you to leave and sleeping on the couch. I'm thinking there are bigger issues here to result in such a reaction.

I agree with you, definitely not the time for a dog! Things sound too busy and adding a dog will just make things more hectic and stressful than they already are. It sounds like the dog will be alone a lot of the time, and that is not a good living situation for a dog. Dogs are very social animals and they want to be around their owners as much as possible, and they also need to be socialized with other dogs at training, parks, etc. Dogs take up more time and money than most people realize, and that's part of the reason why our shelters are getting overcrowded. Please don't get a dog if it's just going to live outside, that is not a good life to live. Tell your husband maybe sometime in the future once things are not so busy and when you both will have time to commit to the dog, and when the dog can & will stay inside!!!

Training is so time consuming, yet so important. Yes you can take classes, but you still have to work on it a lot at home for the dog to learn. We spend probably an hour total throughout the day with our dog working on commands, we walk her at least once a day if not twice, and she needs a couple of good playtimes with us as well. We have free time during the day and flexible work/school schedules so we have plenty of time for her, otherwise we would not have adopted her.

It doesn't sound like you have the time and energy to put into a new dog right now, so please, for the dog's sake, say no and leave it at that. It can always be revisited in a few years, there will always be dogs to adopt.

OK -is he 3?!?! Tell him to grow up! I would just put my foot down and tell him you would NOT have a dog until the youngest is a bit older and until he starts taking a little better care of the outside of the house. Tell him you're just stretched too thin right now taking care of kids to have any desire to have to care for anything else. A BIG warning sign to me is that he wants this dog, but then he tells you to "just leave the dog outside and not mess with it" on the weekends when he's not there? THAT IS NOT RESPONSIBLE PET OWNERSHIP!!!!! He obviously has no business having a dog. I would let him know that if he brings a dog home, it will be gone the next time he comes home. I would take any dog he brought home to the ASPCA or Humane Society in your area.

Your husband sounds like a lazy, spoiled brat. Given his background, if you agree to the dog, you can bet your knickers that you will be taking on the whole responsibility, feeding, grooming, walking, cleaning up messes, of the dog. Wishing you luck in your decision.

No suggestions here, sorry.
Just want you to know that I fell into the trap of, "honey, I will do EVERYTHING the dog needs. I will bathe him, take him on walks, take him to the dog park, feed him, take him to work!!" Guess who does ALL of those things? ME.....Guess who doesn't do ANY of those things, MY HUSBAND. It's so frickin' irritating, I can't stand it.
I don't like having a dog. I never wanted a dog. I too am a busy mama, and was working full time when we got him. I also know just how you feel about "neglecting" the dog. Someone HAS to walk him, or else they get to rambunctious (and our BITES...how nice). They must be interacted with, they must get excersize, and you probably should take him to a puppy class or two. Got time for that?
I hate the fact that we have a dog. I often wish we could give him away. My boys love him (although they hate picking up the poop! And they are 8 and 5). If your husband does not help around the house then he will not help with the dog (in my experience). If YOU want to take care of a dog then YOU get one...if you don't, then STAND YOUR GROUND.
L.

It's your house too and if you don't want a dog, so be it. Tell him when the house is clean for more than 1 month at a time, when you show me that you have the time to take care of this animal, we will not be having a dog. I will bet that there won't be a dog in the house. You must both agree to this one especially since the care of the dog will fall on you and you are all too busy for a dog. Maybe you can housesit a friends dog for a while or something when they go on vacation ... and see what he thinks about taking care of a pet then. It doesn't matter if you love dogs or pets, etc. They are like adding another child into the family and they must be trained, cared for, fed, and paid for. Adding additional expenses.

make sure he knows if a dog moves in YOU move OUT. Print out a list of apartments in you area you could rent and leave it near the computer so he knows you know he is serious about getting a dog (and you are serious about leaving him with the kids and the dog and the house. Look for a two bedroom and tell him you are planning to take the baby with you.

First of all I agree with EVERYONE here. But one question for you: You're such a hard working individual, can you get a cleaning lady to do the housework for you? That way you can have the time to go to work, go to school, be with your children etc. Since the hubby doesn't help, have him pay up for the cleaning services once or twice a week. Believe me, it'll be such relief on your part. This is no suggestion to getting a dog. Don't do it. My sister's husband went out, and bought a dog without even telling her. At that time they were living a house away. Mr. Selfish went and did his daily activities while my sister had to tend to the dog almost all the time. Not only that, he at times yelled at her for not taking care of the dog while he was out doing whatever.

Look, your answers are in your own question. He can't take care of the dog. He can't train the dog. He can't groom the dog or clean up after the dog. He will leave the dog outside and he thinks that is okay?

You put your foot down and tell him no. A dog is a member of the family and should be treated as such and not tossed outside only to be played with, loved, groomed, etc when/if he has a spare moment.

A dog is a BIG responsibility.

Don't get one. The dog deserves better. There is medical care costs, grooming, food and shots. Dogs must be socialized. They should not be left outside all day with a bowl of water and the ants. Who will care for the dog when you go out of town?

If your husband wants to act like a jerk, let him act like one. Think of the dog.

Please view this and try to help your husband understand what is best for the dog here.

http://www.hsus.org/pets/pet_adoption_information/what_to...

Theresa,
Yes he's acting like a child. I'm not totally sure there is a way to help him understand how much responsibility it is to take care of a pet, from what you've posted he sounds selfish and lacks responsibility (not financial responsibility). Plus he's acting like a kid (pouting because he didn't get his way), a child never understands the responsibility of a pet, what's required and then they get bored with it. He can't mow the yard because the kids left things, well, you can remind him a dog can't pick up anything and make messes all the time. I know you will be the one taking care of it, and if he's just gonna leave it outside, why have it? Not that a pet should be in the house, but how often does your husband go outside and stays out there? How often would he actually play, take it on walks, clean up it's messes?
Like all kids, they pout for awhile, you are the meany, and they'll stop whining about it, because the answer is "NO"!

Theresa -
He told you to leave and that he didn't want to see your face and slept on the couch because you don't want a dog? I have to agree with your assessment that your husband is acting like a child, and based on the other things you said about his lack of responsibility, you may have bigger problems than the debate over whether to get a dog. I understand your point completely because I have been in the same position. I have three girls 6, 3, 3, and a hubby and they ALL want us to get a dog. I feel the same way you do - I don't need one more life to be responsible for. The novelty would quickly wear off, and I would be the one walking, grooming, feeding, picking up after, taking to the vet, etc., this new dog that everyone wanted so badly and promised they'd be responsible for.
Tell your husband that when he starts helping out, you can talk about it again. Until then, hold your ground, and if hubby wants to sleep on the couch, so be it.
Hope it gets resolved quickly. Best of luck.

It wouldn't matter if you were against pets for any reason. There is more going on here than just telling him NO to a dog. Why does he want a dog so bad anyway? And since when did a pet you have YET to even own give him the right to tell you to leave your house and that he doesn't want to see your face?!?! HOW DARE HE!!! It's a darn good thing he slept on the couch. In my house, I would have slept in a hotel, if you get my drift!

Shame on HIM, good for you for sticking up for yourself, and I am sorry that your husband is acting WORSE than a child, you just can't reason with that.

Nope...he doesn't want to understand anything else but, "Yes I am so excited about our new dog and I can't wait to go pick him up".

You are right, if you had to start mowing the lawn you will pick up dog poop too.

Don't do it...it sounds like your heart would make you play with the dog, feed him, and pick up after him (puppy poo), and you don't have the time.

I don't have suggestions on how to make him understand, but I think you are making the right decision! We have a dog, (had 2 until recently) and I am an animal lover to the max...but with kids, schedules, etc. it's very easy for a dog to be overlooked and neglected once the novelty wears off. The logistical issues are VERY real. You cannot pick up and leave the house for a whole day without arranging for a walker or a sitter. Let alone going away for a weekend. Boarding kennels can be very expensive. Vet bills are CRAZY expensive. If baby is sleeping, how does he plan to have you take the dog out? Let me just say that I think it has been easier for me with 2 kids and 1 dog than it was with 2 dogs and 1 kid, and when this doggie goes to heaven, there will be no more dogs for a long while.
One possibility is to have him foster a dog from a shelter and see if he can keep up his end of the deal...I bet after 2 pairs of chewed shoes, cleaning pee off the carpet, barking, lack of sleep...he just might rethink the dog issue.
Hang in there and stay strong...you don't need to add any extra work to your already overpacked life!!!!

You cannot change him.. he will NEVER change.. Instead you need to decide what it is you need to make the house a proper home.. Hire people to cart or put his stuff away.. Hire someone to do the yard.. and for gosh sakes get some help at least once a week to help you clean the house..

Then see if there is any money left over to feed the dog, properly care for its health at the vet and to hire someone to clean up the poop, because honey I guarantee you, your kids and your husband are not going to do it.. Even with a yard.. your dog will need to be walked 2 times a day to get proper exercise.. And then there is the cost and time for training..

What ever comes into your home, will ALWAYS end up being YOUR responsibility..
Your husband is a child.

You are just being honest, and it's hubby that does not see the reality of the situation. I would agree that you are too busy, and it's also harder to have a new dog or puppy with your kids as young as they are. I tend to recommend that the youngest child be at least 5 or 6 before bringing a new dog into the home. Puppies especially are a huge amount of work. And it is not fair to keep a dog in the back yard away from the rest of the family - dogs are pack animals and need to be with their "pack". I know people who do this, pay no attention to the dog at all, and I wonder, why did you get a dog?

I would just be frank and upfront with hubs - you have too much on your plate, and he has not been holding up his end of the work load. Maybe you can consider getting a dog in a few years but right now is not a good time. He is just going to have to suck it up. I have to put my foot down with my husband all the time. He's the one acting like a child about this - have you asked him why he is reacting so strongly to this?

You are obviously swamped and this is just one more thing to stress you out. I think if the dog is an outside animal what would be the neglect?

Dumping a bowl of food out each day isn't a big deal, the kids don't get to eat until the animals are fed...simple and easy to understand. They eat when we eat and if they don't have food you don't get food either, or water. As for the yard and the mess it has been left in, then the hubby has a choice, he can pay someone to do it or do it himself. My hubby chooses to do without stuff so he can pay someone to do the yard work, it makes life much easier when he chooses what his work is.

I think teaching the kids to take care of the dogs this way is also teaching them responsibility that has natural consequences.

Have him come up with a budget that includes the new dog and everything that comes with it (shots, grooming, food...) THEN have him write out a schedule, for a month, of who's going to be in charge of what. Who's taking son to practice/games, who's taking dog on walks, who's making dinner and what's for dinner, who's taking little ones here and there, who's taking who to appointments, what day what bill is due and how much. I could go on because it's what we had to to do. He has to make the schedule and budget otherwise he won't get the reality check. Now I'm a SAHM so we're a little more relaxed, but we decided that we will not get a dog until the children can help out with the responsibilities. Does it have to be a dog? Maybe you can compromise on a smaller pet that requires less attention/work. I talked to my husband like he was a child whenever he acted like this. He said to not talk to him like he's a child, I said then don't act like one. He outgrew that real quick. I know there's a much more mature approach lol but I had to do something to snap him out of his behavior. Good Luck sweetheart... I feel for you!

You could do one of two things 1. Ignore your husband's tantrum and assume he will get over it (only you know him well enough) 2. Allow him to have the dog and nag him daily to take care of it by himself until he decides not having one was better.

I agree you are too busy. Why are you working and going to school? I would drop the school or the job or both until the baby is in Kindergarten. And you do all the housework and yardwork. Time for you to cut out your responsibilities. If you drop the housework, yardwork, and childcare, your husband won't pick it up so you should drop the other two.

I think he needs a chore chart!