Hubby's Sense of Humor

A former co-worker made such jokes. She was called in by management. Most of us workers loved her. It one person who liked her but not her humor ratted her out. It created a huge office divide.

I think it's fine in a home situation though.

My husband sometimes had a crude sense of humor, especially with songs on the radio where he made up lyrics.

I didn't let it get under my skin. My daughter and I laughed. NO it did not scar her. Geesh

I say let this go.

My husband died suddenly 22 months ago. When I hear some songs that he had made up his own words to now, I'm glad I have a memory of our family laughing vs being angry at him or trying to change who he was.

I miss him so much and those little reminders I get often helps make me smile for a change.

Lighten up on hubby, you never know when life will throw you the curve ball and he may be gone. Then you'll appreciate every little positive and negative he had and wish you had it back.

I wonder, have you sat down lately and looked at the questions you've posted here just this past year alone?
I get it. Marriage is not always a picnic. There are challenges and low periods and things that drive us crazy that we need to vent about.
But do you even like your husband? Do you ever just laugh and have great sex and have FUN together?
Yeah, I don't really like potty humor either, but aren't you dealing with enough with kids and work and your own issues around being controlling and the poor guy's weight?
I'm not trying to be snarky (I promise!) but I can't help but wonder what your husband's take on this might be. I mean he IS half of this equation, and maybe his idea of humor is baser than yours, but I seriously doubt your children are going to suffer long term negative effects from that :-(

Are you sure that "we" want a certain behavior from your children?

You've posted in the past that your husband has accused you of being controlling. Before you say anything to him about his humor, I think a good way to start is by trying to ask him what sort of humor-behavior he thinks would be best for your children to develop.

If you husband thinks "boys will be boys" and it is fine for your children to act the way he acts...well then your FIRST issue to solve is to get onto the same page with him about that.

ETA: The "control" I'm referring to is, as other posters have said, you trying to dictate the type of humor that goes on in your home. It sounds like you and your husband have different ideas of what is appropriate to laugh about at home (which is why I questioned your statement that "we" want a certain behavior from our children).

I think it's about balance. Can your husband get through a dinner with in a nice restaurant with friends without making crude jokes about farts? Can he attend a church wedding, or a business dinner, without entertaining the crowd with the over-the-top jokes? Can he hold a conversation with an elderly neighbor, or with your grandmother, without relying on diarrhea jokes?

If he can, it sounds like home is where he relaxes and jokes around. Your kids will learn that they can be more casual, and laugh at fart jokes, at home, but there is a time for a little decorum and more restrained conversation. Maybe your husband can make sure that the kids know the difference, that they know when it's ok and when it's not.

I'd worry if he couldn't get through a business meeting or dinner with the boss and his/her spouse without giggling like a 7 year old and bringing up jokes about poop.

Lots of things go into how we deal with humor. Our upbringing, our parents, various experiences that we remember. You and your husband have different views, but if your husband can basically behave like less of a comedian in the appropriate setting, just relax and laugh along.

I agree that it's about balance - does this occur in public or at the dinner table? Do your kids emulate that behavior in front of others or in school? I think your husband probably loves being the center of attention and the cause of the kids' raucous laughter. Unfortunately, he's gone to potty humor because it's a sure-fire hit with kids of a certain maturity level. They'll grow out of it, although I'm not sure he will.

I would try to take some of it with a grain of salt, let the kids and husband know that YOU don't want to hear it and therefore it's not to be done in front of you. I would excuse myself from the table if it occurs, and go eat elsewhere, or go to your bedroom. If questioned, I'd stop at simply saying you feel nauseated and have lost your appetite. I wouldn't reappear to clear the table or do the dishes either.

I would put hubby on notice that any and all complaints from teachers, bus drivers, scout leaders, neighbors and the parents of your kids' friends will be handled by him. Put your husband's phone number as the primary contact for behavior issues. Tell him that he'll do a much better job of explaining the kids' vocabulary than you will, as well as explaining to the principal why it's not a problem. He'll be better at comforting the kids if they are upset that a friend's parents have sent them home or have not invited them to birthday parties or play dates.

As long as you are in the position of policing language, you will always be the bad guy. This is one of those parenting issues where both people need to get on the same page and have some understanding of the other. It's also a time to teach kids that, if someone's not laughing, there's a problem with what they think is "funny." Thirty years ago, it used to be the one Polish or Italian person sitting there while others told ethnic jokes. Then it was women ("dumb blondes," etc.) and people of color ("lazy blacks" or "watermelon" jokes). Then it was "retard" jokes. My husband sat through plenty of Jew "jokes" and comments like "If I'd known you were coming, I'd have baked a kike."

Now it's potty humor because everyone does those functions and some people feel that it doesn't single out a specific ethnic group, religion, gender or disability. Sometimes people just have to experience the isolation of being left alone when others can't stomach it. Sometimes you can accomplish more by being subtle and allowing the behavior to continue so that people experience the repercussions. It's hard, but it's quite effective in the long run.

OK ... sorry, but I just just chuckled at his diarrhoea joke (it is crude though, you're right). The boys in this house were into farts and explosive poop jokes as kids - oh my, I thought I'd never hear the end of it. There was a question on here earlier about potty talk and I could relate. There is a time and place - for sure. No harm in teaching your kids this - as I'm sure you have.

My husband is a total comedian and I value that because he can make me laugh. Is it gross? No .. not in a potty humor kind of way. Sometimes it is totally inappropriate though - yes. I do the same thing I did when I read your SWH. I usually chuckle without realizing it, and then roll my eyes.

Is he doing this to crack your sons up? Does he know it grosses mommy out? See, my husband would do that. That's pretty typical (isn't it?). I think it's all lighthearted fun.

I'd be much more concerned if they were racist jokes or sexist jokes (trust me, that's his family's type of joke). I would definitely have to have a talk if that was going on.

I guess if it bothers you - then compromise, compromise, compromise .. as they say. Let him know that it really grosses you out, you don't want the kids repeating the jokes, etc.

Personally - I'd let it go. It could be so much worse ... but that's me.

Kids need to be taught that there is a time and a place for things, that includes crude humor. Most comedy is offensive to someone so I have always told my kids to know their audience before saying anything that could be offensive, jokes are no different. Let your husband be funny (even if he is the only one who thinks he is, lol) but explain to your kids those jokes are not appropriate in all settings.

Okay, speaking from a hyper-rational point, here's a list of questions which might help you frame the situation differently.

1. Is what he's saying harmful or insulting to anyone present? Are they the butt of his jokes in a humiliating way? (If the answer is No, then remember that this is harmless in the big picture.)

2. Do your kids repeat these jokes out in public, or have they already internalized a sense of appropriateness? (If they are repeating them in public, then you have a different issue in that they aren't discerning what's for home/silly fun with dad vs what's appropriate in mixed company.)

3. Is your husband maybe, just maybe, enjoying pushing your buttons a little bit because you have a strong reaction? I have to admit, this does occasionally happen in our house; my husband likes to lovingly tease me in this way; I counter with "really? I don't want to hear it." and he follows up with calling me "Miss Proprietaaay" and we all laugh. He and my son know I would prefer not to hear some of those things, but I don't get out and out offended. And I know that I am a bit more proper in some things than they are. But I swear a lot more than he does. So... you know... family. (shrug)

4. Is this actually making some fun memories for Dad and the kids? (see my situation, above) In 20 years, do you want to be the mom who could take a joke and laugh with them, or the one who shut down anything remotely offensive? I know which side of that fence I'd like to be on.

This time with all of your kids under one roof with you and your husband is short. Pick your battles. The things I prefer my husband not discuss usually have to deal with Kiddo's sense of safety. (for example, a mentally ill fellow attacked one of his coworkers with a knife downtown while walking in to the office. My husband didn't mention it until Kiddo was asleep; the effort is to protect Kiddo's sense of peace, and not make him worry about his father or scared for him. Likewise with violent crimes, etc.) Being silly and gross is not something I would censor just because I don't 'prefer' it. Save that for more important things.

Kids love gross humor. Bet your kids think he's funny.
Personally, I am crude AND I curse. I have a pretty great relationship with my kids. And in the end, isn't that what we want? To have a good relationship with them? Make them laugh?
Fart jokes....funny. Loud burps...funny. That "taste test" joke....funny! I guess I just don't see the problem. Maybe he thinks you have lost your funny bone. If it's not funny to you, then don't laugh.

I am very prude about potty humor and my husband tends to think these things are funny of course! I cringe on the inside and sometimes I guess I might say something, but I do agree you kinda have to let it go. Kids love that stuff and that's his way of bonding with the kids. Do you see your kids being inappropriate? It doesn't sound like it, so they probably understand that these jokes are not for everyone/every place.

This is what I do with my foster kids, when they start to say r rated things, I tell a silly story or a clean joke or replace the bad word with another silly word. They usually follow suit.

I have a friend like this...he's a dad too. I personally find him hilarious. I think some people jive with a certain sense of humor and some don't. As long as the jokes are not racist I would let it go and just chuckle. Or say something lightly like Nope! Not appropriate honey! or Do you really think you should say that in front of the kids?! You can always talk to the kids about what is and what is not appropriate. Our teen son for example has watched many movies, youtube videos and heard songs with curse words in them. Yet he knows not to curse himself! He will say sorry mom, this song has spicy words. And he will turn it off. He likes the song but he knows that word is inappropriate! Have you talked to him about what you would like him to NOT say in front of the kids?

Hard to say without some sort of example.
My Hubby and son will sometimes 'cock a snook' at each other in fun.
(Open hand, thumb on nose, waggling fingers)
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/cock-a-snook.html
It's not exactly respectful but they don't mean anything bad by it.

No, I don't think that kind of humor is funny - I guess some do, but I don't. I personally think it is gross and tasteless. However, I think my problem (and maybe this is where you are going with your question is) would be: my husband knows when to be crass and when not to - however, my kids would not, and younger kids repeat EVERYTHING at the most inopportune times. I would be concerned that the emulated potty talk would show up at church, or Christmas dinner, or somewhere else completely inappropriate. Not the kids' fault, of course, they are just repeating what dad said.

I guess I think I would say something, but just to address that particular part. My husband says/does things in front of the kids, too, and I've sat down and said "hey, how would you feel if Johnny did that/said that to his teacher?" Sometimes, my husband agrees and sometimes he doesn't. If he doesn't, I let it go, but oftentimes we are on the same page once he thinks about it.

Good luck!